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mekoyo (m)
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If your partner is not your "best friend", then he/she is not the most important person in your life. If you are a man and your "best friend" is a woman, then your girlfriend isn't the most important girl in your life. I don't think such an unimportant relationship can (or should) last very long. You are right man |
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hayo (m)
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@ Debosky so what we need in a man/woman is a lover that also doubles up as an intellectual whore  Meanwhile, it is not a big deal being friends with the opposite very casually but not anything too deep. If you do, someone will end up being hurt! |
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hayo (m)
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And let us be objective - how on earth will ur partner feel knowing that S/he is not your best friend?
Please let us be unselfish! Again, have friends but establish limits!
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cutekittie (m)
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@ debosky, its not that we can't tell our minds or we are shy or sumtin,the fact is that both parties feel friendship is better cus in ma case,ma friend Rita happens to know all the girls i have dated and i know her inside out.but we are best of friends and no strings attached  |
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stoneman91 (m)
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Best friends of the opposite sex and not wanting more---brothers and sisters there is no universality about it, it all depends on the individuals concerned, if wanting more will take them to meet their dreams in life, so be it, When the spirit is moving,do not stop the feeling provided everything works out good. , my idea of friendship can be read on in the categoty romance, greetings
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bennsul (m)
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uhnm, you know really i don't see anything wrong with it, but honestly it gets to a point that when you celebrate particular things you arre tempted to feel some parts of you by reflex and then anything can happen.
honest truth is that the mind is a very weak strong tool, catch it?
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olanajim (m)
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We have been discurssing this issue with the same word being repeated over and over. I think the opponents of the idea have not been able to make a good reason why it is not possible. The only reason they had presented so far is that there is possibility of attraction coming into the picture. While the supporters had made it clear that it depend on an individual.
I am tired of reading for and against dialogue. Let reason along our support and objection. Let not just drop a comment this is not an opinion poll but discussion forum. Please shed more light.
Debosky,
I am still waiting for your reply. You have to defend your doctrine of intellectual whore or we assume you are joking.
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chukz4real (m)
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well, my best friends are female. I have them so many and still making more. But nothing more that! we share online, most of them have never been seen, only on phone and over the internet. My girl knows that and never felt bad about it at all.
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apache77 (m)
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HE, HE, HE, I USED TO THINK IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO BE BEST FRIENDS WITH A WOMAN, I MEAN what R WE DISCUSSING? WE WONT BE ABLE TO TALK FOOTBALL, GEOPOLITICS OR CARS?WOULD I BE TALKING RECIPES, MAKE UP AND SHOES? I ALWAYS BELIEVD A GUY AND A GIRL WRE MEANT TO JUST SHAG, THATS ALL, AND FOR SHAGGING, YES, IT WOULD BE BEARABLE EVEN IF U HAD TO DISCUSS RECIPES AND LISTEN TO DIRVEL AND MUCH GIRLIE TALK, I GUESS THAT WAS A YOUNG BOY'S PERPECTIVE TILL 1998 I WENT TO UNIVERSITY UP NORTH. I MET A GIRL WHO TURNED OUT TO BE MY BEST FRIEND TO this DAY, AND THERE WAS NO MONKEY BUSINESS. DAN FLATO (THAT USED TO BE MY NICKNAME FOR HER) WAS A DROP DEAD GORGEOUS GIRL, PRETTY, BEAUTIFUL, BODACIOUS AND BOOTYLICIOUS, EVERY GUY WANTED HER, SHE WAS HOTT AND I REALLY don't KNOW WHY SHE TOOK A LIKING TO ME. I DATED HER ELDER SISTER BRIEFLY AND EVERYONE THOT I WAS ACTUALLY SLEEPING WITH DAN FLATO WHEN I WAS NOT. WE WERE THAT CLOSE- WHENEVER SHE DIDNT SLEEP IN HER CRIB, SHE SLEPT IN BED, WORE MY CLOTHES, COOKED FOR ME AND NURSED ME BACK TO HEALTH WHENEVER I WAS SICK. WE HUNG OUT EVERYWHERE TOGETHER, READ TOGETHER, AND STRAVED TOGTEHRE WHENEVER THERE WAS NO MONEY, AND YES, WE USED TO FIGHT TOO. SHE HAD A BOYFRIEND WHILE ALL THESE WAS GOING ON, AND THE GUY AND ME WERE NOT PARTICULARLY FRIENDS TILL HE LEFT FOR YANKEE. CONSEQUENLY EVERYOONE THOT DAN FLATO AND I WERE GOING OUT-HER FRIENDDS, MY OWN FRIENDS, HER CLASSMATES, MY FLATMATES, HER OWN SISTER, BUT WE REMAINED GOOD FRIENDS TILL I LEFT THAT SCHOOL.
SHE WAS A GOOD GIRL ANYWAY, THOUGH QUITE REFRACTIVE AND DID I DEVELOP ANY FEELINGS? IT WOULD BE DIFFICULT TO SAY I DIDNT BUT I DIDNT CREATE ANY ROOM FOR THEM TO GROW FURTHER. DAN FLATO HAD SKOIN, SO I WAS QUITE WARY OF HER. AINT SEEN IN IN 7YEARS, AND SHE'S COMING TO LAGOS NEXT MONTH. I'L SIZE UP THE GIRL I LAST SAW YEARS AGO AND SEE WHETHER I CAN GIVE REIGN TO THOSE FEELINGS I SUPPRESSED because I FELT SHE WAS A little GIRL
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debosky (m)
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@ olanajim I am not joking at all, the intellectual whore/cuddle bitch theories have been proven over and over again most of the posters in this thread have shown they belong to either category. unfortunately I'm otherwise engaged right now, so I will return later to expound further on the theories.  |
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olanajim (m)
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I am expecting your quick return, Debosky. I want you to convert me to your side. Let see if we can bring up something positive.
What do you think? I am sure you already have supporters. Let the two sides identify the pros and cons. I am learning, everyday.
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olanajim (m)
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I am expecting your quick return, Debosky. I want you to convert me to your side. Let see if we can bring up something positive.
What do you think? I am sure you already have supporters. Let the two sides identify the pros and cons. I am learning, everyday.
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bennnie (m)
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This issue is avery delicate one for me.i have tried to keep ladies as best friends but do you know what,we always end up goin all the way.it has happened so many times.one that finally made me jettission the idea totally was a platonic relationship with my friends girl which turned into hot romance when the girl started having issues with her guy.she simply did a u-turn and before i knew it we had gone over the line.i have made up my mind not to have a female as a close friend. it dosent work with me at all
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Bosdem (f)
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very possible, most of my friends are of the opposite sex
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Ogomgirl (f)
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I suppose its possible. Its just that,if you are not into a relationship most times you'll find out that you and your best friend will actually become lovers because you'll feel that he/she gives you what others have refused to give you and also that he/she knows and understands you like no one ever will. So,it takes a whole lot to ensure that the relationship doesn't exceed the normal friendship level. Its EXTREMELY difficult. |
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dakmanzero (m)
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Rubbish.
Everyone should listen to debosky, or better yet, google 'ladder theory' for an interesting insight to the truth of the situation.
The whole 'just friends' shindig is just an excuse to hold someone 'in reserve' just in case the priomary relationshp doesnt work.
don't be daft people. Everyone wants to eat their cake and have it too, women most especially.
If you provide them the companionship they desire, they are not going to ditch their 10 times richer boyfriend with a kpack that MAY or MAY NOT be 6 inches longer than your own *unknown quantity* IF they can be sure they can have BOTH!
And if you make it clear they can't have both, chances are they'll just ditch you and move on. simple. Better for both of you.
There's a reason many cultures around the world have strict segregation policies regarding men and women. Our bodies are WIRED to do the sex-act and make babies- SIMPLE, unless you are HOMOSEXUAL, you DEFINITELY want to get down with any woman that tickles your fancy. The only exemptions are sisters and mothers for obvious reasons (biological, NOT moral), not even cousins are exempt, unless they posess physical resemblances to you and grew up in close proximity (thus fooling your 'woman radar' into thinking they are among your sisters)
Of course you can have friends and not bang them. But don't be a freaking hypocrite and claim you don't WANT to.
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LadyGodiva (f)
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don't kid yourselves.
it is not possible to have a best friend of the opposite sex, unless BOTH of you are very unattractive
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mariejane (f)
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at least some peeps r being true to theirselves
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dakmanzero (m)
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@ladygodiva:
you are correct but one little correction: only ONE of you needs to be unattractive. The attractive/rich/desirable one is the one most likely asking to be 'just friends'.
I laugh at thise guys who claim they 'asked the girl earlier on but later found out it wouldnt work, ' RUBBISH!!!! she *handled* you WELL WELL. Finish.
If you try to take a friend of the opposite sex to the next level and they refuse, get it straight: you are NOT at the top of their list, finish. Its then up to you to determine whether or not you are ok with being kept 'in reserve'. Theres alweays the chance he/she will never need to tap into the reserve. In fact u could be kept in reserve forever, if she needs to makesacrifices to marry her number 1 (eg rich guy good family No sensitivity. Good to have a nice sensitive, poor+ugly guy in reserve for emotional needs, ne?)
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Tonymeka
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It is a good thing to have a best friend of the opposite sex, but it is always very difficult to control because d feeling will always be there lingering in ur both minds.
I happened to be in that kind of situation, one thing led to another and went intimate but i don't think that there was love after a while in the relationship we decided to remain the best of friends we were and it is still with both of us as friends. HOW CAN YOU EXPLAIN THIS?
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dakmanzero (m)
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you didnt shine the congo well
hope u got more practice afterwards,
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Bblak (f)
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It's possible but difficult o. They will always want more.  |
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holythug (m)
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m a very good e.g
av 3 male friends d others r female yet i dnt av a stable girlfriend
, mayb that is d cause
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chrisoml (m)
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In my own case i said its 100% possible to have a Best friend from the opposite sex
besides 80% of my close and real friend are all females, so i don't know what u make out of that.
Then if you feel its weird i suggest that you check yourself out and you should try to put your LIBIDO under control
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afrodixie
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only after "all bases" have been covered and no "curiosities" abound!!!!!  |
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swiftycool (m)
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The problem is girls tend to get emotionally dependent easily
And start gettig jelouse not remembering that d guy is just a friends
I believe a guy can handle it on his part. Ive been there!
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evamiibee
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if u kall ur self freinds good freinds , u shouldnt even think of them in that way . u should think of them as ur brothers or sistah. not as ur sex partner , ashwo people. remind not be be u ppls freinds u people and ur dirty minds.
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showakid (f)
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i hav a best frend hu iz da opposite sex i love him but as a brother nd nothin else we look out for each oda it iz possible 2 ave a best frend of the opposite sex nd not ave ne feelingz 4 them.  |
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jediknight (m)
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I've spent like half an hour reading and getting up to speed with the topic and all. some of y'all saying its possible and some saying its not and some of y'all even telling us bout your different stories. From my own point of view and experiences, u can't have a best frnd of the opposite sex! Maybe as kids, thats possible! but as adults, absolutely not. There are losta reasons i'll give to make u see it aint possible. First of all let me distinguish/ add something YOU CAN HAVE A FRND OF THE OPPOSITE SEX BUT NOT A BEST FRND OF THE OPPOSITE SEXThe better a frnd the person becomes the worse it is! For y'all that think its possible, saying u feel no emotion/ attraction, that just the way u feel! what of the other person? are u sure they feel like wise? Here a fact for u ladies that claim to have best buddies of the opposite sex. Try seducing this so called best buddy someday, i promise u 99.9%of them will shag u instantly, the remaining 0.1% will shag u next day if u try again. I totally believe in the best frnd being your mate/ partner because even with my best guy buddies, i love em so much i would have shagged them if i was gay.  Besides having a best buddy of the opposite sex is never good for relationships, your partner will always have this jealousy/ envy/ lack of trust thing with the so called buddy of urs. For me, the more fun i have hanging out with someone, esp of the opposite sex, the more i want to be with the person and we all know where thats going to lead to. the tricky part is the transition from the frnd zone to the shag zone, alot of guys get stuck here and actually settle for less and rather be frnds than not getting anything. thats what i call being a WUSS. ( I've been down that road too) And to some of you ladies that have this so called best buddies. if u find your self single and this so called buddy was also single and u hang and have so much fun together in this busy crazy life we live in these days, forget all the secondary school & university stories. imagine 24+ single and working! am so telling you, you're going to hook up and be so in love with that so called best buddy and thank God everyday for that. Bless! |
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