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Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? - Family - Nairaland

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Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Umuchoke(m): 12:11pm On Aug 01, 2015
Don't get the message wrong; I'm not totally against involving families in marriage but I feel it's better done after the young man and lady has tied the nuptial knots in the court of law. I've seen many cases where a guy would take a girl to his parents to introduce her as his future wife. The parents may accept initially but there would always be one grandpa with so much history in his bald head to ruin the show. He would tell you how the girl's people treated his own village in 1857, and for that reason the marriage shouldn't hold. This can be just so frustrating, especially when the young people involved are seriously in love with each other. Since bigotry and tribal sentiments can't be removed, I suggest we limit families involvement in marriage affairs.

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Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Joromi1: 12:19pm On Aug 01, 2015
Umuchoke:
Don't get the message wrong; I'm not totally against involving families in marriage but I feel it's better done after the young man and lady has tied the nuptial knots in the court of law. I've seen many cases where a guy would take a girl to his parents to introduce her as his future wife. The parents may accept initially but there would always be one grandpa with so much history in his bald head to ruin the show. He would tell you how the girl's people treated his own village in 1857, and for that reason the marriage shouldn't hold. This can be just so frustrating, especially when the young people involved are seriously in love with each other. Since bigotry and tribal sentiments can't be removed, I suggest we limit families involvement in marriage affairs.
That part got me cracking. grin but what u said is true

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Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Adisa89(m): 12:21pm On Aug 01, 2015
grin grin grin
Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Ginaz(f): 12:26pm On Aug 01, 2015
I dont think its a good ideal because the marriage is involving two families. the families need to know each other and will act as a pillar to the young couples in troubles times.

I know family can be frustrating sometimes, you can limit them completely only when you have started your family.
but when two couples are about getting married, both families needs to be involved and introduced.

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Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by RasheedUmar: 12:32pm On Aug 01, 2015
I've already said it. My dad won't know when I get married but I'll show him my children

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Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Umuchoke(m): 12:37pm On Aug 01, 2015
Ginaz:
I dont think its a good ideal because the marriage is involving two families. the families need to know each other and will act as a pillar to the young couples in troubles times.

I know family can be frustrating sometimes, you can limit them completely only when you have started your family.
but when two couples are about getting married, both families needs to be involved and introduced.

That, exactly, is the problem. Would you get married to someone you don't love? I guess no. But would you dump him just because your father doesn't like him or his tribe? Not me

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Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by shaybebaby(f): 12:47pm On Aug 01, 2015
Ginaz:
I dont think its a good ideal because the marriage is involving two families. the families need to know each other and will act as a pillar to the young couples in troubles times.

I know family can be frustrating sometimes, you can limit them completely only when you have started your family.
but when two couples are about getting married, both families needs to be involved and introduced.


Families should be there to support you not dictate what you should do.

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Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by edwife(f): 12:49pm On Aug 01, 2015
Umuchoke:

That, exactly, is the problem. Would you get married to someone you don't love? I guess no. But would you dump him just because your father doesn't like him or his tribe? Not me

That's where your judgement should come to play.You don't have to keep them in the dark just because you don't want anything that will hinder your choice of spouse.

Marriage is between two people with the support of their families.

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Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Umuchoke(m): 1:12pm On Aug 01, 2015
edwife:


That's where your judgement should come to play.You don't have to keep them in the dark just because you don't want anything that will hinder your choice of spouse.

Marriage is between two people with the support of their families.
I'm not saying one should keep them in the dark. But it's better they're informed after the spouses have made a private arrangement to ensure nothing stops their marriage, otherwise some cranky elders in the family would come out to spew crap and that's the end

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Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by innervoice(m): 2:20pm On Aug 01, 2015
Umuchoke:
Don't get the message wrong; I'm not totally against involving families in marriage but I feel it's better done after the young man and lady has tied the nuptial knots in the court of law. I've seen many cases where a guy would take a girl to his parents to introduce her as his future wife. The parents may accept initially but there would always be one grandpa with so much history in his bald head to ruin the show. He would tell you how the girl's people treated his own village in 1857, and for that reason the marriage shouldn't hold. This can be just so frustrating, especially when the young people involved are seriously in love with each other. Since bigotry and tribal sentiments can't be removed, I suggest we limit families involvement in marriage affairs.

It is up to you to set boundaries for your family members. My family would not dare to say anything against my then wife to be, not even my mother.
As a man you should not hide but deal with whatever challenges you may face in whatever situation.

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Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Umuchoke(m): 2:35pm On Aug 01, 2015
innervoice:


It is up to you to set boundaries for your family members. My family would not dare to say anything against my then wife to be, not even my mother.
As a man you should not hide but deal with whatever challenges you may face in whatever situation.
If you succeed in setting boundaries for your family members, would your finances also succeed? U can never balance it, so I still maintain that families are left out completely until after marriage
Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by innervoice(m): 2:41pm On Aug 01, 2015
Umuchoke:

If you succeed in setting boundaries for your family members, would your finances also succeed? U can never balance it, so I still maintain that families are left out completely until after marriage

Your life, your family, your decision.

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Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Nobody: 7:16pm On Aug 01, 2015
Op r u from ehime mbano

8 Likes

Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Captainswag225(m): 7:35pm On Aug 01, 2015
o.p, ur point is valid but involving parents in marriages is the tradition in africa and we cant do without it. Besides it has its advantages too.

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Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Umuchoke(m): 9:12pm On Aug 01, 2015
Eyekandi:
Op r u from ehime mbano
No, I'm from Orlu zone

3 Likes

Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Umuchoke(m): 9:17pm On Aug 01, 2015
Captainswag225:
o.p, ur point is valid but involving parents in marriages is the tradition in africa and we cant do without it. Besides it has its advantages too.
You're right, but it's kind of disheartening when some old member of the family starts telling a negative story about the other spouse's background. In the end, what seemed to have a happy beginning would end up a sad story

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Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Nobody: 9:30pm On Aug 01, 2015
Umuchoke:

No, I'm from Orlu zone

Ok, ur username made me ask

1 Like

Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Umuchoke(m): 9:33pm On Aug 01, 2015
Eyekandi:


Ok, ur username made me ask
Yeah, Umuchoke is a small village in Amaigbo under Orlu zone. Are you from there?

2 Likes

Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by tpiander: 9:33pm On Aug 01, 2015
Umuchoke:
Don't get the message wrong; I'm not totally against involving families in marriage but I feel it's better done after the young man and lady has tied the nuptial knots in the court of law. I've seen many cases where a guy would take a girl to his parents to introduce her as his future wife. The parents may accept initially but there would always be one grandpa with so much history in his bald head to ruin the show. He would tell you how the girl's people treated his own village in 1857, and for that reason the marriage shouldn't hold. This can be just so frustrating, especially when the young people involved are seriously in love with each other. Since bigotry and tribal sentiments can't be removed, I suggest we limit families involvement in marriage affairs.

o ma baje o.

I pity your SO.

are you gay perhaps?

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Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Umuchoke(m): 9:34pm On Aug 01, 2015
tpiander:


o ma baje o.

I pity your SO.

are you gay perhaps?
No, I'm not gay. And what made you think I am? undecided

11 Likes 1 Share

Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Captainswag225(m): 9:50pm On Aug 01, 2015
Umuchoke:

You're right, but it's kind of disheartening when some old member of the family starts telling a negative story about the other spouse's background. In the end, what seemed to have a happy beginning would end up a sad story
yeah, that hurts alot when it happen, for me i think telling both parents is the first step but when a member from either side of the man and lady's family tries to prevent the marriage without valid reasons then they should be ignored.

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Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by freecocoa(f): 9:57pm On Aug 01, 2015
Well, no one in my family can dictate to me so I guess I have nothing to worry about in that regard.

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Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Nobody: 10:23pm On Aug 01, 2015
At the same time, it's tough to downplay the importance of familial support. It presents quite the conundrum.

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Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Nobody: 10:26pm On Aug 01, 2015
Umuchoke:

Yeah, Umuchoke is a small village in Amaigbo under Orlu zone. Are you from there?

No. We have d same in ehime

2 Likes

Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Umuchoke(m): 10:42pm On Aug 01, 2015
Eyekandi:


No. We have d same in ehime
Ok. Mbano is very close to us all the same
Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Umuchoke(m): 10:47pm On Aug 01, 2015
EnlightenedSoul:
At the same time, it's tough to downplay the importance of familial support. It presents quite the conundrum.
That's why they should be kept in the second place. There would always be an "all-knowing" oldie in the background with unknown histories to tell

1 Like

Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Umuchoke(m): 10:47pm On Aug 01, 2015
freecocoa:
Well, no one in my family can dictate to me so I guess I have nothing to worry about in that regard.
Haha! Forget that. You're a lady. There's only a little you can do

1 Like

Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by docphresh(m): 10:48pm On Aug 01, 2015
Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by freecocoa(f): 10:49pm On Aug 01, 2015
Umuchoke:

Haha! Forget that. You're a lady. There's only a little you can do
What kind of talk is that? Did I tell you I don't know I'm a lady? Just how does that have anything to do with what's being discussed here?

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Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Umuchoke(m): 10:54pm On Aug 01, 2015
freecocoa:
What kind of talk is that? Did I tell you I don't know I'm a lady? Just how does that have anything to do with what's being discussed here?
I'm sorry if you feel bad about my response. But, my dear, the African or Nigerian mentality doesn't allow a lady to have much say in her pre-marital affairs. They expect you to keep silent and let the elders do the talking. In some cultures, the lady is not even supposed to show her face when issues concerning her marriage is being discussed. I'm sure you're aware of that too

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Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by Umuchoke(m): 10:55pm On Aug 01, 2015
Re: Can't We Just Get Married Without Involving Families? by crackhaus: 10:58pm On Aug 01, 2015
Umuchoke:
Don't get the message wrong; I'm not totally against involving families in marriage but I feel it's better done after the young man and lady has tied the nuptial knots in the court of law.
Wrong!

I've seen many cases where a guy would take a girl to his parents to introduce her as his future wife. The parents may accept initially but there would always be one grandpa with so much history in his bald head to ruin the show. He would tell you how the girl's people treated his own village in 1857, and for that reason the marriage shouldn't hold.
Wrong!!

This can be just so frustrating, especially when the young people involved are seriously in love with each other. Since bigotry and tribal sentiments can't be removed, I suggest we limit families involvement in marriage affairs.
Wrong again!!!

5 Likes 1 Share

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