5minsmadness:


Hehehe.
Mindfulness.
At what age does a person become "emotionally healthy?"
A "morally upright" person wouldn't.

Age is not a guarantee for maturity and emotional health. Some people are emotionally unhealthy due to childhood experiences and others suffer from mental / emotional health issues in the later stages of their lives due to the inability to cope with life's challenges.
It is not a question of age. An emotionally healthy person who had a beautiful childhood can go through a traumatic experience which can result in mental health issues. In my view, no healthy young girl would agree to what the girl agreed and no man of integrity would take advantage of such a person.

AfroKnight:

That she was 17 when it happened is not in contention. Interestingly, it is NOW statutory rape in Nigeria.

Did he forcefully have sex with her? No. Was she drugged? No. Where is the sensational trauma (she alludes to) coming from? Where did the tales of woes spring from?

She claims that he blackmailed her with her nudes. He did not only blackmail her into having s.ex with him but also with others. It is for the court to find out whether these accusations are true.

Let her take him to court to get justice. This mudslinging is for a purpose. Somebody is thinking to fleece a certain young man to keep bad news at bay.

In his time of grief and at an auspicious moment in his political career, a bitter ex-girlfriend spins up ugly stories. This is suspect.

Since he slept with a minor, which is punishable by law, he should resign from every political office. He committed a crime. Criminals should not be holding official positions.

His grief is none of my business.

Mindfulness:


Age is not a guarantee for maturity and emotional health. Some people are emotionally unhealthy due to childhood experiences and others suffer from mental / emotional health issues in the later stages of their lives due to the inability to cope with life's challenges.
It is not a question of age. An emotionally healthy person who had a beautiful childhood can go through a traumatic experience which can result in mental health issues. In my view, no healthy young girl would agree to what the girl agreed and no man of integrity would take advantage of such a person.

Thank you.

Strawman:


Yes...? How may I help you?

5minsmadness:


Wait let me understand you.
So you are saying you havent seen ANY post where people, even guys especially, were castigating the guy for what he did?

I did, but 75% of the posts I saw exonerated him to the point that they ought to be paid for their hard work. Some said it was APC-PDP, others said our ancestors married at 14, one said 17 and 25 are now agemates, said she wasn't a virgin, her eye don tear, she's a vengeful ex.

Most people didn't pay Audu on the back, they simply screamed abuses at Sugabelly. There was no need to pat him on the back after that. If i were him, I'd go to court and pick a jury off NL. Not only would he win, but any girl who was no longer a virgin before 18 would have to attend mandatory sex parties and 11 would be age of consent.

No-one said "hey why didn't this guy just free her till a year later... "

My hubby went to school with him and said he wasn't a nice fellow. Another friend more bluntly called "a Shi.t". This behaviour of aggressive ownership didn't just start with this girl. But if we shoot her down, we will not hear about the quiet ones who did get their drinks spiked and end up crying in a hotel room with him and his friends. You may not like the messenger, but the message is valid.

5minsmadness:


So in your books a 13yr old and a 17yr old have the same emotional maturity? Ok.

The issue here is you girls seem to be exonerating her of ALL guilt. Oh she was 17, she was a zombie, she was manipulated. She couldnt tell right from wrong. Boo hoo.

The man was an irresponsible ingrate who saw an oppurtunity and used it as most people, male AND female, would. The girl on her part made herself readily (and willfully) available.

No they don't. In my books they don't.

But you're implying an 18yr old and 17 yr old have the same.
Do a 16yr old and a 17yr old have the same emotional maturity? If so, how about a 15 yr old and 16yr old?

At what age can the line be drawn since 18 is no longer it.
Should the suggested new age of consent be 16?
And If so, we can also hold a 15yr old responsible by the same argument that holds a 17yr yr old when the age of consent is 18.


Pls answer your honest opinion.

5minsmadness:

Thank you.

Of course age is not a guarantee of maturity.

What should then be the deciding factor if a minor is involved in sexual relations with an adult?
The judge examines the minor and determines if they are behaving maturely or not and then decides whether to convict the adult of rape or not?

Mindfulness:
She claims that he blackmailed her with her nudes. He did not only blackmail her into having s.ex with him but also with others. It is for the court to find out whether these accusations are true.

Since he slept with a minor, which is punishable by law, he should resign from every political office. He committed a crime. Criminals should not be holding official positions.

His grief is none of my business.

Good. It is for the courts to decide the truth of her claims not twitter. What is keeping her away from the court? Is she too poor to hire a lawyer? Are there no activists and NGO willing to support rape victims?

You cannot dismiss the timing of this accusation. This is blackmail in the works.

She is busy running his name through mud. I think he should sue her for that. Maybe she will then remember to sue him for rape and make this accusation formal.

The law is the law. He raped her because he had sex with her when she was 17 while the constitutional age of consent is 18. In the UK, 16 is the age of consent and a woman having sex with a boy who is 15years and 11months old has raped the boy even if the boy practically begged her to have sex with him. No ifs or buts. Even people that used the defence of someone looking much older that 16 have not been spared in court. They were still convicted of rape. There is a reason why there is an age for consent. One of them being that the person is physically mature for sex and the second one to make people have sex at an age where they are mature enough to make a well informed decision about things that affect them. The consent age is actually put in place to avoid situations like this. To avoid a situation where someone has a relationship when they are unable to handle the difficult part of relationship. To avoid situations where a much older person takes advantage of a younger person. That's why a 17 years old boy having sex with a 15years old is not considered rape in the uk as they are the same age.

cococandy:

Of course age is not a guarantee of maturity.

What should then be the deciding factor if a minor is involved in sexual relations with an adult?
The judge examines the minor and determines if they are behaving maturely or not and then decides whether to convict the adult of rape or not?

Let us not even go there.

The age of consent is 18. By this standard, the man is guilty. There is no way we can twist it.

The point I was making is that he is not only guilty of sleeping with a minor - which in itself is despicable - but also of taking advantage of a psychologically fragile person.

AfroKnight:


Good. It is for the courts to decide the truth of her claims not twitter. What is keeping her away from the court? Is she too poor to hire a lawyer? Are there no activists and NGO willing to support rape victims?

You cannot dismiss the timing of this accusation. This is blackmail in the works.

She is busy running his name through mud. I think he should sue her for that. Maybe she will then remember to sue him for rape and make this accusation formal.

If he hadn't slept with a minor and a person that - as his own wife claimed on twitter - suffers from mental health issues, his name would remain clean.

Last time I told someone who was accused of fraud on this forum to sue the person accusing him on grounds of slander in case the accusations are made up, it turned out that the accused was indeed a scammer.

Any man who is sure that he is innocent should sue.

Mindfulness:


(1) A person is guilty of sexual misconduct with a minor in the first degree when: (a) The person has, or knowingly causes another person under the age of eighteen to have, sexual intercourse with another person who is at least sixteen years old but less than eighteen years old and not married to the perpetrator, if the perpetrator is at least sixty months older than the victim, is in a significant relationship to the victim, AND abuses a supervisory position within that relationship in order to engage in or cause another person under the age of eighteen to engage in sexual intercourse with the victim; (b) the person is a school employee who has, or knowingly causes another person under the age of eighteen to have, sexual intercourse with a registered student of the school who is at least sixteen years old and not married to the employee, if the employee is at least sixty months older than the student; or (c) the person is a foster parent who has, or knowingly causes another person under the age of eighteen to have, sexual intercourse with his or her foster child who is at least sixteen.

http://www.ageofconsent.us/forum/age-of-consent-discussion/age-of-consent-in-washington-state


This is the third time I see you sharing wrong information on how things are and work in the West. The second one was when you were claiming that calling a person fat in the West wasn't an insult a few years ago.

Don't be so carwfree with your accusations.

In Washington State, the age of consent for sex is 16 years old. At this age, a person can consent
to sex with any adult, regardless of the age difference between them. Washington’s age of
consent laws apply to both heterosexual and homosexual conduct.
Exception for Minors
Most states allow minors to consent to sex with a person who is close in age to them—even if
they are below the age of consent. Washington is one of those states, but its system is complex
because there are specific guidelines for different age groups. While this theoretically makes
greater allowances for adolescents to engage in consensual, non-exploitative sexual relations, it is
also more difficult to tell when sexual conduct is legal, and when it is not.
In Washington, a minor as young as 11 can consent to sex with someone, as long as that person
is 2 years older or less. Minors who are 12 to 13 years old can consent to sex with someone who
is 3 years older or less. And lastly, minors aged 14 or 15 can consent to sex with a person who is
4 years older or less.
http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/washington-age-of-consent-lawyers.html



As for fat, I would post along article but lets derail, but check this link out:
http://www.salon.com/2014/01/20/is_it_ok_to_call_someone_fat/

It wasn't always the big deal it is in today's world.

5minsmadness:


The thing tire me.
Nobody is supporting the guy but to absolve the girl of all blame because she was 17 is just plain ludicrous.
Good night jo. Am turning in too.

Lol. Safe bruv

Mindfulness:


If he hadn't slept with a minor and a person that - as his own wife claimed on twitter - suffers from mental health issues, his name would remain clean.

Last time I told someone who was accused of fraud on this forum to sue the person accusing him on grounds of slander in case the accusations are made up, it turned out that the accused was indeed a scammer.

Any man who is sure that he is innocent should sue.

In a culture where 16 year olds are given as brides, i dont think he would feel shame for sleeping with a 17 year old.

Bro, his lawyer stated that he has taken legal steps in response to her mudslinging.

Rape is terrible. No man, boy, girl or woman should be subjected to it. Likewise, no man or woman should be wrongly accused. Honestly, I wouldn't find it funny if my ex accuses me of rape. Before I could clear the air, my reputation would have been soiled.

Mindfulness:


Let us not even go there.

The age of consent is 18. By this standard, the man is guilty. There is no way we can twist it.

The point I was making is that he is not only guilty of sleeping with a minor - which in itself is despicable - but also of taking advantage of a psychologically fragile person.

Lol.
I was merely using his argument to discredit him.
Because truly if we do go there, there will be twists and turns until no one knows when it's okay or not to have sexual relations with minors.
Or who even qualifies as a minor anymore.

Amya:


Ah! seems your haven't gone through her 2008 blog post then. That's where all the truth lies.

What you don't get is that the girl desperately wanted to appear cool. She wanted to be this enlightened soul and went about it all the wrong way. Leave all that stories about how he had her nude picture and intended to blackmail her with it. That's all face saving strategy. She was kinda obsessed with the guy and like a zombie would do anything he asked. The humiliation came in when he dumped her after her supposed "sacrifices" for him.

This Sugabelly chic has even annoyed me once on NL. It was one of those petty fights where she was arguing that I was a moralistic hypocrite for saying big brother africa shower hour was unnecessary. I cussed her back of course, so I know a thing or two about her trying to sound enlightened for the sole reason of being 'liberal'. But I cannot use that to negate her realities. Amya, we can only make conjectures here and there since we were not there.
But I still maintain that her having consented to a style of sex today does not translate to consent at all sexual encounters, hence the probability of citing rape.

Even if she was not a minor, the details of the sexual encounters are alarming for me sef wey don old.
Because of this issue, I've been doing some readings. These statistics are crazy...

THE FACTS ABOUT ADOLESCENT REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH IN NIGERIA (Source: http://www.siecus.org/inter/nigeria/acti/acti0002.html)
SEXUAL RELATIONS

7 out of every 10 males and 5 out of every 10 females attending secondary school in Nigeria are sexually active or have had sexual relations at least, once. A study in Benin City showed that 55% of the secondary school girls had sexual intercourse before age 16. A more recent study showed that the mean age of initiation of sexual intercourse is 13 years.

PREGNANCY
Two out of every 5 secondary school girls interviewed admitted to at least one previous pregnancy. Over 900,000 births to adolescents occur annually and 150 out of every 1000 women who give birth in Nigeria are 19 years old and under.

ABORTION
Eighty percent of patients at Nigerian Hospitals with abortion-related complications are adolescent girls. These complications include hemorrhage, septicemia, perforated uterus, secondary sterility and in many cases, death. Illegally induced abortion is described as a school girls' problem in Nigeria.

Stillfire:


This Sugabelly chic has even annoyed me once on NL. It was one of those petty fights where she was arguing that I was a moralistic hypocrite for saying big brother africa shower hour was unnecessary. I cussed her back of course, so I know a thing or two about her trying to sound enlightened. But I cannot use that to negate her realities. Amya, we can only make conjectures here and there since we were not there.
But I still maintain that her having consented to a style of sex today does not translate to consent at all sexual encounters, hence the probability of citing rape.

I tend to agree with u.
I see the point of 5minutesmadness's argument but like has bin said, Statutory Rape in d eyes of d law is statutory rape irrespective.
Secondly, if at 17 her consent is not recognized/ deemed inconsequential in d eyes of the law, doesn't that translate to Gross Abuse of her rights f her to be subjected to forms of sexual behavior which is considered somewhat as as abnormal sexual deviations
The rape accusation can be argued about, tho unnecessarily so, but wat of the abuse

No girl, underaged or not ,deserves that

Stillfire:
Even if she was not a minor, the details of the sexual encounters are alarming for me sef wey don old.
Because of this issue, I've been doing some readings. These statistics are crazy...

THE FACTS ABOUT ADOLESCENT REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH IN NIGERIA (Source: http://www.siecus.org/inter/nigeria/acti/acti0002.html)
SEXUAL RELATIONS

7 out of every 10 males and 5 out of every 10 females attending secondary school in Nigeria are sexually active or have had sexual relations at least, once. A study in Benin City showed that 55% of the secondary school girls had sexual intercourse before age 16. A more recent study showed that the mean age of initiation of sexual intercourse is 13 years.

PREGNANCY
Two out of every 5 secondary school girls interviewed admitted to at least one previous pregnancy. Over 900,000 births to adolescents occur annually and 150 out of every 1000 women who give birth in Nigeria are 19 years old and under.

ABORTION
Eighty percent of patients at Nigerian Hospitals with abortion-related complications are adolescent girls. These complications include hemorrhage, septicemia, perforated uterus, secondary sterility and in many cases, death. Illegally induced abortion is described as a school girls' problem in Nigeria.

Welcome..
Once stated here, that in my experience @ work, 8 out of 10 women has had an abortion, it was taken out of context (m vs f)... a female Dr friend later kinda 'confirmed' it and most of these ladies must 've had them in their late teens.
Came across someone once, my former mechanic, who told me, that the 15-16,17s are the sweetest...he's a worker in a church now...
Met a 14 yr old sexually active teen recently @ work ..14!!
A friend's neighbors child..an obnoxious16+ old girl, got pregnant..mother covered it up, had d abortion without the fathers knowledge etc.
It's incredible the sh.it that goes on while our heads are buried.
We politicize/blatantly refuse t face anything in this country and then cry crocodile tears wen..

..and we wonder why the divorce rate is on the increase

The legal age for sex is 16 in this country oh...
I'll analyse later...

5minsmadness:
You ladies are making a mockery of real rape victims. You ought to be ashamed.

What's wrong with you??

I am not a lawyer so don't know how this may play out in court assuming that it ever gets to court in Nigeria.

However as a Parent I am very concerned about the input of this girls parents when she was growing up

Something definitely went very very wrong & even though this has happened and the clock cant be turned back for this girl, there are lots of lessons to be learnt from this sad story.

Parents please be involved in your kids. There is nothing out of bounds that you shouldn't be able to talk about.

Single mothers should be careful of the relationships that they go into (I read somewhere that the mothers boyfriend also raped this girl)

Fathers when you leave home, think about the kids you are leaving behind and the effect of your leaving on their mental state. Daughters need a father so be involved. Dont just walk away without looking back.

This girl grew up with zero self esteem and had gaps in her life that she thought that sex would fill. She needed love and she thought that sex would translate to love.
Unfortunately & sadly she came in contact with a user & a manipulator who took advantage of the situation.

Money cannot be exchanged for spending quality time and being involved with your children, This girl attended one of the most expensive schools in Nigeria but lacked parental guidance and support.

I sincerely hope that she is able to heal and enjoy the rest of her life. They stole a part of her life but I hope that she is able to reclaim the rest of it back and live a happy and fulfilled life.

Pls, you lot are scaring me.

Where was her mother when all of this was happening?

Abeg o! Still reading through this thread - but if there's one thing I'm quickly learning, we as parents - mothers especially - can't take our eyes off our girl child. Not even for half a second!

Onegai:


Don't say it's not that bad. I know someone who at 14 took swimming lessons at Ikoyi club. She was the smallest child ever, in thick glasses and certainly no Boobs or curves. The entire lesson, the older male instructor kept sliding his fingers under her bathing suit into her crotch. This terrified child would remove his hand and he would chill for a few. minutes, then fingers would. head back in. All this happened in broad daylight and since she was an inexperienced child, she began to. shiver and go even more quiet (that is the behaviour of most women when attacked, they retreat into. themselves). Finally. she. couldn't take. it anymore and whispered that her stomach was paining her so class should. end. Her fear and anguish reduced her to whispers.

Years later, when she was telling some guys the story, half of them blamed her for not shouting and acting like a combo of Voltron and Super Girl and beating him up, the rest half of those guys laughed and said she must have been enjoying it that was why she was quiet.

Even when. it's wrong, their minds instinctively go on the defense to the male accuser. Until that mindset changes, every man is a potential rapist in my eyes. Yes, family included (na dem worss pass sef). We need to stop defending the inexcusable.

There are good guys out there, but how am I to know which one is good until I'm in a compromising situation? It's upto them to defend their manhood and reclaim the honor that should be theirs by telling their peers to stop. After all, they keep. writing us women lists for How to keep a man, Ladies maintain your shape, Submission in Marriage etc so let them start weeding out the bad apples.

AfroKnight:

In a culture where 16 year olds are given as brides, i dont think he would feel shame for sleeping with a 17 year old.

Bro, his lawyer stated that he has taken legal steps in response to her mudslinging.

Rape is terrible. No man, boy, girl or woman should be subjected to it. Likewise, no man or woman should be wrongly accused. Honestly, I wouldn't find it funny if my ex accuses me of rape. Before I could clear the air, my reputation would have been soiled.

Nobody disagrees with you on this.

EfemenaXY:
Pls, you lot are scaring me.

Where was her mother when all of this was happening?

I read somewhere that the mother wasn't what we would call caring. The girl has been neglected by both her parents.

Abeg o! Still reading through this thread - but if there's one thing I'm quickly learning, we as parents - mothers especially - can't take our eyes off our girl child. Not even for half a second!

We shouldn't panic either. Millions of young girls spend a year abroad as exchange students and live with host families far away from home and nothing happens.

cococandy:

Lol.
I was merely using his argument to discredit him.
Because truly if we do go there, there will be twists and turns until no one knows when it's okay or not to have sexual relations with minors.
Or who even qualifies as a minor anymore.

You are right.

Mindfulness:

We shouldn't panic either. Millions of young girls spend a year abroad as exchange students and live with host families far away from home and nothing happens .

Who told you that?

Just because most of these international students shtum up doesn't necessarily mean nothing happened during their stay.

But ofcourse there's always an exception to every rule.

Sending a young kid abroad alone is not the best option IMO. Africans parents should set their priorities straight.

Onegai:
@stillfire,

In a normal society, a 25 year old man having kinky. affairs with a 17 year old girl would have had his arse in jail by now. But we're in Nigeria... so her morals are to be judged. I mean, he could have waited till the following year and done as he pleased and whilst it would have been immoral, it would certainly not be illegal. But everyone is falling over themselves to defend. an illegal relationship.

It doesn't matter if. she rode to his office on a camel and offered herself wearing nothing but a Persian rug and had slept with the entire U-17 football team before then, the Nigerian Constitution says that it is illegal for an adult. male. to. take advantage of her stvpidity. He should have controlled himself till she was of legal age and therefore presumed to be adult enough to make that decision. But yeah, him breaking the law is not important, let's focus on her morals and her parenting.

Next time I see any thread in which someone rapes a minor, I shall certainly congratulate the accused. He's innocent until the underage minor can prove to us that she didn't deserve it. After all, a 10 year old in a spaghetti-strap top is clearly asking for "it" in Nigerian society. And just let me hear anyone hashtag #ChildNotBride, i'll insult them. We need. more 13 year old happily married women...

I disagree with your post. According to the blog, even if he waited 10 yrs and committed those acts he would have still committed rape. The acts she mentioned are clearly rape regardless of age.

The dude is a rapist.

AtheistD:


I disagree with your post. According to the blog, even if he waited 10 yrs and committed those acts he would have still committed rape. The acts she mentioned are clearly rape regardless of age.

The dude is a rapist.

Very true

That mofo passed the girl around like a piece of toast , left her helpless and weak, though she fought back but ofcourse they were stronger.

I threw up in my mouth reading that piece. Scary is an understatement.

AtheistD:


I disagree with your post. According to the blog, even if he waited 10 yrs and committed those acts he would have still committed rape. The acts she mentioned are clearly rape regardless of age.

The dude is a rapist.

Pls can you give me the link to this blog?

I hope it doesn't make me angry though.

Ewuro4:


Who told you that?

Just because most of these international students shtum up doesn't necessarily mean nothing happened during their stay.

But ofcourse there's always an exception to every rule.

Sending a young kid abroad alone is not the best option IMO. Africans parents should set their priorities straight.

And who told you that?

Mindfulness:


I read somewhere that the mother wasn't what we would call caring. The girl has been neglected by both her parents.

We shouldn't panic either. Millions of young girls spend a year abroad as exchange students and live with host families far away from home and nothing happens.

One word for parents, mothers: awareness.

To read about the level of depravity in Naija where séxuàl abuse of minors seems to be the norm is extremely disturbing. I have a happy-go-lucky three year old daughter. Very self assured, confident little madam. I would be watching over her even more closely than before. Victorian style. I am very old-school anyway though.

Do you know, I find it extremely distasteful when mothers bring their inquisitive 3-6 year old sons into female only changing rooms at our local swimming / sports leisure centre? There are male only, female only, and general changing rooms. Why bring boys in female rooms where the women of all ages strip nàkéd??

Took my daughter for her swim class yesterday and after that, to the female shower rooms. I always subconsciously go for the cubicle at the extreme left, furtherst away from the entrance corridor. Anyway, while shampooing my daughter, this little South American (Cuban?) tout arrives with his mother to use the next cubicle. No wahala. But after showering, was trying to come over for a little peep? One look at my fierce expression plus me pointing him back to his mother quickly wiped the smile off his face as he made a quick U-turn. Nearly kicked his little behind too. What nonsense.

Anyway, even though it's a female only changing room, I NEVER change her in the open. T'is always in the little private cubicles.

Call me old fashioned. My mantra? Prevention is always better than cure. Thank goodness her dad is just as old fashioned as I am, if not more sef...

Re: the bolded bit of your post. I will never allow such. Why take such risks in the first place? I'd rather go with her and book a hotel for us both. No way will I let her live with a strange family I know nothing off. I'd have to be crazy in the first place to even consider such.