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geegee (f)
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my nairalanders i bring this before u because
i can not be a judge and jury in my own court early this year
i was told i was hiv positive and i took it in good faith. i told
a few people in the family i thought they should know.i told my elder
sister who is an evangelist thinking with her knowledge of the bible she will understand and handle the situation well.
i also my 2 younger sisters who are also very close to me and my husband but that i didn't want my mum and my immediate senior sister to know because we are not close and don't have sisterly bond between us that i wanted
to keep it that way not because i don't like her just that we don't have a relationship as sisters. i know if the same had happen to her which i don't pray for i know she'll keep me in the dark.
i told her i didn't want my mum to know because of her health reasons, she has high blood pressure
and just recovered from stroke and will not be able to handle the news which she agreed, to my greatest surprise she
had told my mum and sister when they went visiting her at different times that i had HIV virus
and even told them not to let me know she had told them.i don't why she will do such a wicked thing and what right she has to play God with my life to make matters worse she is not even sorry for betraying me.i am not
ashamed of being HIV positive because i am healthy and alive and i will stay that way but i don't think it is an information that should be given to everyone except those u love,trust and feel comfortable with now my mum is worried sick,she looks at me now like i will die tomorrow. she cries at any given opportunity asking God why? and constantly reminiscing to herself
and that was what i was trying to avoid. this the reason people don't come out to say they are HIV positive not even to family members because you don't know who to trust with information regarding your health. sincerely right know i hate her from the dept of my heart and i think of nothing more than to infect all her four children with the virus and let me see how many people she will tell. i feel pain in my heart and my thought of her is filled with bitterness and revenge.i feel betrayed by someone i trusted most not just for cursing me pain for bringing sorrow to our mum
from that day she cease is to be my sister.
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ifyalways (f)
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dear me please forgiveness heals.its difficult but try to forgive her.
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iice (f)
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Sorry ohbut hard as it may be, try to forgive. . .
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olanajim (m)
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@poster,
this is indeed very serious. I really understand your feeling. Your sister had committed a big blunder. One, she is aggravating your mother's health. Two, she had created a domino effect whose end no one know. people she told would tell someone else and on it goes. Three, she had betrayed your trust. She is no more a sister to be trusted. If I want you to pay her tit for tat, I would asked you to give her the virus and let her experience the stigma she is putting you through. But, every deeds has reward. No man shall escape the judgement of God. I therefore urge you to forgive her from the depth of your heart. It is hard, but you can do it.
Let the dust settle first. Then find way of chatting her in private. Let her know the gravity of her offence. Let her know she hurt you. Whether she is apologetic or not is not your goal. Tell her you forgive her and leave her to God if she is not sorry.
Focus on your new life and begin your medication. You shall not die but live! I have a feeling that God would see you through.
We love you!
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geegee (f)
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thank u olanajim for your love and concern i just hope u understand how i feel,and what
she did is completely unacceptable, to think she is an evangelist makes it worse.
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olofinjeje
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You will find that the people we love the most have the greatest ability to hurt us. My dear dear Geegee you must forgive her.You must forgive her for you.
You see, hatred and bitterness will deprive you of moving forward and genuine contentment.
I will not bring the biblical aspect here(although highly relevant) but I will illustrate using real life experiences ,tried and tested,which was relevant yesterday ,is still relevant today and will be relevant tomorrow.
Siblings,families will always have the power which a stranger never has to touch us painfully or joyfully because by the sheer dint of nature we are forced together not by our choice like friends and colleagues.
Forgiveness will soothe your soul and calm your spirit-I have been down this road with my sister too(not an HIV situation ) and for 2 years I refused to acknowledge her or speak to her.I stopped showering her children with gifts and avoided her home. At the end of the day my sister has not changed but she was making me change .Becoming someone I was not ,acting irrationally-basically behaving worse than her and the effort to not do the things I normally do was actually more stressful for me.
I had to forgive her for ME,not because she changed.
Today ,I love my sister,I do not like her (note the difference)I try hard not to let her behaviour taint the relationship I have with her children and between our children.
But you must realise one thing you forgiving her may not change the type of person she is .so do not expect a reformed character-even if she calls her self n Evangelist!!!
Take care of your self,your health and find God.
You need to forgive her for YOU! for yousake -So you can move on with your life.She does not have to be your friend,you do not have to like her -But you must not expend time and unnecessary emotion hating and plotting revenge.
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olanajim (m)
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Geegee,
i have heard of the worst treatment from family members. I want you to know that nothing you do can change what had happened. Believe me, I understand your pain. I got worst treatment from my uncle but today, he was the one trying to meet me.
When people hurt your feeling, they may seem to be winning but they are losing. Let not the hurt and ill treatment of any kind from any quarter rob your peace of mind. While injuries can be inflicted from any angle, the injury of people close to us is the most painful. Yet, overcoming this injury is a gateway toward being immune against any further injury regardless of the source. Resolve therefore to overcome and not to be grounded by any attack. Employ wisdom where confrontation is imminent. Never let desire for revenge overwhelm you. It is sweetest revenge, when enemy is transformed to friend.
Your task now is how to convince your sister to shut up. And how to make her see reason why her action would hurt her more than you. For instance, is she planning a quick exit for your mum who already have bp? Didn't she know that she would equally share in the stigmatization when it assume full force?
Win your enemy over to your side. That is the best way to conquer her.
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mamaput (f)
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just suppose your mother found out from another source and knew your sister knew. what would she have told her.
When my mother fell sick , her brothers and sister warned me not to tell her but my grandmother found out and was mad at me for not telling her.
I see nothing wrong in what your sister did.
If at all you did someting wrong by trying to commit your sister to an omission that your mother would never have forgiven her.
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Nihil-ce-M
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@ poster
I am sorry for what happened but all the same: DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR ENGLISH. GOSH! PUNCTUATION MARKS ARE NOT MYTH. THEY DO EXIST!
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sweetberry (f)
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@ poster
I am sorry for what happened but all the same: DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR ENGLISH. GOSH! PUNCTUATION MARKS ARE NOT MYTH. THEY DO EXIST! smart ass either you have somethin relevant to say or get lost @ poster dear me please forgiveness heals.its difficult but try to forgive her.
I second the post by ifyalways. Try to forgive her |
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Nihil-ce-M
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smart ass either you have somethin relevant to say or get lost
Sorry but that issue concerning english is relevant to me. Many people might have got turned off my her poor english skills. I am just saying the truth.  But the fact remains that this thread is pointless in my opinion. What is she expecting from us? Pity? Because i don't see any advice that can be given. She hasn't come here to ask for opinions but rather to outlet her frustration about her sister. All we can say is "sorry, do, pele, things will be better, etc, " All useless things that won't contribute anything to her life. Since she and her sister were already having problems, i don't see what we can say to repair things. THIS THREAD IS JUST SELF-PITY. |
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blueband (m)
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@Nihil-ce-M-You talk of english language yet you are not better off.Read your last post and you will see your own mistakes.I beg of you to please take a hike and go and drown somewhere.I have never in my life been this angry by just reading an unsympathetic post like yours.The poster needs to air her views and in addition get some good advise.Do you know that sometimes the best advise you can get are from strangers who do not have an unbiaised view?
@Poster-Please ignore the views of people like Nihil-ce-M.I agree with you totally when you say your sister has betrayed your trust.You have the right to confide in people and take them into total confidence.In a developed society you could actually sue your sister and claim damages.I remember some years ago while I was working in the HIV Clinic of my hospital.A member of staff who knew a patient from back home in Zambia,went about telling her town's people she saw Ms XXX at the HIV clinic as a patient.Not only was this staff sacked,the hospital had to pay the patient about 100 thousand pounds in damages.Confidentiality is paramount and crucial to tackling HIV.I doff my hat for you.You even told some family members and you had good reasons not to tell everyone.Most so called christians(Evangelists) are hypocrites.They live their lives straight from the bible with no regards for the consequence of their actions.As far as your sister is concerned she has done nothing wrong.But to hold it against her will only burden you the more.You don't need that weight on your chest.Because you are HIV positive does not mean you will be sick or even fall ill next year or the year after.I have seen cases of some of patients who have been positive for 10 years and are not on ART!!!!
Be strong,don't rush into taking ART now.Get a good doctor who knows about HIV not your everyday panadol doctor.Generally we do not commence ART for patients until their CD4 count is below a certain level.And who knows you might be one of the first to benefit from a cure if it is ever found.Though not impossible.Above all,let me tell you something-with advances in medical health HIV is now a chronic disease,just like Hypertension and Diabetes.People are now able to live normal lives with the disease.I tell you this as someone who has worked in a HIV Clinic.So be positive and happy!Sorry if I have dwelled past the main reason of the post,but I just feel the information I have given might help other people.
And please,Nihil-ce-M,don't comment about my english.Just shut up.This is serious business here.
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Nihil-ce-M
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blue band
I am being unsympathetic? Why?
Because i have expressed my opinion?
I still remain of the idea that this thread is useless.
Sweetheart there is a difference between seeking advice and seeking pity.
I don't sympathize with pathetic people.
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blueband (m)
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1.I am not your sweetheart.Lets get that straight.And she has a right to seek pity.YOU ARE A LOSER.Get off this thread please.
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ifyalways (f)
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blue band
I am being unsympathetic? Why?
Because i have expressed my opinion?
I still remain of the idea that this thread is useless.
Sweetheart there is a difference between seeking advice and seeking pity.
I don't sympathize with pathetic people.
what is this i tem doing here?  ?  GET LOST please |
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geegee (f)
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@Nihil-ce-M for your information i did not post this thread to get your sympathy or any at that .this forum is a place where people can truly bear their heart and will get meaningful advice and obviously not from people like u.as for my English ,if u think it's not good enough for u,u can go eat some worm for all i care.
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geegee (f)
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@blueband thanks a million for you concern and to everyone who's given me good advice. i have started my treatment and
i haven't taken any of the ART drugs yet and i don't think i will. my CD4 count is 840 and my viral load is undetectable and i intend to stay that way so i don't want anyone putting me under pressure like what my sister did. it can affect one psychologically and it might affect one and once CD4 may drops.my doctor is a wonderful guy his name is Frances. i met him at HIV center in Lagos and ever since his been family and best friend. doctor,patient relationship is very important and i feel blessed to have him. my email is posted here i will like to read from u.thank u once again.
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omoge25 (f)
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@geegee glad that you are staying healthy, don't let this matter stress you just keep taking care of yourself, and your kids. For your mom, try and explain to her that you are healthy, your CD4+ is high and your viral load is low, I'm sure if you take time and explain to her these facts she will stop crying and lamenting and realize that her daughter will live a long and fullfiling life.
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Nihil-ce-M
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@ geegee
I can't believe you don't realize that everyone that has read this thread is thinking about you with compassion and condescension.
From what i have read from you post, this is what you were trying to avoid by not wanting your mother to know.
You claim to be strong and full of life but yet you allow your self to be an object of pity by these people.
Wake up and smell the coffee. This is not a place where you can say certain things.
Why would you allow total strangers to develop such feelings towards you especially if the idea of having your family feeling the same way hurts
you so much?
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wendymanda
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Do you know how you got the HIV?
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geegee (f)
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@wendymanda sincerely? i don't know,and it dosen't matter anymore.i took the test every 6 months with my husband after i found out my cousin infected his wife and throw her out, i did it because i want him to know im aware of the games men play, so that he'll be careful, and i was always negative but january this year i was positive.he is still as loving and supportive as ever.
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olanajim (m)
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Nihil ce-M,
I quite disagree with you that the language of geegee was meant to appeal to readers' compassion. Perhaps you read only a part of her post. Perhaps, you read it upside down. I also strongly disagree with you that everyone reading this is looking down on her. It is important for you to know that human being don't think or reason alike. From my knowledge of psychology, I could understand your frame of mind. You are speaking your mind which is good.
The issue had to do with the betrayal of trust by a family member. It does not matter what the subject matter was. One thing I can tell you is that it is not only on HIV matter that a close family member could betray trust.
By the way, HIVs carriers are better than some people. People with terminal illness like cancer are experiencing excruciating pains but we say little of their plights. We talk of HIVs carriers as if they are dead already. A carrier may not have the disease yet. Please do your research to know the difference. I admonish you strongly in your choice of language because, an innocent HIV carrier reading this would be psychologically affected by your negative words.
Fortunately, some people have God on their sides. Fortunately, the poster is well informed. No amount of negative expression from stinkin thinkin people can overwhelm their faith. To God be the glory at all time.
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geegee (f)
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@Nihil-ce-M
i am not claiming to be strong and healthy.i am strong and healthy. i meet people who are HIV+ and when they see me they say i give them hope, from the way i look they know HIV is not a death sentence like most people think. i didn't want my mum to know for her own good and not mine because, a lot of people are not well informed about HIV,AIDS and certainly do not know the difference. the issue of pity or self pity should not even arise,there are 10001 people out there who need pity not me. W.H.O make free drugs available for people with HIV,AIDS and we are many but i have never benefited from it why? because there are lots of people who are HIV+ who can not afford 3 meal a day how much more buy drugs, if the one given can not go round so, i chose to buy mine.these are the people who need your pity.
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Nihil-ce-M
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@ geegee
I am sorry girl for sounding rude to you. I am not a diplomatic type and I am very blunt with my opinions.
As Olanajim has said, I have just expressed my mind.
Anyways I wish you Good Luck!
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jkpretty (f)
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@ Poster i think u've solved half of your problem.
I like people who are strong to whatever they are facing & hopeful
God is your strength.
& to your sister u've just got to forgive, it may be hard, yeah true, but u will eventually have to. Ciao.
@Nihil-cem
Its really cool of u apologizing, good spirit!
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geegee (f)
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@Nihil-ce-M
you need not to apologies,that is why this forum is a place where we can give our opinion on issues be it good or bad.
i hold nothing against u,u were just expressing yourself and i respect that.
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Bossman (m)
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Sorry to hear about your plight. As others said, do not let the family issue stress you out more. What's more important is your health and you staying healthy as long as possible. And, it sounds like you've started in the right direction. Just follow whatever advice the doctor gives and take any prescribed medication.
This is very deep, and I commend you for being able to share it with the forum members.
Best of luck to you.
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