Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A. They can’t stand to see a man having a good time.
Q. What is six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
A. Money.
Q. Why is a woman’s p***y like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
Q. What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A. You can unscrew a light bulb.
Q. What’s the smartest thing ever to come out of a woman’s mouth?
A. Albert Einstein’s d**k.
Q. Why do women have periods?
A. Because they deserve them.
Q. Why did God make man first?
A. He didn’t want to have a woman looking over his shoulder.
Q. What do you call that useless piece of skin around a p***y?
A. A woman.
Q. What is the definition of a menstrual period?
A. A bloody waste of fucking time.
Q. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
you done wrong?
A. Made her chain to long.
Q. Why was the woman crossing the road?
A. Who cares? What the f**k is she doing out of the kitchen?
Q. How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They let the woman do it after she finishes the dishes.
Q. Why is a laundromat a bad place for a boy to pick up women?
A. Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Q. What’s love?
A. The delusion that one woman is different from another.
Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.
Q. What do you do when the dishwasher won’t work?
A. Kick her in the ass.
Q. What do you call a 300 pound woman?
A. Fat.
Q. Why are cyclones/tornadoes usually named after women?
A. Because what starts off as a small blow ends up taking half your house.
Q. How can you tell a woman is really trashy?
A. She brings a date to her wedding.
Q. How can you tell a woman is really ugly?
A. A cannibal takes one look at her and orders a salad.
Q. What is the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.
Q. Why is a fat woman like a moped?
A. They’re both fun to ride, but you wouldn’t want you r friends to see you on either one.
Q. Why can’t you trust women?
A. How can you trust something that can bleed for five days and not die?
Q. What is the best thing about a blowjob?
A. Ten minutes of silence.
Q. What do women and Jell-O have in common?
A. They both wiggle when you eat them.
Q. What is the definition of a woman?
A. A life support system for a p***y.
Q. Why do women have arms?
A. Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?
Q. What 2 things in the air can make a woman pregnant?
A. Her legs.
Q. Did you hear about the new all female delivery service?
A. It’s called UPMS - they deliver whenever the f**k they feel like it.
Q. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A. Divorced.
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