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jerrymania (m)
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these are prevetion tips for parents with suspect male toddlers 
Early Child Development Homo Prevention Tips
1. A boy must not sit on a toilet unless he is having a bowel movement. Standing straight up, not hunched over while urinating, is a sign of manliness. Squatting on a toilet seat (especially if he hovers to avoid the urine of others or prissily wipes the seat with a square of toilet tissue) to pee is not only effeminate but a sign of shame! It is a secret hobby that homosexuals use in their daily lives. It is a scientific fact that when needing to use the restroom, a male is called upon to engage in the unpleasant undertaking of extruding a poopy in only 1 out of every 3 visits. But homosexuals use all three visits to practice squatting, to limber the cheeks of their bottom in preparation for even the most enormous (Negro) penises. Such calisthenics are neither necessary nor advisable for men who have no intention of squatting over an engorged privates. As soon as your child is able to walk on two feet, you must make that sure he is taught to stand proudly in front of a private or public toilet seat, and to speak not a word, especially in response to the coy whispers of Catholic priests in the next stall.
2. A boy must eat everything on his plate. But if your son pesters you to serve corn on the cob, hot dogs or sausages, that is your signal to change his diet. Try serving meals that more effectively evoke a hankering for the fragrant delights of the female genitalia. An artichoke stuffed with tuna fish will usually do the trick.
3. A boy must always wear socks, except while swimming. So-called, "flip-flops" and "sandals," where the toes and ankles are exposed are products that were created during the (homo)sexual revolution. Creation research indicates that these types of provocative "shoes," were invented by homosexuals in San Fransissyco during the late 1960's with fetishes for little boy ankles. Thwart the perverted delight of these pedo-pedophiles with a thick pair of tube socks!
4. A boy must not be allowed to watch cartoons of any kind. He should spend Saturday mornings sitting quietly by his Father's side (with a respectful 3" between the male bodies), watching sports that don't involved male leotards. He must watch Football, Basketball, Baseball and Boxing. Soccer is not a sport for civilized people and often results in alarmingly long, uncut penises escaping from very alluring satin shorts. Soccer appeals only to poor, uneducated halflings from underdeveloped countries where the women grow mustaches twice as fast as the men. Make your child aware of this. When there are no sports on TV, take your boy out in the backyard and throw the football or play catch with a very hard baseball. Under no circumstances: wrestle in shorts, especially if your son is strapping, handsome and sporting a noticeably turgid crotch.
5. A boy must not play with dolls. If your boy has a young sister, forbid him from entering her room except for the purposes of the type of ordinary heterosexual experimentation that occurs in any Christian household. If you catch your male child playing with dolls, Landover Baptist Child Psychologists recommended that you shave his head, and sit him out at the end of the driveway with a sign around his neck that says, "I'm a Sissy Boy Who Plays With Dolls – Mailman: Why don't you just go ahead and stick something in my mouth?." This method of prevention has a 99.5% success rate (unless your particular mailman is young and attractive).
6. A boy must not refer to his parents as "Mommy" or "Daddy." As soon as your boy is old enough to speak, he must be taught to call his Mother, "Ma," or "Momma" or "Mommie Dearest." When addressing his Father, he should refer to him as, "Sir," "Dad," or "Commander." "Mommy" and "Daddy" are what fey, spoiled boys weaned on effeminacy coo, embarrassing you in front of the neighbors by never keeping the palms of their hands below their waists.
7. A boy must always wear thick, white underwear. White boxers, and/or briefs are acceptable. Your child must be taught that men who wear colored underwear or undergarments that are cut within one inch of the outer periphery of their pubic region or the trough of the valley between the cheeks of their bottom are either European or Homosexual – and in America there is no difference between the two.
8. A boy must never cry or pout. Crying, pouting or showing feelings are weak and feminine traits. After the natural tears of infancy, brought on by a child's traumatic exit from the spiritual realm of Heaven, to the horrible shock every young man experiences in seeing his very own mother's hairy, dilated vagina, and into this Devil run world we call, "Earth," your boy must be taught to stop crying. It usually takes a normal child several weeks to get over its birth – even when using daily submersions into ice-water.If your child is still crying after three weeks, please drop him off at the Creation Science Laboratory for the remainder of the year and for a determination of whether he is worth having back.
9. A boy must not use brightly colored crayons or any crayons from any colors of a rainbow. Christian parents should remove and destroy any suspiciously colored crayons from their boy's box of Crayolas. This needs no explanation, as we here at Landover Baptist are all familiar with Mr. Crayola's so-called "alternate lifestyle," and his reason for putting "Pansy Pink" and "Engorged Penis Head Purple" into his boxes are quite obvious. A boy must also draw in straight lines. Some curves are fine, but if you suspect your child of "doodling," and see that he is using more curves than straight lines, please call your Pastor immediately.
10. A boy must not skip or prance. You must not allow your boy to attend any school where they teach the children to "skip," or play "hopscotch" in Physical Education class. Creation Scientists have proved that such activities are the precursor to cross-dressing, appreciation for poetry, a sardonic display of irony and the rampant shoplifting of skin care products.
Source: http://liberalchristians.blogspot.com/
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almondjoy (f)
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Goodluck.  I think you left out the biological or the genetic component of homosexuality. |
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olofinjeje
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I absolutely love this I am going to cut and send to everyone in my email contact-as a parent with all sons I guess I have given birth to raging homosexuals!!!! And my sons are just pretending to have crushes on girls.
Once again you have made me laugh this quiet sunday afternoon.Thank you.
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yimiton (f)
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I really hope you don't practice these on your sons. They might end up being the biggest homosexuals history ever recorded.
When you try this hard to stop a child from doing something, you're only pushing him to do it.
Good luck.
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girlie2000 (f)
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i think your measures are way too strict. we're talking about children hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! |
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Gamine (f)
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I think you left out the biological or the genetic component of homosexuality. There is no biological/genetical component the only compenent there is the Adamic component, the inherent sin nature which can only be taken care of by New Birth  goodluck. |
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ono (m)
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these are prevetion tips for parents with suspect male toddlers Soccer is not a sport for civilized people and often results in alarmingly long, uncut penises escaping from very alluring satin shorts. Soccer appeals only to poor, uneducated halflings from underdeveloped countries where the women grow mustaches twice as fast as the men. Make your child aware of this. When there are no sports on TV, take your boy out in the backyard and throw the football or play catch with a very hard baseball. Under no circumstances: wrestle in shorts, especially if your son is strapping, handsome and sporting a noticeably turgid crotch. Now, this is the one I don't understand. What has soccer got to do with homos? |
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whirlwind (f)
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Really really funny!!! I wonder if anyone believes this. It's just a way of raising retarded sons.
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smile007
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Well find him a Pussy  |
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anusule (m)
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live and let live
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anusule (m)
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Well find him a Pussy [/qu  |
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anusule (m)
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Well find him a Pussy |
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knzguru (m)
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Goodluck. I think you left out the biological or the genetic component of homosexuality. there's no biological or genetic component to homosexualiy |
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dtw_sola (m)
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It's funny how all of these only refer to male homosexuality. I guess being a lesbian is socially acceptable, and being a gay man isn't. It doesn't bother me too much though since I love watching lesbian porn.
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folahann (m)
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this seems more like a joke
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FactorChic (f)
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Who is talking about Biological/genetic components, so you are one of those that believe that crap about people born gay, so those foolish Nigerians that moved to TX or Canada at age 21 then turn gay, were they born that way too? Let's call a spade a spade, nobody is born gay! It's about choice, and also the way u're exposed to d society
and this post is just a big ol' pack of bull 4uck!
KIDS damn it! how can u be so hard on them just because u don't want them to be gay
it just like those parents hiding their girls from boys, the girl sneaks out and ends up pregnant, let them do what they want to do, u're a parent, it's your job to lead d children in d right way, not to be so strict, teach them what is right, stop following this crap that someone else wrote out of boredom, you do your part, let the child go out there and make his choice, I mean u can't be with him 24/7, do u know what he'll do in school??
PLS gimme a break, this is BS!
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FactorChic (f)
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See madness for number 4, a boy must not be allowed to watch cartoons of any kind??? What about u that wrote this post, didn't u watch cartoon when u were a kid? abi u no get TV? or u want to tell me there was nothing like "Homosexuality" when u were a kid??? Just so u know, Homo's have been i n existence since WAY back, that's d reason why God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, they were committing the act of Sodomy (Homosexuality), so don't come back and give me that crap about Homosexuality not being in existence 20 years ago or something.
Kids must not watch cartoon, I bet your kid will be one boring kid if u teach him all this nonsense, he will just end up being a kid with no sense of humor, it's like depriving the kid of his childhood
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debomb
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Lol, While i don't believe anyone is born gay, like factorchic rightly said, then again as parents we want to ensure that our kids don't grow up thinking being gay is a matter of sexual preference!( Its a freak of nature) I would say nip the bud just when you start getting suspicious on the way he behaves. Being hard and strict won't help but making him understand that a girl plays like a girl and a boy should behave like a boy!!!!  I hope i never see such when i become a parent! Gosh what would i do? Amen! |
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dtw_sola (m)
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this seems more like a joke
Yes it is a joke. That's why it's in the Jokes section. Landover Baptist is a fictitious interneet parody church that mocks Christian conservaties. Google them. A lot of their stuff is very funny. |
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datnigadaz (m)
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Jeremania , This is very funny, and you must have a good sense of humor to understand the pun intended, and that goes to a few in the thread that got it. However this is a typical american
humor, and totally lost on the typical Nigerian on this thread.
I don't know what is funnier, that they did not get it,
or their candid opinion regarding the article. I guess they didnt even know the message was a forwarded
funny spoof already circulating the net. I hope you understood the joke, or that will even be more hillarious.
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dtw_sola (m)
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, , so those foolish Nigerians that moved to TX or Canada at age 21 then turn gay, were they born that way too?, It's funny how some Nigerians like to pretend there are no homos in our country. That is a big fat lie. Trust me. I was in boarding house, and some of the guys I boarded with were certified homosexuals. I'm no genetecist so I don't know whether or not it is hereditary, but I don't see how that matters anyway. The homosexual taboo is greater in Nigeria and Africa than other western countries. This does not mean they don't exist, they are just repressed. It's all about the environment , that is why there are people like Justin Fashanu who was a full blooded Nigerian. |
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rowlandwhy
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Na wa,
I have just gone through this some points are seemed to be true while i disagree with some.
Can someone second these claims above?
Is there anything like genetic something in this case??
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nwando
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If you're a Christian lay hands daily on your boys right from the womb and declare holy things on them.
That is a start
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jfoxx
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When u copy and paste stuff that are written for or directed to a certain audience, you edit it. It is obvious that this is written by an American for Americans, see how he described soccer (our own football), you should fucking punch yourself for promoting ignorance. The europeans are crazy about soccer, they are not poor and their women don't grow facial hair faster than men, the naughter who wrote is talking about Africa and South America. I bet he is a racist who think people in Africa sleep on the top of trees. Shame on you for promoting his madness, practice what he wrote and lets see how your son will turn out.
I will advice people not to follow this instrument of gay advertisement as it will make your son one of the most gay people the world will ever produce.
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Suga_Lips (f)
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When u copy and paste stuff that are written for or directed to a certain audience, you edit it. It is obvious that this is written by an American for Americans, see how he described soccer (our own football), you should fucking punch yourself for promoting ignorance. The europeans are crazy about soccer, they are not poor and their women don't grow facial hair faster than men, the naughter who wrote is talking about Africa and South America. I bet he is a racist who think people in Africa sleep on the top of trees. Shame on you for promoting his madness, practice what he wrote and lets see how your son will turn out.
I will advice people not to follow this instrument of gay advertisement as it will make your son one of the most gay people the world will ever produce.
Stop tripping, man. It's just a joke. |
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Dalby (m)
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If you're a Christian lay hands daily on your boys right from the womb and declare holy things on them.
That is a start
What if you are not A lot of people talk the talk, but dot walk the walk  Na wa,
I have just gone through this some points are seemed to be true while i disagree with some.
Can someone second these claims above?
Is there anything like genetic something in this case??
I think so, they cannot help who they are  You coulld be gay and be in self denial until something triggers it off |
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speedo (m)
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Stop tripping, man. It's just a joke.
Yeah its a joke alright,but don't you think a racist joke tends to prove the "joker" is racist?
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naijaking1
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I hope people realize that this post is a big child development and psychology joke.
It addresses the most common urban myths in US without any scientific basis whatsoever.
It doesn't become gospel truth because it was written in America.
Bye the way, note it's in the entertainment/joke section, if it was real it would have appeared in the medical or science section.
So, don't get carried away guys.
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Chustar (m)
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Is this a joke? I hope it is a joke, oh! If anyone followed the rules listed there, their children would go crazy before their tenth birthday!
If it is a joke, then it is one the funniest things i've ever read!
if it is not a joke, then it is one of the scariest things i've ever read.
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jerrymania (m)
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its was moved from family thread to the joke thread. it might seem as a joke but it speaks volume man
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