Want Sex But Husband Says No

what u need to do is ask your hubby to be straight forward with you.
let him know you can handle the truth whatever it is.
does he have his eye on another?
abi he doesnt love you anymore? or is it that u have added weight? what exactly is putting him off?
tell him to tell you the truth, that you want to know what the problem is.
get to the root of this matter. this is what you need to do. before you can determine your next move

What'D you know? A house full of people who feel justified to give advise. Heck!
Anyway, that's what makes us human. All the poor girl's after is re-assurance - to venture along whichever line her mind's commited to already. More than any advise you could possibly give, I believe it's prayers which'll do the trick. What if she's doing it and if simply "feeling" the air? Loneliness is aterrible thing. Whatever she's up to and whatever she may be doing - and most importantly, whatever the driving force for this home-splitting situation, take time off to whisper a prayer on her behalf. And all will be well.
Or should be well.
Cheers!

@spoilt
hope u werent reffering to me in your last post cause i will 

@topic
stick to my advice

do what? show me your power. 

This situation has to be looked at from 2 angles - the lady & her husband!
From the husband angle, there r possubles reasons why he doesnt want intimacy:

1. He might be seeing another woman
2. He might have low libido or feels he can't perform
3. He might have entered into a covenant which require that he doesnt sleep with his    spouse
4. She's repulsive to him

In the above cases, she has to discuss with him, afterall they must have been close before, so doin that wouldnt be a problem(even if it takes time). She has to make him feel that he can confide in her no matter what the issue is.

From the Wife's angle, it seems when she was refused intimacy, she just went ahead to start considering another guy;I wont query her for doing that afterall that was her natural human reaction. BUT she should look beyond that and remember that she chose to marry her husband;she might have her own faullts which could put off the husband - those she has to correct.

Thats my opinion O!

hi poster

are you a christian, well if so, then God will never forgive you if you engage in sex outside your matrimony.Going by your post, i understand you have kids,what else do you want.Kids you said and not a child.May be your husband does not want more kids considering the way the country is going. Try concentrate your thoughts on how your family would survive this harsh economic enviroment instead of thinking about sex all day long. Yes sex is part of what makes a marriage last but then it should not be compared to eba or bread that you eat daily. Try discuss with your man may be you two could have a roaster or whateva that will regulate the sex issue.

Neva try adultry because its one sin God find hard to forgive. Wishing you the best in your marriage.

That, my friend is a freaking misinterpretation of facts. The only thing God will never forgive is utter disrespect of His Holy Spirit. Dust your bible very well

@Poster:
I understand that you may be going through a tough time, seeing that your libido is higher than that of your husband. But I will say that the blame lies squarely in your laps. I feel you have done something to annoy the man, or you have simply become unattractive to him. Work on yourself and on your psyche, because I will bet you ten to one, you will experience the same thing with this guy you are trying to have a fling with and you'll regret it. It's not worth it.

I've been there, so I know.

what bull.the blame lies squarely on her?

@ poster,

i'm not going into any religious sentiments(that's too easy- we all know whats right and wrong, and so many of us still choose to  do the wrong thing anyway- we just don't ask for advice on nairaland first) having a fling with a co worker or anyone else is opening a door that is better left closed. there are often women like that in every organisation-women with preoccupied husbands, who move from man to man in the company. if your co worker gets tired of you-what next? the next co worker who starts looking at you? you'll find that you become the game in the office. (that's how one woman in a company i worked in passed herself from one lover to another)

you didn't really go into why your husband is not touching you. as someone said- it could be several things-

-another woman

-work( very true -tres at the workplace sometime does awful things to my libido)

-personal obsessions( if my wife comes near me in a sexy  negligee while i'm buried in a design/computer problem, i will brush her off- she will do the same if she's watching one of her telenovellas)

-he no longer finds you attractive

-and last but not least some faults of your own

in the end, the only thing you can do is talk to him.sadly we don't have counselors for that sort of thing in nigeria. one of my wife's close friends has the same problem. her husband's  lack of energy and refusal to experiment is driving her to tears.

i will reiterate- an affair with a handsome stranger is not the solution. if anything, it may even exacebate the problem. what if the man is fantastic in bed- are you going to start  a new game- that was a wrong number-no it wasn't me in that mans car- i have to travel for a conference- the game will drive you crazy.or will you leave your husband? even worse, when you get caught- its inevitable , you'll be OYO.thi is naija, land of double standards, where a cheating husband must be accepted and a cheating wife vilified.

 i hope you aren't my wife's long suffering friend .(you might be)

If only she could shed more light she may help us to advise her better. It is easy to crucify someone on issues like these especially if we have never been in their shoes. I am married for a few years now and i know things like these can happen. If only you guys knows what some women and some men are facing in what they call home you sure will know they have no home. But like i said if she can shed more light let us know what exactly she meant and what she think might cause her husband lack of interest in sexual feeling towards her we can advise better. If the husband think she is no longer attractive what has he done to help or will he and his family not have frustrated the lady if she is still the queen he married and has no kid? Men can be so selfish and when they are involved in this they are not found guilty even if they fancy and sleeps with 10 girls outside their home, when a man's wife denies him sex the society supports the husband doing it outside and they will say 'you pushed your husband outside' but when the husband denies the wife she is supposed to endure it and suffer in silence because she is not supposed to have feelings . I am not in any way in support of infidelity but let us know what excatly caused this and we can talk better, give us details or forget about it. You have no right to sleep with someone else and your husband has no right to deny you your feelings afterall one of the purposes we were told of marriage is sex. We can advise you better if you want but ori bibe ko ni ogun ori fifo.

Madam,
try to find out why your husband is like that. It may have to do with his temperament.
try to tlk to him aswell, you may get to discover why he's behaving so.

@Poster

I have a strong feeling you're doing something already.
Of all the creatures that I know, Female Human Species are the smartest when it comes to doing all it takes to get a dude to do the KOKO.
But you my dear seems to tell me that you don’t know how to get your hubby you're marries WITH KIDS! To do the KOKO,  o ga oh,

Think about it, you are attracted to this guy and therefore are looking at your marriage from a different angle - an angle that satisfies you justification for a fatal Fantasy,  or [That’s if it has not been ADULTRY_A_TED already]

na waa, when u mention sex, the way people go just fire up and begin dey respond.

i presume that if some starts a thread and types "sex", you will get responses that will flow in pages.

,
ok, enough rambling, now to respond to the issue, which happens to be?

,
http://9jasite.com

Well wifey i will say to you that something is up , it can be that you don't give it to him the way he want or he has someone he is seeing out there before coming home , so to find out sit him and you will fine out what he really want.
Wish you the best but don't go and sleep with another man you can do that only if you both a deviced. But don't try it , try to save your marriage. Pray to God

Ma' dear laide! Your mentality is what defines your destiny.
Whatsoever a man thinketh so he becomes.

In the first place you need to thank God for your husband. There are many out there that Christ has redeemed out of dangerous pits of darkness like of such sexual desires and are currently not married but stand faithfull.

Remember, there's no temptation that seizes any man beyond his abilities to overcome. Our God is a faithful God who will always make a way where there seems to be no way.

From your point of view I strongly feel there's a lot of carnality in you. You have not allowed the Lord God Almighty to transform you to a sustaining degree as a believer should. READ ROMANS 12:1-2. It seems you are not committed to the word of God and prayer like before. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all other things - like what you desire, which to God is minut - shall be added unto you.

You r forgetting that you're in a warfare as a believer. Why are u allowing satan to erode you out of your previous strong stand with Christ. What is happening with you is that you have turned you right for sex to a demonic infested desire. What is also happening with your husband is not Godly as well.

In this matter therefore I want you to realise that there's nothing wrong with your husband. Your enemy is one, and he is none other than the devil. Ma dear laide! it is not too late yet.
Buckle round the breastplate of righteousness (repent to God) and then take the sword of the Spirit (Gods word) and then get connected to the heavenly arsenal via prayer & supplication. Do this consistently with the fruit of patience until the situation turns to your favor. Since you are the first to address the challenge, then also take a step of standing in the gap with the Spiritual tools mentioned above and deliver yourself plus your husband and therefore your marriage. (which the devil is against).

Ma dear laide, I feel I should not condemn you as such as others have done. At least you have vocalled your mind which many pretend not to do but God only knows what cooks in their minds.

Finally, I advice you to apply all necessary wisdom available to make things work after an intense spiritual commitment. Possibly speak to your husband. Create good moods e.g may be suggest an outing with him and at the peak of events, launch the "ground to ground offensive!" by asking him directly whether he has any sexual challenge or express your disconfort with him not involving himself sexually.

I believe God will restore your spiritual & marital lives to glorify him.

Peace

Why is it that when the woman complains that the man isnt giving her sex, majority of the men on nairaland blame it on her and when a man complains that the woman isnt giving him sex, this same men still blame it on her? We humans have got to admit that even if two people come together to live there is still temptation outside the marriage,   this lady has jst told you one experience of such temptation and u are all crucifying her,  guys will stop at nothing these days be it married or unmarried women so please all the guys that are chancing her just quit blowing that trumpet. Lady, I aint married, but this is one temptation you just have to fight ,  remember it's for better for worse,  so if your husband is impotent or gay or just detests sex (which is impossible for me to believe ) You just need to pray. Involve yourself in church activities, work etc,   also talk to him about how u feel,  If u guys have a strong interactive relationship as u said, it shouldnt be so hard,  All the best dear n please u have done nothing wrong,  yet ( and don't do it either). Goodluck!!!