How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? - Family - Nairaland
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Why Nigerian Men Hardly Forgive A Cheating Woman / “I Can’t Wait For My Parents To Die, So I Can Inherit All” - Guy On Twitter / Advice: My Father Didn't Train Me In The University,should I Forgive Him? (2) (3) (4)
| How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by obowunmi(m): 4:40am On May 30, 2016 |
Yt |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by HungerBAD: 4:42am On May 30, 2016 |
BRB 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by obowunmi(m): 4:45am On May 30, 2016 |
I didn't grow up in a loving home, but I'm supposed to find love in this cruel world. Will take a miracle. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by Nobody: 5:26am On May 30, 2016 |
Defining ur own concept of how to live a happy home, it will takes the work of guidance and counselling unit |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by Tastemoney(m): 5:31am On May 30, 2016 |
Tell urself u ve forgiven them....Is that hard to do  1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by johnson232: 5:38am On May 30, 2016 |
Aren't they the same people that trained u? |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by chidekings(m): 6:18am On May 30, 2016 |
The day u got to understand that no matter the actions of humans(ur parents inclusive) that u must strive to be on a level that their actions does not necessarily change who u are..that day u are on ur way to the real forgiveness. 5 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by Dreal11247: 6:20am On May 30, 2016 |
First receive salvation as you surrender your life to Jesus. Through prayers and Holy Spirit, you will not only find peace but the bone of your bone and the flesh of your flesh. LG God blesses you with your right wife, your home will be heaven on earth. I wish you the best that God has for you. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by matrix199(m): 6:35am On May 30, 2016 |
When a magnet attracts a metal lighter than it, the metal will remain bound to it. But when a magnet seeks to attract metal heavier than it, the magnet will be the one to move towards the metal, and when a larger magnet comes in, the metal moves towards the larger magnet. My point is, the real reason you're yet to get a commitment may be the type of ladies you seek. You seek out ladies who aren't really into you. Why not try less sophisticated ladies?!. 9 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by nepapole(m): 6:46am On May 30, 2016 |
U will find a good girl the moment u change ur moniker. 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by Nobody: 7:56am On May 30, 2016 |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by Onegai(f): 8:13am On May 30, 2016 |
obowunmi: Most people didn't and don't realise that their family life was dysfunctional. Especially around these parts. What you have to do is look for the signs that beyond their human frailties, they loved you. But they were human and made all sorts of mistakes. Once you can hold onto that, it gets easier. But you won't let go immediately all at once: in your future relaionships you will still find yourself reacting to something your parents did, with your SO. Explain to her "it's not your fault, I was just exposed to this so whenever I see something like it, I react, justly or unjustly". With time, you will develop a stronger bond with your SO and things will get easier. And that time is marriage. Because you can't be fully prepared and have all the right conversations before "I do", what you can do is make the best choice on the info before you and grow with that person. Or you can be like our local champions here, whom all apparently discussed every single issue before marriage and were 100% prepared before the ring showed up. So there were no issues. They're perfect human beings  1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by edwife(f): 8:50am On May 30, 2016 |
obowunmi: First of all you didn't tell us why they leave? What is your own contribution in a relationship? What are you looking for in a relationship and what do you expect from a relationship? Next, When kids witness violence at home or grew up in a dysfunctional home, they develop trauma-related symptoms and low self-esteem among women and trauma-related symptoms alone among men. As a child, you are slowly being programmed to believe that acting out violently is a normal response mechanism. You might not realize that you exhibit some of these dysfunctional traits you witnessed at home in your relationships and your defence mechanism is perfection. Well here is the bad news, no one is perfect! Forgiving your parents is the second step, first as a human, you should see yourself as a vessel of power, a vessel of freedom. Some of the traits we tend to exhibit are via permeation from the happenings in our immediate surrounding and as a human,you own your freedom, hence you are too strong to be limited. It's only when you heal and remove yourself psychologically from that situation then you can forgive your parents. There are good people everywhere, the "perfect lady" you are looking for can exist only when you realise that flaws and shortcomings are part of the characteristics that make us human,what you need to look for in a partner is those flaws that you can live with,tolerate because by the end of the day you are not perfect either. When you meet someone you want to share your life with, please talk about your past/what you have been trough.It helps shape her understanding of your person and what you represent.She will know what she's getting into and how best to approach it. Goodluck to you and may you find healing. 5 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by cococandy(f): 9:06am On May 30, 2016 |
Ask your therapist how to go about forgiving. Most importantly decide that you're not your parents. If you make up your mind to be different. You'll see yourself unconsciously rejecting any actions that might arise because of their past influence on you. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by Sparkles003(f): 9:27am On May 30, 2016 |
uhmmnn.too much theories but nothing beats the praticals. Mr op.the situation of what your family home was should even ginger you to want to make your relationship and future marriage work. you owe it to you peace of mind to prove to your self and family that you don't need to be a sadist ,agressive or strict to be a good parent. so mr man use the advice of your therapist and make the necessary adjustments. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by boldx(m): 9:40am On May 30, 2016 |
I had d same experience growing up. By God's mercy, i am married. Such experience could be quite challenging. It is well. You need prayers and counselling and accept God's love. With God ALL things are possible. If u have taken advantage of ladies in the past. You need to ask God for forgiveness, repent and accept Jesus. Let the love of God take deep root in your heart. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by boldx(m): 9:51am On May 30, 2016 |
Please what does the name OBOWUNMI mean ? |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by Nobody: 12:56pm On May 30, 2016 |
I am not excusing your parents behaviour but you have a choice; They can take your past but you can choose not to let them take your future could it be that you are choosing the wrong type of girls in the first instance, therefore the relationship was doomed anyway. As regards forgiving your parents, ask your therapist on how to go about this. All the best |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by obowunmi(m): 1:12pm On May 30, 2016 |
boldx: I desire cat. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by boldx(m): 1:25pm On May 30, 2016 |
obowunmi:I am sorry to say but it seems you are on a fast lane. Why will you desire a CAT when God has created you in his image. Please answer this question: How many ladies have you disappointed in the past? |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by obowunmi(m): 1:28pm On May 30, 2016 |
boldx: None. They usually run away. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by boldx(m): 1:47pm On May 30, 2016 |
https://www.nairaland.com/1509024/god-no-hand-marriage In one of the topics you posted, you said God has no hand in marriage. You can as well go to the street and pick another lady so they can continue giving you street behaviour. All the best, Mr CAT |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by HornyTiwa(f): 2:28pm On May 30, 2016 |
boldx:He is just a troll  |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by 4nobody4every1: 2:51pm On May 30, 2016 |
boldx:This response got me laughing, Nairaland Una go kill person with laugh, Lol @ Mr Cat, Chai
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| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by 7Randall: 3:04pm On May 30, 2016 |
Forgive yourself first |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by Nobody: 4:14pm On May 30, 2016 |
obowunmi: First of all, there is nothing tragic about being single. Get rid of this attitude because it makes you appear needy and needy is unattractive. To attract a good partner, you need to be attractive. And nothing is attractive about neediness. This is where you should begin even if your therapist tells you to dig deep in your past. They forget that the present moment is all that matters and drag people back to the worst times of their lives by making them recall their childhood traumas. Sigmund Freud contributed immensely to psychoanalysis but it was some 100 years ago and most psychologists have not made any progress ever since. I recently started meeting with a therapist who let me know that I have difficulty finding someone because I am yet to forgive my parents. Let me tell you this: This is rubbish! First of all, there is no need to dig in the past. What happened, happened. It's over now. Secondly, digging in the worst experiences on your life feels like you are reliving them again, which is counterproductive to your well-being. If it doesn't feel good, it isn't good. Thirdly, you don't have to forgive anything and you can't forgive by pushing yourself to forgive. Forgiveness happens when you are ready. If you feel angry with them, it is understandable and it is your right to feel angry with them. Allow yourself to feel angry and accept the feeling as it is. Fourthly, you want to feel good now and you want to change something now. You can't change anything by looking at the past because you can't go back there. All you have to focus on is the present moment and that's where all your power is. I grew up in a home where: Why go back there again and again? It's over but it you keep it going in your mind so stop thinking about it. It's not possible to change your thoughts all at once but it is possible gradually. Instead of thinking of what happened, focus on thinking about what you want to happen now and in the future. DREAM BIG! Dreaming feels way better than the recalling of bad memories, which make you feel sad, angry and helpless. Appreciate the fact that you have survived this home and that you are FREE NOW! No one is perfect but my therapist has helped me to understand that I need to forgive them first before I cam commit myself to finding a loving partner. Like I said, you don't have to forgive them. It's better if you do but this shouldn't be your priority for now. You will naturally and easily forgive them if you regain your power. By thinking about the home you grew up in and how bad it was, you keep giving your parents power over you which they actually don't have anymore. FREE YOURSELF! Stop thinking about them. And you stop thinking about the experience by thinking about something else - nice experiences, your present moment, your future, your job, your hobbies, your dreams. Most of my girlfriends, only stay with me for the money and leave me. Good you said most and not all. Since you don't want a girl who is into your money, focus on women who are self-reliant and independent and less materialistic. Decide what you want in a woman and be optimistic that you will recognize such when you see her. However, don't be desperate about it. The moment you get happy NOW is the moment everything will become easy and a girlfriend will be an extra but not an object to fill in the void inside of you, which exists due to your belief that it is tragic to be single. You can only create a happy relationship when you get happy yourself. There is no other way about it. So care about the now and about your well-being. Make it your priority to feel good every day and to have as much fun as possible. In other words: Enjoy life! How do I go about forgiving my parents? Please help. By not thinking about them any longer and by doing so regaining your power over yourself and your well-being. 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by abimbawealth(f): 9:09pm On May 30, 2016 |
nepapole:You're in the spirit |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by boldx(m): 9:53pm On May 30, 2016 |
obowunmi: |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by obowunmi(m): 10:28pm On May 30, 2016 |
boldx: You dey vex? |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by Lumpyy(f): 10:57pm On May 30, 2016 |
Oga i dont even know if to take you serious!stop sounding NEEDY like Mr Mind said,go about your daily activities with your shoulders high and stop thinking about your parents,u wil know wen u finally meet THE ONE.,im not sure your dad was/still is as abusive as mine but im happily married and learnt/still learning from thier mistakes. check yourself carefully and be sure its not YOU that attracts the wrong girls! |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by whitestar01(m): 11:24pm On May 30, 2016 |
In case if u hv forgotten, marriage is not for everybody. Don't go into that union and begin to mess things up. |
| Re: How Do I Forgive, So I Can Get Married? by duduade: 5:28am On May 31, 2016 |
obowunmi:I think you just have to be honest.. Open your heart... Forgive yourself and then you will be able to forgive them... Are they late If not probably you could talk to them. Ask why did they do what they did way back... But in all you will be fine1 Like |
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