The Story Of My Life

hey my people in nairaland. i just want to keep you busy with htis story am about to introduce to you,there are alot of suspens in it but as the proverb goes the paitent dog eat the fastest meat. i know you don't really have time but a glance will make you want to read more.
    the start
CAST
UCHE -a banker
AUSTIN- a producer
LOLA- a yourba girl and uches finacee
BITY- AN ACTRESS
SANDRA- AN ACTRESS.
MR DELE-LOLA"S FATHER
MRS DELLE THE MOTHER
MR EZE UCHE FATHER
MRS EZE THE MOTHER.

                                  EP-1MVT-1
LOCATION-city, uche"s room
SET-interior,day
CHARACTERS-uche and lola.
camera opens on lola approaching uche"s door,geting to the door she knocked.

LOLA- is anybody at home{as she turned the handle of the door}

UCHE-{echoed from inside} who is that ?am coming please.{he opened the door and shouted with ecitement} hea my ange you are ready here.{lola noded her head} come in please.
{they entered insider and uche offered her a sit }my princees sit down

LOLA-thank you honey.you just happy whats up, did you win lottery? or visa /

UCHE- my angel seeing you alone gives happy let alone when i have an egg to break before you.

LOLA-{ajusted and sit out from the sit} did you buy egg?who told you want to to eat egg?
   
UCHE-my babe there is somethong want to to tell you, just promise me you will agree with me.

LOLA- you know am temptest when i want to hear a new jist. so whats happen

UCHE-{sit close to her } my love i want to as you for one favour and i know you wil do it.i had being loking for a way to call this our relationship a name so i want to declear my intentions i want you to be my wife

LOLA-{cleared her throat and smiled} you are the best thing that has happen to me. why wont i , i wil you honey.{uche hug her }
                           fade out.
this is just an introduction and for those of you who want a format of a script this is one.my mission to nairaland is to contribute to the life of my fellow naialanders by giving them what i gat.
watch out for more.

i had a hard time understanding the language, and i think you ended the excerpt way too early,  nothing of particular interest happened!

also: never start a script with a list of the dramatis personae,  introduce the characters in the body of the script, and introduce them with action,  SHOW us their characteristics, don't TELL us!

dustiniyke,

what powerofmap said was actually correct,  and you were wrong.

it's probably better to just humbly accept the correction and improve yourself from it, rather than becoming defensive. we're all trying to learn here, right?

the story of your life is boring.
the same concept, format ,story line,
abeg, create some thing new

dustiniyke,

i don't think i am impressed with your work. from the short excerpt there does not seem to be anything interesting in it.