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pmdaboh (f)
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Come on now--all those months without sex! If his wife is not bedridden due to some condition she is experiencing during her pregnancy, then she has NO EXCUSE to withhold sex from him. If she can get up and dress and walk around the house and go out as needed, there is NO REASON physically that she cannot, or should deny her husband sex. She is not doing what she is suppose to do as a wife. and she is PUSHING him in the arms of another woman.
Let us not act like 5 months without sex is NO BIG DEAL, for most of us, normal healthy blooded humans, it is! Even if she has a low sex drive, she has a wife's responsibility to please her husband.
Now, I advise the husband to talk to his wife about the seriousness of his need--which I am shocked he allowed her to deny him for all those months without talking to her on a serious note a long time ago. If she does not want to have sex still, then she MUST TAKE some of the responsibiity if the husband cannot hold out sexually.
I am still waiting for my Nigerian husband to join me in the United States, and we married on January 4 of this year. I think it would be more resentful, to me, to live in the same house, call one another husband and wife, and be denied at that close proximity (that is ridiculous). For many woman, including myself, sex is heightened, due to the hormone changes (at least up until the very end of the pregnancy) during pregnancy. And even at that point, it has been said that "sex" can bring on labor.
The wife is neglient in her wifely sexual duties, and to me, she is responsibiity if he does cheat on her (yes, even though she is pregnant). If she does not have sex with him (and SHE IS ABLE to do so), how can she blame him if he gets it somewhere else. Even after the baby comes, the normal time period to wait (at least in America) until it is said to be safe to have sex again is 6 weeks. Now add that up, and see if it is ridiculous for him to be denied all that time. She is not wise at all!
I am not giving you the "Green Light" to jump into an adulterous affair either, but I am saying if it happens, the wife, to me, is MORE RESPONSIBLE due to her denying you in the first place.
Patricia
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pmdaboh (f)
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@Terminator
I TOTALLY AGREE! Sex is NOT AN OPTION in marriage. According to the word of God, one partner cannot (or shall I say should not) deny the other person EXCEPT it be by consent (for fasting). If a person has a low sex drive, they should tell their perspective fiance, so they can decide whether they want to live in a situation like that.
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spoilt (f)
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There are a thousand and one ways to Cotonou my dear sister,this wife may need a little help.
I will not say it even though I'm tempted to.
my sister i was soooo tempted to break it down but i'll just  . |
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nwando
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PMdaboh was the other smart relationship expert I had in mind.  There's another one I just forgot. Pmdaboh,I agree 100% with you. To a married man,sex is as serious as eating foo foo and egusi soup.
While the average woman eats 3 square meals a day the man needs a fourth.
It is just the truth of nature.We don't fully know this womans condition. I had a friend that was on complete bed rest for 7 months with absolutely no sex,not even fondling for 2 of her pregnancies. Infact her cervix was sewn shut due to her increased risk of miscarriage and she was required to stay in bed with her legs elevated most of the time until she had to be induced at 30 weeks. Thank God for my dear brother. He wanted his healthy babies so he co-perated but I'm sure it was tough. Having said that the above represents very few minute number of pregnancies.Most women do well with pregnancies. maybe the poster ought to tell us more. |
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Sweet T (m)
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@Poster You better leave your wife alone till she has the baby, i heard that unborn babies dey grab foreign object they see inside their mama's belly and sometimes even bite it. Read your Biology book, it's a defense mechanism against a rotten object like OKO ( Dick) !!  Just Wait olosi, oloko nla. |
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olanajim (m)
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Sweet T!
Very funny! You really break a rib here.
Maybe we should include that theory in Encyclopedia Nigerianical. What do you think?
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D328babe
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Quote from: Echidime on Yesterday at 03:50:34 PM Degradation of the Human race: You can't even live your short life without contaminating yourself with sex,In my Temple or church where I worship my GOD once your wife is pregnant no more sex till she put to bed,we use that auspicious months to worship our God with our mind,body and soul. Let your wife be and don't disturb her for she is heavily pregnant,and your here talking nonsence. I think A dog is better than you. No one want to have some spiritual disciple in his or her life that why people like you can't live your life without SEX. Who is this guy? some alien or something, what religion says u can't have sex with your wife while pregnant? oh ic you're from cameroon. strange people.
LOL!!!!! |
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debosky (m)
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Quote from: Echidime on Yesterday at 03:50:34 PM Degradation of the Human race: You can't even live your short life without contaminating yourself with sex, In my Temple or church where I worship my GOD once your wife is pregnant no more sex till she put to bed,we use that auspicious months to worship our God with our mind,body and soul.
Let your wife be and don't disturb her for she is heavily pregnant,and your here talking nonsence. I think A dog is better than you. No one want to have some spiritual disciple in his or her life that why people like you can't live your life without SEX. LOL!!!!! Na wa oh!!! So for 9 months the man should not have sex? That is how you 'over-spiri' people get yourselves in trouble. Where in the bible is it written that you shouldn't have sex when pregnant? So when you're having sex you're not 'worshipping mind body and soul'?  Abeg kill the hypocrisy, I'm not supporting adultery, but we are not to deny each other our bodies, except mutually agreed, and to devote to prayer. She is pregnant, but that is no excuse to deny him sex. Besides they can have other forms of sexual release even if she doesn't want intercourse. If we were meant to 'live without sex' then why did God create it All the years spent worshipping 'mind body and soul' without having sex before you got married nko? this is the silliest reasoning i've seen on this thread so far. |
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spoilt (f)
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In my Temple or church where I worship my GOD once your wife is pregnant no more sex till she put to bed
abeg which temple be that?  |
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omoge (f)
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@Poster You better leave your wife alone till she has the baby, i heard that unborn babies dey grab foreign object they see inside their mama's belly and sometimes even bite it. Read your Biology book, it's a defense mechanism against a rotten object like OKO ( Dick) !! Just Wait olosi, oloko nla. so funny |
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nwando
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abeg which temple be that? me too what temple is this that is basically pushing men to infidelity and what is their holy book? There's nothing I won't hear on this forum |
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cabali (m)
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Look who's talking about empathy. what I see here is selfishness. have u ever carried a baby 4 5months? want to know how that feels?
we all get married knowing about the period of pregnancy. we all planned 4 it. she must have her way but there is a way it can be planned. communication is of the essence here. se can be taiked into it. afteral, sex during pregnancy helps delivery a lot.
and for that green light, switch it off! u sleep with someone's wife, someone will, I bet u, sleep with urs and she will love it.
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Jairzinho (m)
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Many thnaks folks for all your contributions.
Sorry I had internet downtime over the wkend.
For further info: We have discussed this over the past months without any apparent headway,she loves me & I love her very much , I guess its hormonal like some one suggested.
When i even insinuated , I may get satisfaction elsewhere she was indifferent.
I will try to continue to 'hold body' for the next 4 months & try very hard to resist temptation,but I can assure you its not been easy.
Its our first.
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olanajim (m)
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It is your first? No wonder. I think you should be patience. Try doing things that keep your mind off sex. I am sure she is finding the experience a tough one. Adultery can't help you unless you want to practice polygamy.
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uchetobi (f)
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Show some pity oga, she is there carrying a bundle of joy for u and all u can think of is sex? Am amazed at what the world has become all of a sudden, this is your first child, are u not supposed to be all excited and looking forward to this gift from God, getting carried away in the sheer euphoria of it??? Taking care of her, cherishing her, attending to her every whim, indulging her? How can you be thinking of sticking it into another woman at this particular time of your lives? ? |
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uchetobi (f)
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Ok I typed my reply before I saw your response together, just hang in there alright, am sure 5 months of celibacy wont kill you, try to focus on the baby that’s coming, that should be enough to keep u going and pity her, be considerate because if pregnancy is anything like Menstrual period emotions of roller coaster den its not easy at all, be thankful, people have bn married 4 years and will gladly go on years of abstinence if only God will bless them with child, so keep your head up
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tinkerbery (f)
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try to hold body is not good enough guy,  you are still thinking it which is as good as doing it, its said that ' if we know how powerful our minds are, we would stop thinking any thing negative.' you need to start reading books on pregenancy for young Papas. and what Camali posted makes alot of sence. i am single does count me not experienced but not ignorant , i ve seen books on sex and pregenancy ( sorry can't recall any author names ) but the exist. go to good bookstores or even go online. and  get that attitude of 'lost her shape' from your mind. have you told her how beautiful she is of late? if you start and keep saying beautiful things to her, you would be surprised on how things would change, all the best man  and congrates before hand, she is carrying a gift for you not a mistake |
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weebee (f)
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If you love your wife and you know quite well that the baby she is carrying is yours you wont pay her back by cheating on her. She may never find out but God sees it and there is always a pay day.
So my brother don't do it. Just a single fling may ruin everything you have ever built Its not everybody that does a thing like this that goes free you may not be lucky in this case. Some women don't find being pregnant easy at all but I feel you should talk to her about it. Let her know your feelings and I know the tot of you having an affair would make her give in.She shoud give it a trial really its not as bad as she feels. Note: a woman in that condition needs a lot of petting, kissing, caressing bla bla bla to be on. So pregnancy or no pregnancy you should know what she likes and how to get her in the mood.
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julieto
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my dear,i understand how u feel.i am of the opinion like others that u should try n talk to your wife about it.i must tell u,getting into adultery will leave a spiritual spare on your marriage.i praise your courage for seeking advise from the house,some would ve finished the work before letting us know about it.women sometime could be unpredictable especially when they are expectant.what u need now is some understanding that will in future save your marriage.please brother,do try and talk things out with her.i belt u,she will reason with u.if u ve never being that close to her before now just for the sake of what is on ground,pretend n tell her your mind.i tell u it is not easy at all.an aduil staying without making love is like being imprisoned.
please take care
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patto01 (f)
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I actually feel for the poster and I guess you love your wife to have stayed for 5 months without sex. I give you the kudos for that. However, I will encourage and advice you not to venture into the act of adultery for whatever reason. Though I do not know the religion he belongs to, but speaking religiously as a christain, it is against God to commit adultery under any circumstances.
Also, I think you should discuss with the wife and find out why the new turn-out of things as regards to sex. Find out her fears, challenges and problems as regards to sex. Make the relationship more spicy with a lot of fun, love, care and fondling, etc. Gradually put her in the mood unknowingly and before you know, both of you are in the act. Do not start straigth given her the idea that it is all about wanting to have sex. I tell you the truth, you may not know or understand what she might be going through in this condition. For some women, it is not easy at all. The worst thing you can do to her now is cheating on her because, she needs all your attention, care and love. Going into any other relationship will mean less care, attention and all sorts.
Marriage is for better for worse, she was always there for you before now and this is not her fault or making of hers that she should be in this condition or feel the way she is feeling now. Like a poster said, if you find yourself in whatever situation(which is not primarily of your making) that hinders you temporarily from fulfiling this obligation to your wife for a period of time(may be as long or longer than this), will you justify her if she commits adultery against you. Do not allow yourself to be a tool against your marriage. Responsibility and decency is in the inside of a man and I want to believe you are a responsible and decent man. Talk to your wife, find out her probelms, challenges, get your doctor to talk to her if need be and try and be understandable with her and show empathy. Most importantly, if you really love your marraige and do not want to defile your marriage, talk to God about it and I am sure, there will be a better way out of it. Do not let yourself into the trap. Man may not see, but God sees.
Revelation 2: 22
Behold, I will cast her into a bed, and them that commit adultery with her into great tribulation, except they repent of their deeds. (you may not be alive to repent of this sin becomes to man knoweth the secong, minute or hour of his death moreso, when the enemy ahs achieved his wicked deed in the life of a man)
Exodus 20: 14
Thou shalt not commit adultery.
Proverbs 6: 32
But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.
Matthew 5: 28
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
In all we do in life, we should be guided by the Word of God. What does it profit you to have a fling and loose your soul. You have been warned this day by the word of God, neglect it not. I am sure you know these verses, this is only to bring them to your remembrance once again. May the good God help you and continue to be a loving husband to your wife.
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ThoniaSlim (f)
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@poster just saw your latest reply, its even your first child . abeg be patient with her, this is the first experience for her and the feeling might not be going down well with her, its completely normal. i remember when my cousin was pregnant for the first time, she changed completely, she became indifferent, always annoyed and complaining. her husband even complained to my senior aunties, but the older women told him to calm down, that its normal for her to feel that way during first pregnancy. but when she delivered she became her normal self. and the second time, she was different, she dealt with it better. so please try to understand her and give her all the support she needs. so its easier for her to bear. |
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Nautillus (m)
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@Poster
Just try to reason with your wife. I hope i can safely say that Your wife is registered with a hospital for anti natal and all, go see her doctor as soon as you can and explain your issues.
Sex during pregnancyonly in some exceptionsis very say and healthy.its even advised by the physichians to the couple have alot of good sex during this phase.
I'm quite sure that the doctors can help your situation.
as per the girl in the office, thats strickly your decisioncan't tell you 2 and can't tell you not 2. sorry
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amaikama (m)
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I really don't understand  I thought when a woman is pregnant, that when she need it the most compared to when she is not pregnant? Nature has a way of making life miserable for couples Poster, please call your wife to other. I won't suggest a family meeting to this issue make her understand you are going through more than hell sexually without her and she still not helping matters, well, you tried to be nice all this while but she is not seeing it. GO AND HELP YOUR SELF TO MAMA PUT OUTSIDE. when you come back, you will feel real fresh inside |
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benedo (m)
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Brother sounds like you just want people to rub urr head and ask you to go ahead and sleep with urr colleague or whoever, but plzzzzzzzz think twice before u do it  |
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D-carding (m)
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@ Prikie,
thanks for your valuable advise to the poster but in response to your advise that he should look for a distance someone to commit such act with.My question is as a Woman how would you feel if you heard that your Husband cheated on you?
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efuah (f)
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ROFLMAO some replies got me off my chair. . . .anyway, nothing more to add, some reasonale peeps in here have given the best advise. . . so far so good |
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jijo
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It is unfair for an affair. There aremany way in pregnant women to react when they are preg. It could be your wife is a sex hate type thts why all this problems is giving you a tough time. Take my advice be faithful, i know this is not how she is before.
An affair wil turn down your marriage because the more you start it wil be difficult for you to stop even when your wife deliver, then we go the cheating game between you guys. Jus talk to her, make understand. Hop you can take a stand and bear it.
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fei long (m)
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@ post Go and wank off in the bathroom, u have lux (ordinary babes), Dudu Osun (medicated Babes) and Ariel (hard core babes) and a whole lot more. help yourself young man! that's if u have not been wanking all these 5mnths with bare hands? lol |
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nuzo (m)
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"Marriage is for better for worse"
"marriage is spiritual"
"you should not have sex with your pregnant wife"
"you should not commit adultery"
"leave her alone because she is going to give you a bundle of joy"
"blah blah blah"
What about denying your partner sex? Is God okay with it too?
Some guys are even blasting the poster as if they could go without sex for a month, not to talk of 5 to 10 months. hypocrites
@Patricia D
You have said all. You were not sentimental about it.
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pelumy
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"you should not have sex with your pregnant wife"
haba then let her get me a temporary wife for that period ooo
thanks
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