In The Cyber Cafe

I am not very glad in going to Church these days especially on Sundays because everybody goes there in the morning hours. Personally I prefer midweek services as its not fashionble and different churches have different days for midweek services. The other day I saw a banner - "Get Pregnant in 90 Days", indeed specialization is now taking place in the "church". How about "Get Married in 3 months"? Feeling very sleepy, I hear tomorrow is prayer and fasting at church abi am I hallucinating?

The rain is falling and everything is becoming clearer including some people's character. Actually its my fault; in the name of "Born Again", I have been making excuses for mediocrity. Not any more though there is a function I have just activated called "delete" and it works well with the feminine specie. The presence of money does not make a man rich; mediocrity is also not a function of poverty. Went to Union Bank today at CTL Emporium to deposit some cash and was told my the cashier (not a banker) because that is really what she is to replace two notes that were mutilated. Now I had just withdrawn the same from UBA main branch on Olu Obasanjo. This short engine told me that if I did not replace the notes that I she will return the money to me, no need to make a scene, I complied promptly and left. Now my disdain for bankers, cashiers, security men and all manner of souls that work in the bank is not in doubt. Infact, I make sure I go to the bank, once a month to limit the number of bad days I have and its not like am going for a loan. Insult on top my money. United Bank of Africa plus Union Bank of Nigeria BEWARE.

Ever since I packed to my house, going to the market around 6pm just before they close shop has been a favorite past time. There was this time I believed that the University daily market was a good ground for razzling babes especially in the meat session but now I am looking at the wholesale sections because I like my babe to be prudent. Today is the end of my two weeks posting to training section and am going to enjoy a party in the neighbourhood - i hate teaching. Am getting ready by warming up with gongo aso by 9ice - bebe lo. I saw another poster - "Marriage is a possibility"; see pattern for some people. Men am just in this weekend mood, feel like shaking my body in the evening cool breeze and just now one ol chick dey ask me if i dey show for church.

After some days of darkness followed by scarcity of water and a little disturbance by some aggrieved student the authorities finally called it quits and closed the university down for "easter break" In any case there is a holiday on wednesday for muslims with their christian counterparts taking friday and monday in that order.  Was at home feeling very lonely when the public electricity was restored; actually went out to take some fresh air but noticed the presence of mosquitos which made me go inside. The weather is very nice but I just heard that a girl is crying because her boyfriend told her its over as she got her call up letter.  Its one of those things

This holiday has been something, church service was quite emotional with so much shouting. A lot of people are in need of miracles; they think its like magic or something. The weather has been quite cool with the sun not too hot though the absence of public electricity makes it a bit tedious. Back to the church; I have decided to "move the hands of God" , so here is my list a new job with one of the oil multinationals that guarantees my being based in Port Harcourt. The salary should be 6x what am earning now and then I should get married to my sweetheart (who is currently non existent) and all these within 12 calendar months. Now am expected by the formula to speak the word, act in faith, make Godly vows and praise God. I wish doing only one of the four will be able to achieve the expected end but well lets just forget about it. Jesus is everything, what is all this "gathering of spoils"? Catch me if you can like the ginger bread man; you better have your cat in hand because men

The weekend was going to be quite interesting; one of my little girls confided in me just a little and was quite unhappy. Why should a lecturer, married, single or divorced resort to harassing "small gals"? Funny part is when i used to call her, its either she is in one church program, lecture hall or at home cooking so I don't understand this "talk" of hers. In any case some of "these gals" really disturb men with their vital statistics. Anyway have to get over this rubbish lest it spoil my weekend. The presence of a heavy rain prevented me from going to town for choir rehearsals, spent most of the weekend browsing through TV stations but the most interesting part was listening to P Squares - Ifunanya, Nigerians musicians have come of age, the production was good.

Answer the phone by LEFT ear. Do not drink coffee TWICE a day. Do not take pills with COOL water. Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm. Reduce the amount of OILY food you consume. Drink more WATER in the morning, less at night. Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS. Do not use headphones/earphone for LONG period of time. Best sleeping time is from 10pm at night to 6am in the morning. Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping. When battery is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation is 1000 times.

Was talking with a friend the other day and she did not see anything wrong with doing her laundry maunally in the kitchen; i think that's weird. In my parents house we did not spit or brush in the kitchen sink. Tried to think of more gross things like brushing outside the house, in the toilet. Been visiting with a lot of friendly neighbours in the estate and getting acquainted; such a lovely bunch with their different dispositions.

Had the normal sunday lunch in my parents house, though it was fried meat and not chicken. The jollof rice was as peppery as ever but i also took cold bowl of corn flakes. Picked up my friend and went home, only to receive a phone call that some of the "boys" wanted to watch MANCHESTER vs ARSENAL. I had to leave the house for 9 Men of which only 1 was a MANCHESTER fan. Spent the later part of the evening visiting some of my lovely neighbours; even playing LUDO with 3 of them. Shun o, religion is really the occupation of most nigerians yet their daily lives show a different thing. Am looking forward to the coming week, though petrol is still >N90 but am going to enjoy myself as much as possible.

Since saturday when vice president Goodluck finished commissioning projects in the university and left there has been no public electricity. The school authorities initially tried to power the 3 campuses on sunday but by monday it appeared the diesel had finished so there was no light anywhere. By Tuesday they had got diesel from somewhere to power only 1 campus which houses the administrative complex leaving the main permanent site in total darkness. The students in the hostel resorted to fetching water from the nearby university teaching hospital.  My office is in the permanent site; we just go sign in and then start gisting; what a waste? We are supposed to be preparing the matriculation list via the internet but that one now will have to wait. Finally on thursday morning, the students in the permanent site went on a mini demonstration only to be "contained" by the university sponsored "man - o - war" group.

Decided to be a good boy and attend the requiem mass of my doctors dad on workers day. Some of my sisters also were going so it was quite hard to decide to change my mind as I will be driving them to St. Mary's down town. The weather has been very hot of late so using the a/c was not debatable. Went to shave at the barbers and then my fans all started calling, being a public holiday it was normal to expect them visitors. One of them wanted to come and watch a movie and this annoyed me because she should know better, infact she even flashed and i then called back. Its amazing what this girls do when you don't put your foot down. In any case i felt very "HOLY" coming out the church, no thanks to the amount of incense and candles they burnt. Actually got home with a headache and mild "wheezing" due to the fumes; in any case nothing will make me enter such a place again. My best friend came in the evening with some cakes which we consumed amidst plenty "girl" gist with some cold malt.

To eradicate "Ghost Workers" my employers are doing a staff audit which requires the issuance of cheques. The rain was very heavy and there was no electricity; thank God I repaired my leaking car sun roof yesterday. Got to work and it was just boring, decided to go to my parents house to change into some warm clothing and also follow up with a hot cup of milo. Got an sms that the audit team will be around by 2pm so i decided to get back to the office sooner. The electricity has been restored and a queue is formed to engage in the process and then to my surprise - the animal in man came out. See as some so called big people started jumping queue. One woman came to tell me that she has church meeting by 3pm so i should give her chance - "had to say a quick hail mary" then my department boss said our unit director asked him to attend a meeting by 3pm so i should give him chance, had to bite my lip and then another "big Man" did same and i was now besides myself. Then one cleaner came to try her chance - one look at my face and she had to behave her self. See as devil one take spoil my weekend eh, on sunday all this people will be in church.

Ever since I moved into my 2 bed room apartment; one of the rooms has not been in use. There is a problem in my neighbors bath tub that ensures that one of the walls in the unused smaller room is wet. The hand sink also needed changing which the caretaker promised to do all but its been 3 months now. The compound has been some how with some "grand standing" so I decided to get away back to my parents house; incidentally the house was going to be empty that saturday then the caretaker and plumber came knocking. There was no water, there has not been any electricity either so I wonder why he came at all, He came in and then opened the tap of the hand sink and said he will replace it next week then left. I too went about my enjoyment and returned back about 9pm to sit and gist with a neighbor till about 11pm only for me to open my door and get into my parlor then i realized i was "walking on water". Had to switch off the taps and start wondering. For sure there won't be any church for me tomorrow.

Examinations in the university start next week and everyone is trying to form serious student. Some are reading all night and as usual it appears the NEPA guys have switched off the campus. Churches on campus will have maximum student attendance today, even those who are going to "cheat" and "sort" need some form of divine blessing. The plumber was here again this weekend to change the hand sink only this time my house does not have water while others have. This JAMB people ensured that we stayed indoors and looking at what the minister was saying it appears the POST UME might soon be extinct but well this is Nigeria.

It was very obvious that the timing of the matriculation within the semester examinations was wrong notwithstanding that it was a weekday. Left the office and had to take many detours to get to my parents house which is within the same campus. Finally got home from one of them matric parties and not up to an hour i heard people shouting across the wall of my compound. Since am upstairs, i went to peep and saw about 9 boys, 2 of them carrying long riffles I presume to be "AK47". They had one boy at their mercy and proceeded to rob all passers by, taking one guys laptop in the process. Then they opened fire; the sound was like multiple lightning - one then said "no shaking, na vicky get uniport" and then from other areas came the sound of more shooting. This was about 6.15 in the evening, all the estates around proceeded to lock their gates. Phone calls revealed that they 2 students were shot dead at the Block A of Nelson Mandela Hostel right in the heart of the university. My sister; a doctor at the teaching hospital said they brought some bodies to the casualty, 8 dead, 1 shot in the abdomen, some without hands etc. My colleague said he ran into a cult mob armed to the teeth right in front of the administrative campus ans that he had to run very fast back into his office. All this happened between 6pm and 8pm and the school security plus the infamous man o war where no were to be seen though some 6 police patrol vehicles were spotted about 9pm within the 3 campuses.

I got home from church today and to my surprise there was light and everyone was indoors watching a movie. Found my bathroom in a mess as water was leaking from some where; the plumbing in the compound is quite substandard. Finally discovered the point of leaking and did some adjustment. Its like there are so many things to discover in the house. My shoes have developed so much mold, i just discovered 2 pairs in a drawer which i brought out cleaned and then took out to sun. Was about to start watching a movie then NEPA struck and so I decided to just relax and gist with my estate number 1. Thank God i stopped over from church at my parents house to have lunch, even at that am still feeling peckish so i consume some biscuits. She very soon leaves to get shawama at the administrative campus at which i go out to socialize.