The Death Of The Premiership:

Notice how plain women always hang around with absolute boilers? Makes them comparatively beautiful, see. Similarly, the presence of Sunderland in this season's Premiership has made the rest of the league look relatively good. But closer inspection reveals bags under the eyes and pungent BO. We are on course for the first Premiership season in history in which the average number of goals per game will be under two. So is it really surprising that Pool and Chelski have emulated ManYoo by being dumped out of Europe because of their inability to score?

Lord Fergie abandoned his club's attacking tradition to fiddle with his formation like a fumbling teenager, while Pool and Chelski ignored proven goalscorers Michael Owen and Hernan Crespo in order to take on the cream of the continent with jumped-up bouncers such as Peter Crouch and Didier Drogba - rich men's versions of Kevin Davies and James Beattie, to name but two other oafs indulged by English clubs.

I think Portuguese midfielder Tiago rang compatriot Comical Jose last night to offer a further example. "You flogged me, a creative player, to Lyon for a 1.5m pound loss and then splurged 24.4m pounds to relieve them of Michael Essien," he must have lectured. "And while that glorified mule missed your Barcelona shambles because of suspension, I delivered a man-of-the-match performance and two silky goals in my new team's 4-0 destruction of PSV." Laudable Lyon combine class with adventure, while the top English clubs blend brawn with yawns.

The situation is, like Chxta most Friday nights, scandalous and staggering. Shouldn't Pool fans be singing "You'll never work again" to a manager who invited Champion's League elimination by dropping his best player in the first leg and trying to scab a 0-0?

Is it really acceptable for a team with infinite wealth to try to blag a goal in the Nou Camp by sending on a second-rate centre-back as striker?

And, most staggering of all, is the man who's masterminding Lyon's swashbuckling progress the same Ged Houllier who was run out of Anfield two years ago for being narrow-minded and boring? Or is Rafael Benitez that Ged Houllier in disguise?

@Chxta
Did you know anything at all concerning Tiago'sales?