Godmystrength:
join him in prayers and offer
spiritual help for what he says he isn't guilty of?? If i hadnt seen his
note.....

well you have seen it. besides prayers are never wasted.

FynBabe:
There's no need lying. Let him also do the buying some times or go with you for shopping.

Thank you fynbabe.

Donxavier:


well you have seen it. besides prayers are never wasted.

so i should be doing my prayers on my own without his knowledge or what?

Godmystrength:
so i should be doing my prayers on my own without his knowledge or what?

The kind of prayers you need to pray. U don't need him in the know. Cos when you are calling on God to deal with the situation, if he is guilty he might feel the prayer is too strong. So you should rather pray it alone.

Godmystrength only few men will admit cheating if they aren't caught right in the act. Just come to terms with the fact that he cheated and decide how to handle it.May God be your strength.

Dearest Godmystrength,
Beevan is right,he will never confess.
It's so hard to come out of a lie once you start it.It kinda rolls from there.Even Bill Clinton had to lie.
Me sef even if I'm caught with man ontop my body I go denyyyy...I'll say he fell on me and our bodies glued together or I'll say it wasn't me

Seriously,he's done it..It's left for you to decide how to move on from here.I know it's extremely difficult. If I'm asked to pray for my guy in this kain situation,my prayer will be dangerous oo,I may even voke my ancestors to shrivel his blokos forever.Infact,I'll pray for the thing to disappear.
Abeg my sister,you are the most important person here for now,and you are hurting and asking why..
Please don't start acting as spiritual adviser,let him sort that one out while you pray for strength to go through this difficult phase.No point giving yourself extra burden ontop of the ones you are already suffering.Pray for him,yea but it's not your cross to carry.Let him live with that guilt and make his peace with his creator.

Bear in mind that how you handle this will go a long way to determine future behaviour.Treat his fork up(pardon my French).Ignore it at your own risk.If it's fixable,fix it.I trust you shaa.

And please,take a holiday.you deserve it!
All the best dear..

@Ijeoma2728
No need to lie I think..you could ask him to go along with you and see how much decent clothes cost.
Kids grow out of clothes fast so no point spending wayyyy too much..
Let him do the shopping small,his eyes will open.

Hispinkolo

Boss lady Ma,

There is a song 'Surulere'. You really have to calm down and sometimes play the fool. I am speaking for myself, no lady[gf or Wifey, even Momsy sef,] can prevail with me spitting Fire for fire, shouting or trying to do gra gra EVEN when am very wrong and it is clear to all that I'm the offending party. Taking the hard stance with someone like me will just complicate matters regardless and burn down the whole house. Different strokes for different folks. It's always better to go the 'MUMU' way for peace to reign and somebody needs to act matured and overlook the Immediate need for retaliation and harsh reactions. That said, I am also aware the fire brand approach works for some men and they would sit up and change. It's best to know what approach would actually produce the desired result in each circumstance.

@Ijeoma2728
No need to lie I think..you could ask him to go along with you and see how much decent clothes cost.
Kids grow out of clothes fast so no point spending wayyyy too much..
Let him do the shopping small,his eyes will open.
[/quote]
Thank u hips.....
@Godismystrenght I no its hard to forgive someone dat confessed, let alone someone dat didn't. Forgive him nd pray for him but he really deserves a Strong " penance"
Dis is also d tym u nid to give him tough love nd ultimatum too.pls u also deserve to be happy .by God' grace everything will be fine.its well e-hugs

Phema:


@bolded; Now, that is one mentality I can not stand. So, somethings are wrong when a woman does them, but are not when it's a man ekwa?

And by the way, how come it's mostly women he helps? Are there not guys/men that need emotional, psychological and financial support? Abeg, truth be told, this one pass "kindness".

Unfortunately, I no get better advice. The small one wey I get fit break home. So follow CC's advice. E go hard for me to follow sha

Advice for this kind matter dey pass me too, i don't know how to cling on straws, its either is there or not. I can't live my life in fear of my marriage crumbling or not and quench in depression , nonsense must stop or it crumbles and gets over with, life is not lost.

@donxavier...you are preaching patience and overlooking and prayers. Fine. But how easy do you think it is to keep on having unprotected sex with someone like that or you think that is also not important?

^^^^plus he is very clumpsy with the condom (except he has been pretending) so i can bet that IF he is cheating, he is not using protection.... So what does that also tell you?

Godmystrength:
@donxavier...you are preaching patience and overlooking and prayers. Fine. But how easy do you think it is to keep on having unprotected sex with someone like that or you think that is also not important?

It's not easy. You are in a lot of pain emotionally, and I'm sorry and empathise with you. By all means protect yourself, and at a point there needs to be a calm, candid heart to heart discussion on the status quo of things. I'm just saying fighting fire for fire, with plenty shouting and trying to cause trouble most times doesn't work and it ends up messing things up more. I believe at the end of the day, you want your hubby to change and become more sensitive and responsive to your needs and how you see things. these things won't be automatic and most times can't be rushed. Marriage is all about compromise, while there are somethings you would stand firmly against based on principles there are also some times you would permit for peace/sanity sake. At the end of the day, most wives here want a changed husband. It won't happen overnight.

talking about compromises, i don't think cheating should even be part of it. talk about protecting myself, do tell me how.. sometimes, we get to some point in life where we don't even care whether things gets messed up or not.... hmmm....

Godmystrength:
talking about compromises, i don't think cheating should even be part of it. talk about protecting myself, do tell me how.. sometimes, we get to some point in life where we don't even care whether things gets messed up or not.... hmmm....

1. I agree.
2. No unprotected sex until you sort out the cheating issues
3. Well, it depends on your end goal/game and how bad the marriage has become. Is it heading for the rocks? Maybe counselling might help

Godmystrength:
talking about compromises, i don't think cheating should even be part of it. talk about protecting myself, do tell me how.. sometimes, we get to some point in life where we don't even care whether things gets messed up or not.... hmmm....

You can't compromise on cheating. you have a tot, hence the stakes are higher. You have to be healthy for your baby.
No unprotected sex until you get results of your periodic medical checkup
Tackle from the root cause: He needs to be jolted about his unhealthy mental choice of not wanting to get a paid job. There is a lot of risk in business, the stage you guys are, you can't incur debt by way of loan to support his "dubai business plan".

The devil really does find work for the idle mind.

I'm sooooo pissed rite now.some1 just brought a case to d station near my house, dat a 70 year old man rapeda four yr old nd his wife ran away with him!!!!!!!! Lyk seriously!!!!!!!!

Donxavier,
I appreciate what you wrote.
If u go thru my posts,I always start with talk talk talk and also warn that it's what I'd do if it's my spouse.I don't spit fire for everyone.If you notice,most people come and write here when they've tried everything and are at their wits end.Then,I suggest a firm approach.
There are things that can be ignored,cheating isn't one of them.Y? Because a good man can make a mistake and can be saved before he destroys everything he's worked for.No time to start petting or begging anyone out of cheating.Or playing mugu to stroke his ego when he's banging some chick out there.
Health is at risk,family is at risk,there's betrayal to deal with,it's no time to play a blind bat.Confronting someone doesn't mean go and shout,No. It means telling you firm and square hey,I know what you did and it must be dealt with.
Now,how a woman decides to deal with her cheating hubby is up to her.If she wants to scream and shout,it's ok.If she wants to break things,it's ok.However she chooses to deal with it except murder is fine.Shes the betrayed party.

There are things of course you can ignore at home..picking on every little thing will drive you mad.BUT when it comes to something that could wreck my home,I'll damn right face it head on.
You may perceive me as a fire brand,I'm not.I'm just very very passionate and fiercely in love with my husband and will protect what belongs to me.I refuse to play mumu to let peace reign when my life is at stake.I don't shout on my hubby ,it would make him shut down..but when I want to pass my points across..I do it very effectively and straight to the point.He does the same too.

So when you are wrong,you expect your lady to start begging you or pussyfooting or ignoring you and pray you out of bad behaviour?Come Onnn!

As I've said,there are times to overlook,there are times to ignore,just use your sense and know your spouse.Fire isn't shouting,it's just the inability to swallow rubbish 24/7

Godmystrength:
talking about compromises, i don't think cheating should even be part of it. talk about protecting myself, do tell me how.. sometimes, we get to some point in life where we don't even care whether things gets messed up or not.... hmmm....

If you were alone no responsibility then this is a choice, tou have a child so this is not a choice. You have to CARE your child will need you to care. This cant be about two of you alone, make good choices for the child. No matter what happens the child comes first

Godmystrength,

You have shown through your posts that you possess the maturity and a level head to navigate through the challenges you are currently facing. I am of the opinion that you should take a step back and process everything that has happened properly, separate the fact from the fiction. Inferring from fact is not a bad thing, however you must stop your emotions taking over you (I know this part is the hardest) and remind yourself clearly what you want out of this whole process - to get even? to make him realize that you have been hurt? Do you want the whole truth? would you be able to achieve this without him further lying to you? Your objective/s from the get go should be very clear to you. Ultimately you would want your family to get out of this trial period stronger and better.

A root cause analysis has to be carried out by you to truly ascertain why he fell to temptation, if he did, when and how. Without a proper understanding of the circumstances surrounding his cheating, your actions might work in the short term until you find yourself back to square one talking of the same issue again. Sadly some men are hopeless cheats, they just cannot help themselves, they have very low discipline but I would not approach that sort of man with one who is truly a good guy but then time and chance offered him an opportunity he could not resist. This could have truly been a mistake, the onus is on you as a partner to firmly pass across the message that you are disappointed and that this type of behavior would not in any way be tolerated.

The hardest part I think is the way you approach the issue, "Honey, I saw on a sheet of paper that you wrote down......yada yada yada......have you been cheating on me?" for instance. Some people can start with breaking down things from the kitchen, just make sure you understand your partner enough to know what EFFECTIVE communication means to him. If you are able to crack him, hold yourself back enough to get the details out from him because it might help you process it all later on. I wish you the best of luck.


the serenity to accept manage the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

My hand just fall since yesterday @ Godmystrength's update


E be like say I go postpone marriage for another 7 years
Life is too good for me to complicate things for myself, biko


Whatever you decide to do, just make sure your child is safe and fine.
At this point, I have no pity left in me for your hubby

hispinkolo:
@jaybee
We are always happy to have male posters.I'm happier when they write epistles

@Sisi Chaircover,
I believe I saw the where can we meet in one of her posts,or maybe im imagining things.
If he likes giving,that's fantastic but his own is to give for nonsense reasons..How can someone be taking money from my Dh to fix human hair when I'm fixing darling yaki(not by choice o!).There has to be some sort of control if for nothing else, just so Wifey can be comfortable.There are people who are truly in need.If he's solving real problems with her consent,she won't be here.
How do you coax such a person from the behaviour when he believes he's right to do it because he's a man?
Greatheart4God is in a lot of pain.How will she now know genuine from fake?What are the odds that nothing fishy is going on especially as he's excessively defensive and obstinate.

Isn't her happiness and wellbeing important too?

One thing I have noticed is that when most people give to the detriment of their children and spouses, its not just about being generous.Its about appearing good in the eye of outsiders.

@Inappropriate relationships,

It's still very painful.And for how long before he makes a terrible mistake? I hope coaxing works cos every thing else has failed.

See how I carry mata for head,choiii! I'm running away abeg

its sooooo true.amy man that does things to please outsiders rarely changes in a lifetime.......
its a personality defect.....thats what makes them feel good.you may have to put up with that part till God knows when.sorry about everything dearie.

Dp

I am sorry to say this but obowumni,i think you chose the wrong thread to come and post this rubbish here.You want people here to advice a girl on how to punish or get back whatever the heck you are looking for...... someone's husband? like seriously?are you for real?

Did you even spend time reading the thread,before bringing such ridiculous post here,you have not only post it here but in every other thread(3 in particular).

You have already open a thread for that,why are you so busy with this nonsense anyway?are you a man really?

Stop spamming threads.......

[q? uote author=edwife post=27636820]I am sorry to say this but obowumni,i think you chose the wrong thread to come and post this rubbish here.You want people here to advice a girl on how to punish or get back whatever the heck you are looking for...... someone's husband? like seriously?are you for real?

Did you even spend time reading about the thread,before bringing such ridiculous post here,you have not only post it here but in every other thread(3 in particular).

You have already open a thread for that,why are you so busy with this nonsense anyway?are you a man really?

Stop spamming threads....... [/quote]

who is spamming? Why is the post rubbish ?

obowunmi:


who is spamming?

My question is what do you want people here to advise her to do?
Did you even read the purpose of this thread?
Is it really appropriate to post it here?
What is the purpose of the thread you created then?

edwife:


My question is what do you want people here to advise her to do?
Did you even read the purpose of this thread?
Is it really appropriate to post it here?
What is the purpose of the thread you created then?

Why do Nigerian men cheat on their wives?

obowunmi:


Why do Nigerian men cheat on their wives?

Which day is this again?....Saturday!yes

My friend go drink with your friends i beg,at least it is better than what you doing right now....

edwife:


Which day is this again?....Saturday!yes

My friend go drink with your friends i beg,at least it is better than what you doing right now....

What is one doing?

Pls don't derail this thread! Get your answers somewhere else

obowunmi:


What is one doing?

krystal101:
Pls don't derail this thread! Get your answers somewhere else

how is one derailing?

obowunmi:


how is one derailing?

You are hereby ignored!!!!!!!!!!