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beyonce1 (f)
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reading your advice is the only hope i have, am 2 months gone, i have called my G.P to arrange a D&C or what do you suggest?
Banke issues of this sought needs to be looked into not only for 2day , but 4 future purpose, if I was in your situation I would want to drop my past and move on to a better new life not carry on with the memories for the rest of my life, and mind you from generation to generation, I mean if u had wanted 2 be 100% holy u wouldn't have slept with d boy before marriage anyway, I do not believe an early abortion is killing , It is an unwanted pregnancy, an early stage blot clott , which still has d tendency of being shed as a normal period, Things can never remain the same with u both NATURALLY again, so why bring an innocent child into this? I think the victim here would be the unborn child who would suffer all the consequences and this would be the greatest sin 'because it goes on , Life goes on if u leave this boy, u need to cut all the attachments so u can be free , everyone has a right / choice to a lifetime joy, why should u give your baby up for adoption or turn into a single parent ? disabled, for the rest of your life all because of an irresponsible/unreliable man, it's all a matter of a decision on time, and, you'll get over it, time heals and, just be honest about it, Would this be your first abortion ? |
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nawah (f)
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Even if one is married there is no guarantee that something like that cannot happen, so if the relationship has been a lovely one till now is it worth breaking up?
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b_e_b_e (f)
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@ banke Please don't get an abortion  breaks my heart that you think this is the best option to deal with your painI hope that you can mend the relationship with your sister  |
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Dauda (m)
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That's sad. Please don't kill the baby I beg you in the name of God. May He give you the wisdom to get through this.
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banke (f)
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my fiance now my ex came this morning and revealed a lot to me! he said my junior sister said many horrible things about me, things that are not real and things that i can never do, he was furious and he said he didn't know when he slept with her, he said he was ashmed of himself. Honestly dear nairaland's am more confused than before! i have called my junior sister to face my ex. is that decision proper. HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Seun (m)
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Your fiance is obviously a liar. He's trying to turn you against your sister instead of admitting his wrongs. Let's say that your sister said bad things about you - which I don't believe. How does that relate to having sex with her?
If I complain to you about your boyfriend to you does that mean the next thing is for you to have sex with me? What sort of twisted logic is that? The man is a scumbag and a liar. Dump him and forgive your sister. Blood is thicker than semen. His blaming your sister for everything betrays him.
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banke (f)
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SEUN are u advicing me not to hear both parties out?
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Seun (m)
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Listen to them separately so they'll be limited in the lies they can tell. Make sure there's a third party around to point out inconsistencies in their stories - you can't be objective judging by what you've gone through. The aim of talking to them is to be able to see through their lies. Don't make any decision yet, just collect facts. Bear in mind that both of them will be lying to you, but the fiance is going to tell more lies. Listen to them separately and more than once each.
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banke (f)
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OK. i will call them separately and arrange a meeting place for our discussion.
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banke (f)
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i have decided to have the meeting with them tomorrow's evening to allow me receive more advice from nairaland's readers. i need your advice!
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mamaput (f)
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Let them do the talking.
Its a good sign that both are ready to come .
Every pain goes
If you want to keep the baby do so. You are not the first woman to have a baby without a father.
Make it clear to them that its not about looking for who is guilty . But they should give you some good reasons for keeping the baby and for keeping in contact with both of them. Even if you don't marry again a baby needs a dad and an aunt.
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t4cash (m)
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he was furious and he said he didn't know when he slept with her, This boy na true player!!!!!! He knows that if you break the 11th commandment (i.e. Dont get caught) Deny Deny Deny. Reminds me of that Shaggy song "It wasnt me" |
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banke (f)
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t4cash you put some smiles in my lips for the first time after that incident. thank you.
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pearl2 (m)
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she said two months, not 7, there is no child to speak of. At this point, you must decide
Wrong! If u say u don't mind having abortion for whatever reason,just say that without dishonesty. At 2 months,the baby has its identity, even heart beat. Banke issues of this sought needs to be looked into not only for 2day , but 4 future purpose, if I was in your situation I would want to drop my past and move on to a better new life not carry on with the memories for the rest of my life, and mind you from generation to generation, I mean if u had wanted 2 be 100% holy u wouldn't have slept with d boy before marriage anyway, I do not believe an early abortion is killing , It is an unwanted pregnancy, an early stage blot clott , which still has d tendency of being shed as a normal period, Things can never remain the same with u both NATURALLY again, so why bring an innocent child into this? I think the victim here would be the unborn child who would suffer all the consequences and this would be the greatest sin 'because it goes on , Life goes on if u leave this boy, u need to cut all the attachments so u can be free , everyone has a right / choice to a lifetime joy, why should u give your baby up for adoption or turn into a single parent ? disabled, for the rest of your life all because of an irresponsible/unreliable man, it's all a matter of a decision on time, and, you'll get over it, time heals and, just be honest about it, Would this be your first abortion ?
Your logic is shoddy and horribly twisted. 'an early stage blood clot' is devoid of fact supported by science. There are countless women who had babies outside wedlock(as some have admitted on this forum) and they're happy today they kept their children looking back.It might be tough but it's worth it. |
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mamaput (f)
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Beyonce
I just readwhat you wrote again .
What you what to say is that a child without a father is not fit to live?
Am also raising my kids alone should i have poisoned them the day i got devoiced or given them away.?
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Rhodalyn (f)
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A sister is a sister a sister is a sister but not the one who betrays your sistership[is there a word as sistership?  ] |
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idiot (m)
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Wrong!
If u say u don't mind having abortion for whatever reason,just say that without dishonesty.
At 2 months,the baby has its identity, even heart beat.Your logic is shoddy and horribly twisted. 'an early stage blood clot' is devoid of fact supported by science.
There are countless women who had babies outside wedlock(as some have admitted on this forum) and they're happy today they kept their children looking back.It might be tough but it's worth it.
cancer cells have more life than the embryo at this pointdoesn't stop people from killing them with all their might |
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beyonce1 (f)
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Beyonce
I just readwhat you wrote again .
What you what to say is that a child without a father is not fit to live?
Am also raising my kids alone should i have poisoned them the day i got devoiced or given them away.?
@mamaput, Could u patiently re-read and digest what I wrote please ? do not let us confuse poor Banke the more at this stage , I never stated that a child with no father has no future but for God's sake, the child in question is UNBORN and this lady has to move on happily with no BAGGAGES or horrible memories of this lying cheat , why should she choose to be a single mother right from a stage where she can still decide and plan , with all due respect I am very sure you were happily married at a stage before things unfortunately went sour , she has a right to a blissful marital life too, not all men are bastards anyway, it's good for her to have discovered this now , may be it's just nature's way of warning her that there is a better man waiting out there , one more thing , most ladies before getting married pray so hard to God to give them their ordained husband,but when God intervenes and reveal hidden habits of the man we are actually planning to marry based on our fleshy decisions , then, , we start twisting, finding reasons and excuses for this exposed man , what a shame , |
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mamaput (f)
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Kill the UN born baby and pray hard to god.
Remove the baby of the bastard to make space for the baby of the non bastard.
or remove the baby for the in ten years to be bastard.
Any woman advicing an other woman to remove a baby is a very dangerous Woman in my eyes.
Its always better to let the mother make up her own mind what she wants .
Its easy to say get rid of it when its not us.
If one once to give advice them better the advantages and disadvantages of an abortion or being a single mother.
If Banke is a white woman you can't give her the same advice as you would give a Nigerian woman.
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nawah (f)
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THe crazy thing is that you got pregnant because you wanted the baby? Why put the life of the baby at stakenow?
You know you guys may patch up and even if you do not, you still have a lovely baby and a future ahead of you.
A woman with a child can go to school and get married and do everything she wants to as lon as she has the will.
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ronkeD (f)
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banke am not saying you should abort the baby but in London its not easy to be a single mother, you might not know it now but a time would come when you will be soooooooooo low!
about the guy i don't know where u started from and i don't know the kind of feeling you have for him but all the same its not advisable that you should carry on with the relationship.
about your so called sister------------------------ she can kill you( have you seen this movie blood sisters) if you haven't please check the film out and keep a very good distance with your sister.
God bless.
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mamaput (f)
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So thats the argument a film and a time to come.
Nobody says its easy.
Very often you are stranded. but you don't know if she has friends or a mum and dad to help out.
No too pregnancy are the same no two mothers are the same
No two sisters are the same at the end of the day one can say she "only" slept with the man
and gossiped.
I have had good friends that slept with my boyfriend at the end of a long day and long fight every one pretends nothing happened.
But if your sister is still a minor i hope not kick him out.
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pearl2 (m)
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cancer cells have more life than the embryo at this pointdoesn't stop people from killing them with all their might
That should count as one of the most truly idiotic,asinine statement ever uttered on this forum. How can you compare a life growing in the human body, the crown beauty of creation, a marvel even to modern science;something that many couples pray for and celebrate with joy and gratitude,how can you compare it with destructive cancer cells? The product of further division of cancer cells in its victim is death,whereas the product of further division of the embryo is life,the type you came from,no matter how you disparage it. Its a shameful ignorance or irresponsible mischief! |
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b_e_b_e (f)
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That should count as one of the most truly idiotic,asinine statement ever uttered on this forum.
How can you compare a life growing in the human body, the crown beauty of creation, a marvel even to modern science;something that many couples pray for and celebrate with joy and gratitude,how can you compare it with destructive cancer cells?
The product of further division of cancer cells in its victim is death,whereas the product of further division of the embryo is life,the type you came from,no matter how you disparage it.
Its a shameful ignorance or irresponsible mischief!
Well put! He acknowledges that he's an idiot, hence his name, so you just have to ignore his idiotic statements |
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Seun (m)
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Please let's stick to helping the original poster with what she's experiencing. These side arguments about abortion are not helpful.
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b_e_b_e (f)
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@ Seun reading your advice is the only hope i have, am 2 months gone, i have called my G.P to arrange a D&C or what do you suggest? She did ask for suggestions about this as well; therefore, she was bound to get comments that argued either way. These side arguments about abortion are not helpful. How can you be so sure? |
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Seun (m)
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Sorry.  |
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b_e_b_e (f)
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 It's ok! (Hugs!)
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Jackal (m)
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Banke,
I will advise u stay with your MAN if u still love HIM and keep your baby. Majority of em SISTERS condemning your fiance here have MONSTERS as husbands/boyfriends. There's nuthing new under the sun. Move on with your fiance and forgive your sister. What if it had happened after u have married him with 3 kids? Wld u leave your husband and kill all your children?
It is easy for people to say ABORT and DUMP because they are not in your shoes but there might be consequences later. You might NOT be able to bear children ever again and u will carry this mental torture to your grave. Besides, this baby is innocent and had nuthing to do with your sister's nymphomaniac tendencies. Why should the baby face a DEATH sentence of what it knows nuthing about. That's INJUSTICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A word is enough for the WISE,
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otokx (m)
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what is the difference between you and your sister seeing that you had sex before marriage? abortion is not an option in this case and i think as an adult you should sit down with your "MAN" and talk things over. Your kid sister should be counselled and then asked to go and seen no more. did this thing happen in nigeria?
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t4cash (m)
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Banke, I 'm happy I made you smile. Please let's stick to helping the original poster with what she's experiencing. These side arguments about abortion are not helpful.
'' I concur with Seun on the moral overgrandstanding posts. But i recommend adoption as better than abortion. Any adopted person will agree that it was better to have been adopted than to have been aborted. Its not about morality alone, its about being humane, why not make a childless family (and possible yourself) happier through your mistake. Somthing tells me that no matter the advice given here, you will end up going back to this boyfriend (and not telling us here  )Why? Women you people always say you want honesty but truth is you actually prefer to live on fantasy. He will tell you "the girl musta used Jazz", "she tripped and fell on my d**k", "I was helping her unzip her dress", "Ï wantd to demonstrate to her how to do it for her boyfriend", "I mistook her for you", whateva. And you know what, you will buy it. Why? because u love him  And being a woman, you have invested too much emotionally on your relationship. But one day, you will catch him again.  The truth is 99.9% of Nigerian men wil cheat. But some men go beyond cheating. these are the "dogs". This boy appears to be one (so far). So may I advise you that if you must take him back, make sure you teach him a lesson first. Like reporting him to his parents or something else he will never forget. So that next time, he will have a deterrent. |
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