Why Must Nigerians Abroad Marry Nigerians?

chinani have you been to any naija brother event in houston?

 @chinani
yeah, i went for the thanksgiving bash, it was not all that to me because grind entertainment had  party that night also, there

was so much drama and me going for their event for the first time i did not get a good impression,

@ wenasah

I know what you mean. I enjoy the parties w/ Naija Bro. (contracted) DJs (& the Bros themselves) more than I enjoy their parties. I don't go to the holiday ones either. Sorry you had a bad time!

Awww.  We treat white people very well in Nigeria.  Unfortunately, some parents will kick against the idea of a white daughter-in-law, and some men will dump any girl their parents don't approve of. 

Don't worry, your boyfriend would probably prefer to settle in Europe anyway and visit home at most every Christmas. 

Hey Dessi. You're right when you say that "easier does NOT mean BETTER". Everyone has problems and if you love someone  committ to them, and communicate than superficial differences like skin color don't matter. Of course, culture might matter so be sure to communicate and ask questions. The original poster for this thread is divorced from a white woman and lots of times parents think that if the son marries a white woman then there will be divorce, ignorant children who aren't disciplined or respectful. This is the fear. The extended family (cousins, uncles etc.) might feel like the wife is "distracting" the husband and turning him "away" from them. But lots of families think this of Nigerian/same ethnicity wives too.

I don't think you'll be treated badly in Nigeria. It might be lonely at first b/c people might view you as a "oyinbo" (white person or foriegnor) and you prolly can't speak pidgin English which is the lengua franca in casual settings. But  you'll adjust and you sound like you have a good attitude so that will help. You might want to settle in the UK though. It's English speaking, familiar to youas a European and has a large Nigerian community. The UK might be the best of both worlds.

I laughed when I read "i cannot imagine myself being with a white man anymore". The same thing happened to me when I dated a black American man. I couldn't see myself w/any of sort of man but that'll come to pass.

Good luck to you & your boyfriend. ***If you start your own thread you'll get more (better) responses to your questions.***

Dessi, Thats sad

You sound like a nice "Nigerian" girl. Yes you have become Nigerian even it was by your love for Nigeria. fact, you can claim to be more Nigerian than many of us who do not love that country.

Trust me, you will find love again. you will come to believe  that what he did you was a favour. Take heart and try to put it behind you.

OH MY GOD! IT WAS JOKE!!!!  Yes, here (in the US & Nigeria) we do have April Fool's Day but that is not a laughing matter!  Argh! Well, I'm happy for you. Let your boyfriend know that the joke was a very bad one! Keep on keeping on. Peace. 

Yeeeh it was the worst joke  , anyway yesterday i made to EACH friend of mine a very bad joke and they all was very angry on me , but finaly we was outside in town together , and my baby oga tryed to make me happy , because im still MAD on him 
Did u recieved some bad joke yesterday ? 

they likes them

they thinks they drop the doe more than the nigrian men

@topic
last time i checked, you can marry anyone you want.
but differences is what kills a marriage. little petty differences. its always easier when you roll with someone who understands your culture and sees things the way you do. if you decide to marry a 'foreigner' you should be ready to compromise because you know their ways are not our ways. 

Are parents omniscient? I don't think so! I have seen several marriages where the parents refused to agree with the choice of their children's spouse, but after the wedding they came to understand the person better & actually ended up getting along with him/her.

Sometimes, ignorance can be a contributing factor to their dissent.


Would things have turned out differently if the man had been Igbo? Like I always say, I have seen people from the same town or village get married & their marriages crashed less than three years afterwards & vice versa. I have also seen Naija folks marry from a totally different country, and those marriages stood the test of time & vice versa. Every marriage has its' own issues. It is how you resolve them, that matters. Simple!

I beg I don tire for all this talk. It is the content of a person's character that matters, not the colour of his skin, the ethnicity of his background, or the otdated criteria of his people.

Hello I am new to this site although I have browsed through here a few times to read some of your discussions.

I'll admit that I have always been interested in Nigerian culture. I enjoy watching Nigerian movies, music videos, and concerts because your people reminds me so much of my own. The body language, the dancing, the socializing and the many of the values remind me alot of my own culture.

I have a major dilemma though. I am in a relationship and very much in love with a man who was born and raised in United States by Nigerian parents. I was born and raised in the United States by West Indian parents. My big problem is that his parents hate me because I'm not Nigerian and this really hurts me. When I say hello to his Mom she acts as though she never hears me. When I say hello to his father he at least tries to be mannerable but still makes it obvious that he is not really please with my presence. I am an educated, intelligent, hard working, beautiful woman and I feel that I deserve better treatment from them than that. My mother shows him respect when he greets her because she respects the fact that he is someone's son she expects the same treatment in return, for me because I am her daughter.

My mother told me that a few years ago, a Nigerian man called her a slave child. I find it hard to not believe that many Nigerians including my mate's parents may share this view. Am I mistaken when I say that my ancestors are your ancestors? Mothers, Fathers, Children, Aunts, Uncles, Sisters, Brothers, and Grandparents were all separated during the slave trade. Some were stolen and some got left behind. Interestingly enough, the same "Slave Children" fought for equality and freedom through the Rebellions that went on in the America's and the Carribean Islands. They gave their lives to free the black man from bondage makiing it possible for Nigerians and other Africans to go to the appropriate embassies, get their visas, come to the US, Britain, France, Holland etc,

Here in the United States I meet tons of African people working, opening businesses, attending colleges and universities, and sending money back home to their families. Seems like everyone wants to have their own American dream. The problem is, many Africans don't consider people like me to be sisters and brothers. Slave children like Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Jesse Jackson, and Marcus Garvey risked their lives so that the whole black race would no longer be looked at as inferior. They risked their lives so that the KKK and racist whites here in American would stop murdering black people simply because of the color of our skin.

The slave child is the reason why any African person has the priviledge and the liberty to migrate or even travel to the America's and Europe. I believe we all deserve a bit more respect. It's a shame that I am judged by my Love's parents simply because I am not Nigerian. I am very hurt, and angry. Can some please explain the logic behind this to me. ?I know more about Nigerian than he does. When I ask him a question about Nigeria he never knows. His parents did not even teach him Ibo. They did a very bad job of teaching him his culture and now they expect him to leave me for a Nigerian woman. Wow!     

hmmmmmmmm Aiyesha,

You just have to understand that even in Nigeria, parents don't always agree if their son is going out with a lady from another tribe in their state or another state. Not to talk of from another country. But many time love conquers all. So if you really love your man, continue to be good to them. With time they will understand and leave you both alone. And if they don't show any understanding, it is left for you and your man to decide what you guys both want.

stay 

Your advice may work in the Islands but not amongst Nigerians.
We are into inlaws.
There is a bond between a Nigerian woman and her son that cannot be broken even by death,I have brothers so I know.

Aisha should work at having her man convince his parents that she is good for him,any attempt to say they don't matter will eventually backfire and he will resent her for distancing his parents from him.

The other thing his parents may not like about this girl would be if the relationship seems to have no serious future,by that I mean if they are just boyfriend and girlfriend,sleeping together with no plans of marriage,cohabiting,children out of wedlock,history of divorce on the girls side.There are many cultures that are still frowned at by our parents and I just mentioned a few.

Bottom line parents want the best for their children,sometimes of course they are overprotective,of course if we hear from this young mans parents,the story may be a little different.