Am I Doing The Right Being A Single Mum?!

@ Amie: Forget that guy! He sounds like a typical Nigerian man, that just loves to dominate, that's something you could well do without!

The fact that you're a single mother doesn't mean you're bad, neither does it mean your child would be any less loved. Just maintain contact with your ex, for the childs sake, and let them get to know each other.

But as far as getting married to the guy, please, don't! I can't see it working out, a guy that can disrespect your parents will disrespect you too, over the slightest issue. He sounds like the sort that'll provoke you into an arguement, just so he can put you down. It'll always be about him, I'm afraid.

Move on with your life, you'll find someone who'll treat you with the respect you deserve, it doesn't matter that you're a single mother, this isn't 1975, things have moved on, snd single parents are pretty common, and don't make you a pariah.

Depression is a serious affliction, please, see a doctor, who may either refer you fro counselling, or prescribe some medication for you short term.

I wish you the best of luck.

let me tell you something woman.
Sometimes its better to be alone than unhappy. He knows you want marriage. He'll continue to dangle that carrot before you. Let him leave!!   he wants things to be on his own terms because you are ashamed of having a child without being married? His child for that matter?  Quit playing with me! 
my dear, if he doesnt see your worth you should get astepping. Another man will want you, child and all!
When one man doesnt see your worth and treats you like a rag another will come, pick you up and treat you like a queen. Good luck to you oh my sister e no easy at all.

Gossssssssssssssssss!  I just love you Siena.  I am happy you as a guy brought up the "typical Nigerian guy" thing.  That was the first thing that came to my mind.  Another ill-brought up committment-phobia dude. How can someone just dissapear for 4 months knowing a lady is expecting his child?-----Just like that?---------- -----------   While we do not know the guy's side of the story, and would like to give him the benefit of the doubt--this is all too common and I have no problem believing that this can happen. It happens every day in Nigeria especially. 

When I log on to Nairaland--I always look for your posts, Siena.  You give sound advice no matter how trivial the topic might be.  You are one of the few------- < 0.000000001% that has some common sense around here with nothing but the utmost respect for yourself and others.  You are ma "HIRO NAKUMURA" Thank you very much for bringing joy to many here--including me of course .  You are always so supportive and you are truly a great person.  Lots of love Your responses really gladden my heart---Always!


@poster

Well, Just a few things to add to what my darling Siena said. 

Hold your head high and concentrate on the lives of you and your daughter.  It is not going to be easy at all with all the emotional ties you have to this dude.  But you will succeed.  You just have to find "a way" to do so and no one can help you with that---You are on your own baby.  You got yourself in this mess and you will have to dig yourself out sorry to say.  Get as much help as you can from your family members and move on with your life please.  Someday, this guy might have a place in your life if he truly deserves it--but not now.  You need a break to concentrate on you and your daughter.

The only thing I will beg you for is to stay away from other men as much as possible for now so you do not mess up your daughter's life.  If you were by yourself--I would not worry as much.  But with a young daughter, that becomes very tricky--with opportunities for a whole lot of problems--you know what I mean?  That depression thingy must go--no body is worth it.  Get rid of it please. Your baby girl needs you.

Please finish school, get a good job, devote time to your daughter then look for only healthy relationships--preferably young guys that are single dads too, so you can have something in common.  Single dads also have something at stake and would greatly compliment you. 

You might want to stay away from young irresponsible guys who would make history repeat itself--allow you to get yourself pregnant and take off--just to mess up your life further.  That would absolutely be devastating to have that happen a second time.   You might never recover since depression is already in the works now.  Get some good form of birth control pleasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!   Don't let another man use you as a "toilet".  Take some control over your body, sexuality, mental health, finances and physical health.


Good luck--You can do it!

What am saying is that everybody deserves to be happy.
If you are in a relationship and you are not happy, then leave if you have tried all to work it out and its not happening.
If you don't, u are laying a very bad foundation for that child - and just causing the child to be messed up emotionally.