Ekiti-ijebu Romance

This story is quite touching and true because i ve been there.
I used to have this galfriend from Ijebu, i am from Ondo state, we were so much in love, liked each other like a brother would a sister, the closeness and love was just too strong.
my parent opposed the affair, thou not strongly, the major problem was her dad. This man used to be on good talking and greeting terms with me until he got to know i am from Ondo. The hatred he now had for was second to non.
He called me one day on told me to stop coming to His house to see his daughter! He equally gave same matching order to the daughter, as in, he doesnt want to see us togerther.
It got so bad that we had to meet far away from where we both stay discreetly. we couldnt take it anymore and we had to part amicable. we still talk every now and then despite the fact that shes married now. Her hubby even knows about me.
I have an uncle who married an Ijebu lady, they have been married since 1975, yet my extended family never embraced her as a daughter inlaw. She has no friend within our family, i mean the older generation. Its so bad, that if we are going to my home town for a family occasion, she packs all she needs - food and even water for the period she will be there, the distrust is that bad.

@ poster,
except u guys are ready to sacrifice and cut ties with family for love sake until they come to terms with your being together, its better to part amicable.

@all
What is it with Ijebu and Ondo/Ekiti? y d hatred/

@ topic i feel for you

its 2008 meeeeeeeen!  ethnicity and  tribe issues should not hinder peeps anymore


word! if i was in the same situation the above is what i would do.



really can't say jare ! they say: you fear what you don't know or understand most!
should we call this trend rivalry or pure ignorance? 

i wonder sometimes
whats wrong with us
y the inter-marrying probs?

can't we just b ONE!!!!
it should start from You and I
what will u tell your children to do
because of what has happened to u.
it starts with our generation.
and from nairaland forumites!!!

i am from Ekiti state, actually there's this wierd thing between Ekiti/Ondo and the ijebus.its like it doesn't realy work out. i used to hav an Aunt that married an Ijebu man,though she's late now, the marriage was traumatic which eventually led 2 her death. the hatred has just being there.

When u marry an african man, u marry the whole family. Its a t6ugh decision.

I mean, an Ijebu is always an Ijebu

Miss Reese,

Was your guy really and truly ready to marry you? Was the love he had for you deep enough to withstand shock and tremors? If his love for you was deep enough, he would have gone the whole hog and married you.

Look parents are human beings. By the time you get other friends, elders, church members, pastors, neighbours etc., to appeal to them, they would change their minds. Pray hard about it, as well. Or are you saying God cannot change their minds or quench the opposition? By the time they see how determined the guy is, to win you over, stand by you and care for you, they would have a change of heart. Other couples have gone through more serious objections from their family, yet they have prevailed at the end of the day, and things worked out. The problem is that these days, people are ready to throw in the towel at the first sign of opposition, which is sad. I know a couple whose parents objected to their wedding initially, on similar grounds. At the end of the day, after much appeals, the families came round. Now, they attend our church and have been married for almost 40 years! It took them two years to get parental consent. I know too many people would have called it quits after 3 months of opposition to their relationship.

Look, what is most important, is for you to marry whom God has chosen for you.

It is also extremely important for you to study the character of the person you are dating. Can his love for you withstand the storm of life? What did your boyfriend do, to change the minds of his parents before throwing in the towel?

Look, I have seen some folks from Akure/Ondo/Ekiti/Akoko married to Ijebu people, and their marriages worked out. I have also seen some couples from these areas get married, and things didn't work out between them. At the end of the day, what caused their differences was not their sub-tribal differences, but several other factors e.g incompatibility, lack of understanding, poor finances etc. People can come from the same ethnic group, speak the same dialect and yet, their marraiges can still crash. Or haven't you seen it happening before?

When a woman marries a man, yes, she marries the whole family. But she also has to do some work to get into their good books, and get them to accept her. Don't forget that to them, she is an unknown entity, and they may be afraid that she has come to take their son from them. So with prayers, understanding, respect and courtesy, she can win them over to her side, and establish a bond with them.

Forget the Ijebu-Ekiti hostility. Pray instead for a man who loves you enough to stand by you, through thick & thin. From what you have written, you have already gotten another guy. I hope things work out well for you both.

Yes. . . .family support is important, but the truth is that (like respect), it has to be earned. The most important thing that I can see from what you have written here, is that your guy was weak, and couldn't defend you against his family. If he had been able to stand up to them, then I'd have said you should go ahead and that eventually they would come round.

I have a Yoruba friend who is married to an Urhobo girl. When he introduced her to his family, there was some initial opposition. His mother told him bluntly that as a Yoruba boy brought up in lagos, was he trying to say that he couldn't find any girl from his area in the South-west? Anyway, the guy told them point blank that the urhobo girl was his choice, and he was the one going to live with her, not them. He also made it clear that he was prepared to wait as long as it took to get their consent, but that he wouldn't marry any other woman. Eventually they gave in. For the first 3 years after the wedding, his mum didn't even talk to the girl.

The girl still showed them a lot of respect, and never even mentioned the cold shoulder she got from the guy's mum. One day, the girl went to the market and bought a wide range of baby food for the guy's mum, who had to nurse the baby left behind, by the guy's elder sister. That single gesture touched the woman's heart and she called the girl, and started praying for her and crying over the phone. She confessed that she had been won over by the girl's humility and cool behaviour.

Now they are the best of friends. Am not saying this approach would work in all cases, but people should realise that getting the support of a man's family is not automatic. So they should be prepared to meet them half-way by working to earn their approval.

@ Seun

lol, baby food, 

@ laudate

i guess you are right, he was weak, one needs a strong man in that instance, i was watching the movie by omotola called my story, it ws very revealing in the sense that the man stood by the woman through it all, he gave her all his love and support,  i guess i should retitle my thread to he wasnt that into me, because when a man is in love he will do anything to keep his woman,

thanks to all who have contributed, i will surely update as necessary, 

i feel you and i guess you v been given enough good advices already,thank GOD that even though my dad is a disciplinarian it doesnt extend to choices in marriage,i have a large family and theres calaba inlaw,delta in law ondo e.t.c and im sure if this happened to me ill simply say she is pregnant and that ll be it because nobody will tell me to leave her then lol

like someone asked,what is it with ijebus that almost the whole yorubas shy away or bluntly run away from?even though my dad accepted a calabar in law and others,the only person he has rejected was my elder sister's choice of  a man from ijebu and thats been the one and nly time he has ever done that