Best Friends Of The Opposite Sex

Although I’ve found my own salvation, there are many young men out there who are bumbling their way through our world of commingled sexes. They are at risk of embarrassing themselves and possibly offending others. The following guidelines helped me and perhaps they could help someone else. They are intended for women who have stated that they just want to be friends and should not be handed out to strangers on the street. The woman must be aware of the friendship before laying ground rules. Following these rules, I think men and women can flaunt the call of nature and hang out with each other as if they were exclusively gay. If you aren’t sure that your situation warrants these guidelines then determine if three factors apply: You’re smitten with her, she thinks you are a nice guy, but she refuses to have sex with you.

1. No hugging for greetings or salutations. Hugging is only allowed for personal tragedies or blessed events when the emotional significance of the situation blocks out the knowledge that your boobies are pressing against me. We have hands; lets shake them.

2. No sleepovers. I think of all women who sleep in bed with me as potential sex partners. I spend all my free time trying to coax women in, so if you get in there, I can’t help but think you want some. If you or I need a place to crash sometime, then we should employ a couch. The breaking of this rule is punishable by instant sex.

3. No seat sharing. When girls sit on the arm of my chair or in my lap or next to me in a one-person seat, it makes me think that she wants some sexing. A possible exception is fitting an extra person in a car that is filled to capacity. I can’t let my passion hurt the quest to maximize a designated driver, but be warned; it might not be the seat belt poking you.

4. No flirting. So if you laugh at a joke of mine, it better be a funny joke.

5. No judgment making on any girl that I see. Good or bad, it’s the guy friends' job to belittle and pick apart girlfriends, if a woman does this, it means she wants the guy for herself. So you think she is trashy and dumb? Well, you could have dated me but you just wanted to be friends.

6. No judgment making on how I treat any girl I might date, be it for six months, or six hours. You have thrown your log onto the fire of chauvinism in my heart, so you are partially to blame if an innocent girl gets burned.

7. No sparing of my feelings. It’s emasculating. Don't worry, you already broke my heart, go ahead and heap more crap on me. I’ll turn all embarrassment and pain into bitterness and anger, and then occasionally let it all out in some meat headed act.

8. No setting me up on pity dates. If you truly know of a woman who would be very happy with me and I with her, then we will talk.

9. No being attracted to me. Impossible, I know, but you seem to have found a way, so stick with that. I’m going to be as attractive as possible in pursuit of other women, so if you are going to be seeing me in a bathing suit, you might want to make sure you are on the pill as the breaking of this rule is punishable by instant sex. In fact, don’t even tell me I look good as that will torment me for days.

10. No confiding in me about boys. I am not your girl friend; I am your reluctant man friend who officially hates all men that you date now or in the future. Asking for hypothetical guy advice is okay; just don’t slam me with details about particular guys you are sleeping with. If this rule seems contrary to rule 7, just remember that I’m a beautifully complex being.

11. No asking for man favors such as furniture moving, yard work, or car trouble help. I don't like to waste displays of extreme masculinity on women who have decided not to sleep with me. In a pinch you can bribe me to do man chores with beer. Please hand me the case as a gift versus doling them out one at a time from your fridge. That keeps it strictly business.

12. Try to avoid incidental contact. I can't outlaw this since there are times when the brush of a leg or a sleeve is purely accidental, but try to be careful. You can take steps to not put your arm in mine while walking or lay against me on a couch or other things like that. Those things would lead me to think you want me to sex you.

13. No asking for massages or neck rubs, that’s a lot of foreplay to waste on someone who doesn't want the main event. Besides, shouldn’t your boyfriend give you massages? Why aren’t we dating again?

14. No dating any guy who treats you bad or neglects you in any way, that’s just a slap in my face. I fucking adore you.

15. No judgments on any of my behavior. It would lead me to think you care a little too much about my well being. So I don't want to hear any, "Stop smoking", or "Don't drink so much," or "Don't use women." Of course if I am truly being an asshole in some situation, feel free to clue me in, that’s what friends do.

16. You have to let me know immediately if you want to be more than friends. I’m only doing this to respect your wishes. If you ever want more, rest assured that I do too. At any moment we can tear these guidelines up and spend 24 hours doing every imaginable sexy act.

@liquidmind:

IF YOU ARE GOING TO STEAL MATERIAL FROM WEBSITES,AT LEAST GIVE CREDIT
http://www.purrer.at/index.php?option=com_content&task=blogcategory&id=6&Itemid=22


Everyone, listen to palemoon.

She is the closest we have gotten to a true voice of femininity here.




EXACTLY. Your so-called friend is a guy who, all things being equal, you would have shagged, but since all things are NOT equal, you demote him to friend!!

@jediknight:

I know where ure coming from, bro. However I'D edit the *section that may get the hordes of homophobic bigots* out before a  million people tear you to shreds taking your uote out of context. true, 55% of Nairaland users will understand what you mean, but the other 45% can barely read (or can read but will be blinded by religious fervour when they read the G word). Save yaself and edit ya post


Face it people. If a girl insists on being 'friends' with you, it means you don't make the grade. Better bail before you disgrace yasef

Na true brother, sometimes some girls just don't want to be anything other than a boy's girlfriend and see some other boys as enemies, this has happened alot to me
 most of my female childhood friends who's now got a guy now look at me as an old haggard boy and almost see me as an enemies
for instance I met this girl we grew up together, after some years came to see she's got this guy (wey de claim fine boy) so after a reuniting greetings (in front of this guy) and all that, from that day any time she see me, even though I greet her, it'l look as if we've been fighting since childhood and all those stuff,
Now I don't even talk to her  not because I don't want to but cause  I don't wwant to disgrace my self and we see almost everyday

Prove it.

If you can, you shall recieve a well deserved apology.

But if you can't, as I suspect will be the case, you remain a punk-bothered thieving plagiaristic imposter.

It is not surprising. Nobody saw it coming because they did not show interest in the quality of their "friendship". Let me tell you, it is very possible for friends to end up as lovers. Just as it is possible for lovers to end up as mutual foes!

Everything depend on the actors. What they did, said, thought in their private moment. It also depend on their individual love life.

If you are obsevant, you would actually "see it coming".