majekdom2: There is nothing to work on really. You are with an emotional unintelligent lady who is not mature too. The word "I'm sorry" saves loads and it takes emotional intelligence to tell when one is wrong and say this word. You will be unhappy with this lady if she feels she can't be scolded, can't realise her mistakes and say I'm sorry. This is because a man is wired to want respect. Forget all that cooking and stuffs you are seeing. It won't keep you happy. If it did, you won't be here. I tell you all these from experience.
Electrician, na you do the wiring ba? Just ignore me, I wanna troll today
Raskasal: This post is directed to the matured minds in the house.
I've dated this lady for close to a year now and I have the intention of having her as my wife because of my love for her. She's got good qualities, cooks well, supportive in a little way but temperamental and easily provoked.
But there is this challenge I'm having with her, she puts up surly attitude and would always keep to herself whenever I correct her, and she won't talk to me for as long as we stay together, call or try to get in touch while away. This might last for as many days not until I come out to calm her down. Over times shes been doing this and the only way I've had to let things be normal is for me to talk to her again and beg her not to be angry. But I'm feeling I'm loosing my worth. This is someone that never admits she's at fault, talk less of apologizing. On several note I have had to take blame for her errors even when I'm not at fault just to make sure we're fine.
A recent development was that she came for holiday and was using the rest room within my apartment, I was passing by and asked her to close the door, she murmured, closed the door and she hasn't been talking to me since then and even when I do she'll answer reluctantly for like five days now. I am tired of living under same roof with someone that never feel anything keeping malice and I want her to realize her mistakes and apologize, but she won't, she'll rather stay back in the room, and whenever I go to the room, she be making avoiding moves.
I watched her closely to observe if she's into someone else but I haven't got any traces of that.
I have decided not to call her to terms again not minding if it costs a break up, but then am thinking I might be taking things way far.
Pls How best can I handle this? I really do love her tho and I am afraid of loosing her but I am loosing my worth and this has made her not have regards for me.
Thank you all
One thing that put me off in a relationship is a guy/girl that can keep malice. I strongly believe in communication. So, if you talk to her about having a problem with the attitude and she did not try to change...then trust your instinct. Malice is very dangerous in a relationship/ friendship not to talk about marriage. It gradually brings it to an end
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DonroxyII: Some girls are like that especially all these lack of exposure girls ..... immediately you teach her something or correct her assertions , she will feel worthless , in secured and insulted ... GBAM, Malice has started until you reexplain yourself again via apology ...
The thing is that , her attitude ain't enough to dump her especially if she has other areas/aspects she excels like :
Career/Professional/Academic oriented, Home management skills , Financial management skills, Social skills, Kid raising skills, Bedmatics, Level of Spirituality etc
There is no perfect person anywhere but you need to confirm the key indices you want in a woman ..... and her ability to learn .... The above yardstick are mine .....
My first gf/fiancee was a Medical student now a medical doc with poor family/social skills but averaged and aced some other yardsticks .... she fights over little and most stewpid things if not with Okada rider, it may be a taxi driver , her colleagues at school or her nuclear/extended family member, If it were me she's having issues with, She will rake, rake while I will just be smiling and telling her how beautiful she is when she is angry ...... If she was reporting any incident to me, I dare not blame her nor question her judgment else, she will transfer all aggression to me ....
So, anytime she was reporting anyone to me , I dey follow her insult that person ooo .... (Na psychology), at that moment of reporting (Chai, thunder fire me if I don't , else she will tagged me as aiding and abetting that person )
Then, after a day or two that sweet nonsense would have happened between us like outing, movies, lovey-dovey (Like immediately after some Sxx) ..... I would now revisit the issue and sternly recommend appropriate course of action she should have taken in that scenario and avoid any such occurrence in the future....... I'd let her realised how much she embarrassed herself even her profession simply because of lack of patience or for as low as "I'm sorry" or #50 disagreement .... you would hear : "yes sir, yessur " .... she tend to listen better at that moment .....
Since we broke up in 2013 , she still ain't find a man to manage her and me too on relationship holiday since then (Book ti take over)
wow this is quite different and a breath of fresh air from the typical Nigeriaan here on nairaland.
Oga did you study psychology or you have lots of experiences with women?
About the part where you tell her she's beautiful even when she is angry is funny. If its me you tell that to when I'm boiling at you the kind eye I will just look you ehn.
my ex was like that sha when I'm really pissed is when he'll start doing and saying some funny things acting like a puppy ,it used to make me laugh, love him more and all at once get more pissed at him because I don't feel he is taking the matter as seriously as I am.
majekdom2: There is nothing to work on really. You are with an emotional unintelligent lady who is not mature too. The word "I'm sorry" saves loads and it takes emotional intelligence to tell when one is wrong and say this word. You will be unhappy with this lady if she feels she can't be scolded, can't realise her mistakes and say I'm sorry. This is because a man is wired to want respect. Forget all that cooking and stuffs you are seeing. It won't keep you happy. If it did, you won't be here. I tell you all these from experience.
fashionale: My brother, she's not into the relationship as you are, I doubt if she truly loves you. She's in for your money.
Solution: first, make up your mind to be the man in your relationship. Call her and communicate with her on this her attitude, how you feel about it and if she doesn't change, you will not be in the relationship. Because this her attitude is as a result of lack of respect for you. And there's no true without respect. Secondly, check how you correct her when she how's wrong. Do you do it with harsh voice or you usually latch out on her even in public. There are people who don't like been scolded with harsh voice or in public. In all, communicate calmly with her. But if she refuses let er go bro. A woman that loves you will do anything to make you happy.
I don't correct her harshly or neither do I latch out at her in public. I just don't seem to get why this behavior. But quite a lot of comments here I'll learn from.
You might want to talk to her on it firstly before taking action, she might really be YOURS
If you are or know someone suffering from depression or troubled times, please watch this and share with them, before it's too late and regret never doing so.
Well if you`ve not talked to her about it, you should. Some people might be unreasonably arrogant and silly without realising how much they hurt people they love. Discuss it with her and be as straight forward as you can (don`t be apologetic about it so she won`t think you can`t do without her or something). Give her ultimatum to change (she doesn`t have to know about it though but let`s say if she does it two more times consecutively) then if she doesn`t change you know you over-justified to do as you please. Please in the mean time be looking another lady that knows how to treat good men that care for them because the chances that you bae will change is LOW. Trust me I`ve been there too. But please give her a chance for change.
delugajackson: You are dating a woman with so much ego and such woman will never make a good wife. Truth is, you can never control a woman with so much ego. If she can't apologize for little things, then she has no business being in a relationship. Take my word, she has little or no respect for you. The only reason she is with you up till this moment is because she is gaining from you, once she fulfills her aim of running you down, she will leave your áss for good.
I suggest you look for someone else with better attitude, character and finesse that will make life worth living for you, cause once you marry this particular girl, you will experience x2 of what you're suffering now. She will offer you a lifetime of misery! Who wants a stubborn, nagging, disrespectful woman with an over-bloated ego as a wife?
You need to re-consider this cause it seems you're gradually becoming a victim of emotional deficit. And the hard truth is that you both are not meant for each other.
this is too correct, i was in a relationship wit op's type of girl, i chase her away one good day, i cannot tolerate mumu and inconsiderate behavior from any man's daughter
Months back I was in a similar relationship before I finally call it a quit(I also intend to keep her as a wife, I have even introduced her to my people). I always apologise to her even while she was at fault and she will never admit been at fault or even say sorry, though she would stupidly tell me at times that her bad side is her being too proud and that she was working on her self to correct it. the day I ended the relationship was a day she insulted me and I just told her I won't call her again but she thought I was joking and since that day(over 7 months now) I haven't called her neither has she called me(because of pride). But I know she is seriously dieing now her problem is for her to call me and say 'I am sorry' she keeps calling me with unknown numbers and each time I pick she would end the call without saying anything but I know she is behind those calls, also she keeps stalking me on LinkedIn, she doesn't know LinkedIn sends u profile of people viewing ur profile. so my brother if u try to change her and she is not changing I would advise u to let her go; imagine what u would go through when u finally marry her, we shouldn't allow love to block our senses at times. any man or woman that can't say sorry is not worthy to be a husband or a wife. By the way where is she from cos we may be talking about the same girl.
ur reply is interesting. I noticed u used the word "dieing" instead of "dying"
LivingFree: You sound overbearing, is this not an adult who has lived all her life governing herself? How do you come along and start telling her what to do? I think you should let people live their life how they see fit and if you have a problem with the way they're doing things you should recognise that it's your problem and you should reflect on how you can manage it or if it's a deal breaker for you then move on with you're life. Imagine telling someone to close the door when they're using the toilet. It's not everybody that closes the door when they're pissing and they live with their partner. I find it uncomfortable personally so I close my door instead of telling them what to do. You don't sound like a fun person to be around always correcting people upandan like you an eraser. Learn to chill and deal with your control issues.
very stewpeed comment! Who uses the toilet without closing the door? Men really need to look b4 they leap.
Well if you`ve not talked to her about it, you should. Some people might be unreasonably arrogant and silly without realising how much they hurt people they love. Discuss it with her and be as straight forward as you can (don`t be apologetic about it so she won`t think you can`t do without her or something). Give her ultimatum to change (she doesn`t have to know about it though but let`s say if she does it two more times consecutively) then if she doesn`t change you know you over-justified to do as you please. Please in the mean time be looking another lady that knows how to treat good men that care for them because the chances that you bae will change is LOW. Trust me I`ve been there too. But please give her a chance for change.
I believe she's still young. She believes if u leave her their is still time on her side to find another guy and also, it may be u are really into her and she has seen it so she's using it as your weakness.
Raskasal: This post is directed to the matured minds in the house.
I've dated this lady for close to a year now and I have the intention of having her as my wife because of my love for her. She's got good qualities, cooks well, supportive in a little way but temperamental and easily provoked.
But there is this challenge I'm having with her, she puts up surly attitude and would always keep to herself whenever I correct her, and she won't talk to me for as long as we stay together, call or try to get in touch while away. This might last for as many days not until I come out to calm her down. Over times shes been doing this and the only way I've had to let things be normal is for me to talk to her again and beg her not to be angry. But I'm feeling I'm loosing my worth. This is someone that never admits she's at fault, talk less of apologizing. On several note I have had to take blame for her errors even when I'm not at fault just to make sure we're fine.
A recent development was that she came for holiday and was using the rest room within my apartment, I was passing by and asked her to close the door, she murmured, closed the door and she hasn't been talking to me since then and even when I do she'll answer reluctantly for like five days now. I am tired of living under same roof with someone that never feel anything keeping malice and I want her to realize her mistakes and apologize, but she won't, she'll rather stay back in the room, and whenever I go to the room, she be making avoiding moves.
I watched her closely to observe if she's into someone else but I haven't got any traces of that.
I have decided not to call her to terms again not minding if it costs a break up, but then am thinking I might be taking things way far.
Pls How best can I handle this? I really do love her tho and I am afraid of loosing her but I am loosing my worth and this has made her not have regards for me.
Thank you all
just like my story!!! find out well, she must be from ekiti! well, I'll advice you to just let her go, it means you guys are not meant for eachother!
After one month of no communication mine broke the silent by dropping her new number in my inbox on facebook, but I've already tell God to take my life anytime I call that number!
my brother, life goes on! you'll meet with yours soonest!
wow this is quite different and a breath of fresh air from the typical Nigeriaan here on nairaland.
Oga did you study psychology or you have lots of experiences with women?
About the part where you tell her she's beautiful even when she is angry is funny. If its me you tell that to when I'm boiling at you the kind eye I will just look you ehn.
my ex was like that sha when I'm really pissed is when he'll start doing and saying some funny things acting like a puppy ,it used to make me laugh, love him more and all at once get more pissed at him because I don't feel he is taking the matter as seriously as I am.
lol, Maturity is key to successful Home ! A man gat to Man up and be in Charge of whatever situation and possessed higher level of good human management ! Be firm when the need be , be sober when d need be , Smiles when d need be ....
I grew up around lot of women (mamma,grandmas,aunties,sisters, cousins..... Maternal and Paternal oo) and From them I learnt a lot ....... Most girls out there today are Drama queens so, I gat a lot of Drama in house sef ....... Also, I am a movie guy (Hollywood mostly) so, I had a lot of exposure in that regard , I use to picture myself in some scenarios and determine what I would have done differently or better .... with that, You learn !! .....
Accounting is my endeavour not Psycology. Though I considered myself a Psychic and I use psychology a lot......
As for ex, it ain't that I don't attached importance to her issues but when someone tend to turn something trivial into a big drama.........
I knew I had a lot of work to do on that girl but unfortunately she couldn't wait for it , she got swayed while I was busy with Masters ...... I allowed her to learn as I didn't fight her braking up ......... I was her first and she mine(but me exposed o) ...........
I knew an average dude can't put up with such excesses so I grin alot when her broke up drama began......Only if she understand out there (Husband scarce abeg) ....... But she can never understand unless she goes there.......u know, When you chop belleful , Na time to find something wey no lost Na ! So, I allowed her without braking a sweat nor feelings. She asked me to fight for her not going away , For where .... My brain told me face ya book and fight for career and in a matter of time she broke up the dude again ........... Me just siddon dey watch in 7D !!! .....
Her killing points was that She is very good academically (Always first 3 in class), Career oriented (Foresight career wise is extraordinary) , Highly Religious (me be badoo oo as I still dey enter , one of her broke up point was I am too lustful as she always commit sex sins around me , she no lie as we can't help it.... e must happen noni plan no plan) and mostly, she will be good for the kids as she is very firm with no nonsense mien .....She doesn't take nonsense from anyone.... I think that's good for the kids (When I ain't around , I know a capable hand is around )!!!
DonroxyII: lol, Maturity is key to successful Home ! A man gat to Man up and be in Charge of whatever situation and possessed higher level of good human management ! Be firm when the need be , be sober when d need be , Smiles when d need be ....
I grew up around lot of women (mamma,grandmas,aunties,sisters, cousins..... Maternal and Paternal oo) and From them I learnt a lot ....... Most girls out there today are Drama queens so, I gat a lot of Drama in house sef ....... Also, I am a movie guy (Hollywood mostly) so, I had a lot of exposure in that regard , I use to picture myself in some scenarios and determine what I would have done differently or better .... with that, You learn !! .....
Accounting is my endeavour not Psycology. Though I considered myself a Psychic and I use psychology a lot......
As for ex, it ain't that I don't attached importance to her issues but when someone tend to turn something trivial into a big drama.........
I knew I had a lot of work to do on that girl but unfortunately she couldn't wait for it , she got swayed while I was busy with Masters ...... I allowed her to learn as I didn't fight her braking up ......... I was her first and she mine(but me exposed o) ...........
I knew an average dude can't put up with such excesses so I grin alot when her broke up drama began......Only if she understand out there (Husband scarce abeg) ....... But she can never understand unless she goes there.......u know, When you chop belleful , Na time to find something wey no lost Na ! So, I allowed her without braking a sweat nor feelings. She asked me to fight for her not going away , For where .... My brain told me face ya book and fight for career and in a matter of time she broke up the dude again ........... Me just siddon dey watch in 7D !!! .....
Her killing points was that She is very good academically (Always first 3 in class), Career oriented (Foresight career wise is extraordinary) , Highly Religious (me be badoo oo as I still dey enter , one of her broke up point was I am too lustful as she always commit sex sins around me , she no lie as we can't help it.... e must happen noni plan no plan) and mostly, she will be good for the kids as she is very firm with no nonsense mien .....She doesn't take nonsense from anyone.... I think that's good for the kids (When I ain't around , I know a capable hand is around )!!!
Months back I was in a similar relationship before I finally call it a quit(I also intend to keep her as a wife, I have even introduced her to my people). I always apologise to her even while she was at fault and she will never admit been at fault or even say sorry, though she would stupidly tell me at times that her bad side is her being too proud and that she was working on her self to correct it. the day I ended the relationship was a day she insulted me and I just told her I won't call her again but she thought I was joking and since that day(over 7 months now) I haven't called her neither has she called me(because of pride). But I know she is seriously dieing now her problem is for her to call me and say 'I am sorry' she keeps calling me with unknown numbers and each time I pick she would end the call without saying anything but I know she is behind those calls, also she keeps stalking me on LinkedIn, she doesn't know LinkedIn sends u profile of people viewing ur profile. so my brother if u try to change her and she is not changing I would advise u to let her go; imagine what u would go through when u finally marry her, we shouldn't allow love to block our senses at times. any man or woman that can't say sorry is not worthy to be a husband or a wife. By the way where is she from cos we may be talking about the same girl.
had a similar experience too.he offended me I was kinda angry that I had to tell him that am pissed cos of how 'childish' that behaviour was.he picked on that word 'childish' and refused talking to me anymore.in fact it got to an extent that he cleverly turned the table against me, he became uncommunicative. I started the pleading journey. had to call his close friend to help me convince him to take my calls cos he travelled then yet all to no avail.I just woke up one day and stopped calling him.after a month I called him to wish him a happy birthday and that was it till today. after some months he started asking friends why I suddenly bone his way and didn't do more as par continue the begging but by that time I was fed up with all his shii and ain't in no mood for anymore nonsense.so I just let him be. I left cos he always wanted to be the victim in any misunderstanding and I will end up being the wrong person. it is very dangerous when people can't admit their wrongs and say 'sorry'.he always has this mentality that am an intelligent woman and therefore i should know everything and shouldn't ever be caught making any mistake. so @op be ready to always be apologising or u take a walk
