dayokanu: Does your friend talk to the African guy on phone?

Let her pick a fight with him and make the guy break up with her

The guy is actually really nice, and he understand her but her family are the problem.

rokiatu:

No he's not

well, as others have pointed out, she can either do strong head and marry the here guy, or accept her parents' choice.


its up to her.

Hmmn If she is convinced that her guy is the right person for her, she should go ahead and follow her heart. The same thing happened to me and @the beginning of the year i travelled down to Nigeria and my bf nd i went to the registry. Family got to hear abt it nd were spitting fire, right now my mum doesnt want to see me or talk to me. That doesnt make me love her less, i know someday we'll make up and everything we'll b alright,though it hurts so bad but i guess thats d price i have to pay for my actions.Yes the bible says children should honor their parent it further stated that Parents should not provoke their children to wrath. They are there to guide us, love us not to control us with remote.Life is a gift from God, Parents are not God, they know so much but they dont know it all, they make mistakes cos they are human. Even God lets us choose even though he has the power to control us.

ennkey: Hmmn If she is convinced that her guy is the right person for her, she should go ahead and follow her heart. The same thing happened to me and @the beginning of the year i travelled down to Nigeria and my bf nd i went to the registry. Family got to hear abt it nd were spitting fire, right now my mum doesnt want to see me or talk to me. That doesnt make me love her less, i know someday we'll make up and everything we'll b alright,though it hurts so bad but i guess thats d price i have to pay for my actions.Yes the bible says children should honor their parent it further stated that Parents should not provoke their children to wrath. They are there to guide us, love us not to control us with remote.Life is a gift from God, Parents are not God, they know so much but they dont know it all, they make mistakes cos they are human. Even God lets us choose even though he has the power to control us.

Perfect Ennkey...You said it well, same thing i told Rokiatu. And congrats on your union. Where in the US do you stay?

Tnk u Houston! I see u live in Dallas i used to bt i moved last year.

jaym112002:

Perfect Ennkey...You said it well, same thing i told Rokiatu. And congrats on your union. Where in the US do you stay?

ennkey: Tnk u Houston! I see u live in Dallas i used to bt i moved last year.

Why did you leave naw? DFW is the ish you know, more awesome places and things to do. Houston is more like London...its one of the annexes of Lagos. Nigerians too plenty there

dayokanu: Does your friend talk to the African guy on phone?

Let her pick a fight with him and make the guy break up with her

Nice one!!!!! easy..should have done that since!!!

jaym112002: First she needs to pray hard! Challenges like this need wisdom, wisdom from God...because any wrong decision is one of a permanent nature. Also, your friend should be ready to SACRIFICE something. Either she sacrifices her family, or get pregnant and elopes with her man of choice..she needs to choose one. Because in this case, she can never eat her cake and have it. She needs to be ready to sacrifice. But one thing is for sure, whatever she chooses, as long as her HAPPINESS is in that choice, eventually, everything will work out well FOR GOOD. Thats certain

Great advice.

Oh thanks Miss Philly! How is summer turning out for you Ronke??

HotieTima's parents want arrange-marriaage for her?
I don't believe this is possible.

How old is she? What exactly is the family holding over her head that she feels depressed enough to want to give into their backward demand?
Does she have a job? Can she move out on her own and start life on her own?
If orphans can grow up and get married, I see no reason why she should limit herself.

Obviously, this "family" cares little about their daughters' feelings and long-term happiness.
It is, in many ways, a wicked thing.

2buff: HotieTima's parents want arrange-marriaage for her?
I don't believe this is possible.

How old is she? What exactly is the family holding over her head that she feels depressed enough to want to give into their backward demand?
Does she have a job? Can she move out on her own and start life on her own?
If orphans can grow up and get married, I see no reason why she should limit herself.

Obviously, this "family" cares little about their daughters' feelings and long-term happiness.
It is, in many ways, a wicked thing.

Why is everyone thinking the person is Hotie Tima for God sake? Seriously this is not funny anymore. hOTIE tIMA IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND NEITHER IS SHE MY ONLY FRIEND.. HOPEFULLY WE ARE NOW CLEAR.

rokiatu: The guy is actually really nice, and he understand her but her family are the problem.

Let your friend tell the "arrangee" guy to tell her family they should let her be that he is not interested in marrying someone that has eyes, mind and heart for another man. IMO, the guy is the deal or is tie breaker here.

Since your friend's family like the african guy, they might consider his stand and that is if he is also not interested in marrying her.

rokiatu:

Why is everyone thinking the person is Hotie Tima for God sake? Seriously this is not funny anymore. hOTIE tIMA IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND NEITHER IS SHE MY ONLY FRIEND.. HOPEFULLY WE ARE NOW CLEAR.

No

ferhyntorlah:

Let your friend tell the "arrangee" guy to tell her family they should let her be that he is not interested in marrying someone that has eyes, mind and heart for another man. IMO, the guy is the deal or is tie breaker here.

Since your friend's family like the african guy, they might consider his stand and that is if he is also not interested in marrying her.

This also makes sense...The 'arrangee' guy is the deal breaker! Good advice!

jaym112002: Oh thanks Miss Philly! How is summer turning out for you Ronke??

just saw this, great!!!! i love the hot weather...so i am enjoying it, i hate the fact that the stores are already changing their stuffs from summer wear to fall wears...

ronkebp:

just saw this, great!!!! i love the hot weather...so i am enjoying it, i hate the fact that the stores are already changing their stuffs from summer wear to fall wears...

Really?Loolz...Cool. I'm sure you rock shorts all day long. You should be in Dallas if you love the heat, with an average of 95, you'll definitely wanna be here forever. Out here, the Sun is not for Pedestrians! You know the stores have to start making sales for back to school, so items have to be changed.

^^^^ YEAH RIGHT!!!!thinking of moving to other States with normal weather() can't stand the cold.....but i am afraid of hurricanes and other natural disasters....

ronkebp: ^^^^ YEAH RIGHT!!!!thinking of moving to other States with normal weather() can't stand the cold.....but i am afraid of hurricanes and other natural disasters....

Hurricane? HABA! This is Texas. No hurricanes oh

oh!!!!!....what natural disaster do you have there then?....actually someone just told me tornadoes!!!! so they have tornadoes .

ronkebp: oh!!!!!....what natural disaster do you have there then?....actually someone just told me tornadoes!!!! so they have tornadoes .

hurricane in houston e.g Hurricane Rita, and Iyke

Tornado hit some suburbs of Dallas early this year

O

ronkebp: oh!!!!!....what natural disaster do you have there then?....actually someone just told me tornadoes!!!! so they have tornadoes .

Tornadoes yes... But it's not really a big deal sha. It's usual never severe for me or does it affect me directly. As long as u have a covered parking!Move here jo.

jaym112002:

This also makes sense...The 'arrangee' guy is the deal breaker! Good advice!

Thank you!
*humbly bows and curtsies*

ronkebp:

just saw this, great!!!! i love the hot weather...so i am enjoying it, i hate the fact that the stores are already changing their stuffs from summer wear to fall wears...

realllllly

@Poster, did your friend have a lobotomy or something??

I mean if you want to marry A, it should not matter what your parents say. If A is what you want, go for A, and face the consequences. Not saying that they will be bad but that essentially is what life is about. Unless your friend is too young to know that.

If I were you, I would ask your friend why she is making drama out of it. Ask her what exactly is stopping her from making up her mind. If she really loves A, what is stopping her from saying GO TO HELL to her parents, and friends.

Kobojunkie: @Poster, did your friend have a lobotomy or something??

I mean if you want to marry A, it should not matter what your parents say. If A is what you want, go for A, and face the consequences. Not saying that they will be bad but that essentially is what life is about. Unless your friend is too young to know that.
8
If I were you, I would ask your friend why she is making drama out of it. Ask her what exactly is stopping her from making up her mind. If she really loves A, what is stopping her from saying GO TO HELL to her parents, and friends.

lol I really hope it was that easy.

rokiatu: lol I really hope it was that easy.

It is that easy. Ask her what is holding her back. What is she afraid of? If she really loves A, then she should be ready to damn all consequences and follow A to hell even. She is the one you need to question, not her parents or anyone else. Every adult (above 18) who is in a relationship is old enough to make that decision -- to stay with mummy or go with love.
Those who are afraid tend to try to blame their parents for their gutlessness. Unless you have a father holding a gun to your head, you should be able to say " F* OFF" to 'em when they try to rule your life, and walk away.
If your friend gets bold enough to understand that, she can always come back after she is married to A to apologize

Kobojunkie:

It is that easy. Ask her what is holding her back. What is she afraid of? If she really loves A, then she should be ready to damn all consequences and follow A to hell even. She is the one you need to question, not her parents or anyone else. Every adult (above 18) who is in a relationship is old enough to make that decision -- to stay with mummy or go with love.
Those who are afraid tend to try to blame their parents for their gutlessness. Unless you have a father holding a gun to your head, you should be able to say " F* OFF" to 'em when they try to rule your life, and walk away.
If your friend gets bold enough to understand that, she can always come back after she is married to A to apologize

Let me break it down for you so you can understand. She even decided to do that, me and the boy she love advice her to not. You must be wondering why?

The boy family will never be part of such marriage, they don't want a woman who will give herself out like what you are saying here. disrespecting and moving out sounds perfectly normal to me...but not both family. What if tommorrow something happend to them who are they gonna run to?

Love is great and everything, but we can not run away from the harsh realities of life. Sometimes we have to think with our minds and not only our heart.

This will be the last plan if nothing else work.

rokiatu:
Let me break it down for you so you can understand. She even decided to do that, me and the boy she love advice her to not. You must be wondering why?

The boy family will never be part of such marriage, they don't want a woman who will give herself out like what you are saying here. disrespecting and moving out sounds perfectly normal to me...but not both family. What if tommorrow something happend to them who are they gonna run to?

Love is great and everything, but we can not run away from the harsh realities of life. Sometimes we have to think with our minds and not only our heart.

This will be the last plan if nothing else work.

What has the boy's family to do with this again? Does he love her or does he love her for his family? Which one?

I asked earlier if the two of them were adults but from your comment it seems they are both kids trying to play adult games. In that case I say they should probably not be thinking of love at all.

There are so many people out there who are married but are in fact married to the other's family, and I don't need to tell you that that is not what is designed for. EVEN the Bible makes it clear that the man will LEAVE his father and mother and cleave to his wife. So, if A is not even ready for that, then I am afraid that what you friend may think is love is probably not.

The harsh reality of life here, or should I say, the obvious lesson for both of you to learn here is that your parents will never really see eye to eye with you on everything. That is the harshness of life, and rather than let it RUIN YOUR LIFE, you embrace that fact and STAND YOUR GROUND. It is YOUR LIFE, not your parent's, but YOUR LIFE, and if you are old enough, you need to realize that and stand your ground.
Don't let anyone decide your future for you, not even your parents. That decision should be yours because you will be the one to live the consequences, to bear the burdens of what decisions are made. Your father and mother will never be able to save you from that. They can promise you they will but life forces each individual to face his or her own reality, and burdens.

You have a point. Will get her to see it. Thanks for the advice.

The people involved are likely relatively young still very reliant on their parents hence they can't really act independently.

Unless the parents are shipping the girl back to Africa to marry, she should be able to make her own stand if she's able to stand on her own two feet. Sounds like she wants everything to be perfect before taking any steps. . . .it may happen, but more likely she'll be coerced to marry the African dude.

The true test of so called 'love' is how far you're willing to go - sounds like the family comforts still come ahead of the couple's love for each other.

I cannot profer a solution but I've got some questions to ask
-how old is this friend of yours?
-What is/are her parents reason(s)for making that choice of a man?
-Are they opposed to her settling down with her current man only or every man other than their choice?

debosky:
The true test of so called 'love' is how far you're willing to go - sounds like the family comforts still come ahead of the couple's love for each other.

Exactly.

While reading all the replies I kept wondering why her parents' opinion seems so important to your friend. Why should it be when those same parents are ready to push her to marry a man she doesn't know, doesn't like, doesn't love for whatever reason ? Seriously, I wouldn't want such people to make any decision for me.

Your friend needs to learn that when you try to please everybody you end up pleasing anybody.

It is time for her to show that she is an adult, and not a child, which is necessary if she plans to get married. As an adult you make decisions other people might not like and you stand your ground because you believe in what you do.

So if anything happens in the future, she doesn't feel confident enough in herself and her bf to sort themselves out ?

she, and her bf, need to grow up.