tearoses:
It is well
Obviously you are married to a different man that you thought you knew

I dont know what to say really apart from to look out for yourself. . . mentally especially

I also dont know if this keeping this to myself and trying to pretend everything is OK is healthy
I hope you dont snap and hit him on the head with a saucepan
It will certainly drain me mentally to carry on as normal and feed him breakfast instead of throwing the plate at his head
Please dont put yourself in a position that will make you do something regretable. There is so much we can take as humans before we snap.

You already have evidence and it will be one of 2 things; either he denies & comes up with a story or he is very apologetic and repentant
Until you go through that phase, and he goes one way or the other, you cant really know how you will respond to it and what to do next.

Talk to him. He is your husband. Even if things dont end well you deserve to know the truth and if you do both decide and are able to get through this together then you have both been able to communicate and work through conflict which is good becasue there will be many times during the marriage that you will go through different challenges of various sizes. . . .So you both need to talk no matter the outcome.

It is well my sister. It is well. ((hugs))

*smiles

And to think snapped is one of my favourite programs on crime and investigation. He's asked me one day why I love watching it and so I tried weaning myself off the channel.

But watching, with all Ive been through the past two years really showed me a lot about human nature. How fickle it is. I guess it also made me more aware generally, because the former me watched it but was so in love with blissful ignorance.

And I think I also got him paranoid as he asked why I hid a knife under the chair on another occasion.

I actually, i was using the knife to trim our wedding cake and I just pushed it under the chair instead of leaving it lying around as Ive watched too much of freak accidents on a 1000 ways to die.


But I wont snap. I promise. I have too much to live FREELY for. Its not worth it.

Lol

Ampiclox will stop her from getting HIV.

brownie10:


He uses it more often. I have my own which I prefer using since I am very sensitive.

Yesterday night, my whole body was itching. Hives broke out all over my face.
Every thing is really affecting me badly. Inside.

Due to my body type, I am so meticulous about my body and what goes inside it that I just cant believe he was busy sticking his d!k in all these girls and came to stick it in me too.
I feel violated because I cannot open my legs for any other man. I just cant.

Even though he used a condom and all and even changed the condom in-between.


Which makes me remember, one of the times he changed the girl in the dark video was like: E no go tear. see you. I dey take care of myself pass you. Na by condom? After this, I go take ampiclox.

Imagine! Imagine the dirty, local, uneducated, prostituting PIG!!

Ahh. na wa o.
Unfortunate something....
Confront him NOW.

troy20:
offcourse you find all sorts of unwanted stuff in a bin.what where you rumagging in a bin for if its not in hope of finding something unpleasant.these are things he did before he married you and he deleted them after marriage.if your pre wedding past is dug up i hope they show you all up in white frock with angelic rings round your head.

Well said

OP stop insulting the women as they are not your problem, your husband is.

It's crazy btw, that your husband was still on tape while calling you, he must be an entirely different person from who you thought he was.

brownie10:



Aaaaaah! Didnt you CC to admire. Aisha, GreatGod, Osisi and all the others with great marriages. Is it me you want to admire. Who couldnt find out the needful before marriage and is crying foul 2 months after. OK then. No problem.

When Im able to, we can connect.

Sweetie, I admire your calmness, and your articulation. You sound very matured and responsible, like someone who is committed to doing the right things in marriage. Forget the fact that things are going South now but you should have been appreciated by hubby for keeping yourself till marriage. Reasonable husbands will forsake whatever and give their all to women like you.

Aaaah! All those people too have their own challenges in their marriages. A lot of them advice based on experience not necessarily on intuitive wisdom.

Dear, this too shall pass and you get a lot of experience to advice others.

Cheers sister!

Why are people saying he cheated before marriage therefore it shouldn't count? 20 days to the wedding means everything's set and they must be traditionally married(which is the main marriage rite) so how can it still be before marriage?

Setaje:



Am not cursing you but I put it to you that one day u will get hooked. Nothing u wrote here justifies you cheating on anybody. Infact this your comment is very $tupid and annoying . You say it wiv so much confidence. You are a terrible person and u are part of the people given women problems. Nothing justifies anybody cheating. Nothing. I no that people make mistakes, but if this mistakes keep happening, sorry it's no more a mistake, it becomes deliberate and people who deliberately cause pain to another deserve no joy in life. I respect men who keep an open relationship than having a girlfriend and still act single. Shows how unreliable someone is. Continue u hear.


This is d damn issue. Men don't seem to understand that your motive for sleeping wiv another woman is different from the other woman's motive. You might just meet a woman who has spiritualist she visits in kano, before u no what hit u, u alone have destroyed your marriage. This women are not smiling. Apart from the spiritual, some women are damn good, they will have u hooked. So Oga, if u think no woman can take u away from your unfortunate gf, u never jam the woman! Such women end up destroying the man's life so like I said continue.

Am just saying that I don't see it as "cheating". I don't feel that overwhelming guilt that comes with doing something wrong...maybe I might feel a little bit of it if am caught, but,aside from that, I don't feel any guilt...could you kindly explain to me what it is exactly that am cheating her of? cos, I know am holding up my own end of the relationship perfectly. No matter
how much a girl tried, she can't win a guy over if he doesn't want her. i've never wanted any of those girls. Doing "the deed" with a girl doesn't mean I want her.
Most guys presented with the opportunity to "straff" without getting caught would do it...the only fear is that you risk being caught and having your girl go all emotional on you.

Op,

Try and get a video of him cheating after he married you you. If you cannot....then stop giving yourself HBP over nothing.

It is very inappriopriate to start digging up a spouse's past after marriage.

Nairalanders be like "Keep calm, confront him calmly, serve him food, clean the house, do your duties, be calm, don't do anything stupìd, he only did it before you were married so doesn't count,"


Madam op, see ehn, your guy not only cheated but recorded himself fucking so he can wa.nk over it when he is on his own. Was he even using a condom? This man has no respect for you whatsoever, you were there thinking about sharing your life with just one man whilst he was there sharing his preek with another woman and you sit here dey pretend calmness. Destroy all his shyt, pack your stuff, leave and send him the video or better yet, just go without a word, it will haunt him for the rest of his life. Within a short period of time and he is already Porn star? Not worth it tbh. Anyway your choice, just know that with that man, your heartache has only just started.

brownie10:


If this story is a lie. Then may this happen to me and may this be my portion.

But if it is not, then may this evil befall you a 1000 times over. May you know the kind of pain I am currently feeling! MAy you cry for help and mno one comes to your aid!

AMEN!!!!

Take it easy

brownie10:


My relationship with him was very OK up till today. We pray together most times. He is caring. He opens doors sometimes, he pulls out chairs sometimes. He sometimes even cooks when Im at work for us, because though he is better paid, he has wayyyy more time than i do. Just last evening, he came to pick me after work and we went for a date.

Even now, he has gone out to get some things for the house. He was on my neck that we should go together but I just asked him to go ahead while I cook. He could sense something was amiss as he turned and asked me if something was wrong just after he stepped out of the door. He wears his wedding band proudly.

Take it easy calm down. Fact is at least this was from before your wedding. I don't know where you live but I sugg you confront him and go for marriage counselling with a professional. Make sure he understands that if you ever catch him again, you are going to leave him. Also don't have kids until you are very sure of him. Wait a couple of years

Setaje:



Am not cursing you but I put it to you that one day u will get hooked. Nothing u wrote here justifies you cheating on anybody. Infact this your comment is very $tupid and annoying . You say it wiv so much confidence. You are a terrible person and u are part of the people given women problems. Nothing justifies anybody cheating. Nothing. I no that people make mistakes, but if this mistakes keep happening, sorry it's no more a mistake, it becomes deliberate and people who deliberately cause pain to another deserve no joy in life. I respect men who keep an open relationship than having a girlfriend and still act single. Shows how unreliable someone is. Continue u hear.


This is d damn issue. Men don't seem to understand that your motive for sleeping wiv another woman is different from the other woman's motive. You might just meet a woman who has spiritualist she visits in kano, before u no what hit u, u alone have destroyed your marriage. This women are not smiling. Apart from the spiritual, some women are damn good, they will have u hooked. So Oga, if u think no woman can take u away from your unfortunate gf, u never jam the woman! Such women end up destroying the man's life so like I said continue.

Am just being honest. Most guys presented with the opportunity would gladly do the deed. the only fear is getting caught and having your girl go all emotional on you. Those girls cannot win me over no matter how much they try because I do not want them in the first place. how do you win someone who doesn't want you? I hold up my own end of the relationship perfectly..i just have a hard time correlating "the deed" with cheating. I never actively staked out those girls. they wanted me more than I wanted them. pls, kindly help me understand how this is "cheating" cos, no matter how much I try, I just don't see it in that light.

HiGod:


Women that tour this path of compromising the position of their husbands for their childs in life never enjoyed their last years on earth. Realistically, They usually pay the ultimate price for the silly decision towards end of their miserable lives.

You ll enjoy the presence of your kids before age of 18 but after that age 18, they would start making their own decisions and certainly leave home in search of fortunes of life. At this juncture, the reality of what you have done ll start to sink in and there won't be any remedy anymore cos you are already enjoying your menopause. Loneliness becomes your boyfriend and romancing young men in your neighbourhood naturally becomes your fantasy as result of loneliness.

The position of your hubby is different from your kids and nothing on earth can replace that. You certainly need each other at old age than when you guys were young. You ll definitely enjoy your old age more with your hubby by your side.


Do you know why some mother-in-iaws destroyed their daughters' marriages? They do cos they have got no lives without their children and as a result of their daughter absence at home, depression set in

My advice to ladies with this stupidd mentality; most picked this mentality from their mum. You need to go into your marriage with positive mentality and prepare to make it work regardless. Wife/mothers build their homes while ordinary women destroy theirs. Only a woman can build her home. However, I m not denying the fact that there are evil men out there who ll do anything to frustrate their marriage........

Thanks

You prefer to bottle the emotions and paint other women black than addressing the situation.

If divorce is your only option, goodluck to you.

fem29:


Take it easy calm down. Fact is at least this was from before your wedding. I don't know where you live but I sugg you confront him and go for marriage counselling with a professional. Make sure he understands that if you ever catch him again, you are going to leave him. Also don't have kids until you are very sure of him. Wait a couple of years

I guess being a girlfriend or fiancee, nothing much to stress about over a cheating partner as anyone is free to do whatever they like as long as the vows have not been made, right? I see.

coogar:
another cöck & bull story....

SB22:
Am just being honest. Most guys presented with the opportunity would gladly do the deed. the only fear is getting caught and having your girl go all emotional on you. Those girls cannot win me over no matter how much they try because I do not want them in the first place. how do you win someone who doesn't want you? I hold up my own end of the relationship perfectly..i just have a hard time correlating "the deed" with cheating. I never actively staked out those girls. they wanted me more than I wanted them. pls, kindly help me understand how this is "cheating" cos, no matter how much I try, I just don't see it in that light.

dont worry you will know how its "cheating" when your woman falls for a more sucessful man who wants her more than she wants him

slimyem:
Op is saying she never had a hint this man has these ways before marriage. I say I do not believe.
Quite a number of women compromise on some standards when it comes to marriage only to scream when it bites them much later.
There's no need to ask if you should confront him. You know you will,you know you will forgive him.

This I have to disagree with. Some people are masters at deception and being in a long distance relationship is even worse cos you do not really get to see what the person is truly like

kandiikane:


I guess being a girlfriend or fiancee, nothing much to stress about over a cheating partner as anyone is free to do whatever they like as long as the vows have not been made, right? I see.

Of course it's very wrong to cheat on your girlfriend or fiancée but nobody is perfect. Fact is if she had found out before the wedding I would have advised her to pick up her shoes and run as fast as she can but they are now married and she needs to Al least give the marriage a chance. Would you advise her to leave him over this?

senier007:

what you did also was wrong to go 2ru his personal stuff, what if it is what it is? n

No such thing as personal stuff when you decide to cohabit and spend your lives together, the only personal stuff is the region after your scrotum and perineum, even that is up for debate.

flyca:


You are a criminal! I spit on you!
Of all stupifying things to say, its this
Weren't they dating before the wedding, or he just tripped into her, maybe along an express road and took her to the altar?

I won't dignify your stupidity with another response. Lets face the matter on ground. Bye!

Kilode. Did you forget to take your medication today. Is your head correct at all, how DARE you speak to me like that. You must be very very stupid .

fem29:




Kilode. Did you forget to take your medication today. Is your head correct at all, how DARE you speak to me like that. You must be very very stupid .

I repeat for the last time!

fem29:


Take it easy calm down. Fact is at least this was from before your wedding. I don't know where you live but I sugg you confront him and go for marriage counselling with a professional. Make sure he understands that if you ever catch him again, you are going to leave him. Also don't have kids until you are very sure of him. Wait a couple of years

You are a criminal! I spit on you!
Of all stupifying things to say, its this
Weren't they dating before the wedding, or he just tripped into her, maybe along an express road and took her to the altar? What's wrong with folks like you? Can't you just read to learn since you don't have what to say? Must you comment

I won't dignify your stupidity with another response. Lets face the matter on ground. Bye!

fem29:


Of course it's very wrong to cheat on your girlfriend or fiancée but nobody is perfect. Fact is if she had found out before the wedding I would have advised her to pick up her shoes and run as fast as she can but they are now married and she needs to Al least give the marriage a chance. Would you advise her to leave him over this?

So because nobody is perfect, your flaws can give you the audacity to not only cheat but also record your expressions? A chance for what, so she can have a whole shelf full of his collections? Now is even the best time to walk away.

flyca:


I repeat for the last time!


You are a criminal! I spit on you!
Of all stupifying things to say, its this
Weren't they dating before the wedding, or he just tripped into her, maybe along an express road and took her to the altar? What's wrong with folks like you? Can't you just read to learn since you don't have what to say? Must you comment

I won't dignify your stupidity with another response. Lets face the matter on ground. Bye!

Spit on your father. Oponu oloriburuku.

SB22:
Am just saying that I don't see it as "cheating". I don't feel that overwhelming guilt that comes with doing something wrong...maybe I might feel a little bit of it if am caught, but,aside from that, I don't feel any guilt...could you kindly explain to me what it is exactly that am cheating her of? cos, I know am holding up my own end of the relationship perfectly. No matter
how much a girl tried, she can't win a guy over if he doesn't want her. i've never wanted any of those girls. Doing "the deed" with a girl doesn't mean I want her.
Most guys presented with the opportunity to "straff" without getting caught would do it...the only fear is that you risk being caught and having your girl go all emotional on you.

I hope you can also say same if your girl is the one sleeping with different guys?

kandiikane:

So because nobody is perfect, your flaws can give you the audacity to not only cheat but also record your expressions? A chance for what, so she can have a whole shelf full of his collections? Now is even the best time to walk away.

That is your opinion. I have given mine!. What she described of the hubby shows he has redeeming qualities. Fact is they were not married when he cheated. If it was before marriage, yes leave immediately. After marriage give him merry hell, 1 more chance , plus marriage counselling. If you disagree we agree to disagree, finito!

kandiikane:


No such thing as personal stuff when you decide to cohabit and spend your lives together, the only personal stuff is the region after your scrotum and perineum, even that is up for debate.

Hahahahaha

classicB:
Like my roommate will say. "I will just have like two kids with him and focus on them and my carrier, the early you realise these men are cheats the better"
Not all women can live with a cheating spouse, if you can't, u can just walk away.

This is the type of opinion that makes you keep meeting cheats and you wonder why and conclude that all men are cheats!

There are more than 2 billion men in the world, if you have close relationships with up to 100 (which is very unlikely), that is a very minute fraction and will give a very incorrect statistical conclusion!

What you believe is what you experience!

I PERSONALLY THINK BOTH OF YOU HAVE PROBLEMS. IM NOT TALKING ABOUT NOT PERMANENTLY DELETING SUCH VIDEOS, BUT DOING ANOTHER WOMAN BARELY 2MONTHS AFTER MARRIAGE, IS NOTHING BUT ASKING FOR PSYCHOLOGICAL HELP. I ALSO BELIEVE YOU KNOW MORE THAN YOU'RE TELLING US ABOUT THIS MAN BEFORE MARRYING HIM AND THAT'S WHY U WENT FISHING AROUND RECYCLE BIN. I BELIEVE BOTH OF YOU ARE IN YOUR 20S, I'LL BE 32 THIS NOVEMBER, MARRIED FOR 5YS, YOUR CASE IS A VERY UNUSUAL ONE. NOTHING WILL CHANGE UNLESS YOU BOTH DECIDE TO DO SOMETHING, LIKE PSYCHOLOGICAL INTERVENTION TO SAVE THE MARRIAGE IF YOU STILL WANT TO BE MARRIED AND I WISH YOU WELL

P

brownie10:


Believe me I have read every single comment as a guest on my phone. I couldnt sleep all night. Even when my eyes were closed, my spirit was restless.

A lot of people were surprised that I was so calm in typing last night. Have you heard about an out of body experience? I dont know how or why but this sudden calm was on me. Yes, there were moments I pulled my hair and sobbed. But I was soon calm again.

Calm as we ate from the same plate last night. Calm as I gave him his breakfast and kissed him bye this morning. Even though my heart is weeping. I am having chest pain as we speak. I feel like my heart is breaking and I so want to cry out my eyes.

But I will keep this pain within for now, while I plan what to do. Because if I cry a tear, then the tears wont stop.

I will be calm o. Cold, calm and calculate what next.


I spent the last hour going through the laptop again. I have seen a third video.

Why are you doing this, why don't you just confront him. Listen you need him to feel your pain. Shout , cry, break things. There need to be consequences