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omoge (f)
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 hehehehe Dear college students, please graduate first, get married, stay married first, then come back and tell us about reading emails oh? 
This attitude of "be prepared for the worst" . . . will not be my own portion in marriage.
Iseeeeeee, amin why keep email from your better half if one does not have something fishy? do they still get email from that paddy?
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RichyBlacK (m)
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That is what Hollywood wants you to believe - that all humans are dishonest, liars, cheats, and need therapy and/or rehab. Good old traditional marriages, like those of our parents and grand-parents still exist, no matter how hard Hollywood wants you to believe otherwise. |
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almondjoy (f)
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i'm not comfortable with this seemingly nonchallant attitude to marriage. I don't want to believe that my attitude to my wife's privacy should be "i just don't care" . . . i cared enough to have married her and promised to spend the rest of my life with her eh.
I wouldnt be demanding for my wife's password, i expect that she should be able to give it to me if i shld ever need it for purposes different from me wanting to snoop on her.
I shld trust my wife to be enough to give her privacy, i shld also trust her enough to know that she will never keep anything away from me.
This attitude of "be prepared for the worst" . . . will not be my own portion in marriage. The bible tells me to love my wife as Christ loves the chruch, i don't think Christ ever told the church "i just don't care".
What I mean by I don't care is that--If a man does feels he does not want to be with me anymore--he needs to feel free. Please read between the lines. You do not need e-mails to tell you your marriage is over. It is not a "nonchalant" attitude. It is a way of letting you know that if you ever plan to get married, you should also plan to split--since the odds are 50/50 in the world now. If you must be a good cook--you must have scars to show for those years you spent in the kitchen. Experience will come to you, so be patient and stop reading too much romantic novels. I am sure everyone who went into marriage had a "wishful portion" too. Not necessarily what they got. So who is to say what "that portion" will be. All I am saying is be realistic and play your cards right. |
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RichyBlacK (m)
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hehehehe Iseeeeeee, amin why keep email from your better half if one does not have something fishy? do they still get email from that paddy? Abeg, thank you my sister. If my fiancé rejects the idea of COMPLETE transparency in our marriage, I'll know she's definitely up to something. |
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MoOdYLaDy (f)
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The way I see it is this. When some people have seen so many marriages crumble (very common in the "home of the brave"), they start to "arm" themselves for any eventualities in their own marriage. The trust is superficial at best, non-existent at worst, and the marriage reduces to "doing time" in some big house in, say, Dallas TX. When the alarm blows, the arsenals amassed will then be deployed. Many marriages have become some sort of armistice.
You couldn't have said it better |
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almondjoy (f)
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Once again, all I can say is good luck with your "portions". That is what Hollywood wants you to believe - that all humans are dishonest, liars, cheats, and need therapy and/or rehab.
Good old traditional marriages, like those of our parents and grand-parents still exist, no matter how hard Hollywood wants you to believe otherwise.
Sorry honey, this is the age of "ipods" and blue ray disc" marriages. I think plasma screens and HDTV marriages are getting old now. That your traditional one will be hard to find. But goodluck all the same. No wonder e-mails are the greatest problems most of you have. You are living in the ancient world. It might shock you to know that things will greatly change by the time most of you get married and my views would be the "oldest traditional" views when it gets to your turns -- say in about 5 years time. I am really sorry for you--for you have no idea what kind of world you will be settling into then. E-mails will be the least of your problems. Most of you are in for a real shocker! Like any of you can prevent the inevitable? |
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davidylan (m)
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What I mean by I don't care is that--If a man does feels he does not want to be with me anymore--he needs to feel free. Please read between the lines. You do not need e-mails to tell you your marriage is over.
It is not a "nonchalant" attitude. It is a way of letting you know that if you ever plan to get married, you should also plan to split--since the odds are 50/50 in the world now. If you must be a good cook--you must have scars to show for those years you spent in the kitchen. Experience will come to you, so be patient and stop reading too much romantic novels.
I am sure everyone who went into marriage had a "wishful portion" too. Not necessarily what they got. So who is to say what "that portion" will be. All I am saying is be realistic and play your cards right.
lol trust me, the last time i indulged in romantic novels was a decade ago. i'm not going into marriage planning to split, i may as well save myself the trouble and adopt kids. its funny how "being realistic" is now synonymous with expecting only the negative. |
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almondjoy (f)
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lol trust me, the last time i indulged in romantic novels was a decade ago. i'm not going into marriage planning to split, i may as well save myself the trouble and adopt kids.
its funny how
"being realistic" is now synonymous with expecting only the negative.
Who ever went into a marriage to split?  People change and things change davidylan and you cannot control those. You can only do your part. You can never control people no matter how many e-mail revelations you can dig up. It is not being negative--it is being wise about what you see happen around you and so you can be better prepared if such should be your "portion". Your screen name will still be active on Nairaland in about 5 years abi? Just come back and let us know how body! |
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davidylan (m)
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Who ever went into a marriage to split? People change and things change davidylan and you cannot control those. You can only do your part. You can never control people no matter how many e-mail revelations you can dig up. It is not being negative--it is being wise about what you see happen around you and so you can be better prepared if such should be your "portion". We can't keep letting things around us influence the way we view life. It makes logical sense to "prepare" yourself for the worst no thanks to the high rate of divorce but sometimes it takes a bit of determination to be different. I am made to be different, a light to my generation . . . that 30% of black males end up in US jails does not mean my wife to be shld start preparing that i will one day end up in jail. your screen name will still be active on Nairaland in about 5 years abi? Just come back and let us know how body! don't worry, you will join me in celebrating my life in 2yrs time. |
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RichyBlacK (m)
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Who ever went into a marriage to split? People change and things change davidylan and you cannot control those. You can only do your part. You can never control people no matter how many e-mail revelations you can dig up. It is not being negative--it is being wise about what you see happen around you and so you can be better prepared if such should be your "portion". Your screen name will still be active on Nairaland in about 5 years abi? Just come back and let us know how body! People change: true but nobody changes overnight; if it ever occurs (some people do not believe people change), change is gradual. Things change: Of course; but the real issue is your spouse's reaction to the change. I personally don't believe that people (grown ass men and women, aka adults) change, and that if they do change, it's only limited in degree (extent of change) and time (length of time they remain 'changed'). So, when getting into marriage, date your spouse for a while and use that period to try to understand him/her as best as possible - what you see is most likely what you'll get. |
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almondjoy (f)
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No long talk now. I say go and come back and let us know---no be for mouth oh! Please how many of you are paying your own fees without help from parents, government or "sugars"? You will be in a better position to appreciate picking battles worth fighting for if you land your first job and successfully pay mortgages without foreclosures in the first year of rental or ownership. Please come back and report to us. Keep snooping around "current" girlfriends' and boyfriends' e-mails looking for stuff. A no blame una. When una no get any body to ask you for "cereal and nintendo". I say una no get work. |
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aloib (f)
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hmmm, 3 of my friends have my mail passwords, my sister knows the passowrd i use to all my accounts,
why shuld i hide my email password from my husband,
depends on the person though, as far as i'm concerned, i wont be foolish enough to marry someone i don't trust or someone who wants to pocknose into everythn,
no big deal in people aving your passwords,
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davidylan (m)
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No long talk now. I say go and come back and let us know---no be for mouth oh! Please how many of you are paying your own fees without help from parents, government or "sugars". You will be in a better position to appreciate picking battles worth fighting for if you land your first job and successfully pay mortgages without foreclosures in the first year of rental or ownership. lol anyone reading your repostes would be tempted to think you started paying for your milk and feeding bottle the day you were born. You didnt become married the day you were born, you went through periods where you were reliant on others too so please allow us to go through our own moments without forever reminding us that you pay your mortgage without foreclosures. It gets boring listening to stuff like this every minute. Please come back and report to us. Keep snooping around "current" girlfriends' and boyfriends' e-mails looking for stuff. A no blame una. When una no get any body to ask you for "cereal and nintendo". I say una no get work. You are not the first person to get married. We have seen married couples, we have lived with many, we have shared experiences with our married friends, colleagues and family members. One thing i know, marriage is not a bed of roses, it is not the the bed of thorns that you describe it either. |
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almondjoy (f)
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hmmm, 3 of my friends have my mail passwords, my sister knows the passowrd i use to all my accounts,
why shuld i hide my email password from my husband,
depends on the person though, as far as i'm concerned, i wont be foolish enough to marry someone i don't trust or someone who wants to pocknose into everythn,
no big deal in people aving your passwords,
Welcome back aloib. Sure missed you. Still on topic--good for you. Please give your password to your pastor and all your husband's relatives too. Why is it important to you that this your whole "village" should have your password? What exactly is the thrill here?
lol anyone reading your repostes would be tempted to think you started paying for your milk and bottle the day you were born. You didnt become married the day you were born, you went through periods where you were reliant on others too so please allow us to go through our own moments without forever reminding us that you pay your mortgage without foreclosures.
It gets boring listening to stuff like this every minute.
You are not the first person to get married. We have seen married couples, we have lived with many, we have shared experiences with our married friends, colleagues and family members. One thing i know, marriage is not a bed of roses, it is not the the bed of thorns that you describe it either.
No ves sir! --it does not have to be a personal matter. I am not saying I am the first to get married. Just advising that before anyone discusses matters of marriage, one should be careful not to take certain things for granted you have not experienced yet. You really have no authority to do so.  All I am saying is that leave all these ideologies and when you get married come back and let us compare notes.  If you notice here all who have worn those shoes, advocate the need for privacy in any relationship--especially marriage. Do you think they are mad? Then single students constantly in "valentine" mood will come and be telling us about "having no privacy" in marriage and the need to share e-mails to show the world that we have nothing to hide. The reality of it all is that by the time you have lived a successful marriage--you will have had too many skeletons in your cupboard that the cupboard will eventually fall apart. Please when you have lived successfully in the same house for about 2 years without killing yourselves over whose turn it is to take out the thrash, then talk about sharing e-mail passwords. Most of you cannot even spend your weekend sleep over sessions without escaping for a breath of fresh air and you are talking of "no need for privacy" and living the ideal life of dreams in your mind. That is why we spend so much money celebrating one day in the year as "valentine's day". At some point in your relationship, you too will find that need for privacy--if not soonest--because everyday is definitely not valentine's day.  Oh, it is already boring listening to it and you are not even married yet? Yes oh! I have a lot to hide--so I can never share my e-mails with anybody. Totally off limits. And if you snoop--you do so at your own risk--just talk to your pastor about it not to me, since you got what you asked for. I no send!!!!!! |
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davidylan (m)
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@ almondjoy, i quite get your point. Even as an unmarried fellow sef there are times when i used to feel stiffled just having an ex hanging around or calling too frequently. I believe i'll cross that bridge when i get there. I havent formed a set-in-stone idea of whether i'D like to share every single thing in my marriage or not but as at present . . . i can only see advantages of being completely open and honest with your partner.
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saintchux (m)
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Still on topic--good for you. Please give your password to your pastor and all your husband's relatives too. Why is it important to you that this your whole "village" should have your password? What exactly is the thrill here? I no send!!!!!! If u can not share commmon email password, only God know what you will share with your husband. Why should I allow my self to experience everything other married couples have experienced before, you should learn from the experince of older couples. I advice you to join couples fellowship in your church. I invite to ours. We discuss marital issue there. If you attend couple fellowship, you won't have anything to hide, and you will hear other marital problem and solutions to it and you will not fall into that problems. Are advcing that we keep on re-iventing the wheel. All I am saying is that leave all these ideologies and when you get married come back and let us compare notes. If you notice here all who have worn those shoes, advocate the need for privacy in any relationship--especially marriage. Do you think they are mad? Then single students constantly in "valentine" mood will come and be telling us about "having no privacy" in marriage and the need to share e-mails to show the world that we have nothing to hide. The reality of it all is that by the time you have lived a successful marriage--you will have had too many skeletons in your cupboard that the cupboard will eventually fall apart. Please when you have lived successfully in the same house for about 2 years without killing yourselves over whose turn it is to take out the thrash, then talk about sharing e-mail passwords. Most of you cannot even spend your weekend sleep over sessions without escaping for a breath of fresh air and you are talking of "no need for privacy" and living the ideal life of dreams in your mind. I no send!!!!!! What privacy do someone I live in the same room, sleep in the same bed, change clothes in my presence, took bath with me requires. What privacy are you talking about? Please give us example may we do not understand. Yes oh! I have a lot to hide--so I can never share my e-mails with anybody. Totally off limits. And if you snoop--you do so at your own risk--just talk to your pastor about it not to me, since you got what you asked for. I no send!!!!!! Good for you. If what is in your e-mail can not be shared with your husband you claim to love, then it is not marriage or love you are in. If my wife hides anything from me, then she can kill me. She is the one that pack my parachute. |
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Bawss1 (m)
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In any relationship in which two people become one, the end result is two half people.
Why in the world do you want to read yourwife's emails, texts or answer her phone calls? It smacks of insecurity my man, and if she was up to something fishy reading her mails won't stop it. I think people enter into marriages with the wrong expectations!
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bolajibaok (m)
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@davidonly
why do u hate women so much ? how could u hate honeys as sweet as them?
besides r u here to date any of em? , someone said u just lost your chance for a potential date, potential indeed, lol
to all the girls , your boy does not need to ask u for your password , havent yall heard about password sniffers,password revealer and password spectators, u think people cannot hack passwords , besides your passwords are all over internet sites and username databases , u guys are very funny!
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Siena (m)
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So, how about couple without PC's, no email / cellphones?
Will you then decide you have to steam open your partner's letters?
Or sneak after them when they go out? Where will it end??
Couples cheated AND split up long before the influx of email and cellphones! These are mere "tools", but reading your partner's emails and texts will NOT save a marriage that's already in trouble!
She COULD give you her email password, but what about her work one? Are you going to demand the password to that one as well?
The most common reason people want their partner's email passwords, is because they don't trust them! All this "incase she / he forgets to read their email" is cobblers!
Invariably, after nosing through your partner's emails, and finding nothing, your brain WOULD create a different doubt, and you'll want to read his / her letters, and follow them to work on the sly.
Why stress yourself that much? Just call it a day, and find someone you can trust, if that's possible!
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mamaput (f)
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hmmm, 3 of my friends have my mail passwords, my sister knows the passowrd i use to all my accounts,
why shuld i hide my email password from my husband,
depends on the person though, as far as i'm concerned, i wont be foolish enough to marry someone i don't trust or someone who wants to pocknose into everythn,
no big deal in people aving your passwords,
many things have gone wrong when friends have passwords you never know what they can do when the friendship is over, I do not even have my kids passwords. you do not use your e mails for the same thing that an older married woman uses her own,. i have never ask them for it or even ask to read their mails. .it was one thing my husband sitting with me and reading my mails and another thing him having my password, that means he wants to spy on me. my kids also have the passwods to my online bank and my husband had my code nummber to my bank cards too. but then we shared one account. |
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mamaput (f)
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@davidonly
why do u hate women so much ? how could u hate honeys as sweet as them?
besides r u here to date any of em? , someone said u just lost your chance for a potential date, potential indeed, lol
to all the girls , your boy does not need to ask u for your password , havent yall heard about password sniffers,password revealer and password spectators, u think people cannot hack passwords , besides your passwords are all over internet sites and username databases , u guys are very funny!
i have two e mail addresses. on i use to regester my self the good old yahoo e mail. and then another one for my private use, you think i can give my family and boss some stupid Missy bla bla bla @ yahoo . my brother has a sort of joint email with his better half so both can open it even without password. i will never write him anythink too personal |
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Siena (m)
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Well said, Mama.
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lakeside4love (m)
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She will simply give u the password n open a new one, If she truly up to something n u keep pesterin her to give u her password,
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aloib (f)
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like i said, 3 of my friends have my pasword, how?? my dad called me once asking for someones email, i was in class, so i sent an sms to a friend and told her to check my email and send the adress imm, so because i feel someone would read my mails, i shuld hide my password from her, my friends are not even that stupid to start reading my mails, trust them and i knw what they can do, same as my sister, ive got all her passwords, but what do i gain reading her mails, she knws i wouldnt do such, depends on how u are wid the person, if u feel u aint free wid it. then don't give out your passwords,
like i said i wouldnbt be stupid to marry someone i can't trust, my husband shuld knw better than reading my mails,
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aloib (f)
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it all depends on ure relationship wid the person, i knw what my friends can do and knw which ones would read my mails, even if my best friends shuld read them no harm done, the last thing they would even do is blackmail me if we end our friendship, trust them to bits
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emelumgini (f)
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wow  must u know everything? 4 your wife to be hiding her password doesn't mean she have skeleton in her cupboard. so u don't need to disturb yourself over that. |
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mamaput (f)
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it all depends on ure relationship wid the person, i knw what my friends can do and knw which ones would read my mails, even if my best friends shuld read them no harm done, the last thing they would even do is blackmail me if we end our friendship, trust them to bits
trust me thats what they all say, i have a daughter about your age she gives nobody her pass word. my 2nd daughter 14 will not listen to me. but if any thing comes out of it i willjust close the account |
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mamaput (f)
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all goes well as long as you are till friends . i see it happening every day.
and when the shit hits the fan a www terror starts
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mamaput (f)
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this just happened to my daughter friend.
After she broke up with her boyfriend, he traced all her friends and mailed all of them. that this girl had been talking bad about them bla bla bla.
and this young girl was having to call all her friends or they were calling her for explanation.
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lilrukevwe (m)
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one step to destroy your relationship
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lilrukevwe (m)
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With all due respect mamaput i love the way u post sense of maturity lies there keep it up and please give urs those motherly advice keep them coming
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