What are you doing it for? Money? Is your boyfriend bad in bed or does he not give you MouthAction? Do you no longer love your boyfriend or you just want to try out other men?If you have a good man don’t do it. If you let another man sleep with you what’s different between you and an ashawo? Are you willing to lose a man you love over a couple naira?

olalat:
you hv bn staying with this guy even when you supposed to hv ran away. You love your man and he loves you back. Stay with him as you had already made up your mind. See, that old home destroyer just wants someone she Huck up by force. So, pray and pray against her evil plans. God will see you through.

I know he loves me. He is not perfect. I am not perfect. Some things I have written here are a summary of the bad things. When he does have money he tries for me. I remember when I was in college I think for a year and a half to 2 years. I didn't pay rent I stayed with him. We went on multiple vacations on him.. He might not cater to every single one of my needs but he tries when he can.

ConcernedNL:


I didnt need to read all you wrote. I am a yoruba man and so no one can say i am saying this out of hate.

Dump that man, keep him out of your life, even with prayers, avoid him like a plague because he wont change, at least maybe not by your hand except he becomes truly born again.

Plus you claim you are christian, why do you have an affar with someone who isnt born again, your relationship isnt christian if you both are compromising.

You know what, start afresh, get a guy who will take care of you and get married to you before doing the deed uno what i mean. If you want God to be involved in your relationships, the least you must do is to obey basic rules from the scriptures.

Thank you sir. It is very hard considering the time but I will pray for God to give me the strength. His habits are bad but lately since this happened he seems to have come back down to earth. The situation has really humbled him and he is remorseful. What makes it complex is he is my friend also.

Homguy:
So you don't mind ending up with this persistent drunk who does not mind feeding off a woman for the rest of his life? What happens when you start having children and you can't work? You will call your parents for money right?The truth is bitter, that cresentmoon been saying it but you prefer the sweet, buttery words of the other guy encouraging you to go on with somebody who blames you for his irresponsible behaviour.

Worse, you have been blaming the girl for not protecting herself, absolving ing your boyfriend for not being responsible enough to wear a condom, at least to protect himself and u from Stds. It's sad that when you are on the field you often can see the Whole picture. Pickup yourself and move on. Desperation often leads to regrets

If you read well, a condom was involved. The lady was also playing dumb acting like she doesn't know how it happened. If it were me and I hooked up with someone I dont know I would have taken extra precautions like the morning after pill. Im not defending my bf they were both at fault for what happened. I just dont understand why she is coming with a belle story the man doesn't want to hear. He is confused, himself and does not know how that could have been possible and believes foul play was involved

CrescentMoon:


I was trying to let you see from reasonable grounds that this man is not meant for you until you started talking about your prayer life together. Then I delved into spiritual side to let you know that you're not capable explaining things from this angle because you're a non-starter in that angle.

The girl planned to disrupt your plans and she probably succeeded. The next thing is to use your brain or the spiritual eye. The way you write means you're very disturbed by the incident and wish there could be instant solution. There will be no instant solution, my friend. Be patient.

Talking about life teaching me lessons, my father, a pilot, disappeared. My mother was down with cancer, after the death of my mother, I was hospitalized four times in four consecutive months. I never attended lectures for more than 5 times in my 5 stay in the University and I graduated. If I were you, and God has already assured me that the man is meant, I just have to pray for just one minute for God to intervene. And if God intervenes, it may be the girl having stillbirth or wotever. I'm not blaming you for your weakness.

Thank you. Im sorry for misunderstanding. Thank you for your advice it means a lot

CrescentMoon:


That analogy has nothing to do in this case. I told her she is not married to the man and she said I didn't understand her post. Their trad has been fixed, that doesn't mean they are married.

I will no longer reply to your negativity. This lady slept with him even though she knew about me. He was drunk she doesn't drink and was fully aware of what she was doing. Im not pushing blame. They were both in the wrong. When life teaches you your own lesson, always remember and never forget how you judged my situation. God bless

CrescentMoon:


You're not married to the guy and you're talking of broken home? I'm done here.

Did you not read the part when I said my trad is this year. Read with intent to understand not to respond. This complicates the life we had planned and are working toward for our children and family. When a situation is not yours you always have an answer I dont blame you. When life throws obstacles your way you will be slow to answer

CrescentMoon:


What's all these you're talking about? They have been dating for 10 years, the guy is a drunkard and you're are talking of godliness? Ask how many times they have made love in 10 years before the fasting bullcrap.

Let him with no sin be first to cast a stone

TheSuperNerd:







The couple that prays together stays together. This is a powerful truth. Not just in Christianity but across all religions of the world.

Your man has to understand the importance of praying with you and also taking the lead sometimes in prayers. What exactly is the reason for his not wanting to pray when with you but prefers doing his own prayers alone?
Why is it that when you two pray it is only you who prays? Although I see nothing wrong in a woman sometimes or oftentimes taking the lead in prayers with her man but I believe there should be a balance with the man also contributing when together. He cannot be doing his alone and expect miracles to happen. In the Bible, the prayers of two in agreement is always more powerful than the prayers of one.

You say for years this has been happening. I want you to talk to him about it especially now that you both are fasting. Ask him why he doesn't feel okay leading prayers when with you? Look, lady it may be that he is not kinda confident in himself or sure of himself when he prays or he could not be one who can really pray well in a manner that may please you.
Please let him know that it doesn't matter he prays or who he says it but that you want him to lead in prayers too. With time he can become better at prayers and feel even more eager to lead you both in prayers.
Make him see reasons why this is important. You could tell him this is what you also yearn for in her Man. I mean, your relationship with Christ is very important to you from the way you communicate and I know it would really help if you can make him understand and find out why he dodges praying in your presence.






So he can fast well. lol. Even more than you? Well, that's encouraging. But fasting is not really about how long one can stay without food or water. Fasting is most effective when one focuses on the faith and purpose of the fast. One should not put his confidence in being able to fast for days without food. One should rather put his confidence in how much faith he is attaching to this fast and if his faith is aligned with the purpose of the fast.

Understand this and you will see your fasting work miracles. It is the misunderstanding of the power of fasting that make many people and lots of couples fast in vain. May that never be your portion.





Big difference. Thank God for your life. It is really great that you at least try to keep growing in Christ. Please keep at it because your eternity is far more important than anything. But again, you must not miss out on what you are meant to enjoy in this world first. Your decision is really gonna make or Mar you.






I understand the reason why you told him so. I really do. I also understand why he was hurt saying you both should be fasting and praying for the unity of your relationship. Well, I think this is where you can even nail him. Tell him that if he is indeed serious about " The unity" of your relationship and love then it is about time he learns that he must take the lead also in prayers. He must learn how to hold your hands with. other of you bowed down in prayer to God.
There is nothing more beautiful (apart from the sight of seeing your spouse succeed or smile because of you or seeing your kids become even better for you or many beautiful family moments) than the sight of a man leading his woman in prayers with their hands joined together in passionate unison. It is a sight to behold if both are bloody serious with what they want.


Also as you fast for your relationship with Christ to be better and for your happiness to be sure you must know that both are still linked to your decision to marry that man or not.

Marrying him or not will be connected to how happy you will be down the years in 5, 10, 20, and even 50 years.

It would also determine whether your relationship with Christ will suffer or not.

Please lady my advice to you is to really sit down with yourself and examine all the checks and balances of this relationship and where it is taking you to in your spiritual life, your emotional life, your financial and even in your career life. You should be sure that this man no matter how good or bad he may be in several aspects will ultimately not be your doom. I have seen and observed some marriages and I know what one decision can do. Especially the decision that has to do with marrying someone with all his good, bad, ugly and with all his light and darkness.

Can you cope with his excesses? Will marrying him deny you of your place in eternity? hmmmmm... check well lady. check all the angles.





It is natural for a hint of jealousy to be present in love. I mean even God gets jealous when we put other things ahead of him.

But jealousy becomes really bad when a man feels his woman cannot have friends that are guys or at least talk to a man. All depends on the both of you here.

You, on your part, must ensure that the men you communicate with are nothing more than just friends or colleagues and it must also reflect in your conversations be in public or in private, and be it online or in the flesh. If you can consistently show that you are disciplined enough not to be flirty when chatting with men sometimes then I think your man should just learn to trust you.
But see ehn... the lady must avoid things that can get her man excessively jealous. Never call another guy by pet names you call your man too. Never share certain details with men in the same manner you will share with your husband-to-be.

I am saying this not just for him but for truth sake.

But if after you have been disciplined to show that you are not flirting or getting emotionally attached to these guys or sharing same info with them that you share with your man (because believe or not, there must be something that just you and your man should be privy to. It could be as little as a sexy pic of yours), and your man still gets really really jealous for no reason other than just seeing you chat with a man. Then he got a bloody problem called Jealousy disease.

In True love, there must be a hint of jealousy. It is always there and must be there but excess of it shows real insecurity and immaturity.






Finally, so you both have broken up before? Hmmmm... interesting. I wonder what he did back then to make you leave.

And I say you may love him more because you even took him back and then you are still with him even after so many bullcraps he has given you. If things were reversed and you were the one giving him all these problems of alcoholism and irresponsibility, would he still stay with you? Food for thought.

I know he loves you but again what is the intensity of that love? How far can his love be stretched for you? Lady, I think you live him more.

But then, lady... at least you know you can always walk away when things wanna make you settle for less than the best you deserve. But to save yourself the stress of making your future kids have to experience a broken home, then you really must ask yourself if marrying this man is all worth it.

If it is, then all the best. If it is not.... all the best still.

In all, just be true to yourself. That is all I can say.

Godbless.

Thank you so much for mentoring me. This is the response I needed and I believe God speaks through people. When I get home today I will sit down, read your message thoroughly and reflect.

Honestly I would never abort, I know why it's hard for her. Even when she said she would although relieved and we celebrated I was really sad inside for her although I didn't tell him. I was just really angry at why she wouldn't protect herself and still sleep with him even though she knew he was in a commitment.

Thank you for speaking to me maturely like a child of God..this is what I needed. Sometimes you need someone compassionate who lets you know no matter the decision it will be well but choose wisely.

I have really great guy friends who try shoot their shot but i turn them down. Maybe it's time to rethink. But first I want to go on a journey of peace before I allow someone else into my life.

Thank you so much God bless you, multipy you and ypur well of happiness never run dry

CrescentMoon:
Rubysims

I usually don't give advice online but I will talk about this one.

First of all, I don't think that girl is pregnant. She may be doing all this to frustrate your boyfriend. And if she's truly pregnant, and you're advocating for abortion, that means you're sick in the head. You're also saying if the girl eventually carry the pregnancy to term, you will ensure you get paperwork that favors you in marriage. Are you sure that you have Master's degree at all? Who goes ahead in marriage in a situation like this? Marriage that has not taken place has failed already. It's obvious you want marriage just to avoid societal stigma of not getting married on time. This man will not make a good husband if he refuses to become a new man. For you to tell him to find a job means that you haven't found a husband. If he says he needs a better job and you help him find it, it's a good omen. But you asking him to find a job is a red flag. I've never obtained a penny from a girl in my life that is not refunded. And if a woman asks me to find a job, I will blacklist her forever. As for the alcohol part, only religious people don't drink alcohol to a toxic level. As for the irresponsible spending, only bat-brained braggarts do that. As men look for 'beauty and brain', you women too should look for 'handsome and brain.'

Why are you hyping the word 'Yoruba' as if the whole tribesmen are devils? Thank God you believe that voodoo exists. Your only option is to be equally fortified. If you don't have spiritual power and per chance the girl asks a diabolic pastor to wade into the situation, you will feel the heat either now or later regardless of the paperwork ish. Oh! I forgot so easily that most people in the Western world don't believe in such things like tragic ironies - especially those that are divinely orchestrated. My father was a pilot, if I tell you what what happened to him, you will probably tag me a liar. If the girl you're dealing with here is a devil, forget about paperwork or a wealthy family - it is very easy to destroy things from the astral plane. You said somewhere that God should forgive you, why can't you devote more energy in knowing that God? I can boldly say that the witch that will dare me is not born; the ocultic man that will look at me in the face is not alive anywhere.

But why did you not read and fully understand what I said. It's still not formed its in early weeks but why force a child on a man who does not want it?

I also don't want this child because that means we have a broken home. Although I dont want it. I can do better because of my upbringing. I will take care of the child, thus will need God's help.imagine having to live with an illegitamate child out of cheating..

I just pray she is not pregnant.why bring a child to face all this wahala.

She can not touch me with her juju. Im not perfect.far from it and I understand where the girl is coming from. Honestly I would never abort. It's a hard decision and my boyfriend and I rejoiced when she said she would, it just sucked when she changed her mind. We just would want to give our kids the best. Broken home is not easy and I speak from life experience.

Right now although I dont agree with it.The situation is a mess. The solution is a pill and everyone goes their own way.

kelizosuy:
Is she requesting for anything?
Was he the one that brought her to the states?
Why did you just conclude its her get rich scheme?you have to sit yourself down and ask some vital questions

The things she says always link to money or what car he drives. If
It's just not for monetary gain, she wants him to commit to her- which he made sure to let her know will never happen but she is trying to trap him and to keep the baby to spite him and destroy our relationship.. This girl went to some pastors and they told her apparently he has someone in his life..Pastors in nigeria over the phone..what kind of pastors be that? I dont think God goes around telling people who is dating who.

They knew each other as she was 2 years his senior in school. They met after 18 years here in the month of November. Had sex the same month, 4 weeks later she is pregnant. Does that sound logical to you. Would you get pregnant for a man you dont know? They didn't talk after the hookup

kelizosuy:
Honestly I feel you are excusing his actions
If you eventually marry him and if I was the other lady involved ,I wouldn't allow my child an inch close either of you.
There's never an excuse for cheating... NEVER
and if you are excusing his actions now be prepared to excuse many more

Im not excusing his actions..we have a lot of friction right now. Infidelity is a big thing.. He is really going through it with me. He is also tired of talking about the girl. We didnt want a broken home.But the deed is done.. What do you want me to do biko? He has been faithful and he fell. He is currently in the dog house.

Honestly she is forcing this on us but what to do. Should it be we will accept her child and do what is right but if she thinks her get rich quick scheeme will work to trap us she is in for a big surprise. We can just move back to Africa and provide when we can child support no be by force

GoodFaith:
He need to go
This is the right time
Not good for you
stop thinking about the sex

Lol you are funny.. I really appreciate everyone who is posting and making jokes thank you for making me laugh and forget the problem

TheSuperNerd:
I will be very straight and honest with you.

You are gonna get married to a man who you love more than he even loves you. Danger no.1

Your man shows big traits of irresponsibility. His addiction to alcoholism is one. You tried to tell him to try cut down on it and his reaction was to bullshiit your words and even walk out on you into another Woman's arms.

I know you are in love and are also looking at the 10 years of emotional investment on this one guy but then let me ask you lady.

Are you ready to take your life with him to the next 50-60 years considering that he will and shall surely bring in more irresponsible acts?


Marriage is not a game of tactics as seen in football. It is about making a decision that will directly affect your destiny, your personal goals and your life as a whole. You have a relationship with Jesus Christ. That is all good and fine. Now, will this man help you grow even better in that relationship with Christ?

If your marriage is going to cause you your place in eternity and your life vision then I say as hard as it may be... you should not take the leap.

I know it is difficult but think about your eternity and then your life for the next 50years with same man.

All the best in whatever decision you make. THE CHOICE IS ALWAYS YOURS. We are all a result of the choices we make each day.

Thank you for saying this. Our biggest problem for years is- He wants me to pray all the time when we are praying together. He never wants to pray when im there he wants to do it seperately. I yearn for a man who can pray with me.

He fasts even more than I do. Trust me..lol even in doing bad things he asks for God to bless him..

I know there's a difference between someone who believes in God and someone who follows him.

We currently fasting right now and I told him. "I'm fasting and praying for happiness and my relationship with God and not any man like that. "As people do dissapoint..this really hurt him as he wants us to pray and fast for the unity.

The other thing is he is so jealous..I cant have a male friend and no man can talk to me

I wouldn't say I love him more. He knows im not easily held down and I can walk. I have left him before and he came begging. Im the type of women who will leave even with kids if its too much to bear and he knows this.

GoodFaith:

I met a lady in college
lost my Job
The lady told me i was going to make lot of money
she believed in me and I did by working hard
Not a dude drinking $500
on the street don't want to work
U need to be happy young lady
If you have not being able to encourage him for 10 years
Keep trying
I believe in have nice things and I have few nice things
Lot of people that make my money will be driving 70 to 100k car
I went last summer to check out a 80k car
Came home I told myself to grow up that this is not the right time

I mean $500 a month

GoodFaith:

dude has no really JOB
Dude stayed with her for FREE
dude get pussy when he want to , oh and other pussy out there

I believe he is going to be great. He has potential and that is what I look for in a man he really tries to work hard. Although I dont agree with how he lavishes money sometimes. Im all about saving and he is all about mostly buying loubotin, gucci then save.

I want to encourage him to fulfil his dream.no one is broke forever

greiboy:
This is precisely the reason I didn't want to judge the anyone before I hear all the versions of the story.

Tell me something, Does the man stand to gain anything from marrying you? Maybe financial incentive or any material gain?

No he is not with me for financial gain. I told him about my background after we had dated for I think 5 years.

Im not insulting anyone.just the posters who are calling me names and telling me i should have got pregnant or I was giving free sex for 10 years. This man told me he wanted me to know what he did before I agree to marry him or the trad so I can go into it knowing what is going on. He said he could have taken care of it and hidden it from me..But he wants me to marry him from my heart

Lol at that poster who asked if he is a yahoo boy..must everyone be 419 lol..you are funny though.

I'm aware of what he does to earn a living "and I wanted him to stop so he gets a regular job"..so we start the phone business we wanted to start. This guy met me as a girl and has watched me evolve over the years

Anyone can say anything he is not perfect but this man loves me. All these sad people saying 10 years this or that..this man will never leave me for anyone and I can confidently say that.

I was in school and I dont believe in children out of wedlock. Unlike some people writing rubbish I was raised well and won't dissapoint my parents.I was pursuing a career I'm not the woman that lives of a man. I want to help my partner too.. I admit I played a part in making him upset or nagging him.

Im sorry to dissapoint all these people name calling me, I will not birth children without a commitment. His sister's and people agree with me on this and commend me for wanting to do the right thing. His sister has begged her to remove it its just taking a pill as it has not formed yet. It takes 2 to Tango females should stop playing the victim. You take measures after a one night stand to prevent this it's not all the mans fault.

She is holding on to hopes she will have him. He told me that even if I dont stay he will never be with her. He has made it very clear to the lady but she wont get it through her head. Im sure now she is keeping it to get as much as she can. Women see expensive clothes, cars, watches. You dont know that another woman has made him that way. People like finished product sha.

Im sorry i'm not trying to cause division by saying yoruba . I have just heard stuff about women and men alike. I know everyone is not the same. I dont want to generalize. I just heard these girls use jazz a lot and trap men.they think pregnancy will make him stay and change his mind.

I can confidently say even if I dont end up with this man. Theres nothing he wont do for me even if he goes on to marry someone else. This is how tight our bond is. We are friends first and partners after.

It makes me sad seeing him sad and talking about how he has to deal with a baby he doesn't even want. He is also still in denial and says stuff like im working for my family which is you not for any woman or kid like that.

All these olodos insulting me on here. I told you my father is a millionaire I don't need any man. I'm good. I just wanted someone to help me reason as sometimes loves over powers common sense.

He is sure it will never happen again and he seems sincere about it. Most people just run from relationships with problems you will date someone new or marry it will be the same thing.

My heart is heavy and the trad is this year..im fighting within myself whether I should go ahead but I dont want to live without my bestfriend.

I dont even know if my family will accept this. He is scared to tell them about it....I know they will want me to walk.. Ive stayed with him even through the stigma of dating a nigerian..which is not really accepted back home.he doesn't even know how to tell his parents. I pray it's not his..he wants to wait until paternity is done before anything..but I think shes a smart girl she got pregnant and played her cards right

..i love nigerians guys im not trying to divide my best friend is an igbo lady and she wants me to walk and says I deserve and can do better.Maybe its her putting the anti yoruba thing in me

Hi Everyone,

As I write this I dont even know where to start. I am Zimbabwean and I have dated a Yoruba man for 10 years now. We have our fair share of problems but he has remained consistant over the years. I met him when I was 19. He courted me for a full year before I accepted him. I went to school for my bachelors and Masters different continents he always made an effort to follow me wherever I went, or be there whenever I needed anything he would make sure he provided where he could and its done.

I eventually moved to the USA and he eventually relocated to be with me. I have a good job and I come for a very well off family. Im not perfect but I constantly strive to grow in my relationship with Christ. I cook most of the nigerian dishes. Take care of him when he needs me and I support him when necessary too. One time this man came to live with me for a very long time. He didnt support me with rent, bills or food. I did it anyway out of love. You guys, I also stayed for years when he didnt meet any of my needs and all he would say is 'God will provide.' All I ever wanted was an equal partner..of course I submit and Im respectful but I would really also want a man who takes care of his home and family as if you dont it causes resentment.

Anyway fast forward ..4 months ago we had a big fight and it was over me encouraging him to get a job and not rely on hustling, buying and selling etc. The fights started about how I have changed, im this and that. I quickly became the enemy. I also warned him about alcohol consumption as a lot of his money atleast $500 a month is spent on booze and when he drinks he becomes very aggressive and angry. He also asked me for a lump sum of money. He wanted me to withdraw it from my savings and give it to him but I could not do so at the time. Finances make relationships akward also. Lastly he was pestering me about having a baby for him. I said I will not, I was raised well and will never have a child out of wedlock. Anyway he then moved out and went back to his old state and got a place.

Whilst there a friend he knew from school contacted him on ig. They started talking again and the girl made trips to his house. He said about 4. He hardly knows the girl and said they just attended the same school in naija.

Fast forward to my birthday he comes to visit and he started crying. I have never seen this man cry EVER.
I asked him what was wrong and he mentioned his mom and a lot was going on in his life..I Knew she wasn't too well before.I started crying too and comforted him..he left and started acting funny the next day.

After a lot of back and forth days later he broke down again and told me he got a girl pregnant and he was crying saying i wish it wasnt happening and it was you. He sent a message to the girl telling her to get rid of it and asked her why she would want to get married for a man she doesnt know after one night stand. "Girls that trap men sha..

It was a mistake he was drunk and just wanted to bust a nut. They used protection by the way and she was acting like she does not know how it happened. I asked him if he disposed of the condom, no she did. I asked him if he was a learner? Women trap men all the time with sperm.

He went over to her place I was on the other end of the phone listening in. She said she wouldn't do it and was acting possesesd. She said a whole speech about how she can do it alone and his name wont be on birth certificate etc and how she doesn't want a man who does not want her child. She also said 'if your parents did that to you would you be here driving this very expensive car' clap hands for the gold digger everyone. Just as I had suspected.other women see a good thing and want a finished product, they dont know its someone elses work. He told her, he can never ever be with her even if she kept it. He left her house.

30 minutes later his door bell rings and we were still on the phone. She says a whole speech and says she will remove it. When she left we celebrated and we were so happy. God forgive us. I said to myself now I only have to work on trusting him again. Next day she calls and says she changes her mind.. goodness..my boyfriend doesnt want her or her child and she's forcing it on him. Is it by force yoruba gehs sha lol..

I also really need prayers guys I think she does jazz. She told my bf that her pastor in nigeria told her he has someone in his life. What kin pastor b dat.bf is scared to display my pics and I cant see her face because he thinks she might want to harm me. A pastor of God we talked to wanted to talk to her but she says she fears what the girl might do to her.

Omg please pray for me. My boyfriend and i really didnt want a broken home.whats the point of keeping a baby the man doesn't want. I asked him to ask her how much she wants and we will give her the money. She blocked him and got her brother to call him.

He was so desperate he was willing to do anything for her to get rid of it but she wont budge, she has even blocked him.I am praying its not his, she's not pregnant or she just lets us be abeg. Please give me guidance and support. Should i leave this man, will I be able to live with a bastard child and constant reminder of his infidelity? I forgave him eventually after his people begged me and due to our history.

He wants to go see my people so we do the trad, engagement etc so we start on our family..he waited all these years for me to go to school and do what I needed to do and now this. I have to see that mumu woman who ruined my life forever. But believe me you although her child will be catered for she will not get a dime from me or my personal family's inheritance and the wealth acquired from me and my husband. The child will get something but not to the extant she thinks. I will do my homework and file paperwork to protect myself.

Is it common for Yoruba women to trap men. You dont even know this man and one night stand you wont let him be..nawawo.

Do I seem desperate for staying? It has been 10 years and this was not only my man but my friend. I have everything going for me, men approach me always but I turn them down. I have zero baggage.

Please help