Op, your profile pix doesn't say good about your person. Is your mother violent hence the abuse from your father.

When did your father's attitude change? You said you do not want to involve the police, go to any human right commission within your area and report the case.

abbey621:


And involving the police is what you call stepping in? Please don't let western ideologies to crowd your judgment. The child can step in by involving family members, she can step in by getting her mother's family involved. She can step in by getting neighbors involved and finally she can step in by convincing her mother to leave. What will she achieve by involving the police? The man gets locked up? The man gets beaten? I'll tell you the result, he'll get out of jail, throw the woman and her child out of the house and life goes on, case closed! I believe the better alternative is for the child to convince her mother to leave if things cannot be resolved by family members.

Read through the comments she already involved family, Pastor and others and the man has refused to listen he has even threatened to pour hot water on the Pastor. The Mother has also refused to leave so who else should she call? Or she should watch till he strangles her to death one day

What will happen when he kills her? He will be hung! Better the police talk some sense into his head now than later

Honestly I despise weak mothers who stay with abusive men see what rubbish she's exposing her children to

lolababe331e:


Read through the comments she already involved family, Pastor and others and the man has refused to listen he has even threatened to pour hot water on the Pastor. The Mother has also refused to leave so who else should she call? Or she should watch till he strangles her to death one day

What will happen when he kills her? He will be hung! Better the police talk some sense into his head now than later

Honestly I despise weak mothers who stay with abusive men see what rubbish she's exposing her children to

It's not her place to call the police, no matter how wayward parents maybe it's not the children's place to get them in trouble. What she can do is to try and talk sense into her mother, she's old enough now to be able to influence her mother, what you are asking her to do is called relationship suicide and once its done there's no going back. She mentioned it's not the first time this has happened and yet they resolved it, I refuse to believe involving the police is the best course of action! Unless we all want to deceive ourselves and act like this issue is rare in the Nigerian society, we should all know by now that you can't help someone that does not want to help his or herself, let the woman come to her senses!

redgem:
We've left the house now...called my mums siblings they said they are coming but I don't expect them soon cos they stay far. Called my dads elder bro but nothing he can do cos him and my dad are not in good terms... We are out of the house and he said none of us are entering his house even if God comes down... I'm really scared

Has he any history of mental disorder? sorry to ask.

This type of situation is very common everywhere you go. The so called female independence has turned the family social structure upside down. Imagine a family you struggled to maintain: at times borrow money from the cooperative to pay school fees, only to wake up and realise you the man of the house is now a nuisance. The house is divided to two and the husband is alone with the wife and children on the other side!

It is a test on the man's strength of character. I pity him if he is the one owning the house they will kill him to inherit the property. Lobatan. Lady if you believe your father is wicked and if it is true he is your father, Holy spirit will take control.The man is reacting to a stimulus. Stop stoking the fire, his family may not like him if anything happens to him they will take sides.

redgem:


That is what he wants 'A divorce' but mum doesn't want that

That man will kill your mum oooo,i hate when some churches fail to use common sense in interpreting the bible thereby endangering the lives of their member,so,your mum should stay and die just because,"God hates divorce"?,.Op your dad will do the unthinkable sooner or later,since he is telling people that you called in police to arrest him and pretending to be sleeping when you went to his room to apologise,he is still angry oooo.There is no different between a mad person and a smoker(weed especially),Op you,mum and sibilings should run for una life oooooo,it is better to be alife and an illiterate than to be educated and in grave.He is preventing you from getting a job so that you wouldn't be indipendent financially.Op know that if your mum dies in the hands of your dad (God forbid) that it is a careless death because the signs were boldly written.No justification to still remain in that house.I wonder the type of church that will encourage her member to be in an abusive marriage
If you get ear hear,you no go talk say i no tell you.
Goof luck to you.

babyosisi:


If I ever find myself in a situation where a man is pummeling me,strangling me and threatening to kill me and my children and I become so dense and so foolish as not to leave, may all the children I birthed through this my womb find the courage to leave that home and never return.
When my senses return I will look for them

...pay that oaf no attention, biko. He's a duplicate of Op's father, obviously from all his comments here

whoever you are... goto your local government council secretariat look for SOCIAL WORKS department... tell them you want to see their HOD report the matter to him or her... na you go beg them to drop the case when them don start... let me know how far you have gone. 08077810045

abbey621:

It's not her place to call the police, no matter how wayward parents maybe it's not the children's place to get them in trouble. What she can do is to try and talk sense into her mother, she's old enough now to be able to influence her mother, what you are asking her to do is called relationship suicide and once its done there's no going back. She mentioned it's not the first time this has happened and yet they resolved it, I refuse to believe involving the police is the best course of action! Unless we all want to deceive ourselves and act like this issue is rare in the Nigerian society, we should all know by now that you can't help someone that does not want to help his or herself, let the woman come to her senses!

What is it about this archaic "culture" that one cannot report an abusive and violent parent to the police?

When has the roles and duties of the police changed from maintaining law and order in the society?

Your police-phobia attitude in this case is not only backward thinking, it actually feeds the high rate of preventable crimes that we experience in our society.

A very attempt or act of violent crime should be reported to the police or other security agencies.

redgem:
Fellow Nairalander's please I need urgent help...who know of any human right activist in port harcourt? My dad is being abusive and threatens to kill my mum and I. He is being really violent and I fear he will fulfil his threat soon.... He has severally try to strangle my mum... Please, help its a matter of life and death.

[size=14pt].......my friend, any other time he rough handles your mum, get a pestle and break his hands with it(make certain you break it), then warn him that if anything happens to your mum, he should count himself a dead man. Don't be afraid, be mad. As you talk to him look him straight in the eye, no shaking![/size]

redgem, please where are you? What state are you, are they some sensible people on NL who may be willing to help you with a plan that will include your two siblings? I'm appealing to those who are close to her area.

redgem:
Fellow Nairalander's please I need urgent help...who know of any human right activist in port harcourt? My dad is being abusive and threatens to kill my mum and I. He is being really violent and I fear he will fulfil his threat soon.... He has severally try to strangle my mum... Please, help its a matter of life and death.

bros,if u believe u are Man enoff, call ur fada to order,talk to him,calling ur mother's relatives doesn't make u a mam....

Talk to him urself

babyosisi:


Your father is psychotic aka mad
Onye ara
Akula
He is mentally ill no amount of begging can help you
Begging feeds his madness
The earlier your mom wizened up and disappeared with you all the better for you all
His own family members don't want anything to do with him and you think you can beg your way through
Begging doesn't work with mentally ill people you just let them be
You are merely feeding him his drug
This will not end well if you continue to stay in that house
I hope you don't end up with a man like him
Your mom is not doing you kids any favors by remaining in that dangerous environment and raising you all in it
Patterns always repeat themselves
She didn't choose this sort of man but she has chosen to stay in it and accept it,that is very unwise
Without knowing it subconsciously you are already conditioned to this
You kneel down and beg and put the demons at bay only for them to rise up the next morning
This is no way to live
Your mother probably has no self confidence left and you are on that same path

Let your story not end up on the Daily Mirror
You can say God forbid but if you remain in that house!it might

I just love this woman. one of d reasons am a member of nairaland, after being a guest for yes now. my kinda woman.

To avoid stories that touch the heart, you,mum and siblings should leave the house. Separation is not divorce. Your mum should know that it is sometimes necessary to save your life so you can look after your children. Many churches are beginning to face reality. Life has no duplicate and its clear your father wants you out even if he will regret it later. The man will always find another wife and move on if he wants no matter what you do. Please tell your mum to talk to her pastors in case she's been faking a happy married life.

I wish you the very best and pray that your mother opens her eyes clearly to see reality.

youngies:


What is it about this archaic "culture" that one cannot report an abusive and violent parent to the police?

When has the roles and duties of the police changed from maintaining law and order in the society?

Your police-phobia attitude in this case is not only backward thinking, it actually feeds the high rate of preventable crimes that we experience in our society.

A very attempt or act of violent crime should be reported to the police or other security agencies.

You can continue talking in high fancy language that only works in theory or you can become a realist like me and see the situation for what it really is. After calling the police, what do you expect to happen next? Jail? The father stops his ways? What exactly does involving the police actually achieve besides complicating matters? Or can't you read that the mom is unwilling to leave the dad?

my dear, I think it's high time u kept ur credentials & other valuables away frm dat house. Who knows, 1 of these days u may not b opportuned 2 pick them.

jayedu108:
What is this one saying,she should get out of that house,is dat the best advice you could give to her?All I see here is kids with silly advice!

What advice do u av for the Op

scachy:

Crude oil, I hope ur community has started drilling u?

You haven't changed a bit.

babyosisi:


This is a messed up situation when a child is now the mother and the mother has become a helpless child
You need to grow up and stop worrying about your mother who has chosen the lifestyle she has chosen
Chart your own course
Sad to say but that is what you must do
Take that job and move
When you get to Lagos look for a good couple you can associate with and learn what a family ought to look like
You need it so your case will not be a repeat of your mom's

I really do feel sorry for you because not only do you not have a father,you don't also have a mother

u kip saying my mind.

redgem:
Fellow Nairalander's please I need urgent help...who know of any human right activist in port harcourt? My dad is being abusive and threatens to kill my mum and I. He is being really violent and I fear he will fulfil his threat soon.... He has severally try to strangle my mum... Please, help its a matter of life and death.

Get a club, tap him and tell him the next time he touches your mum he'll get it!! That is if your mum is a saint.

lolababe331e:


Read through the comments she already involved family, Pastor and others and the man has refused to listen he has even threatened to pour hot water on the Pastor. The Mother has also refused to leave so who else should she call? Or she should watch till he strangles her to death one day

What will happen when he kills her? He will be hung! Better the police talk some sense into his head now than later

Honestly I despise weak mothers who stay with abusive men see what rubbish she's exposing her children to

Are you minding them, after he kills the woman they will ask what she was watching since it has happened before and she should have known that one day things will escalate. Most people don't plan to murder their wives, one day in the middle of beating she will hit her head against a wall and that is. That someone has been beating her before doesn't mean one day it won't end in death. OP call the police and they will give him serious warning . Also let your Mum know that if she dies she has failed he children because she chose to stay in a dangerous environment and expose her children to that

Missmossy:
Aww this is saddening,may God not let me meet a man like this.

Amin o. Me too

redgem:
Fellow Nairalander's please I need urgent help...who know of any human right activist in port harcourt? My dad is being abusive and threatens to kill my mum and I. He is being really violent and I fear he will fulfil his threat soon.... He has severally try to strangle my mum... Please, help its a matter of life and death.

op i beg u.stay away from him.
and when u do..be wary of him,dont give him full details about ur whereabouts....he said he will kill and sooner or later he will...i know he is ur dad..but there are just some evil men in this world who will never be satisfied with wat their wives do until she is dead..pls be alert..u can be alert wen u are awake but what of wen u are asleep?redgem pls run for ur life with ur mum
...ur days in dat house are counted...i know its not easy..justvstay clear off him

babyosisi:


Your father is psychotic aka mad
Onye ara
Akula
He is mentally ill no amount of begging can help you
Begging feeds his madness
The earlier your mom wizened up and disappeared with you all the better for you all
His own family members don't want anything to do with him and you think you can beg your way through
Begging doesn't work with mentally ill people you just let them be
You are merely feeding him his drug
This will not end well if you continue to stay in that house
I hope you don't end up with a man like him
Your mom is not doing you kids any favors by remaining in that dangerous environment and raising you all in it
Patterns always repeat themselves
She didn't choose this sort of man but she has chosen to stay in it and accept it,that is very unwise
Without knowing it subconsciously you are already conditioned to this
You kneel down and beg and put the demons at bay only for them to rise up the next morning
This is no way to live
Your mother probably has no self confidence left and you are on that same path

Let your story not end up on the Daily Mirror
You can say God forbid but if you remain in that house!it might

i swear i read ur comment and fell in love with it

What is ur father's problem? I Hate men that beat their wives, sorry for that, sit ur father down and talk to him.

[quote author=redgem post=34199499]I know begging and Kneeling is not the solution but my mum does not believe in leaving her matrimonial home... She prefers to stay and face whatever comes her way like how she's being doing since they married. Sometimes I even blame my mum for her silence all these years, she gets hurt and keeps on protecting him.. We went to his room this morning and he acted like he was asleep, so we left. Dad is currently calling people from the village telling them that I called police for them to arrest him, changing the truth and spoiling mum's name.

About taking the job if I leave her alone in the house, I fear for what will happen to her... She's not young any more, my mum's siblings stays in bayelsa, she has no one around my younger sis is still in the uni and she's scared of talking to dad cos he had threatened her for not funding her fees. My younger bro is still a boy and he can't say anything. The only people she has ar her pastor and church members who dad swore that if he sees any of them in his house, he will pour them hot water. [/quotei know ur mum wants to be d good christain wife..but u know wat a good experienced pastor will tell her?..."run for ur life"

but if ur mum dont agree.and it worsens..u have to arrest ur dad with d police..its hard to do...but if u dont..

pls u run for ur life...since ur dad thinks u are working for and with ur mum..any crazy punishment he wqnts to mete out will be sharer equally btwn u and ur mum...



something is really happening in dis world...its only those who befells dat knows

abbey621:
Young girl listen well, I will not repeat myself! Stop letting the devil use you to fulfill its mission! Your father will always be your father no matter what, I know the situation looks drastic right now but everything happens for a reason. The best thing you and your mom can do is to try all possible means for a peaceful resolution. This means staying away from sometime and getting elders involved. If your father wanted to kill your mother, he would have done so long ago and as long as your mother is not willing to leave him then it is not your place to force her. Trust in the God you serve to protect her, be very prayerful as most issues such as this are more spiritual than physical. Finally, at the age of 21, you are on the right track, get through NYSC, get a good job and use your success to fight for your mother, that I believe is the best form of revenge! To get the police involved now or to do something drastic would only form a lifelong hatred between you and your father. I don't know where you come from but in Yorubaland if parents placed a curse on their child, it is usually very potent!

I DISAGREE WITH U SIR!!!ur level of superstition is high...there are some dads in dis world dat will frustrate u,gice u high bp'curse u for no good reason....and u mean the curse will actually work for no good reason

redgem:


I'm at home because I don't attend same fellowship with mum, she attends deeper life and I attend redeem

Red code! Red code!! Red code!!! Hello? How far? How's the situation now?

Danhumprey:
Red code! Red code!! Red code!!! Hello? How far? How's the situation now?

He is still not back...every where is calm

sketcherJ:
I DISAGREE WITH U SIR!!!ur level of superstition is high...there are some dads in dis world dat will frustrate u,gice u high bp'curse u for no good reason....and u mean the curse will actually work for no good reason

No matter what your parents do to frustrate you, shouting at them, calling the police on them or hitting them is a taboo. I don't know about any other situation but this particular case, the child involved is at the age where she should be wise enough to influence her mother, there are ways to do things without making it look like she's the one creating chaos!

I no go comment until the thing happen,because if it be say all dis yarn na lie

There are two solutions i will profer here.
1. Part ways: your mom and your dad need to live seperately which i think is the best for now.
2. You and your siblings esp the boys should beat the hell out of him any time he tries rubbish. By the time you do this once or twice to him he will begin to respect himself and realise that he is not the only one with fists that can get violent.