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mariejane (f)
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can someone tell me if its possible 4 one 2 have a best friend of the opposite sex and not want more?
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SwtNsoFLyy (f)
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I would like to know the answer to this myself, as I do have a best friend of the opposite sex in Port Harcourt, and I found myself wanting more, tho we never have been on a girlfriend/boyfriend level. Just 'best' friends' that have love for one another.
Olanajim, this is when your insight would be most graciouly appreciated, good Sir. 
love & light
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iice (f)
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hmmmm hard but i think its doable
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olanajim (m)
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It is realist. At least from experience.
When I list my friends on a scale of ten. The first two are ladies! My best friend is actually a lady. Even her fiance know that fact.
I am sure she is reading this.
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mariejane (f)
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r u really sure u don't or never wanted more? even if u never did r u sure she does not have other kind of feeling fiance or not?let's b very honest  |
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SwtNsoFLyy (f)
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I can appreciate that honesty Olanajim. SOme guys know how to be friends without crossing that border,, others don't.
I really think it can work, tho as the young lady asked, have u ever felt 'more' 
love & light,
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olanajim (m)
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To be truthful and honest, YES, in the beginning. At that time she had no boyfriend. Naturally being so close would stir something in your heart. We are human after all. But whatever the feeling was, is a state of mind.
We sat down and review it. It depend on individuals. When you are so sure that you can get whatever you want, temptation would reach the highest level. I think there is something about that girl that made me resolved to be open. I told her what was going on and surprisingly she understood. We had to talk at length. Till we reach an accord. Neither of us want intimacy. Just friend. The accord was for her to get a man and get serious. And me? A brother.
The good thing is that we don't live in the same area. I supposed that helped alot.
We even related what happened to her fiance! He just laughed. He confessed that in the begining he was worried but after studying the situation, he relaxed. The guy himself later became one of my close confidant!
It is dependent on maturity, wisdom and ability to exert selfcontrol when it matter most.
I have seen even better cases than mine. That was why I said it is realistic. You just have to know certain things.
Put your lust where they belongs. Stay focused. Be honest with yourself, when things look as if it would go out of control, plot an excape route.
If you can relate with your beautiful mother or sister without having to lust after her, then you can use the same psychology to relate with others! That, to be honest, is the secret.
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coolminded (m)
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Its very Nasty,
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leighcon (m)
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I really don't know how it is usually from the ladies perspective, but to be sincere I've always felt there was need for more, after all, wouldn't you prefer to have your fiancee or girlfriend that understanding and close to your heart. I conquer such feeling by using escapist approach so we don't get farther than necessary. Honestly I've been forced to ask two friends out before and they actually didn't find it a bad idea, but I retreated to avoid multiple relationships, I no bad like that oooo!!!!.  |
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rufaai (m)
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Well, It might be possible, I have a lady friend that I take to be my Sister, I think that's how it works. Else, the law applies: "1st come friends then come lovers".
With time you get to know each other, you'll get to fall inlove for each other.
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kateflow (f)
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hmmmmmm very hard  |
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SwtNsoFLyy (f)
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@ Olanajim
Thank you for those details. NOt too many men (and women) would be willing to share this kind of information to the fiance/boyfriend/girlfriend about their friendship with someone of the opposite sex. Especially if a case of 'feelings' possibly creeping into the picture. I can realate to this. and it takes restraits to keep a high level of respect for a close connection without going further.
These can actually be some of the most rewarding friendships, as I can honestly agree with you,
love & light
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angelchi (f)
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E no easy o.
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olanajim (m)
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You know from experience, as you already noticed, it might lead to too much emotional attachment.
The lady may want you to "date" her. While you are trying to observed the "contract agreement". When the situation get to that level, both of you must have frank talk. If the talk failed to stop the raging emotion, the guy can take the initiative of distancing from her and even introduce his babe to the girl.
Some guy just want to eat their cake and have it. They would knowingly let the lady build up a sense of intimacy and even go to the extent of doing what is meant for a lover. In the end, trouble erupts leaving both party with regret.
The term of any relationship must be clearly spelt out. If the friendship would transform to love, both of them would discuss it. You know, most intimate relationship began from friendship.
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SwtNsoFLyy (f)
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This is absolutely truth. I had a good friend who played International Pro basketball and used to like me this way. He is very handsome, tho he shared so many secrets with me, I could never fall in love with him, and our friendship is growing on 21 years strong. Some years back, He introduce me one of his 'lady friends', and I could tell by her skeptical facial expression that she found our friendship intimidating to her relationship. Tho, she had nothing to worry about with me and him, he was a true player to the bone. LOL,
love & light
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tunad (m)
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it is good to have them because if one is not arround the other one will be availiable for you
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cutekittie (m)
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it is very possible thats cus i am a witness to it, all ma friends are ladies but ma best friend is a girl and shes one girl any guy would die for but the funniest part is that we are so close that people say we have sumtin going on but the fact remains that we don't.even when i had ma first girlfriend,we were still very close infact it made ma girlfriend think i was cheating, even now that i don't a girlfriend anymore,she still remains ma best friend. so i believe that it is possible,even if the urge for more comes,u resist simple
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olanajim (m)
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You know it may be easy for some and hard for others?
Let me cite a personal example. You are befriending a lady who has most of the qualities you want in your partner. You are single, she is single. Both of you free. But something just don't add up.
In that kind of situation, you would ask, why can't I go ahead. Damn the consiquence. So many people follow this instinct. And I can tell you that majority of the relationship that lead to so-called heart break (not all) are started this way. After 5 years, they discovered they are better off as friend! The affair, having gulped enormous emotional resource soon collapse and the love birds become ethernal foe!
Meanwhile, those who recognised the differences and remain friends in spite of the temptation would have succeeded in creating a life time relationship. Even after marriage, they could meet one another and their respective partners!
There is enormous power in patience! My friend, whom I normally refered to my "sister" was very understanding. Just as I praise her matured fiance.
The guy later told me he was just amased at the fact the the lady was open. Initially he was suspicious but he didn't ask her to quit!
Some chics would send a message to another guy and hide it from their man. That is stupid and dangerous. Some would answer a call nearly 10 meter away from their hubby and they want to convince the guy they are clean! Men appreciate honesty. If you have a male friend and no string attached, tell your man in advance and don't do anything silly.
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lare
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Eree ki laja nbekun she?
Pipa je ni!
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fatty27
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Proverb? It is inappropriate.
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fatty27
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Proverb? It is inappropriate.
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mayorking (m)
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Well,
It si a very easy thing as long as you are a sincere person.One of my best friends ever is a female.Initially when we became friends as far back as our undergraduate days,some of my male friends we urging me to date her.However I knew we were not meant to be lovers.At some time I bowed to the pressure and asked her out.She didnt embarrase me at all just smile and remained silent.The following day I got myself back and told her to forget about it.We simply picked our friendship back.
I think the watchword is sincerity.If you are thinking of more,talk about it-simple.
We always talk about our different love life then.I usually confide in her about my love interests,and she does the same.At a point when her husband now was asking her out some of his classmates were telling him that she must be dating me.I guess the guy was just very matured too because it was never an issue.Now she is in UK with the husband and we are still good friends.
I think the problem comes when people know in their heart of heart that they are meant to just be friends but they want to just taste the forbidden fruit and move on.Really when that happens it causes a lot of heart break and spoils everything for both parties.
This concept may not be for everybody,if you are the type that cannot get close a lady without asking for more,well.
MAN KNOW THYSELF.
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spaceworld
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Be self control, your intention is what matter most, in as much you have a good intention and keeping to your words, that is all, yes i know of people that are of different sex and are best of the best friend
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Oracle (m)
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I know about having friends of the opposite sex, i personally have some.
But i think a man's best friend is his Wife.
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naijafan (m)
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Well, i feel its possible. My own story has a slight twist, as there was attraction at the beginning. I loved her and got close to her. My slow and steady methodology ended up with the wrong results because it sent the wrong message. She took me as a very close friend, and after about a year when i asked her out, she told me she just got into a relationship the week before and planned giving me the full gist. I was disoriented, LOL. She actually thot i wanted just friendship, and made sure i remained her friend. We so close right nw, we know almost everything about each other. She knows the girls i scope, girls i take out on dates, and my current girlfriend. I tend to even forget the fact that she's of the opposite sex whenever she's around me because of the loads of info we've shared wit each other - you knw, doing the normal guys thingy. . strollin down the street and talkin bout the stunnin' structure of the girl passing by or something  . Yet, all this wit no single piece of string attached! And she's not the only one. . . Its possible. |
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debosky (m)
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You guys are just deceiving yourselves! The women are using you guys as Intellectual Whores or worse! At some point or another you;ll try jumind ladders and end up in the ABYSS male female best friendship my arse |
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fatty27
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That is your headache. So what do you do with them? F**k?
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edmondo (m)
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ti is possible,there is this female friend of mine that we re so close(just friend) that our parent felt we going to got married. in the first place i mak a move as a guy bt later discover it wuld be better if we re best of friend and now,she is doing well in yankee and communicate almost everyday(chat,sms,call). mak guy dey control there privates |
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debosky (m)
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y'all are confirming the Ladder Theory - you lke the girl initially, when she rebuffs your advances (i.e throws you in the abyss) you eventually beg and make up and go back on the friend ladder and become an Intellectual Whore. Pansies who can't say what they really feel. Shame on you! |
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fatty27
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The theory is defective. Supposing u have a steady babe, Won't you befriend another girl again? Would u rather date 'em all as they come?
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strong_arm (m)
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well the idea is a bit difficult but plausible especially when the opposite sex is a hottie and you know it. thats gon be really hard . when you see other girls admiring your hot male friend then you go wondering "why am i not with this guy?" hm |
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Siena (m)
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It's very possible.
I do have a best friend who happens to be female, but we've never been that way attracted to one another.
We've known each other for so long, it's almost like a brother / sister relationship, we've had the same arguements siblings have, and we've confided in each other relationship woes in the past.
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