Igbo And Yoruba Marriages?

. . .But when Igbo men go to marry girls from the East, it's definitely because of tribalism. You Laudate are a tribalistic hypocrite, you need treatment A.S.A.P.

Nah! Donzman, na you get that 'hypocrisy' problem.  

If you read the poster's comments, there was nowhere where he said the lady turned down her Igbo toasters, on account of their ethnic group. Unless you are now clairvoyant, and you can read the lady's mind, in order to accurately deduce that she was using ethnicity as a factor, to reject those men.

Now coming back home, are you not the same person who stated that Igbo men would go for Igbo girls, because of ehm. . . (what did you call it now) ah yes, 'cultural familiarity'? Would it be right for me to tag you as a tribalistic hypocrite, for arriving at this conclusion?  

Donzman, stop fabricating stories. I never said I knew, what the Igbo guys were thinking. All I ever said, was that one should look at their actions. After dating girls from other ethnic groups, they still head back to the East to marry from their ethnic group, without giving any concrete reasons for this volte face. If you remember, you came up with the term 'cultural familiarity', to describe this ocurrence. You were the one who wondered initially, why there was a dearth of Igbo guy-Yoruba girl relationships. I shared my own observations, and you also came up with your own view. Simple.

I still repeat that, in the story above, the lady in question never made her choice based on ethnic reasons. I bet, if a young, single Yoruba guy had also made a pass at her, she would have turned him down flat, in favour of a married man. I have met some women like that, who have an inexplicable attraction, for men that are taken. Dunno why!

some parts of Plateau state also seems to have a high rate of extra-tribal marriage, from what I've seen. I've had some friends with Plateau relatives, in the past.

And yes, at the end of the day, the gap doesnt really seem to have been bridged. In many parts of the country, the children of inter-tribal marriages are raised solely in one culture, mainly ignoring the other part.

I really think it all depends on each specific family. Many of my relatives are products of inter-ethnic marriages, and they understand the cultures of both parents. My cousins for example, speak their paternal & maternal languages, fluently. So do I. A person may be more fluent in one than the other, but it all depends on his/her flair for languages, learning dexterity & the parents' ability to ensure the kids assimilate both cultures, at an early stage.

The best thing is to expose the kids to both cultures early enough, and send them to spend as much of their holidays, in both regions. It also helps if the grand-parents on either side are alive, as they can also help to teach the kids more about their respective cultures, on each visit. 

In my opinion, kids of inter-ethnic marriages are often more tolerant and able to mix with those from other ethnic groups much more easily. But please note: this is just my own personal view.

Gee, thanks! 

it might be more common among Plateau indigenes living in the North.

The child being raised solely in the father's culture is starting to change somewhat, like you observed. might be because people are getting a bit more tolerant. ie the people who marry outside their tribe.
however, there are many who still rigidly hold this view. Pity.

To some, love doesn't conquer all, tribalism does.

Let's hope we get to a stage that love is not only colour blind, but also blind to other facets of life such as age, tribe, language, etc.

With love, comes tolerance!!!

Only idiots and hollywood think love conquers all!

You could be either idiot or hollywood, either ways those are the only group of people that believe that love conquers all. Only an idiot will also believe that tribalism or ethnicism conquers all. Every sensible human being understands that life isn't about any 1 thing.

You could be either idiot or hollywood, either ways those are the only group of people that believe that love conquers all. Only an idiot will also believe that tribalism or ethnicism conquers all. Every sensible human being understands that life isn't about any 1 thing.

I have no further comments on this topic with you.

but why is enthicity important? it really shouldnt matter.
Children of inter-tribal relationship are more tolerant? im not sure about this because i think our generation as a whole is more tolerant.

LOL, i don't mean people from nairaland, some people on this site are tryng to cause arguments for the sake of it.
But like in the 'real world', i think this is so.
I may be wrong tho, i hope nairaland doesnt represent the nigerian public, if it does than things need to change sharp!

If this was 1950,the culture,politics and tribalism threads would have been saturated with unparralelled tribalism.Tribalism is inevitable in a multi-ethnic nation.

Misslady,

i am married to a igbo man and i would like to know what your grandmother told you if it is ok to say

My aunt told me it was better to be with an Ibo man, because,  well i don't want to say why,  but she took it back to the Biafra War,  so some of you may have an idea of what she said,

thanks

Redwoman

I don't know what book you are referring to, and I'm not too sure I agree totally with all the opinions expressed in it, which you have tried to put put across. Many of us are Nigerians. A few of us have lived & studied in the West. Some have even relocated to the West, to earn a living, yet they still come to their homeland for holidays and on business. Are they 'placed permanently  between two worlds?'    

A lot of Nigerians speak English in addition to their native language, or one or more indigenous Nigerian languages. Speaking English and living a westernized Nigerian lifestyle, (as opposed to a rural, traditional one) in an urban city, is a fluid dynamic routine that most of us are conversant with. Are we also stuck between two worlds? Do we belong in one, and not the other?    

Imani pointed out in one of her posts, that Nigeria is a strongly patrilineal society. I agree. Except for a few cultures, most of the ethnic groups in Nigeria follow this trend. So what is the problem? Where the mother comes from, often isn't a major issue, because in most cultural matters, it is often the prevailing culture in the father's place, that holds sway in the child's life. And it is often the determinant factor, in arriving at major cultural decisions.

 It is only in cases of dysfunctional or single-parent families, that the child may be at a disadvantage when it comes to certain issues e.g. inheritance. But this is often rectified, by the single-parent making a will, in order to forestall any conflict when issues pertaining to inheritance arise. In order to cope with other cultural issues, the child could learn to become familiar with the tenets of both cultures, including language, customs et al.

As a child of an inter-ethnic marriage, I can say in all honesty, that I have never experienced any kind of discrimination, for being a product of an inter-ethnic relationship. I don't know of any part of Nigeria where a child would be denied of his rights and priviledges, simply because his mother comes from another ethnic group. A collegue of mine once said: "Among my father's people, am a son of the soil but among my mother's kindred, am an honoured guest."   For me, it has always been more of an advantage, than anything else. I am fully part of both worlds, even if my words carry more weight in my father's clan. I also have to undertake more responsibilities in my father's lineage, than in my maternal one. One is blessed to have been fully assimilated, into both societies.

 Some of my friends have not been as fortunate. They hardly speak their mother's language, and are barely fluent in their father's tongue. So the unease they feel in their own cultural setting, stems from their lack of familiarity with their own ethnic customs. I guess for them, they can never fully be part of one particular tribe, simply because they are not conversant with the culture of either tribe.

Finally, I agree to a certain extent, with your statement that for inter-ethnic kids "most of them can't have the hang ups and blind nationalism that comes with being members of only one group." It is true, in most cases. But in some cases, they could suffer from the same blind nationalism as members of a mono-ethnic group, if their feelings of angst are fuelled by uncomplimentary remarks from a third party or another ethnic group they are totally unrelated to, or share no blood ties, with.

Um, am I making any sense?