If its me i would not allow that girl into my home. She has been living without her supposed father, she wont die if she continues thar way. H'ever, i wont stop him frm providing for her , as long as she is away, i would support him on that.

My doubts tho: The chances of a mum not opening up to the father of her child, are very slim. Which woman or her family would hide such from a man who impregrenated their daughter? nd for years? hmmm

That man needs to open up more. I suspect he is not saying the whole truth.

thorpido:
If he just found out too,then you can't blame him.Some men 'shoot' and go their way only to find out later they 'killed'.There's a daughter here and she needs a father.He has a role to play in her life and you should let him.
It seems your apprehension is based on the fact that you are still trying to conceive.Don't stress yourself,just believe your own child will come.
There's nothing to fear about your marriage,he won't leave you for his babymama.

Good advise by this guy here. See also this

9. One spouse cannot build a marriage alone when the other spouse is committed to destroying it. Marriage works when both husband and wife work together as a team to build their marriage.
10. Don't take your spouse for granted. Don't take advantage of your spouse's meekness and goodness. Don't mistake your spouse's loyalty for desperation. Don't misuse or abuse yours spouse's trust. You may end up regretting after losing someone that meant so much to you.
11. Beware of marital advice from single people.Regardless of how sincere their advice may be, most of it is theoretical and not derived from real life experiences. If you really need Godly advice,seek it from God-fearing, impartial and prayerful mature couples whose resolve has been tested by time and shaped by trials.

Bishop David Oyedepo Teaching On Some Hard Truth About Marriage>>>http://www.todaynewsreview.com/p/484/bishop-david-oyedepo-teaches-on-some-hard-truth-about-marria

LuvU2:
If its me i would not allow that girl into my home. She has been living without her supposed father, she wont die if she continues thar way. H'ever, i wont stop him frm providing for her , as long as she is away, i would support him on that.

My doubts tho: The chances of a mum not opening up to the father of her child, are very slim. Which woman or her family would hide such from a man who impregrenated their daughter? nd for years? hmmm

That man needs to open up more. I suspect he is not saying the whole truth.

I think you are forgetting one crucial fact, in most African homes the male is the key decision maker. He's just being courteous by asking his wife for approval. After a DNA test, he needs to bring his daughter home, half bread is better than none!

Mmmm.....Philippine movie, just confirm if d child is really his, be nice to her and move on with ur marriage!!!

Layooluwa:
Op, you have said it all. The next weeks will either make or break your marriage, please don't let it break it, embrace this girl like your own. It will strenghten your marriage nd hopefully, your own will soon come

Meanwhile, Happy birthday Prettyjo. Where is the birthday party holding?

I just sent a Dm kindly respond

abbey621:


I think you are forgetting one crucial fact, in most African homes the male is the key decision maker. He's just being courteous by asking his wife for approval. After a DNA test, he needs to bring his daughter home, half bread is better than none!

My husband cannot make that kind of decision without my approval.

Is it alien to african culture to respect ur wife? then to hell with it.

If i were in her shoes, the day he brings her in, thats the day we call it off.

Goosh there is a big life out there. I cant come and die ontop being a mugun in my own home.

Where has the girl been living for that 18years? Abeg let her continue to leave with whoever she was living with. Don't bring her to your house o. You and your husband can allow her come to see her father once in a while or spend maximum one week... if the girl stays permanently in your house, they'll definitely be issues...18 years no be small pikin o. May God give you your own child because as e be now ehn, your husband don get consolation oo. I just pray he is a God fearing type... may God help you

eyaah...its quite an unfortunate fate capable of recking the emotional balance flow between you two but see the strength in having a friend in her and a supposed step-mom figure.

you get luck say nah 'daughter 'nah!!! madam chill!!

In all sincerity, try to be everything a mother can be to that girl if she is ready for that. Treat her like a queen and try to drive joy being with her. There are some couples who adopt babies they do not have any biological trace with yet they still enjoy lives to the fullest. You never can tell, she might have come with bountiful blessings which may include the fruits of the womb.
A similar true life story happened around me. In this case, it was a boy of 27 locating the father in a marriage of 15 years without child. That same period, the wife put to a bed a set of twins. Just put your trust in God. Bookmark this page, you shall come back to give testimonies.

An 18yr old daughter?? Where was she since Huuuuu??

Woman shine ur eye, this 18yr old daughter might be a second wife arrangee for ur husband...


Just my thinking tho....

LuvU2:
My husband cannot make that kind of decision without my approval.

Is it alien to african culture to respect ur wife? then to hell with it.

If i were in her shoes, the day he brings her in, thats the day we call it off.

Goosh there is a big life out there. I cant come and die ontop being a mugun in my own home.

Once again you fail to see the bigger picture, this is not USA or UK! This is Africa, the male role has not been compromised here. 5 years of marriage no children of her own, that automatically puts her at a strategic disadvantage. Her best option is to use dialogue not force

You don't need advise on what to do. You will evolve as events unfold.

The only advice I have for you now is DNA DNA and DNA, I raised another man's child for 12 yrs and it can happen to anyone. After you tell us the result of the DNA I will give you an Advise that will change your Life.

It's a, it's a, it's a baby girl. See her as your own. She poses no threat whatsover. She go soon go her own husband house. Just make sure your hubby no bring another 5yr old boy from the same woman years later.


Who knows if he's telling the truth about not knowing all this while sef. Some men can be funny. He probably brought it up because he saw no other child was forthcoming. I could be wrong though..

Almost nothing anyone says here may placate this issue since only you know where the shoe pinches. However, paternity test should first be considered, then u gatta brace yourself should the test come out positive, then grin and bear it. U have to accept that a situation u cannot change has just been added into your life. Divorce is not even an option as he never cheated on u. Seek to know the girl yourself, take her as yours and move on. Life's beautiful.

Eketem:
1. Your emotions and fears are valid don't let anyone downplay it for you or force you to automatically accept this and act happy

2. You have been through a lot with conception so it is a shock to find this out

3. Don't rush into trying to be her mother, even your husband cannot automatically become her father, you guys are just getting to know each other, she has her own mother the best you can do is get to know her as she is and as you are no pretence.

4. Extend the basic decency and fairness in relating to her, don’t be rude or project your insecurity on her. Be calm let whatever relationship you would have with her naturally develop

5. She is coming to meet her father not to snatch your husband or too make her mother marry your husband, you are his wife she is his daughter there is no competition

6. I wish you the best. The worst thing you can do at the point is suppress your hurt and pretend. It would burst one day

As in u talk well, break the whole thing down, well done. Buh she doesn't have to dwell on the hurt, all she needs to do is extensively talk about it with her husband, I'm sure he'll understand her fears and reassure her things will be fine. At this point all she needs is assurance from hubby that she's safe. From her story there is love btwn them so that can help them scale through this like they've always done.
Don't bottle ur emotions, yet don't dwell on them, discuss them with close relations u, wen u talk abt things u get them off ur chest. Lastly follow this through prayerfully.

abbey621:


Once again you fail to see the bigger picture, this is not USA or UK! This is Africa, the male role has not been compromised here. 5 years of marriage no children of her own, that automatically puts her at a strategic disadvantage. Her best option is to use dialogue not force

Whar i said is not force, its common sense.
Put aside that "african culture" talk a bit, what is ur mind, conscience telling you? That the woman is irrelevant in marital decisions and shd accept whatever consequences that follow?

Is ur conscience also telling you, a woman without an issue shd keep mum in her home, cos by virtue of not having a child, she has no stake in the home she and her husband built?

I dont think african traditions hve problems generally, i think people hve been dubiuos in interpreting it for a very long time that it now appears to sideline women.

Temilola01:
I really need people's advice on how to handle this, as the next few weeks will either break or make my marriage stronger. My husband and I have been married for 5yrs now but we have been together for 11yrs. We have been through so much together, ivf procedures, miscarriages, failed businesses and the usual ups and downs in every relationship. He came to me last night after discovering he has an 18yr daughter who he has never met or did not know till yesterday. We are still waiting on God. Although this was before we met but does not make it less of a blow. I want him to do right by his daughter but I also fear for my marriage. I only just learnt about this literally 8hrs ago so I'm in shock and still trying to wrap my head around it. I need people's unbiased advice. Thank you everyone.

Calm down. What bothers you today wont be an issue by next year..

How could he had impregnated a lady without his knowledge or rather he's been hiding it from you. Maybe he didn't want to disclose it to you for the fear of losing you.

Well, I'd advise you to stick to ur man having been there for each other during the ups and downs according to what you said, accept the child born outside wedlock. Who knows whether she'd bring good fortunes for the family.

Temilola01:
I really need people's advice on how to handle this, as the next few weeks will either break or make my marriage stronger. My husband and I have been married for 5yrs now but we have been together for 11yrs. We have been through so much together, ivf procedures, miscarriages, failed businesses and the usual ups and downs in every relationship. He came to me last night after discovering he has an 18yr daughter who he has never met or did not know till yesterday. We are still waiting on God. Although this was before we met but does not make it less of a blow. I want him to do right by his daughter but I also fear for my marriage. I only just learnt about this literally 8hrs ago so I'm in shock and still trying to wrap my head around it. I need people's unbiased advice. Thank you everyone.

Yoruba elders say "ori omo ni yio pe omo wa si aye" roughly translated means "it's a child here that will invite another child to come join from heaven". That saying i believe was fashioned for situations like this.

Pls accept the child (if you're sure she's your hubby's), encourage your husband, accept his explanations and You'll be pleasantly surprised how positive the situation will turn for you.

I look forward to reading a testimony from you in a year's time

Aunty nothing bad for there oo. Since no be say he impregnate person another when he marry u. Even with u taking care of that girl God can open multiple ways for u. She can not cause trouble like dagboru cos she is only a daughter and not an outside wife. Embrace her sharp sharp.

I people screaming DNA test una think say its cheap....lol DNA testing not even done in nija cost over 2million to do abeg make una dey understand wetin una dey advice

Temilola01:
I really need people's advice on how to handle this, as the next few weeks will either break or make my marriage stronger. My husband and I have been married for 5yrs now but we have been together for 11yrs. We have been through so much together, ivf procedures, miscarriages, failed businesses and the usual ups and downs in every relationship. He came to me last night after discovering he has an 18yr daughter who he has never met or did not know till yesterday. We are still waiting on God. Although this was before we met but does not make it less of a blow. I want him to do right by his daughter but I also fear for my marriage. I only just learnt about this literally 8hrs ago so I'm in shock and still trying to wrap my head around it. I need people's unbiased advice. Thank you everyone.

This is not Nollywood where anything can happen. In Nollywood we can do a flashback to the 60's and we'll see an Mtn signboard.

18years is too long a time ooo. And he didn't know? So, the lady got pregnant for him and kept quiet? The lady's family nko? Or the lady Na Allen babe? Or they lost contact? Which kain story be that?

I doubt this story MA.

prettyjo:
forgive him and accept the child.the devil is looking for ways to tear your marriage so that the other woman may come in but don't give the devil a chance.


btw




today is my birthday.

if u have not wished me a happy birthday,then u are wrong

Forgive him for what? He didn't commit any crime.

The person responsible for this mess is the lying mother who decided that the daughter didn't need to have a relationship with her biological father.

prettyjo:
forgive him and accept the child.the devil is looking for ways to tear your marriage so that the other woman may come in but don't give the devil a chance.


btw




today is my birthday.

if u have not wished me a happy birthday,then u are wrong

wat if d first woman was his real life partner?wat if dat man was d one dat hurt d first woman,wat if he ran away after some hitch in d relationship,above all women protect wat can never b protected if. A man is married to u for 70yrs does it mean he we. Would die for u or get buried with u or u wud die or get buried with him? Shina peters abandoned clarence peters because he tot his marriage is at stake today. Clarence is more successfulk dan d father. N shinA oda children depend on shina

Well he was not aware of the child, so obviously he is not to be blame and you have nothing to fear or worry about, just accept the fact that he has another child, take that child as your own. you have been together and work hard together for years now. what is yours is yours, nobody can take that away from you.

Take her as your own give her all the love and care she need in life she is, 18 now very soon be old enough to get married and leave you and your husband to enjoy your life .#no body no tomorrow

*sighs*

Ermmmmm

OP dia?

One question please.

Besides this husband and this marriage, what else do you do with your life?

Thanks.

LuvU2:
Whar i said is not force, its common sense.
Put aside that "african culture" talk a bit, what is ur mind, conscience telling you? That the woman is irrelevant in marital decisions and shd accept whatever consequences that follow?

Is ur conscience also telling you, a woman without an issue shd keep mum in her home, cos by virtue of not having a child, she has no stake in the home she and her husband built?

I dont think african traditions hve problems generally, i think people hve been dubiuos in interpreting it for a very long time that it now appears to sideline women.

It's not about my conscience, it's about reality! I don't know why most women are so overwhelmed by emotions that they fail to consider the consequences of their actions or inaction. All I'm saying here is that in most African homes, men make most of the vital decisions. There might be a need to consult the wife at times but mostly the decision maker is the man unless he willingly gives up that right. It's a God giving role, a traditional role and a natural role. Now don't get me wrong,serious issues like this one should definitely involve dialogue with one's spouse but for the woman to think she can use force to deny a man's legitimate child or in the name of jealousy or bitterness is just plain silly. Anything short of juju will not work . For the issue of not having a child for the man after some years, it is simple. This according to African societal values and tradition is a negative, she's already being judged, making her husband unhappy or bringing up outrageous demands might just be the catalyst needed to end it all! THIS IS AFRICA, FORGET ABOUT THOSE MOVIES YOU WATCH ON TV!

First thing is to make up your mind that you're never wilfully walking out of the marriage. With that in place, I believe the rest could be navigated. Keep it in mind that it all happened ever before you met.

Trunaijian:
God has blessed you!

Your husband didnt cheat on you or lied to you so i guess you guys r on same page here. You had better not punder on the negative regarding breaking your marriage rather, it is a time to be in unison with your husband. I guess there would be plenty discussions on how to go about parenting his daughther. My candid advice is to embrace the situation with a positive mindset and accept her whole heartedly.

Better days awaits you.

Why are you even advising her on breaking her marriage?
Let her do that and see how fast the dude will pick another lady.

Sometimes we all have to realize no matter how strong love is, there are things you can't just wish away.

Your husband found his missing daughter, and your priority is your marriage.

I need bl0w j0b