My Story My Regret - Family - Nairaland
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| My Story My Regret by Achilies(m): 10:14am On Feb 20, 2015 |
My name is achillies. I am from idemili North in anambra state. Was born some thirty years ago in jos. I was brought up in a good christian family . My childhood was fun and adventurous. My parents give us their children all the necessary things we need to become successful in life. And disciplined us whenever we misbehaved. This story is about me and my late father You see my father was a very quiet and thoughtful man. He spent All of his life thinking, planning and doing things that will make us his children proud, comfortable and ready for the challenges ahead ( I can remember when he sold his car and my mum sold her wrappers just to rise money for our school fees. We are seven in number) My father loved us and me in particular in his own way. He was not the emotional or the out spoken type, but he was a man among men.. he showed us love and discipline us with cane and words of advice. He sacrificed a lot to give us the best. For all the love my father showed us. The only way I got to thank him was to wish him death.  I was 14 years old when my My father collapse on July 3 1997 from stress related issues and was rushed to the hospital three days later he was discharged with instructions from the doctor to take thing easy. I was supposed to be the one to take care of him during daytime. A responsibility I neglected. As a child I was stubborn to the core. On the 10th of that same month my father called me and asked me a question. My reply to that question will hunt me till my dyeing days. He said to me : my son, why have you abandoned your father? Why are you not taking care of me as you should?? I felt guilty but soon by guilt turned to anger and Out of that anger I murmured why don't he just die and let us be. I don't know if he heard me or not ..but that was the last time I spoke to my father. three days later on the 13th of July 1997, he was rushed to the hospital after complaining of chest pain. I cried that night because of the things I said to him three day earlier and somehow I knew that night will be the last time I will see him alive.. All through the time he was at the hospital I prayed, hopped for an opportunity to see him but I never had the chance to visit him If not for anything at least to apologise for my earlier and childish remark On the 20th July 1997 by 7pm my father died of heart failure . I never got the opportunity to apologise to my father . (whether he heard me spoke those words or not ) I never got the chance to apologise. The last words I spoke to my father was for him to die and let me be. Somehow I can't help but feel that those words broke the heart of my father and killed him.. those words are the single most regrettable event in my life. 18 years after the death of my father. I still feel the pains and burden of those words Guilt, sadness depression and sorrow has been my companion over the years. No matter how hard I tried I just can't forgive myself now am tired I can't bear this burden anymore.. At 33 I am a made man. I have the very best life can offer but I lack the most important thing of all. HAPPINESS AND PEACE OF MIND. Lately death has been on my mind. It seems to be my only source of comfort and my escape from this nightmare I brought upon myself.. I need advice before I go on a journey before my time. |
| Re: My Story My Regret by Latty88(f): 10:25am On Feb 20, 2015 |
Hmmmmmm. Am sure u did that out of childishness and ignorance. I believe if your dad was still alive,he would have forgiven you and be proud of you too. Since you are really sorry for what you did,just move on and be at peace with yourself. 10 Likes |
| Re: My Story My Regret by Merlissa(f): 10:27am On Feb 20, 2015 |
In my own view, make it up by taking care of your mother! Only time can heal 10 Likes |
| Re: My Story My Regret by Nobody: 10:47am On Feb 20, 2015 |
Sweetheart forgive yourself first then take to heart God commandment that you honor your elders and be good to people around you. You might also want to take up a career in counselling to help young people walk the path of goodwill. The Lord I'm sure has forgiven, don't pull things back by commiting an unforgivable sin-suicide. 1 Like |
| Re: My Story My Regret by JoyNHope(f): 10:53am On Feb 20, 2015 |
At 14 you were still a child supposed to be climbing trees, playing football etc. Your words were not what killed your father though they might have caused him deep pain. It is now time to forgive yourself and be the man that your father would have loved you to grow up to be. By keeping yourself bound up in pain and regret you are only damaging your life. 6 Likes |
| Re: My Story My Regret by Nobody: 11:15am On Feb 20, 2015 |
You were a kid, you were immature and stubborn . . . and you made the greatest mistake of your life.  Your words, truly killed your father . . whether he heard them or not. Words are a strong as swords, only invincible. But the mistake has been done . . . . You need to find a way to move on. Don't just sweep it under the carpet like you did years ago. I suggest you seek psychological help before you to something to harm yourself. Go to your father's grave and beg for his forgiveness. Seek help on how to cope with this misfortune. . . . . And pray your own children don't end up doing something worse to you. |
| Re: My Story My Regret by Nobody: 1:41pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
Forgive yourself. 1 Like |
| Re: My Story My Regret by Achilies(m): 1:53pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
[color=#006600][/color] moreeni: I have done all that and more. But that feeling is always at the back of my heart. It has become unbearable lately. If I don't get help soon I might just end it all and at peace |
| Re: My Story My Regret by Nobody: 1:55pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
You have written this on another thread.. please, try and get over it.. i know your dad must have forgiven you by now, so move on.. Show love to your mum and siblings... Pondering on this will only lead to depression hence worsening the issue.. be at peace with yourself dude... You can also show love to aged people around you, that way the guilt may fade away... btw, I hope you have sought forgiveness from God?? And yeah i think it was time for your dad to go so i don't think your words killed him because if God works by what people wish each other, there will only be a few persons left in this world.... 1 Like |
| Re: My Story My Regret by Achilies(m): 1:55pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
[color=#006600][/color] andromida: I have tried for 18 years to do that and failed |
| Re: My Story My Regret by KanwuliaJara: 2:04pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
Well, you have made your bed. . . . so you must SLEEP on it just that way. You can't turn back time to your favor. The first thing to do is to try to forgive yourself. You were indeed and insensitive d cold-hearted child toward a man whom you abandoned when he needed you most. I doubt you can ever find the peace and happiness you deserve. Since charity begins at home, you never had one. Try to forgive yourself or depression may render you useless for life with regret. If you cannot show love to your family members. . . I DOUBT you can show/receive love to/from the world. All the best!  |
| Re: My Story My Regret by Achilies(m): 2:17pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
MarvellousGod: Thanks a lot. |
| Re: My Story My Regret by veave(f): 2:36pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
Hmmmmn... A true case of 'be careful what you wish for'. I have nothing to say to you. Its just painful we are from same place. May our sins not be visited on our children. Amen! 1 Like |
| Re: My Story My Regret by Nobody: 3:02pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
Achilies: What do you think you can do to make it alright? You are being too hard on yourself and the worst part is you don't even know if its your words that killed him. The way i see it you are punishing yourself for all those times you were rude to him while he was alive you seem to have a false belief that if you suffer emotionally and then kill yourself you will right all the wrongs of the past. You don't owe your late father emotional suffering there is nothing like life for life in this instance you were a silly young man who didn't know better now that you know better look at how far you are willing to go to make it alright. You've grown up, you are genuinely repentant and that counts. Its a nice thing to talk to God in prayer. To tell him of the guilt you are carrying and can't bear anymore of the condemnation you feel and can't bear anymore and how sorry you are. 18 years is a long time to carry this kind of guilt. let it go. Just give yourself permission to be ok stop beating yourself up you've done enough penance embrace God's forgiveness,forgive yourself let it go. I pray you get peace that surpasses all understanding. 1 Like |
| Re: My Story My Regret by dustydee: 3:09pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
You were a child and didn't mean what you said. As a child I sometimes used to wonder if my parents were my parents when they discipline me but now I know better. As children we have all said something we later regretted. please move on, I am sure it wasn't your "innocent" wish that killed him. He died and may his soul rest in peace. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Story My Regret by mymz(f): 4:11pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
Let it go love. Just let it go. Close your eyes every morning you wake up, place a hand on your chest and say out loud to yourself "Heal". It'll take some time but you'll eventually heal if you're willing to heal NOT atone for your 'sins'. So the question is "Do you want to heal?" or "Do you want to atone?" The difference is that healing will set you forth on the path to finding peace and happiness, whereas atoning will lead you to the ever waiting arms of despair and death. Choice is yours and it'll only start with you....but you should choose life. Choose to fight and become whole again. You owe that much to yourself. You matter! 3 Likes |
| Re: My Story My Regret by Nobody: 5:06pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
Achilies, you were ONLY 14 years old. Most of us were very foo*lish at this age. This is the time where many of us hurt their parents the most, just that we were lucky enough that they didn't die during this period. It is the age of puberty, the age when we find our parents very annoying and vice versa. We try to become adults and it's not easy, in fact it is one of the most difficult times in our lives. Most kids at this age try to distance themselves from their parents, it's a natural process. This is what happened to you, you reacted quite naturally and you were not mature enough to foresee the impact of your words and actions, as a matter of fact you were too young to bear the responsibility laid upon you. I don't blame you at all. You need to forgive yourself. I am sure your father would want you to. We all make mistakes and we all deserve forgiveness. Take some time to feel the guilt inside you with all intensity and don't suppress it, no matter how much it hurts at the beginning. Each time it comes up, feel it, don't think about it, feel it and it will lose its intensity with time. You need to process it emotionally, not only mentally. And if you have the need to talk about it, find a friend you trust or talk to your mother or siblings, as often as you need to. You don't have to do it alone. We all need support sometimes. Find gentle, good-hearted people who are willing to listen and encourage you. You are still young, you have plenty of time to do good. Channel your pain and make something positive out of it. Don't let it destroy you. It's not what a father would want for his son. God bless you and give you strength. 4 Likes |
| Re: My Story My Regret by uzo4Christ(f): 5:43pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
Ure a new person nw in Christ.old tyns v pasd away ok.so b strong n mov on |
| Re: My Story My Regret by Achilies(m): 6:11pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
[color=#006600][/color]h andromida: Thanks for the advice |
| Re: My Story My Regret by Achilies(m): 6:14pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
[color=#006600][/color] mymz: Thank yo my dear |
| Re: My Story My Regret by mutter(f): 8:26pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
You were too young and the situation was just too much for you. Your anger was a way of blocking out the pain. You were angry with your father, with faith, with destiny, with him not being able to perform as a father. It is a very normal reaction. My mother fell into a coma and we were all not able to really stay by her bed and care for her. It was only my dad that could do that. The reason being that we were so scared and afraid. We tried to block it out in different ways and I tried to block my pain at being angry at my mum. IT is easier to deal with anger than pain. When she died many years later, she never really recovered. We buried her but not the guilt. Finally I came to realize that when a loved one goes in such a way you always feel guilty, you always feel you never did enough. You could have spent more time, showed more love... You see your father loves you and nothing you could do will take that love away. When you have your own children you will understand how much and how strong the love of parent is. A love that is unconditional and that forgives everything. The only thing your father will never forgive you for is if you end your life. Choose life and live. Your father would have given anything in the world to live and stand by you and help you grow int0 a happy man. God did not grant him that length of time. So live for your father and fulfill his dreams. .. and then one day when you have a son give him your fathers name. Then anytime your little boy cries and you call him by his name and take him into your hands, your father will smile down at you.  7 Likes |
| Re: My Story My Regret by Samyj247: 9:12pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
op see how all ds girls are claiming who they ar nt. U will notice dat it is only girls dat made comment on ds post, do u kno why? It is bcus of a the word u used on ds thread, which is ds "I AM A MADE MAN". Dnt mind dem de are jst pretending, so as to get ur attention. Although, they gave nice advice dat seems like a competition. lol, for me, go to ur pastor nd split it out. No mind ds girls o, if tu se u say u b barrow pusher, non of dem for comment here. 1 Like |
| Re: My Story My Regret by Achilies(m): 10:00pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
[color=#006600][/color] Samyj247: Guy u funny o 1 Like |
| Re: My Story My Regret by Samyj247: 10:09pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
Achilies: |
| Re: My Story My Regret by Samyj247: 10:12pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
Achilies:Lol, i de tel u o girls jst need a made man. No mind dem, dem no want work hard. See as all of dem de claim good adviser jst to catch ur attention. I don get new style now of getn babes. |
| Re: My Story My Regret by caesaraba(m): 10:25pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
Guy, you were young when you said those words however, I think you need to perform some kinda penance if you need to get out of this. Then you can talk about forgiving yourself and moving on. Go see qualified persons who'd deal frankly with you. Wish you the best. |
| Re: My Story My Regret by deeptesting(m): 10:26pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
Please go to your Fathers grave with 5 tubers of yam, one male cork, 2 Male goats, 5 bitter cola, 20 liter of palm oil, 2 cartons of Orijin(must be chilled),5 cups of Melon, N50 pepper, N20 salt. Please drop it by his grave side and let me know the location. Your sins shall be forgiven. 1 Like |
| Re: My Story My Regret by ivyy(f): 10:39pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
Samyj247: Na wa 4 u o. See where you took it to  Women are naturally more affectionate and sensitive to stuffs like this hence the show of empathy. Dear op, please 4give yourself, if God can, who are you not to? 1 Like |
| Re: My Story My Regret by Samyj247: 10:54pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
ivyy:but na true I tlk naa. Hmm wen I saw ur pic, I had a big smile nd wen scrolling down, I saw ds statemnt "now that you've viewed my profile smile pleaseeeee" I couldnt hlp but smile again. U hv a nice smile. Dnt check my profile oo, cus u wil b dispntd. |
| Re: My Story My Regret by johnjon: 11:01pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
You can go to his grave side and ask for forgiveness, then see a good psychiatrist. 1 Like |
| Re: My Story My Regret by mymz(f): 11:13pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
Achilies: you're welcome |
| Re: My Story My Regret by ivyy(f): 11:54pm On Feb 20, 2015 |
Samyj247: Oshey but remove that mentality from your head biko  |
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