So if the man is actively beating the mom or trying to strangle her at the moment, the best she can do is fold her arms and watch since it's not her place to involve the police even if no one else can help at the moment?

abbey621:


It's not her place to call the police, no matter how wayward parents maybe it's not the children's place to get them in trouble. What she can do is to try and talk sense into her mother, she's old enough now to be able to influence her mother, what you are asking her to do is called relationship suicide and once its done there's no going back. She mentioned it's not the first time this has happened and yet they resolved it, I refuse to believe involving the police is the best course of action! Unless we all want to deceive ourselves and act like this issue is rare in the Nigerian society, we should all know by now that you can't help someone that does not want to help his or herself, let the woman come to her senses!

cococandy:
So if the man is actively beating the mom or trying to strangle her at the moment, the best she can do is fold her arms and watch since it's not her place to involve the police even if no one else can help at the moment?

Tell me what the police will achieve besides locking the man up or even killing him? The Nigerian police that I know might even collect bribe and set the man free, what then happens next?

What does ur mum do for a living, can't she take care of you if she leaves the house with her children, o lagbara o

redgem:
Thank you all for your advices
I seriously don't know what to say again, some advices gives me strength and some weakens me.
But all the same, I will do what I feel is the better from the advices given and hope for the best.
Thanks

I'm a female and not a male

redgem:
Thank you all for your advices
I seriously don't know what to say again, some advices gives me strength and some weakens me.
But all the same, I will do what I feel is the better from the advices given and hope for the best.
Thanks

I'm a female and not a male

redgem:
Thank you all for your advices
I seriously don't know what to say again, some advices gives me strength and some weakens me.
But all the same, I will do what I feel is the better from the advices given and hope for the best.
Thanks

I'm a female and not a male

op
talking about gender equality in this scenario:-)

your mum is supposed to be equal in strength with your father + your own equal strength<additional strength> "john cena things"

please smoke his kind of weed too along with your mum<additional strength+strength from above>double combo

so you guys can challenge him and reverse everything
beat him,strangle him,lock him inside the freezer
by the time he's out his head go cool



ofe oha n'agum.

abbey621:



Tell me what the police will achieve besides locking the man up or even killing him? The Nigerian police that I know might even collect bribe and set the man free, what then happens next?

locking him up? Great idea. Until he can be charged to court for physical assault and then sentenced to 10-25yrs for attempted murder.

That's the solution.

cococandy:
locking him up? Great idea. Until he can be charged to court for physical assault and then sentenced to 10-25yrs for attempted murder.

That's the solution.

And ask yourself this, what would be the ultimate result? The woman in question is refusing to leave the husband, I can tell you plain and frank that if they lock him up, she would be the first person pleading on his behalf. You seem so out of touch with reality that it's not even funny, this is 9ja forget all the bullsh*t you see or hear in the movies or the radio!

abbey621:


And ask yourself this, what would be the ultimate result? The woman in question is refusing to leave the husband, I can tell you plain and frank that if they lock him up, she would be the first person pleading on his behalf. You seem so out of touch with reality that it's not even funny, this is 9ja forget all the bullsh*t you see or hear in the movies or the radio!

being locked where he can't hurt anyone again is a great ultimate result as far I'm concerned

But I agree with you that she may be the first to go beg for him to be released.
Still the better solution is not to fold arms and watch him kill her before stepping in. By then he will still end up locked up but she will be dead in addition. And the family wil be triply traumatized. Better?

cococandy:
being locked where he can't hurt anyone again is a great ultimate result as far I'm concerned

But I agree with you that she may be the first to go beg for him to be released.
Still the better solution is not to fold arms and watch him kill her before stepping in. By then he will still end up locked up but she will be dead in addition. And the family wil be triply traumatized. Better?

I refuse to believe that a 21 year old girl cannot influence her mother. The first step is to convince her mom to leave, any other method forcing her to leave will not work. They've been together for over 20 years and this level of violence didn't just show up today and I'm sure the man's main source of control is the fact that he's probably the bread winner so involving the police will not solve anything!

Miscellaneous:


if this is a better advice, I pray ur children abandon u as their mum at the times of trouble…… how abt that?

u talk like someone who intends to strangle his wife sooner or later, and u will nid d support of ur children as well.

abbey621:


Stop giving rubbish advice, a child should report his or her parent to the police, for what exactly? Very careless statement!

Abbey, thanks o, my advice is rubbish. It really does seem you didnt read completely wat I wrote. Kindly give urs and let's know who is more realistic.

Pele.

VintageCocktail:
From the little she wrote, the mum is a poster child of what every male nairalander wants as a wife....quiet, submissive, not contemplating on divorce even if she is maimed, humiliated and strangled infront of her children and the world and you're still asking for more as if the parties in question are here laying the complaints.
Honestly, would've loved to be married to such a down to earth wife if I am a weed smoker.

Tell the girl what you think will solve her problems in these quagmire, the parents can sort themselves out as they used to, even if it means the weed smoker succeeds in strangling the wife.

I admit this issue is sensitive bt I couldn't help laffing at your response. Its just Epic! Lmao! What religion has turned people with brains into, smh.

weed does not really make users violent. It gives more of a sedative effect, it makes you chilled out, ever heard the phrase, "couch lock" so I don't think the violence should be blamed on the weed.









As for the topic, my contribution is not needed as many have written my thoughts down already.

redgem:
Fellow Nairalander's please I need urgent help...who know of any human right activist in port harcourt? My dad is being abusive and threatens to kill my mum and I. He is being really violent and I fear he will fulfil his threat soon.... He has severally try to strangle my mum... Please, help its a matter of life and death.

I think he needs to be reminded that it is now an imprisonable offence to beat his wife. Thanks to the bill signed by the past President a few days ago. So he can be arrested and put in prison. Get someone to chip that in, the fear of prison might curb his temper.

redgem:
There was a reason behind that post but didn't want to share it....it was because of this issue of my dad physically abusing my mum that made me say so. I hate talking bad about him and wouldn't want to tarnish his image cos he is still my dad. Said that because, I got a job in lag through a friend and was thinking of relocating to stay with her so that I can make my own money and be able to take care of her. I love my mum so much and wouldn't want to loss her. The issue between my mum and dad started when I was a child, then I and my siblings would be at a corner and cry while he beats her, my mum didn't want to leave the house cos we were still little to be without a mum. My mum is very quite, gentle and a strong Christian, I remember when I do sleep with her and she doesn't sleep cos she's always praying. She always told me to be prayerful that its not something normal then...

VintageCocktail

i seriously dunno y so many good women end up with d wrong dude.. #ironyoflife

Please, is there any one in ph who can help me with accommodation for the main time? I really need where to rest my head

Please someone should help me...even if I need to pay, will find work within the first month...please

ALL SAID! and adviced, but the poor girl still needs help now what?!

redgem:
Fellow Nairalander's please I need urgent help...who know of any human right activist in port harcourt? My dad is being abusive and threatens to kill my mum and I. He is being really violent and I fear he will fulfil his threat soon.... He has severally try to strangle my mum... Please, help its a matter of life and death.

Foolish Daughter! A disgrace!
Some Children of your age are the ones making "peace" between their Parents and you are here jumping up like a deranged Pig!

if you are old enough to come to Nairaland, then , l presume correctly that you are an ADULT!.

So, stop acting foolish, MOVE YOUR MAMA out of there!
Either go and rent a room for her where she could stay ..or Move her to live with some of her relations, assuming you dont have paying job yet.


By asking for "Human Rights Activist" shows that you dont have "pure intentions".
Rubbishing your Father should not be the intention of a good daughter but that of a Bastard!
If he was that Violent, how did you survive up to this age?

You, Your Mother and Father are all bound by the SAME BLOOD!
That would NEVER change.
Dont turn your family into a "Laboratory" where others come to show their skill.
It does not always end well for everyone involved.
Go and ask Emmanuel Adebayor, if in doubt!


If you truly love your Mother and respect your father, move her first, then call Elders in your family to intervene!
I guess there is no smoke without fire.
If he did not try to kill her since your own birth and till now, something must be amiss. TELL US!

Like it is sad, "if you see a Squirrel dancing Azonto along the road side, there must be a drummer somewhere in the bush"!


A word is enough.



Lastpage!

I'm pleading....I don't want to stay with any relatives where he will have access to me. Please, I'm on my knees

redgem:
I eventually called the police since no one could calm him down but, I didn't call them to arrest him, I called them to help talk to him which they did. Thank God, finally we are inside but I pray it doesn't continue tomorrow even though I know it will. But to let peace reign even though we did nothing wrong, I and my mum will go on our knees to beg him...

Thank you all for your advice and support...
I love you all

I tell you, No father EVER forgets this!
He will hate you all his life.

You said this thing has been happening for some time?
How did you always "settle it" back then without humiliating him with Police? Why not this time?

Your Mum was already "out of danger" because you said "she went to church".
She could stay back in Church and chill out some where.

But your first post indicated that she was in IMMEDIATE DANGER!
Then instead of "rescuing her" from that murderer, you wanted a "human right activist"!
Is the activist suppose to help you remove her or to help you "jail him"?

See, you are DELIBERATELY EMBELLISHING THIS STORY. INFACT, you are lying against your father just to garner sympathy and help.

Painting your Father bad and your Mother as the innocent Angel!

We cant hear your father's version but it is obvious you are taking sides already.
I can start "picking holes' in your story but l dont have the time.


But remember o, you too will have children, male and female, in the future.... and you will reap what you are sowing now. No be curse!


Dearis God!


Lastpage!

redgem:
I'm pleading....I don't want to stay with any relatives where he will have access to me. Please, I'm on my knees

Why are you so afraid of him NOW?

Go and stay with friends for now.
I thought it was your Mum that was the "target"?
Seems you are also the target now...WHY?

Once your Mum is safe, go and start the job you said you wanted to start and stay with that your friend you mentioned.
Dont tell him where you are. SIMPLE.


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redgem:
I know begging and Kneeling is not the solution but my mum does not believe in leaving her matrimonial home... She prefers to stay and face whatever comes her way like how she's being doing since they married. Sometimes I even blame my mum for her silence all these years, she gets hurt and keeps on protecting him.. We went to his room this morning and he acted like he was asleep, so we left. Dad is currently calling people from the village telling them that I called police for them to arrest him, changing the truth and spoiling mum's name.

But did you not call the Police on him?
Is that not the truth.... if it is so, then why are you saying he is "Changing the truth"?

Seems you are not truthful yourself.

Why not just try to justify why you need to call-in the Police?
If your reasons are valid and honest, you should not be worried over that!

But l guess you have your own ulterior motives as well, especially that "Human Right activist" request!


Lastpage!

redgem:


He smokes weed but he hardly consume alcohol. He always says he regrets marrying my mum that she's a fool and calls her all sort of names. He has lovers and mum once approached one and talked to her, I still remember what happened after the girl told dad. when ever mum goes out, he says she has gone to meet her male friends [/b]when he knows that she went to church or her sisters(church women that's what she calls them) place.

I wish they dissolve the marriage and go their separate ways but the bible is against it according to what my mum believes

Now we are getting close!


[b]So, INFIDELITY is one of the reasons?

While l cant take your word for "who is doing what", l think these two are no longer husband and wife, just living together.

That "weed angle" is just to tarnish his image.
It has nothing to do with their quarrel.
Stop maligning your own father.


Lastpage!

dinachi:

End time marriage counsellor, keep off!

I tell you!

But you need to see the inside of the "homes" (if any) of some of these Counsellors and you wil understand why they speaketh as they do.

Nonsense.


Lastpage!

redgem:
Will leave the house once I get a place to stay...can't stay in my friends place with her husband.. Called her and she promised to get a place for me.

Thanks so much
Babyosisi
Andromida
Davep
Caracta
Bukatyne
MarvellousGod
VintageCocktail
Pickabeau1
Cococandy
And those I wasn't able to mention

Will keep you all posted and will require advices of more issues arises.
He is currently not around, he went out
I tried apologising but he didn't let me talk, he said he just wanted a little rest then he will get back at us, that we should be grateful that he let us sleep in the house and we've exhausted our stay. He began shouting but mum and I kept quite like we were advised to, he talked from 10 till to 12 then He got a call from his friend and he left the house.

So the 'butcher' still has one friend left?
And that friend can call him, he answers, listen and acts on it by going out?


I thought you gave us the impression that he listens to no one?
Hmmm.....

Dearis God o!


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lolababe331e:
Seems he wants to get rid of her either through divorce or murder. He probably wants to move in one of his mistresses. Na wa for your Mum o, a mad man says she should go and he doesn't want to be married to her again and he is even threatening to kill her just to get rid of her yet she's hanging on Does she value her life at all

Stop yarning rubbish!

What stops her from leaving him?

Did the man not also accuse her of having lovers or did you not read that in what the daughter wrote?
If you cant believe that part then why must you believe that on his own part?

So, which of those two can prevent him or her from being with who they want to be with?

You people dnt have little sense, not to talk of deep reasoning.



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icebeatz:
DID HE ALSO BOUND YOUR MOM'S LEGS??
SHE SHOULD RUN AWAY WITH YOU WHILE SHE CAN!!

your dad is a coward and he will keep beating your mom cos your mom allows it!!

forget human rights... in my village, if you beat your wife severally, her siblings are permitted to give you a taste of your own medicine.Call your mom's siblings and let them know wassup.... let them gear up and come give your dad severe beating!!

What if the man also have "stronger and bigger" siblings, who then seek to also "avenge" their brother that was beaten by his in-laws?
It now becomes a "Battle of Clans" abi?

See how foolish that advice is? Its a No-Brainer, for your village peeps.


Best thing is to gather "elders" and let them dig to the root of the problem, proffer reasonable solution but if the TWO (which it takes to tango) cannot AGREE, then they should SEPARATE and NOT LIVE TOGETHER.

If after that, the matter does not resolve, then any of the two id FREE and ENTITLED to seek an annulment of such marriage because on the grounds of mutual desertion!.



Lastpage!

lolababe331e:


A man who smokes weed and threatens to strangle his wife , pour hot water on the Pastor and Church members and you think he should have custody of her siblings When his present punching bag is gone he will most likely take out his frustrations on the kids

You are insane!


Spouses dont react to their children the way they react to their "estrange spouse".

Use your head.

Quarrel between spouses should not and in most cases, dont extend to the Children except where one spouse instigates the children against the other.



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lolly2pops:


If he is abusive in nature, the mother must be given full custody of the kids while he (the father) [b]takes on the financial responsibility. [/b]

Greedy thieves, thats how they start!

They use any quarrel as an "excuse" to take the custody they cant even perform properly, all so they can get MONEY!

No wonder there are so many errant youths all over the place, nurtured by Mums who are only interested in the "financial reward" their marriage breakdown, can give them!

How much is your divorced husband paying you?

Anuofia!



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abbey621:
Young girl listen well, I will not repeat myself! Stop letting the devil use you to fulfill its mission! Your father will always be your father no matter what, I know the situation looks drastic right now but everything happens for a reason. The best thing you and your mom can do is to try all possible means for a peaceful resolution. This means staying away from sometime and getting elders involved. If your father wanted to kill your mother, he would have done so long ago and as long as your mother is not willing to leave him then it is not your place to force her. Trust in the God you serve to protect her, be very prayerful as most issues such as this are more spiritual than physical. Finally, at the age of 21, you are on the right track, get through NYSC, get a good job and use your success to fight for your mother, that I believe is the best form of revenge! To get the police involved now or to do something drastic would only form a lifelong hatred between you and your father. I don't know where you come from but in Yorubaland if parents placed a curse on their child, it is usually very potent!

This is the kind of person you should listen to, not those silly "Single Mums" who have destroyed their own home and want as many people as can be, to join them.

Look at his solution? A win-win for everyone involved.





lastpage!

abbey621:


Show me a child that has done what you are requesting her to do and has gone on in life to be successful?
There are better alternatives that the child can pursue, issues like this happens in majority of naija households, the key is to not overreact. Even the woman in question went to church rather than fight for her cause. If anyone should call the police, it should be the wife and not the child. Children must know their role and play it!

May your source of Wisdom be forever replenished.

God will continue to add more to you.

That last line was EPIC!


Lastpage!