baby_mama:


Thanks for responding.
First of all let me start by letting you know that your posts here portray you as a woman with a good heart who has been taken advantage of
You have also done the right thing by deciding that this nonsense has to end.

I had long talks into the midnight with my mom weeks to my wedding.Many of what she said I took as gospel
She had Been married to my father for 25 years so I figured she knew a thing or two about marriage
She looked me in the eyes and told me to love my husband and she added that once I start that journey of marriage I should from day one decide what I can and cannot condone and that whatever things I know will be difficult to sustain,I shouldn't even start.
Of all the hours of talks,those two sentences have stuck with me for years.
She gave me an example how she always washed my daddy's clothes in the earlier years of marriage And when the kids came,she was now washing hers,ours and his plus all the housework and it was draining her.The day he complained a shirt was not washed properly,she decided he should wash his clothes from then on andthat was the biggest fight they had but from then on,he started washing his clothes.
I soaked everything in,because that was wisdom talking.

Nobody has any right to torture you emotionally like this husband of yours has done
He obviously has a poor upbringing and maybe saw his father treat his mother with disdain and she sat like a docile mat or maybe you saw your father abuse your mother,I don't know.
You have made your mistakes,now is the time to correct the wrongs
I am a marriage advocate and I think divorce should be the last resort after all avenues have been explored especially where kids are involved.
He needs to submit himself to marriage counseling.If I were you that is the condition I would give .A series of sessions to get to the root of his ugly behavior
His refusal is a sign that he doesn't value you and is not ready for change,The marriage is as good as dead,you don't need to be there a minute longer.

I am glad you have a job and can sustain yourself,this is the reason I never advise anyone to be a housewife.
Besides the spitting and breaking Things ,does he beat you up too?
Has he ever slapped,hit,kicked or thrown an object at you?
If the answer to any of the above is yes,forget about the counseling and everything I said,pack your things and get out.That will be my advise if you were my younger sister.it only gets worse from there.
Cemeteries are full of women who stayed and were beaten or stabbed to death

Please don't let him know when you are about to leave if you do decide to leave. Many of these violent men turn into worse monsters when they perceive that..if he gets that angry,he is capable of anything.Be wise,get a restraining order if need be.

I would like to thank you and everyone for their advice.It shows that there are still real people on nairaland.

greatgod2012:

good for you and what was his reaction when you spat on him back?
Expecting your response.

baby_mama: @ the poster,

do you have a job?
Does he have a job?
Who earns more?
Can you sustain yourself financially
Do you have children?
Did you have an abusive father growing up?
Do you have a trusted friend or relative who can be a confidant?

I await your answers so I can advise you better





You teach people how to treat you,while his behavior is inexcusable,I want to also know what about you makes this abuse tolerable for 5 long years and counting
You need to do something differently,that is the only way this will stop.

coogar:

husband @ 40 behaving like a spoilt brat.....
i don't think he's nigerian! nigerian men don't spit on their wives. "we" take care of our spouses. yet, we might throw tantrums here and there but nothing like dehumanising our other half.

debrief08: I have been spit on before so I understand. Even our then Pastor refused to believe me.
Anyway, you have to decide what you want. Know that whatever you did that led to a disagreement, no disagreement should be settled like this.
It is rude and disrespectful, He has issues and that is an extreme tantrum throwing method. I don't know what to tell you, You are not responsible for his bad attitude, nothing you do will keep him happy, even if you are not the one who upset him, you will be the constant dumping ground for his venom.
He is in London so it is easy for him to get help, tell him to get help if he wants to keep your family together.
I wonder about your own esteem, work on building it, I wonder how it will be after 2 years of being spat on.
Sorry about what you are going through but you need to sit up and stop crying, NO ONE deserves to be spat.