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ima1 (f)
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Well my entire wahala began when i told my parents and introduced my mum to the guy i want to marry and since then its been one headache after the other, well after i told my parents the trouble began with the entire nigeria tradition thing, parents want to investigate the guy i am marrying but wouldn't speak to this guy at all because they think they would be begging him to marry me, (thats the problem with having rich parents). (isn't it the guy that investigates the woman) i mean they want to control everything, i want a small wedding they want a huge one, i told them if they want a huge wedding they would pay for it because i just want to have a simple life. i mean everything went out of control to the point i stopped speaking with them or answering their calls, everytime they say we have given you our blessing but then do something else that contradicts what they said. i am really tired of everything to the point that i want to move far away where my parents would not be able to get intouch with me and live my life without them interferring.
and the worst part is that i am getting married before my senior sister, thats another issue because she feels like i am all in her face about it when i am not, it is frustrating. i decided to move the wedding until a year so my senior sister can find someone to get married to, but my parents saw that as an issue.
the latest one is my fiance is flying to Abuja for the first time to come see my parents, and they say they don't want to see him unless he comes with his family, im like this is bullshit, its frustrating. i asked them if they will be happy if i don't get married and they were being vague about it. i think its because they want to pick a rich husband for me and i am perfectly happy with my guy who isn't all that rich and i didn't marry him for his money. n i don't need anything from my parents
what should i do, i have 2 options in mind
1. call the wedding off and move far away n get married
2. go ahead with the wedding my way, if my parents don't like it then thats their problem, because they r not going to stop me from being happy.
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eezzy (f)
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Wow, what a dilemma over such a beautiful thing as a marriage.
You've already postponed the wedding so you have enough time to
talk to your parents and convince them about the kind of wedding you want.
If push comes to shove, talk to someone they respect and ask that person
to reason with them on your behalf. Best of luck sister.
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somze (m)
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Your parents should get to meet he's, there is nothing wrong with that. Statistics or atleast my word says a marriage is happier and has better chances of survival if both families fully support the couple. Listen to your parents, understand their fears, talk to your patner about it. Then you two should address those issues. I know how rich families can be frustrating but diplomacy is the key.  I hope it goes well for you and wish you all the happiness you truly deserve. |
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SwtNsoFLyy (f)
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You said, that he is flying to the states from Abuja, have you two met in person before? How did you meet him, and sustain such a long distance relationship? Dont be so quick to go against what your parents are saying, but just slow down the idea of marriage. Thats all u have to do for now to satisfy everyone involved , at least until you are SURE without a single doubt he is the one for you. During the meantime, when he visits,, pray that your parents will receive him for a a few hours at least, to meet & greet him,
Please tell us how WELL do you know your fiance? Marriage is such a beautiful and sacred covenant, and you want to make sure you are making the best decision possible. What type of work does he do in Naija? Who paid for his flight? How did he get his Visa to travel ? these are questions that help add balance to your parents concerns,
love & light,
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ima1 (f)
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thanks for your reply,
we met through a friend a year 5 months, engaged for 6 months i am in the US and he is in canada, we visit each other every 2 months and talk everyday, my mum met him when he proposed to me, he is paying for his flight, he is a canadian citizen - so i doubt he needs papers- he hasn't been to naija in ike 18 years, i have met n spoken to his family, who accept me and have welcomed me to their family, but mine are cold towards him, he didn't feel welcomed when he met my family, i do understand what marriage is about, n i know i am ready n he is the ONE, when i look at him, i see my future.
my parents didn't want me to postpond the wedding, so its set for January, n i can't wait to get it over with n start living my life peacefully
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SwtNsoFLyy (f)
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ok, sorry, i mis 'read' that you said he will be flying to meet your parents in Abuja, and not the opposite. If he is going to the extent of travelling to Abuja to meet your parents, says alot, and the fact that you KNOW without a doubt that he is the one, I would suggest you pray over it. If its meant to be, and u have your heart set on it, I think its wise to follow your heart. Parents sometimes can be abit harsh, but once they see him through the same lenses that you see him, and they get a taste of his genuine characther, they will SLOWLY come around. Your father will be able to better judge his character quicker than your mom, and if hes not genuine, your dad will let u know,
best wishes,
love & light,
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ima1 (f)
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thanks that helped alot
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linapeace (f)
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oh sister i know how u feel ,well it is not really easy to get married to a rich mans daughter, because they will always want their daughters to get married
from their class, a friend of mine withnessed the same problem and she has to go to the registrywith her husband and inlaws alone without her parents, all because he didn't fit in their class,
i will advice you to pray very well about it ,once you have the peace in your innerheart anytime u are with your fiance, or whenever you hear his voice ,then know that he is truely yours.
well your parents will want the party big because their friends(who they also attend their partys) will also attend.
If your guy has not visited your parents with his people ,then let him do so fastly, he should not go alone, if you are an igbo girl,then it is traditional that his people go with him,there is more respect to it than when he goes alone.
And your elder sister, has she agreed to what you told her? may be she is not ready now so i suggest you don't push her into marriage,or her guy has not yet proposed which she can force him to.
above all may God help you out in all your preparations wishing you all the best.
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ima1 (f)
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@ linapeace
thanks alot
i am from akwa ibom, i just want to introduce my guy to my parents before he brings his family to see mine, i really don't see any problem with that. does anyone?
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chika98
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Oh girl, Go ahead with the wedding jor! Move it because of your sista ke? Go ahead and do what makes you happy. It is YOUR day! I do hope your parents come around .
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spoilt (f)
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Go ahead and marry your man your way. Parents will always want to bully you into hijacking your wedding but you have to be no pushover. My parents wanted my wedding done their way it caused one big fight but i did not budge on the things i wanted. Dont wait for your sister her own time will come. I wish you the best
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olofinjeje
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Have you heard of that old proverb"MARRY IN HASTE,REPENT IN LEISURE", I may sound like a real mood killer here but I think you should let your family investigate and do whatever would put their mind at rest-if this chap wants to marry you He will understand that your family regard you as invaluable and are willing to go to any lenght to ensure that your marriage is at least a "good" thing.
I totally jettisoned my father's opinion and got married ,abroad-my way. My choice, my decision ,my way-If I knew then what I know now about my Hubby and family I would have run far away.But Stubborn little me ,living abroad thought I knew it all.At least if I was better informed then some shockers would have been better received.
Notwithstanding that unless your family are rude and nasty to your fiance and his family I think you should give them some latitude to "grill" your fiance well and do a background check.
Oh by the way in Nigeria, the wedding ceremony and all that it entails is not about you(just pick a really lovely dress,hose rings,bridesmaid/groomsmen-possibly decor of venue) and let your parents have their day.You can enjoy your anniversaries etc.But that wedding is not about you!!!!
I would advise you to just come home(about 10 days to the event) and enjoy yourself.
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chika98
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@olofinjeje . WDF? What kind of advice is this? Thread starter, Do what your heart wants you to do. Your parents are not the ones getting married. You are. It is your day! Enjoy it to the fullest
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ima1 (f)
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thank you all for your response, i spoke to my parents and we r working towards coming up with an understanding, i can't really control the fact that its going to be a big wedding because of my parents popularity, but i'll let u guys know what we come up with.  |
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somze (m)
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wow,
really nice to hear, i hope it all goes well dear.
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spoilt (f)
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invite us to the wedding. i like dressing up. |
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ima1 (f)
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invite us to the wedding. i like dressing up. your welcome to the wedding if you'll be in naija by jan 08 |
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spoilt (f)
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your welcome to the wedding if you'll be in naija by jan 08
''im leavin naija jan 5th of '08. not fair!  |
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ima1 (f)
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''im leavin naija jan 5th of '08. not fair! awww that sucks, are you in naija right now or leaving soon |
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spoilt (f)
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awww that sucks, are you in naija right now or leaving soon
still in the u.s will be in naija second week of december. can't wait!! |
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romeo (m)
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why is everybody coming home 2nd week of december? lol
This kind my parents get money, my parents Dey popular kind of wedding is enticing ohhh, hmm i want to come and chop and i'll be in naija till febuary 08
By the way i wish you a very sweet wedding dear
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ima1 (f)
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still in the u.s will be in naija second week of december. can't wait!! cool, r you going to be in Abuja or Lagos, i'll be in naija same time, in Abuja. |
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spoilt (f)
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im going to be everywhere. lagos, abuja, kaduna, uyo and port harcourt. |
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presido1 (m)
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will be till Feb. Abuja is my catchment area so please send my IV. can't wait to eat rich people food, never before in my lyf.
Abeg send IV.
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