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pearl2 (m)
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Sometimes,the phrase; single-parent or the most popular form,single mother, still comes across as a contradicton in terms simply because it takes 2 to tango.
Beyond those who understandably were forced into this state,it seems nowadays that some ladies increasingly now view this social status as fashionable and indeed, a more convenient state to aspire to.
What are the factors responsible for this?Have you ever seen yourself going for this option?
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Oracle (m)
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the matter of single mothers is everywhere in the world
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Seun (m)
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If a relative or friend of mine feels she is growing old and for some reason she can't find a good man to settle down with, she can go ahead and adopt a child or something. I'll probably be supportive, if she has what it takes financially to raise the child well.
As for teenagers who are still in school, I think it's important to make them understand the importance of safe sex, and what to do to prevent pregnancy if unprotected sex happens for some reason. Single mothers who are capable of raising children on their own are ok. Baby mamas are not!
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abuguy64 (m)
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Sometimes "single mother" results because the responsible man has refused to be "responsible"and denies or refuses to accept the pregnancy. For this,the lady has no option but to cater for the kid,until some other(nice)boy comes along and accepts her and the baby.
But,there are ladies who make a conscious effort,to get a baby like Seun said because they have given up hope of getting married. The Nigerian/African society,may not very well appreciate this kind of action. I once knew a lady from Canada,that at age 37 had given up on marriage,but wanted a child. She did not want adoption,but wanted to carry the pregnancy herself. She did not want intercourse etc,but wanted a sperm donor(but someone she knows).
The increasing difficulty in getting marriage partners will probably lead more ladies to seek the option of "single parent hood" in Nigeria and the rest of the world
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alheri (f)
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Well said abuguy. I remember some months before I got married, at a friends birthday party, I was discussing with some friends. I was a single mum at that time and the topic of discussion was marriage. I had told them then that if I didnt marry my husband(we were dating then), I was never going to get married. Few months later my husband and I decided to get hitched.
Honestly, I meant what I said then. I was getting tired of the dating and breaking up thingy. If Neeyee and I had not gotten married, I would have resigned to a life a single motherhood with my son. If I felt like having another kid along the line, I would just look for a candidate and have another while maintaining my single status. That I would have done then, but now its a different story. It can really be tiring been single out there especially with married friends who have loads of kids. If age is not on your side, the feeling gets worse. Its not the best of options, no one would support you, but it IS the best option for some people.
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chinani (f)
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Honestly, when I was younger I wanted to "have children without getting married". That is how I thought of it. For whatever reason it never occurred to me that I'D be a "single mother" and NEVER a "baby's mama" b/c of that.
In my mind it wasn't about sex, eligible/nice men, or growing old, I just thought that that was what I wanted. I saw myself as a successful (young) woman in a large city (NYC or Paris) with a boy & a girl (or 3 kids whatever) and an occasional boyfriend. I thought it'D be "stress free" w/o a husband. (Ironically, I think of men as being the whiny, irrational ones and not the other way round!) Loads of men also can not handle a woman's success (they feel threatened etc) and have roving eyes. I don't need the drama. I never had a boyfriend or anything so I wasnever the "white wedding" type of little girl etc. Well that's enough explaining. Point is, I thought it'D be a glorious and slightly glamorous life.
Since then I've changed my tune. I don't have any kids, nor have I ever tried to make any* and I'D like to get married and have babies w/ my husband. But, if I turn *28 or so and I want a baby, and I meet a man I don't love I might have a baby. Might. Who knows?
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Seun (m)
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But, if I turn *28 or so and I want a baby, and I meet a man I don't love I might have a baby. Might. Who knows? Come on, that is highly unlikely. You're only 21. In case of emergency, just use the dating zone. |
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chinani (f)
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Come on, that is highly unlikely. You're only 21. In case of emergency, just use the dating zone. That made me laugh. My point is that even though I don't think I want to be an un-wed/single mother, I reserve the right to be one. I would never manipulate a man into having a baby w/ me or anything sinister, but I don't think that I have to wait for anyone or anything. Well, said differently, I think I only have to wait for the obstacles or check list I recreate, like getting a house, making a certain income, getting to a certain position/level in my career. Yes, today I want to wait to be married but who knows what tomorrow will bring? *I'll remember the dating zone though.* |
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eveseh (f)
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it's hard, my mom is also singel and we are two kids she work hard to let us stay alive me and my little sis  |
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