|
annamaria
|
My ex left me abruptly for someone else. I took in it at the time and started immediately rebuilding my life and putting myself back together. I've gone into business which has been yielding some good fruits, thank God. I chose to forgive and let it all go and did not allow myself to be bugged down by all that happened. I made some entreaties for reconciliation because I thought 9 years was a long time to invest in a relationship and not have anything to show for it. In short, I've had to start life completely afresh and thanks to kind relatives, I've had a roof over my head for the past few months while recovering from the shock of the abrupt end of the relationship and doing my business as well. I met a married man who was very keen on me but because I made a vow not to date a married man, I just had to end the friendship. I've been socialising but I haven't really met anyone. The thing now is that for the past few weeks, I have been missing this man who was incredibly cruel to me. I can't tell my family because they saw first hand how cruelly the guy treated me, completely abandoned me to my fate and went off with a younger woman whom he impregnated and clandestinely married without even his family's consent. The madness now is that I miss him terribly because there was so much we had together, so much we shared. We had our unique jokes and sometimes I read stuff and he's the first person I'm thinking of sharing it with. I don't even know how I can be with another man, I can't even begin to imagine it, yet I know I just have to have faith. But I miss my ex. I still miss him. We hardly communicate with each other, just ocassional texts. I find that easier. We are both in the same town and I have not seen him since we parted over 6 months ago. I just can't seem to get him out of my head.
|
|
|
|
|
|
janami (f)
|
i feel u. Maybe the reason why u are missing him so much is because u have not allowed yourself to be close to another person like u were with ur ex. Try to make real friends and share things with them, u will find that u wont miss him so much again. maybe if u don't dwell on the thot of him so much, u won't miss him this much. Always know that u deserve beta, please forget him  |
|
|
|
|
|
aniffy4eva (m)
|
@ annamaria Its a cycle, After rejection, comes anger  , after anger comes frustration  , after frustration comes depression  , I'll advise you to look forward and be positive because you'll be surprised at what God has in store for you. I also suggest that you make more friends and spend time doing things like favours for other people. I think such deeds will help you think less about your hurts. My heart really goes out to you, but please put a smile on your face because' you are the greatest. |
|
|
|
|
|
moyosore85
|
since you've said that you wont date married men, why are you still thinkin about him?i know it's hard to move on sometimes and there are times that you will think about him-that's normal, but you have to cut them out. my advice for you is to cut contact with him completely.no texts, nothing. don't try to get into a relationship too fast;give yourself time to heal. you will be better for it. this is just my point of view.
|
|
|
|
|
|
annamaria
|
@moyosore85, I don't get your point. Please read and understand.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Vuitton (m)
|
My dear, kno how u feel. Ive experienced something similar and wot i hav to say is that u should face some realities of your situation. Though its nice that u are still cordial wit him, i think you should cut off the text messages so u forget him sooner, Remember- It can't work no more, at least by my standards. Focus on so many other things you are involved in and keep your heart and mind open for nice and good people. Cheers |
|
|
|
|
|
viceb
|
well come to me now
|
|
|
|
|
|
Iyanlax
|
@ Poster, I feel for your situation. Pele.
Seems you may have tried to run before walking in regards to getting over your loss. You probably know this already but your loss is a blessing in disguise. After 9 years he just left you for a younger model and got her pregnant and married her. I don't want to get your hopes up but that is a recipe for disaster, and in due course your ex will find his way back to you. However I'm sure the writing was already on the wall, and as people in love do, you decided to ignore these alarm bells.
Girl, no body can reject you if you accept you. Think about it! Congrats with the business and try yo keep your head up. 6 months is not time compared to 9 years, give your self time to heal positively, and ask yourself exactly what you miss about him - be HONEST with your self.
One love.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Nautillus (m)
|
Why do girl like purnishment?  1. He was CRUEL to you. 2. He left you for someone else. 3. The new girl has his child and they are married. 4. AND YOU MISS HIM, ? hah, i don't get it |
|
|
|
|
|
wahome
|
Its happened to me too.But as one have said try to make good friends with other and u will forget him
|
|
|
|
|
|
NaJa HaJe (f)
|
am worried you're still texting him!!! or allowing him to keep contact!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Terminator
|
It is easier said than done, don't do this or do that. What i advice is that you see a relationship counsellor to do some work with you. I do some therapy work with clients who have complex problems and it works. Nine years rship is no joke to lose. The issues that come with such a lost is more than forget it and move on, it can be carried over to another rship and begin to strain it. You might find it difficult to trust people, find expressing yourself with others difficult and be more cagy or may be easily irritable. The problems goes on and on. I wish I can provide such a service for you but that will be difficult.
The therapy will work on areas that you might not feel are contributory to your present predicament. I don't know ur location but i think there should be such a service where you are but they can be expensive. But your mental health is more important than any other issue.
I wish you well.
|
|
|
|
|
|
annamaria
|
Thank you all for your responses. I appreciate you all.
@iyanlax, you are right, I'm just coming to terms with everything. My shock absorbers seem to have worn off. So I'll take it day by day and try to give myself time to heal.
@Louis Vuitton, annyfy4eva and janami and wahome, I appreciate your encouragement.
@Naja Haje and Nautillus, I know what you mean. I tire for myself sometimes.
@Terminator, someone once suggested I see a psychiatrist. I have actually been reading many self help books and praying. I would consider christian counselling if I could find good relationship counsellors.
Thank you all so very much. I feel better now that I've let it out. I was carrying the burden myself and sharing it with you has made it lighter. God bless you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Terminator
|
You don't need a psychiatrist. You need to see a psychologist. Psychiatrist deals with Mental illnesses which i don't believe suffer 4m presently. Some psychiatrists are trained in psychotherapy and will be able to use the technique in psychotherapy to help.
The fact that you ve expressed your emotions on a forum like this is therapeutic in itself, but i think you need some work to learn coping stragies and deal with negative automatic thoughts that perpetuate the feelings you experience. Since u ve been reading I suggest u read any book on Cognitive Analytic theory or Cognitive behavioural therapy. You will be able to learn more about yourself.
It is well with you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
davidylan (m)
|
to those who are quick to condemn . . . 9yrs is NO joke! Its not so easy to just "move on" after building your life around one individual for 9yrs.
But madam maria, what were you doing for 9yrs . . . why didnt you guys get married? That was just too long. wow!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sweet T (m)
|
@Annamaria
Hey sweetheart, you have to be a real kind hearted one to be missing him. I am in the same shoe as you are. Mine was 10 years, first love kind of thing. I ended the relationship because of her insincerity complex with family palaver. I miss her a whole lot but i know that that chapter of my life is closed as she is married now and i am in a new relationship with a much younger woman from the same area as my ex was. And by the grace of God, i will make this new woman in my life the happiest woman on earth one day. So my point is, sweetheart please move on, let go and let God! Enjoy your life and turn the page to a new chapter, because i've come to realize that "The best revenge in life is to lead a good life".
|
|
|
|
|
|
ikamefa (f)
|
to those who are quick to condemn . . . 9yrs is NO joke! Its not so easy to just "move on" after building your life around one individual for 9yrs.
But madam maria, what were you doing for 9yrs . . . why didn't you guys get married? That was just too long. wow!
true that!  9 years? its almost as if you guys were married just without the legalities! 9 years is no joke! cut him off completely no texting , no phone-calls nada! (easier said than done right?) give yourself time to heal,there is no use rushing into a rebound relationship, see counselor/s as the case may be like @terminator suggested surround your self with friends and family (peeps who understand and are ready to help you heal) take life one day at a time! good Luck! congrats! on your new bixnix! |
|
|
|
|
|
monisoola (f)
|
@ All posters; they’ve said it all.
Like the saying ‘every disappointment is a blessing in disguise’. I know 9yrs aint no joke but Look on the brighter side of this issue, God may be telling you something. Believe God will never take what is yours and will benefit you away from you. Move on and Cut all contacts with him, at least for now as talking to him or messaging him will make you think of him. he‘s no longer a part of you. Meet new people and most importantly pray to God. U will find someone special soon. I wish you the best.
|
|
|
|
|
|
c_blow (m)
|
hmm, na wah oh  |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
![Nairaland [Nigerian Forum] Home](http://www.nairaland.com/Themes/default/images/english/home.gif)
Author
