House hunting in lagos can be a crazy ride .. what's your own experience, here's mine
..
One of such experiences was when i escorted a friend of a friend to house hunt around that Ajah area, he was just rounding up with NYSc then, and just needed a one bed room that looked cool and comfy enough, with kitchen and all,

i mean for an NYSc guy youd be wondering if the allawee money will be enough, but clearly the guy had backup from family background so, i didn't leave no stones unturned ..

1st house ..
We had already contacted the agent prior to that day, and i already had list of things i wanted to look out for, we scheduled a day,
On that fateful day, we met up at that Ajah under bridge, Dude brought his own car, we all joined in,
To start with the compound was not bad and wasnt so good,

1st thing i asked the Agent, was where is the landlord, does he stay here, how does he frequent this place, how many people are in the compound, he said just 2 and the owner is in UK, that theres a caretaker

then looking at the walls and the compound floor i was making my deductions, the guy asked me anything, i said no, ( in my mind i was like this place is waterlogged, the green on the floor says that) .. now the entrance to the apartment had the same signs of waterlog .. but heres the craziest part ...
You see theres was a hallway we passed it didnt even fit two people at the same time, now coming into the apartment, the rooms looked like cubicles, i also noticed that a part of the toilet was been cut and fed into the bedroom, now the toilet itself you have to walkin sideways for whatever reasons, year and it had a bathroom at the far end, which was just a shower, i also noticed the taps had some rusty bubbles all over it, thats a sign of hardwater, the walls had the same signs,

At this point i was already turning off the switches for this apartment in my head,
Like its a no, the guy was still there asking me , fantastic right ? .. i said well if you say so ...

I asked him why the tap wasnt rushing, he said its a minor issue.
I asked about light too, the response was not given .. hard pass

I didnt bother asking the guy other further questions about the environs, like nearness to bustops and other places for flexibility and stuff like that ..

I just told him wed get back to him

Immidiately .. i left the gate with that guy .. i told him, You cant start your life like this

Onto the next one 😎👌
....
If you had a similar or worse experience do share

What is this moot moot all about abeg, i totally have no idea.

ogaontop:

That's a wonderful analogy and she's a gem! You are also smart for that immediate settlement, it will limit her thoughts of "building" you.
Many Nigerian women that will just occupy space and give you headaches when you don't have, will always claim to have built with you when you later make it!
Men see all those and decide to manage you, when they make it, they look for peace of mind, though a handful are unrepentant "ingrates"!

I recently engaged a lady who told me for the fact that she stays with a man when he doesn't have is enough "building".
I won't judge her though but for me, hmm

Lets be frank, people know me for been too blunt and saying something as it is ..

So you see that lady, she is talking off point .. understandably every lady that stays with a guy to an extent adds value to the guy, even if its emotional, connections, advice, or for those that want to cook and clean or those that decide to add maximum value

.. but you see this particular lady you mentioned .. from the way she said it, sje is non of these, so she is a big minus ..
Shes probably the type that will tell you to go and rob to give her money for hair

I know you guys might have left this issue in 2023, but its still important its addressed

Should dna test be done on your child or not ?

My take is Yes ..
it should be done, but .. immidiately after birth at the hospital ..
Calm down let me explain with a story ..


.. ( this is actually a true life story, you might have seen it in the papers )

A couple were once hoping for a child, eventually God blessed them with a baby boy, but unknown to them, they actually had twins( boy and girl), but the doctor and nurse at the hospital had already conived to sell the other baby(girl) to another couple, so the couple never knew, right from when she was coming for checkups till when they had the baby, they were told its just a baby boy, so they believed so, now 22 years later, as God may have it, these two kids were connected back together ..

how ? Let me explain

It so happens that the woman ( boys mother) runs a tailoring school, and coincidentally the girl (other twin) enrolled in the school, and each time she steps out to maybe ease herself, people always talk about the striking resemblance she has with the owner of the school, it got to the women's ear, and people kept asking the woman are you sure shes not your kid, she said no that she only gave birth to a boy,

To cut the long story short ..

The girl ( twin ) had an issue that she had to take excuse and go to the hospital, but they needed the woman to sign and give permission, the woman sent back a message through her supervisor to ask what the issue was, she said it was eye problem, this struck a chord in her mind, that she had to ask to see her personally, the girl was invited to her office,

Now the truth of the matter was that her own son also had that issue, so she wanted to confirm when her's started, and it was exactly the same time of her son's, and she confirmed the issue comes and goes, she told her that she will take her to the hospital herself, and also sent a message to her parents to meet up at the hospital
..
Her plan was to run a dna test

Believe me her worst fears were confirmed, its her daughter
..
Now how the two families resolved this i have no further information about

..
Now back to my point

1st of all as a man, not all kids that you confirm are not yours, were actually as a result of the woman sleeping outside ( tho it happens)
but doctors and nurses switch kids at birth too
Just know that

The big issue now is that once you are out of the hospital the whole blame is on the lady for sleeping outside as it might just be a child of a different couple. ( it could be either of the two but you dont know for sure )

Now if actually the lady didnt sleep outside, imagine how confusing it will be to her, with tears in her eyes, and trying to convince everybody that she dosent know what happened, and all the pressure from the whole family that shes a wh0re, of course no one will beleive anything, no one will even think that maybe the baby was switched

Now my take is ..
Do the dna test immediately the child is born, because we cant trust these guys anymore ( Docs/ Nurses), infact monitor and confirm your baby with another hospital

Now if you also find out that the woman slept outside .. its now left to you to decide on time what your next point of action will be .. not after 30years of marriage

It's going to be more complicated, after 2 to 3 kids, and you are asking if you should or not do the test .. i cant answer that one

Like i said .. once you are out of the hospital with the baby, you cant say for sure what the truth is anymore


............

You guys just follow up, give me your feedback, negative or positive, i need it to get better, at this point i drop my pen,
..
my brain wan burst ..

----------------
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If you will like to learn this or any other Tech skill ( Transition to tech ) --- let me know
-----------------

I am Wisegeek
a Serious Tech Guy in real life😎
---
i give you my honest perspective on every topic or trend
i dont do gender bias stuff
i say it as it is no sugarcoating
And i am very sarcastic too 🙂

Lifeinlight:
My sis was married as a virgin @24. All those ones you listed are for immature ones. You didn't have a business discussing your relationship with friends


Also, iron sharpen iron. A good husband materials will get a good wife materials

People getting into marriages now .. no dey hear word, they think their marriage is for public .. people wey go chop rice lean mouth .. so its the type of people getting married now
They listen to social media

loswhite:
Write up without direction making front page...smh

Please help us direct the writeup, thats why you are here ..

aimmoney9:
The op is removed from reality......

Dem no dey ever fit satisfy una 😁

MSN1:

Building with someone is a risk that is strictly by choice. its 50/50.

I have a nigga that trained my pry. sch. class mate to college of Edu. Today as we speak, they are happily married with 4 kids.
When taking such risks, have it in mind that; If it works out, fine and if otherwise, u deal with it😎

Thanks for my next topic idea 🥂😎

EconFinance:
Building with a man is a risk

So I don't blame women who don't

But I'll say it's a risk worth taking especially when it pays off down the line

You would never know if it will pay off or not .. thats why you build yourself too along the way, some ladies forget to do that .. and have to start after if anything goes sideways

ogaontop:
@op, can you please define "build with a man" because it's not clear.
So any girl that stays with you when you don't have money has built with you Even when she's putting you under unnecessary pressure or even fucking other men while you're together?

Bro, in today's Nigeria, many girls who stay with a man when he doesn't have money have not seen a better "serious" alternative or she's expecting you hit it big soon, of which when you didn't, she will start giving you headache!
Know this and know peace!

To help you better understand, i will explain the opposite ..

You are not building with a man, if you are just there occupying space and demanding for money for upkeep, and giving sx ..

You must not add money or contribute financially, but if you can great ..

But if you can add value like

.. i'd give you another analogy, A lady i once dated was always on point about new opportunities, and value we could add to ourselves, and she knew a lot of people like if i needed a particular service she knew who to call

.. and each time i get a contract through her i split the money, (thats me personally i wont say you should do it) .. we didnt end up together for other reasons .. and it was on a good note, we still talk

Niyi4321:

Your points are biased. We're no longer in the bible era. This is Social medias era and the amount of big phones and data couple with home responsibilities is killing men faster.
So forget the submission, infact you can be in charge but bring something to the table you must.
I can't kill myself

You get points oo .. and vybes, and if you check my previous post, i said something similar, but there's where you need to draw the line ..see based on experience of people travelling out now, like uk, the woman needs .. i said need, to show you how important .. needs to have a job .. because if dem hit you with Taxes for UK, you go start dey find your bearing

Tatinus:
really got me 😪😪😪😪

The guy was crying, and catarrh was in his nose when he was saying it .. me in my mind i was like, see as adult dey cry oo .. my gawd !!

I will still tell the story iny next few post, with full details

Lifeinlight:
If you must build with a potential man, make sure no sexual intercourse between you guys

In this day and age, that would be difficult, because of society and peer pressure ..


Let me explain ..
The guy has friends, the lady has friends
The will listen to them
The guys friends will tell him, she dey use your head, wise up,
The girls friend will tell her, you dey waste your time with who dey !mp0tent, dey play, time dey go
..

The only way this works is if both the lady and the guy agree to stand by this, are equally making money and contributing somehow, even if the guys own is higher, fine

.. together they can push back whatever societal pressure is saying, coupled with their self discipline, because .. man no be firewood 😅.

ofexpryz:
. Na sex dey spoil everything.

If you remove sex and money, dating and relationships will go down by 70% 😅😁

MSN1:

Building with someone is a risk that is strictly by choice. its 50/50.

I have a nigga that trained my pry. sch. class mate to college of Edu. Today as we speak, they are happily married with 4 kids.
When taking such risks, have it in mind that; If it works out, fine and if otherwise, u deal with it😎

These days i wont advice anyone to train anyone, but if you want to do it, here is what you must add ..

As the guy as you are training her, build up yourself too to meet up with current trends, make you no go dey old fashioned

Also note that training the lady is as a friendly gesture, have that in mind, so contribute what you can, what you wont regret later, if she say she no do again .. you cant force her

For the lady, if you want to train a guy, omo .. i'd have said don't, but ..
Contribute the little you can also as a friend .. why ?
The guy might still not end up with you,
The guy might get too relaxed ( yes this happens too)
The guy can pick another small girl that has nothing, under your nose and be giving her the money you are giving him

Its a sign off affection .. they trigger you to take action

Thundafireseun:

Wassup

Fahvvy:
This is a very balanced write up ...

I personally don't want a woman to "build" with me ... Let her use that "building materials" to build herself instead ...

Thanks i appreciate,

thats what i am learning how to do now,

balance my write ups,

and be as sincere as possible with my take, and try to mirror the two sides of the perspectives, and this is also based on actually talking to guys and ladies to get their opinions .. then i find the middle ground on how both sides can work together, if any side is wrong or right i say it as it is without bias.

Thanks i appreciate,

..

Fahvvy:
This is a very balanced write up ...

I personally don't want a woman to "build" with me ... Let her use that "building materials" to build herself instead ...

Heres why ladies refuse to build with guys
.. Experience ✨

and i cant blame them for that,
because this my gender, men!!
They can ghost ehh!
Today you are dating, tomorrow is saturday you see trad on their friends status😎🥂 ..

but thats not to say ladies don't ghost too oo, one of my guys they ghosted during university, fell sick for 1 month, i mean he said theres nothing he didnt do for her, even that he was repeating a year is because of her, they dated for the whole time frame in school, same set, and towards finals she was bringing invitation card, ma guy fainted, when i talked to him, he was like nwa nkwo na zu, ngbe mmiri na ezo, je ulo ogwu ( the lady i backed inside rain to the hospital ) but you see this gist, i wil gist another day.

So ladies do too, and they usually do it to someone they think is unserious about marriage, whether they love the person or not, ( i dont know if they are usually under pressure from family or peers - but this will be another topic for another day )

while the guys ghost a lady they feel dont have all the requirements, but both of them are sneaky and using the same formula, no closure, just ghosting, i will understand if theres no closure for a toxic relationship, but a relationship that had no flaws, you just wake up one morning and jump out of the molue ( i.e assuming your relationship is the bus)
Why ?
I mean thats what c0wards do

Now back to the real question, why dont ladies build with guys again ..

See let me tell you dating anyone is a 50/50 percent chance, anyone can wake up the next day and break up, or worse you wake up and find out they are getting married or married with 6 kids or any other reason (for the men), or they have a hidden child or children from different men or any other reason ( for the women )

So now for the guys,

what's to say the guy will continue to marriage stage when he has money, that he wont dump you for his dream girl, and you have to start from scratch again ..
So i never blame any lady that says they wont build with a guy, their reason is valid, but ..

For the ones who choose to build with the guy, kudos to them, but ..

While you are at that please build yourself too .. i cannot vouch for any human being or any man, build yourself in the relationship too, learn skills, get certifications, as he is growing you are growing,

If he refuses, your growth !!

omo i give you the permission to leave him, that is a very bad boy .. a narcss!st to say the least .. because if that guy eventually gets money and gets someone else, you have your years of achievements to console you, you wont be starting out again with nothing ..

Now if you decide not to build with a man, like i said, you have good reasons too, but ..

While you wait for your prince charming, please build yourself also, you cant just be dancing on social media and saying all sorts about wanting a big man or saying things like if your boyfriend is not given you 500k monthly dump him, or if his account bal is not up to 50m dump him .. what audacity for someone that has no skills, i mean they say empty barrels do what 😅

So you think a big man will just gallivant and coman carry you like that so you can be doing tiktok in his parlour .. they too know what they are looking for, and if they carry u best bet theres only one thing they need from you at that point in time ..

So build yourself while you wait for prince charming, a way of encouraging him, that ..
"see ma guy nothing loss" i gat you
--------------------------------------


And for the guys that want to know what to be doing in relationships that they are building, maybe the lady is not supporting you or is achieving more than you -- i.e you want to know what to do, i will cover that in another post,

Now another topic that is coming is -- when to dump a guy or a lady in a relationship, i will cover these together
..
You guys just follow up, give me your feedback, negative or positive, i need it to get better, at this point i drop my pen,
..
my brain wan burst ..

----------------
Image created with ( BingArt )
If you will like to learn this or any other Tech skill ( Transition to tech ) --- let me know
-----------------

I am Wisegeek
a Serious Tech Guy in real life😎
---
i give you my honest perspective on every topic or trend
i dont do gender stuff ( new topic alert )
i say it as it is no sugarcoating
And i am very sarcastic too 🙂
...

Add it to your own list ..

femi4:
You are biased

Is finance gender biased? Why didn't you add finance to women list.

But did you see these red flags before you married her .. yea or no .. so your answer will probably be yes .. the deed is done .. what is the next step to a solution ..

Sit her down .. and ask her madam why u dey always suspect me .. how was your past relationships, how was your upbringing, see all these her behaviour is tied to something she grew up with .. a trigger .. you have to find out what it is .. so you can be able to manage it .. but you are not leaving that marriage oo .. mba nu 😅

You sef what behavioural pattern are you exhibiting that is making her suspect you .. check that too if any .. cant be blaming her if you sef may have small fault

Add it now .. is the lady supposed to spend on the guy .. like is that priority

femi4:
You are biased

Is finance gender biased? Why didn't you add finance to women list.

PoliteActivist:


This context only exists in your head.
When NL men and these men of today ask that question, they mean: HOW WILL YOU HELP WITH THE BILLS?!!!

You are right .. and it is in fact for "some" Nigerian men .. and obviously some men of this generation
If she has something that brings in money that is a plus to you,

besides its basically different men for different strokes, Every kind of man wants different things on the table,

an Average Nigerian guy wants you to work as well that's what you bring to the table .. because it brings balance ( no doubt )
A man who already makes money wants a high value woman that has little to no negative past, he doesn't really care about her money, if she has money its a plus .. and it still brings balance
The elites don't even care what you bring to the table, but what family are you from .. that's what you bring to the table, they will never marry down

but you see this generation of men and women will continue to argue about this till eternity .. because of misplaced ideas of their responsibilities

As a man you don't even have to ask that question, just looking at the lady and talking to her, observing her you know if she fits into your goals, the kinda of work she does, her behavioural pattern, if she has potential to upgrade .. but when you see she's clearly a funcandy plus a lot of baggage, you are still asking unnecessary questions to trigger the whole situation the more . .. that's not smart at all

SHIVA001:
Love Love Selfless service. In a marriage. As a man make sure your woman is Working and you are also working. E get why.

Yes true but its totally not her priority, but the man's, if she works it's good enough as a support system for the man, and that means you will split her duties with her as well, if she asks you to help out with things you do it without question otherwise that is where you will start getting a negative feedback, plus she will need to take a lot of breaks too unless she just loves the work naturally, if she does, that brings in a different arrangement for 3rd parties to come in and assist with little things like home care and whatnot .. and the good part is both of you can afford to pay for that, since you both work

Here's the opinion you wont see anywhere on the internet . .. and you are hearing it for the first time
Sit tight !!


The phrase what are you brining to the table .. has grossly been misunderstood, some men that even ask the question don't even know why they are asking the question, while on the other hand some women fly into a fit of rage or keep dodging the question, why they are angry they don't even know, its just a psychological impulse,

first of all it is not mandatory for the lady to actually bring finance into the mix but it helps so that should not be the centre of the question, so the men asking and referring to finance really shouldn't do that, focus on what she is supposed to bring

.. its not her job to bring finance, so if you are referring to that you are asking the wrong contextual question, a lady actually has what she should bring to the table, but sadly not a lot of ladies have taken their time to sit down and think about the question, because the are always offended or defensive, its just a simple question, that you need to understand, its not you mdfkn job to bring finance, that is what the man should bring to the table,

what the lady brings to the table .. ranges from
great values
Emotional Intelligence
Attention to Detail
Organizational Skills
Nurture and Care
Empathy and Compassion
Collaborative Spirit
Multitasking Abilities
Intuition
Social Skills
Diplomacy
Support

when you list these features and tell the man you posses these traits
now it's your turn to ask him
what does he bring to the table
...
he should have most of these below
finance
protection
security
Leadership
Decision-Making Skills
Stability
Emotional Support
Problem-Solving Abilities
Initiative
Adaptability
Sense of Humor
Integrity
Shared Responsibilities

marriage or relationship is team effort, not competition
the next time i hear that question in the wrong context I fit flog person

The phrase what are you brining to the table .. ha grossly been misunderstood, some men that even ask the question don't even know why they are asking the question, while on the other hand some women fly into a fit of rage or keep dodging the question, why they are angry they don't even know, its just a psychological impulse,

first of all it is not mandatory for the lady to actually bring finance into the mix but it helps so that should not be the centre of the question, so the men asking and referring to finance really shouldn't do that, focus on what she is supposed to bring

.. its not her job to bring finance, so if you are referring to that you are asking the wrong contextual question, a lady actually has what she should bring to the table, but sadly not a lot of ladies have taken their time to sit down and think about the question, because the are always offended or defensive, its just a simple question, that you need to understand, its not you mdfkn job to bring finance, that is what the man should bring to the table,

what the lady brings to the table is .. ranges from
great values
Emotional Intelligence
Attention to Detail
Organizational Skills
Nurture and Care
Empathy and Compassion
Collaborative Spirit
Multitasking Abilities
Intuition
Social Skills
Diplomacy

when you list these features and tell the man you posses these traits
now it s your turn to ask him
what does he bring to the table
...
he should have most of these below
finance
protection
security
Leadership
Decision-Making Skills
Stability
Emotional Support
Problem-Solving Abilities
Initiative
Adaptability
Sense of Humor
Integrity
Shared Responsibilities

marriage or relationship is team effort, not competition
the next time i hear that question in the wrong context i fit flog person

Hope say dem go vote wella .. ✍️✍️���
make dem no come talk say pesin say make dem vote so so and so ..

In other news . ..

Incase you need plain Tshirts (Kanin) .. let me know sha, bulk sales at affordable rate

This same Script .. we don too hear am ..abeg

if YOU ARE FROM Mbaise pls hold your head high, no one should tell you Nada or belittle you, go where you are appreciated
keep been hardworking and independent . .. We Igbo's are the ones creating our own problems, i'v searched everywhere online
trying to find out why some igbos hate people from Mbaise, nothing tangible, Just hearsay, i can't say much i'm just pained at this.

This segregation just needs to stop . .. i'm from Anambra but it pains to see a close pal of yours explain what they've faced so far in their life because they are from Mbaise

if i talk about my own family's experience this place go full

hisgrace090:
That of abandoning a member due to inability to pay levies must stop for the church to practice what it preach.


As of today you can't marry or be buried if you owe the church.