Joke Time

 
The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband's lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely.

"I demand proper manners in bed," she declared, "just as I do at the dinner table!"

Amused by his wife's formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. "Is that better?" he asked, with a hint of a smile.

"Yes," replied the girl, "much better."

"Very good, darling," the husband whispered. "Now would you be so kind as to please pass the pussy."

       

 Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE? NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS, 

I'm sorry,  what did you ask me?
 
 

Two fellows have been at the bar now for quite a while, downing several mugs with abandon. They both look at the far end of the bar, in the direction of an unattractive woman who came in a while back.

The first fellow looks back at the second fellow and says, "Ya know, that woman is looking better and better, isn't she?"

The second fellow takes another look at the woman, then looks back at his friend and says, "well, I guess what they say is true, then, eh?"

The first fellow asks, "Well, what DO they say?" The second fellow answers, "Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder!"

TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU SEE IN MENS ROOM


EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.

SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.

CROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.

TIMID: Can't piss if someone's watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.

INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink.

CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor.

WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.

FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug.

ABSENT-MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.

CHILDISH: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.

SNEAK: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will get blamed.

PATIENT: Stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand.

DESPERATE: Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.

TOUGH: Bangs privates on side of urinal to dry it.

EFFICIENT: Waits until he has to crap, then does both.

FAT: Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shoe.

LITTLE: Stands on box, falls in, drowns.

DRUNK: Holds right thumb in left hand, pisses in pants.

DISGRUNTLED: Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.

CONCEITED: Holds two-inch privates like a baseball bat.

RADICAL: Ignores urinal. Pisses on wall.

         

contributions welcome

ehauh sis, how you doing? relates to sexuality so I tot why not ere?  lighten up the mood a bit.

why most nigerians can't take any banter??