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Etin (f)
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I have been on nairaland for sometime now and I have noticed a very disturbing pattern. Why is it when a an argument is being lost we result to abusive words or when someone has any opinion different from ours we insult them or shout them down. What happened to freedom of expression. It is this attitude of wanting to hear what suits us that breeds sycophants and makes our leaders lie to us. How exactly our we going to grow as a nation if the enlighten ones do not have basic respect other peoples opinion. This basic respect is the hallmark of civilised society
Let us decided on this forum not to dignify insults with any response no matter how tempting it might be.
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uche1 (m)
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Cuz we are hungry, NO GENTEL MAN IN LAGOS
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naija_diva (f)
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@ topic starter
thank you for addressing this issue. some people don't allow people to speak their mind. as soon as they see something they don't like, they start attacking. a lot of people think that nigerian women are abusive in speech but from what i see, it seems to me that the men are the ones using abusive speech. mostly, the only time a female is speaking harsh words is when someone uses harsh words on her first and then she has to defend herself.
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spora (m)
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Are Nairalanders abusive?
Have you ever witnessed a go-slow (traffic hold-up) scene or a former President talk?
It is then you will know, we are honourable (sorry, that word reminds me of our House Of Rep) enlightened and learned fellows reflecting the state of our fatherland having been conditioned by stress and frustration.
The truth is: an average Nigerian is aggressive, abusive and insulting, the educated ones inclusive. Na condition make crayfish bend my bros!
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hipernetix
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@poster
It depends on the kind of Nigerian you meet, and under what circumstances you meet them. If you catch a Nigerian at the right time, under the right circumstances, I think you will find they are some of the nicest people to be around.
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Ifeniyi22 (m)
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@ hipernetix
I second that
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naija_diva (f)
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Na condition make crayfish bend my bros! nigeria is not the only country in africa/world going through rough times but yet to me, in my opinion they are the meanest people. i rather hang out with non- nigerians than to hang with my very own people. |
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Kobojunkie
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@ topic starter
thank you for addressing this issue. some people don't allow people to speak their mind. as soon as they see something they don't like, they start attacking. a lot of people think that nigerian women are abusive in speech but from what i see, it seems to me that the men are the ones using abusive speech. mostly, the only time a female is speaking harsh words is when someone uses harsh words on her first and then she has to defend herself.
Please stop with the MALE vS FEMALE, BLACK vs WHITE rhetoric, |
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liftedone (f)
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I think looking at the society, one does not really have to go too far to find the reason why Nigerians are insulting. Hardly anything is working in the country. For example in Lagos, where I live, people cannot relax after a hard day's job because they spend hours in traffic everyday, even on weekends; the public transport system is a mess; incessant power outages means people have to rely on their noisy generators for light; you have to buy water; there are no jobs; general insecurity in the society; you read about politicians stealing money and you cannot have one proper meal a day. Many people are frustrated and they walk around with very short fuses. This makes them blow off at the touch of a button. The frustration stems from the vagaries they are exposed to on a daily basis. There is general discontent because of these things and one just needs to live in Nigeria to understand. Whether enlightened or not, we are all exposed to almost the same things and we vent our frustrations on one another, as if the other man is the enemy. It's a pretty sad situation, really.
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liftedone (f)
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And while I was typing my reply, the insults had started flying.  |
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hipernetix
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nigeria is not the only country in africa/world going through rough times but yet to me, in my opinion they are the meanest people. i rather hang out with non- nigerians than to hang with my very own people.
You are definitely hanging out with the wrong Nigerians  Nevertheless I don't think that makes Nigerians the meanest, you obviously haven't been involved in the meaner side associated with other cultures, because believe me there are some messed up people in the world, far worse than Nigerians  |
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pmdaboh (f)
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@ Poster
I enjoyed your comment, for I have noticed this on nairaland for some time. I write articles on nigeriansinamerica.com and nigerianmuse.com, and I have noticed the same pattern as well. To me, it is not a Nigerian trait, for that same trait is found in Americans and other people from various parts of the world who have different opinions about sensitive subjects. They also resort to profanity, shouting, rudeness, etc.
I believe if a person is not mature to accept that people (in your own familys, among friends, and co-workers) can and do actually feel differently about the same topic (sex, religion, marriage, divorce, etc.), they will resort to this type behavior. If a person resorts to cursing, name calling, prejudice attitudes just because someone "opens themselves up" and dares say how they actually feel about a subject, that is a sign that the invidivual is immature. Everyone should be respected as to their opinion--whether I agree with it or not. Sure some opinons evoke strong emotions (especially prejudice ones and male and female issues), but being able to handle what is being said, without becoming rude and nasty towards the other person is a sign of maturity and personal growth.
I took a harsh bashing from many Nigerians when I wrote the articles Rejected for Loving a Nigerian Man and Separated From the Motherland (wow!). The many prejudices that Nigerians said Americans had were displayed by their responses as they "bashed me harshly" for daring or opening myself up to my personal experiences I have dealt with when I became involved with and married a Nigerian man. Some of the respondees (Americans and Nigerians alike) began to attack one another. I think my articles could have won an award for being the most "controversarial", but that was not my intention. I felt like crying when I read the harsh, unfair, and horrible responses. I realized that as a writer, I must be able to "take what others have to say" when I willingly open up my life to others. Some people will really understand what I am trying to say, and others read it just to "pick it apart for criticism".
I do not want to be so immature that I cannot handle what others are saying--even if I do not agree with it. God help me to at least show respect to others as they are speaking, for I have been on the other end of the abusive reactions to what I had to say. It is not a good feeling!
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hipernetix
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I think looking at the society, one does not really have to go too far to find the reason why Nigerians are insultive. Hardly anything is working in the country. For example in Lagos, where I live, people cannot relax after a hard day's job because they spend hours in traffic everyday, even on weekends; the public transport system is a mess; incessant power outages means people have to rely on their noisy generators for light; you have to buy water; there are no jobs; general insecurity in the society; you read about politicians stealing money and you cannot have one proper meal a day. Many people are frustrated and they walk around with very short fuses. This makes them blow off at the touch of a button. The frustration stems from the vagaries they are exposed to on a daily basis. There is general discontent because of these things and one just needs to live in Nigeria to understand. Whether enlightened or not, we are all exposed to almost the same things and we vent our frustrations on one another, as if the other man is the enemy. It's a pretty sad situation, really.
You got a good point! Now going back to the thread topic, 'Why Are Nigerians So Abusive And Insultive?, does that mean even Nigerians that fall outside all of those constraints you highlighted above, are also abusive and insultive?
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boladez (m)
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I am of the opinion that our aggressive and rude behaviour stems from basic lack of etiquette , and this is a direct reflection of upbringing and culture. I would give a simple example, Some cultures believe its a sign of weakness for a man to say please or apologise especially to women. Similarly, many would result to insults to win arguments. I get so angry when our people howl on their phones in public, drive aggressively and display all that selfish and backward behavior without respect for their fellow men, Its sad  |
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nwando
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It's mainly the Nigerians living in Nigeria that have diarrhoea mouth  |
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BlkRaven (f)
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Etin
Your observations are spot on. Some people on Nairaland can start an argument in an empty room. However, there are many polite people here so it evens things out quite nicely.
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Scopium (m)
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It is not a Naija trait. Every other country does it. Sometimes when people won't let the angel in you voice out your opinion, they inadvertently give the demon in you all the room to operate and cursing or insults could be one of the easiest the mode of expression.
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naija_diva (f)
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Please stop with the MALE vS FEMALE, BLACK vs WHITE rhetoric,
thanks for making my point. and the attacking begins. |
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naija_diva (f)
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And while I was typing my reply, the insults had started flying. u noticed it too? |
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davidylan (m)
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when will the insults start flying on this thread? I can't wait.  |
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debosky (m)
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@ topic, a reason why these threads sometimes go off into abusive insults and the like is often due to derailment from the original topic of discourse. For example, we are trying to discuss a general abusive and insulting (no such word as 'insultive') tendencies of Nigerians on this forum. now a post by naija_diva (as she has the right to of course) states the problem from her own viewpoint, giving a 'males are worse than females' colouration to the initial topic. Now someone who is very emotional and not in agreement with the 'men are worse than the women' theory may jump on this, and before you know it, the insults start to fly left, right and center. This leads to a complete digression from the original line, a return to which would require an effort of gargantuan proportions. Simply put, once you appeal to the emotional side of people (and Nigerians are highly emotional) this makes a section of the rational center of the brain shut down, and you begin to see only anger, hatred and other qualities being displayed. In addition, instigators such as know how to seed this emotional response and actually enjoy watching the fights. It all comes down to the individual - will you allow an emotionally hurt and rampaging person lead you down that path or will you continue to reason in as rational and objective a manner as possible? the choice is yours |
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naija_diva (f)
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It's mainly the Nigerians living in Nigeria that have diarrhoea mouth i don't think so. nigerians outside nigeria like nigerians in america are rude. to me, i think nigerians in nigeria have a calmer tone when speaking but sometimes they can be too foward or "in your face", if you get me. they are just not afriad about what people think of them because if they did, i bet they would be calmer. look at asians and white people. because they don;t want people to see them as bad and crazy or whatever, they act calm. but a foreigner could care less as to who's watching them. |
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redsun (m)
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Check out AOL news comments and see the rednecks comments about african americans and blacks in general.What is civilized about civilization?brutality and hatred,most times abusive words are more descent that those who detest it,imagine george bush or tony blair saying F word is bad,when they make policies and decisions that destroys millipns of life everyday including children.Nigerians are not that abusive compare to an average english or american who can hardly make a sentence whithout cursing,fucking this,fucking that ,always under pressure due to in-born hatred and very selfish system.
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liftedone (f)
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@hypernix, I made my point. I think it's clear enough. I am here to learn as much as I am here to share my point of view. I don't have a monopoly of knowledge. Thank you.
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ifeanyi212
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the truth of the mater is that most of us lack educational background
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uspry1 (f)
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@redsun
Also check out other discussion forum other than Nairaland as well as craiglist's rave and rant section. Blog sites!!! Chatroom!!!
You can see lot of hate/abusive insult people posting there. Not only Nigerians, also asians, great ones, disabled people, etc they wrote hateful articles/postings about.
It is everywhere every place every site anywhere!!!
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debosky (m)
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@ redsun and usprpy
no one is saying Nigerians have some exclusivity when it comes to abuses and insulting, any human gathering will result in these traits being displayed.
The question is more of why are we SO abusive and insulting? - indicating it may be far more prevalent amongst Nigerians than it ought to be.
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hipernetix
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@liftedone @hypernix, I made my point. I think it's clear enough. I am here to learn as much as I am here to share my point of view. I don't have a monopoly of knowledge. Thank you.
Please don't take it personal, the question was not meant to be provocative, I was honestly asking, does that make all Nigerians abusive and insultive even if they are not faced with all those hardships you mentioned? And its hipernetix not hypernix! |
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BlkRaven (f)
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the truth of the mater is that most of us lack educational background
Ifeanyi212 Educational background plays a part but I think manners and emotional intelligence are also contributory factors. |
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uspry1 (f)
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@ poster and debosky
I disagreed with this posting, it sound like ONLY NIGERIANS are abusive and insulting.
All races in every genders and every countries/nationality do have abusive and insult due to traits or lack of manners or lack of education!
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omoge (f)
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@ nwando yes you are right bo. 90% of the guys on Nairaland are good at it. say something that's contrary to their own view and grandmama for village go suffer even the ones that are long dead. Not only nigerians, but most Nigerians are good at it. did i hear someone saying Nigerians in Nigeria have calmer tones?  which states/city make i go visit? uspry1, i won't touch craiglist not in my sleep  |
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naija_diva (f)
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did i hear someone saying Nigerians in Nigeria have calmer tones? which states/city make i go visit? yes i said it. i may be wrong but when relatives come to visit us from nigeria, their voice are so calm and soothing; they don't shout and they seem so much happier. but nigerians in america are so loud and rude and they let you know that they are struggling. but that's just my opionion. i haven't met every single nigerian out there. |
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