Good day, please I need your advice for a friend of mine, the problem
Is that his wife father want to have the last say in his marriage.
The guy is a security officers with a reliable company and also a part time
Student at Lasu....while his wife Is yet to get a job but she have OND...
This last past Friday the man came back from work and she did not met her
Wife at home..on finding out that his wife has move to his father house
And when I got there with my friend..To know the reason why she left
Home, she said that my friend has be treating her like a slave. Not that
There is no food at home but the fat remain that he shout at her when ever
She refuse to do right things...I was there and his wife did not argue
With him that is a lie...they have one kid already and d wife is pregnant
With another one...but I don't seem to understand dis woman because
My friend provide everytins she needed.she said she not going back to the house
So what should my friend do now because we don't seem to know what to do because
The father in law has giv support to his daugther...the guy don't want
His own family to interfere because that will bring trouble..you all should know
That because of his wife he has not talk to her mum for some time just because
His said some tins to him about how her mum use to treat her when she came to
spent some time with them.that apart..Now need your advice should my friend take his Son that his about to be 2years old away and let his wife remain with her father-in-law..To my own understanding I think the father-in-law want to take away his family from him...
Please he'll us

You said your friend provides for all. . .like that's all that matters, he can give her the world and she will still leave if he is treating her like crap. What is with the shouting at her like she is a child?!!

If your friend is treating is wife badly. . .why should she come back? Seriously, I don't blame Daddy for wanting to protect his child.

@Poster, do you know what a friend is supposed to be? A friend is that person who will take time out to ruminate on the issues that pertain to you and tell you the truth when you are too blind to see the obvious.

Your friend's wife is talking. It does not seem your friend is listening to her, neither are you. What kind of friend are you when you are not even telling your friend the truth here? He is working his wife like a slave and allowing his mother to mistreat her, and you can't see that to be a good enough reason for the woman to move to a place where she is not a slave, loved and respected, in this case her father's place(if I got that right)?

exalt2009:
1. She said that my friend has been treating her like a slave.
2. He shouts at her whenever she refuses to do the right things.
3. I was there and his wife did not argue with him that is a lie.
4. That because of his wife he has not talked to his mum for sometime just because
she said somethings to him about how his mum used to treat her when she came to
spent some time with them.
5. To my own understanding I think the father-in-law want to take away his family from him...

Dear poster, I've taken time to pick out the relevant points to be tackled.
1. She is his wife, his helpmate not slave. Is there anyone to help her with the house chores? If the housework is too much for her(since she is pregnant) let them find someone to help her out. From your narration, I think your friend still has this "Mummy in the Kitchen cooking rice, Daddy in the palour watching TV" mentality. Let your friend and his wife work out how they want their house to be run. No one should feel like a slave in his/her house.

2. He should resist from shouting at her whenever she does wrong or when correcting her. She is not a child, she is an adult and I feel at this level of development, gentle reproach should be used. I for one don't like being shouted at so I know how she feels.

3. Let them have a heart to heart conversation; they are still at the teething stage of the marriage. Patience, wisdom and prayer is needed to handle this stage of marriage.

4. A man should strive to maintain a cordial balance between his mother and his wife. Mothers too should understand that the son has a family and they need to respect his family as much as they want to be respected.

5. With the stories we have been hearing about married couples, I don't blame her father. He is only protecting his daughter. She is useful for him while alive than dead.

I'm not supporting any of the persons here; I'm just stating my. own opinion. Let them look back and see what went wrong and make the necessary adjustments for the peace of all.

I want to bet your friend's marriage was a pregnancy induced marriage. She got pregnant, her folks don't want her having the baby outside wedlock so they had to get married. Did they sit down to plan how they want their home to be?

Lastly poster whenever you friend is doing something you view as improper, please tell him. A true friend will tell how it is whether it's going to hurt or not.

Thank you very much, I really appreciate your comment but you must
Understand what I mean when I said he shout on her..some times women
Are very difficuit to manage..you have to shout sometimes not a every
Day things...For the mother in law, if I tell you because of her wife
He has her own mother to go back to her house becos she love her wife
There is no day while mother in law will have arguement with his wife
That this my friend alws given support to his wife..I was there...let Goddard
Be the witness...there is yoruba sayings that " that husband house is a
Place of learning" I know my friend very well, he just want the right
Tins to be done at the right time aftermath he doesn't keep anytins
On his mine even when you offended him.he will just shout at you and
That is all.. After all they both dated for 4 years and he should know
His chracter before today....I will tell you one reason I only think
Was that my friend always be on night shift duty which both of them
Concluded on it..so she will ask her to stay at home some night which he
He alws listen to her but some times he will not because that is the
Only sort of their living and he will not want to loose the job..women are
Not always satisfied with what they have until they loose it..Me I have
Talk to her and she said she will come home on Sunday but I don't seems
trust her...because if my friend decide on his own now , pple will concluded
That he wanted her out before....

ferhyntorlah:

Dear poster, I've taken time to pick out the relevant points to be tackled.
1. She is his wife, his helpmate not slave. Is there anyone to help her with the house chores? If the
housework is too much for her(since she is pregnant) let them find someone to help her out. From your narration, I think your friend still has this "Mummy in the Kitchen cooking rice, Daddy in the palour watching TV" mentality. Let your friend and his wife work out how they want their house to be run. No one should feel like a slave in his/her house.

2. He should resist from shouting at her whenever she does wrong or when correcting her. She is not a child, she is an adult and I feel at this level of development, gentle reproach should be used. I for one don't like being shouted at so I know how she feels.

3. Let them have a heart to heart conversation; they are still at the teething stage of the marriage. Patience, wisdom and prayer is needed to handle this stage of marriage.

4. A man should strive to maintain a cordial balance between his mother and his wife. Mothers too should understand that the son has a family and they need to respect his family as much as they want to be respected.

5. With the stories we have been hearing about married couples, I don't blame her father. He is only
protecting his daughter. She is useful for him while alive than dead.

I'm not supporting any of the persons here; I'm just stating my. own opinion. Let them look back and see what went wrong and make the necessary adjustments for the peace of all.

I want to bet your friend's marriage was a pregnancy induced marriage. She got pregnant, her folks don't want her having the baby outside wedlock so they had to get married. Did they sit down to plan how they want their home to be?

Lastly poster whenever you friend is doing something you view as improper, please tell him. A true friend will tell how it is whether it's going to hurt or not.

You are as stoopid as your friend .

Some people just aren't mature (and never will be), for the responsibilities of marriage.

@poster, you and your friend have a lot of growing up to do.

The Poster is so annoying I can't even speak. So you must "shout on women sometimes" as long as you feed them abi?
You have been given advice and waved it aside, holding on to your own myopic views. God bless that father. Controlling indeed, did the father tell you he shouts at his daughter?

OP it becomes so bad when a man fails to take charge of his marriage,sits with his beer parlor friends in the bar to discuss the failures of his wife and in turn gets beer parlor advice.Your friend has to grow up and learn how to treat a woman without compromising his authority as the head of the house.Even as a father we discipline our children but with love and respect and not to humiliate or embarrass them.His wife is his partner and not his younger sister,girl friend or house help,he must treat her with love,respect and dignity just the way he wants to be treated by his wife. And for the wife,i keep telling young girls, this is Africa (Nigeria), please do not go into marriage if you don`t want a man to shout or yell at you,African men i filled with pride,ego (Alpha male)etc.It`s unfortunate,lots of young people just jump into marriage to fulfill a non-existence fantasies,only to face the realities in few years into their marriage. Your friend needs to calm down,go back to his father-in-law and apologize to the entire family and assure them he will love and respect their daughter,get his wife back to the house and work things out with her.

Thanks to you all that av give advices, we really appreciate a lot....We have go down on our Knees and apologise to my friend wife and her family..And they have accepted us back and she is coming back home this Sunday...Thank God...because my friend was not his self on this time...just a week and it look like thousand year on his face...He love her wife and child and he ready to adjust....

But to our greatest surprise, do you know it was just because my friend was annoyed on the phone when he was talking to his father in law ; and that is why he has the daughter to stay and not to home to his husband...Man must be a Man....We have learnt a grate lessons.....thanks to you that contribute but I am not bias so don't judged me for my own part...that is just my own point of views...
Thanks and God bless all married couple and I pray that their marriage will be separated in IJN. Amen

exalt2009: Thanks to you all that av give advices, we really appreciate a lot....We have go down on our Knees and apologise to my friend wife and her family..And they have accepted us back and she is coming back home this Sunday...Thank God...because my friend was not his self on this time...just a week and it look like thousand year on his face...He love her wife and child and he ready to adjust....

But to our greatest surprise, do you know it was just because my friend was annoyed on the phone when he was talking to his father in law ; and that is why he has the daughter to stay and not to home to his husband...Man must be a Man....We have learnt a grate lessons.....thanks to you that contribute but I am not bias so don't judged me for my own part...that is just my own point of views...
Thanks and God bless all married couple and I pray that their marriage will be separated in IJN. Amen

I guess you meant "Their marriage will not be seperated".

exalt2009: Thanks to you all that av give advices, we really appreciate a lot....We have go down on our Knees and apologise to my friend wife and her family..And they have accepted us back and she is coming back home this Sunday...Thank God...because my friend was not his self on this time...just a week and it look like thousand year on his face...He love her wife and child and he ready to adjust....

But to our greatest surprise, do you know it was just because my friend was annoyed on the phone when he was talking to his father in law ; and that is why he has the daughter to stay and not to home to his husband...Man must be a Man....We have learnt a grate lessons.....thanks to you that contribute but I am not bias so don't judged me for my own part...that is just my own point of views...
Thanks and God bless all married couple and I pray that their marriage will be separated in IJN. Amen

I cant believe someone will actually give his child to someone with your mentality. Kai, so if the wife is annoyed she can also shout on his mother over the phone abi?
May God help that man that will pick up a phone and shout at my father. Wait till you have a daughter, loved her, held her in your arms, treated her like a princess then one low esteem, man who thinks being a man is about shouting like a dig and throwing tantrums around is what makes him a "man" comes and starts treating her like a rag.
Do you actually know what a "man" means? A leader, A lover, a Protector, a refuge for his wife and family and not a tormentor. Go and learn the meaning of manhood.

^^ Lol!

Calm down sister - he's not worth it, believe me.

debrief08:
I cant believe someone will actually give his child to someone with your mentality. Kai, so if the wife is annoyed she can also shout on his mother over the phone abi?
May God help that man that will pick up a phone and shout at my father. Wait till you have a daughter, loved her, held her in your arms, treated her like a princess then one low esteem, man who thinks being a man is about shouting like a dig and throwing tantrums around is what makes him a "man" comes and starts treating her like a rag.
Do you actually know what a "man" means? A leader, A lover, a Protector, a refuge for his wife and family and not a tormentor. Go and learn the meaning of manhood.

Debrief or whatever you call yourself,stop this feminism non-sense you are spewing over NL.What is the meaning of manhood? A man who has no control over his home because he claims to love his wife? It is good you know that a good relation is the outcome of the effort of the individuals involve(Man & Woman) and not when the man becomes stupid and no longer have control over his home.I am not advocating the abuse of women but there is nothing wrong if a man disciplines his wife with love and understanding.Please differentiate love from stupidity.

^^ Now you've got me curious.

Remember, the woman is his wife, not his child. So when you say "discipline", how exactly is the man supposed to "discipline" his wife without getting either physically or emotionally abusive on her?

And when the man steps out of line, is the wife supposed to "discipline" him too? If no, then why not? Afterall, marriage is meant to be a partnership...

Efemena_xy: ^^ Now you've got me curious.

Remember, the woman is his wife, not his child. So when you say "discipline", how exactly is the man supposed to "discipline" his wife without getting either physically or emotionally abusive on her?

And when the man steps out of line, is the wife supposed to "discipline" him too? If no, then why not? Afterall, marriage is meant to be a partnership...

A woman cannot discipline an erring husband just as a child cannot discipline an erring parent. You can only give a word of advice or express ur fears. A man can and is expected to discipline an erring wife. Even your good book says so. I don't mean using the rod or verbally abusing her but he can scold her firmly.
He can also decide to lay down certain laws eg, i don't want that your friend Mrs A in this house again. That is if he knows Mrs A is becoming a bad influence.
All these feminism nonsense is not applicable in the real world. Even u feminist are humble when u get home. The day u start calling the shots in ur house is the day u pack out, u can only get away with it if u marry a spineless man like some ladies here.

Gaggi:
A woman cannot discipline an erring husband just as a child cannot discipline an erring parent. You can only give a word of advice or express ur fears. A man can and is expected to discipline an erring wife. Even your good book says so. I don't mean using the rod or verbally abusing her but he can scold her firmly.
He can also decide to lay down certain laws eg, i don't want that your friend Mrs A in this house again. That is if he knows Mrs A is becoming a bad influence.
All these feminism nonsense is not applicable in the real world. Even u feminist are humble when u get home. The day u start calling the shots in ur house is the day u pack out, u can only get away with it if u marry a spineless man like some ladies here.

hello mr
no man has the right to discipline his wife,he does not have have the right to shout at her.But he is to treat her the way he will like to be treated
If your employer shouts at you for doing something wrong am sure you will not like it,as that will mean you have been treated like a child and no adult like to feel that way.
Its best to call your wife aside and have good chat with her in a calm but firm way.Doing that will make her respect you more.
Nobody likes to shouted at, even animals don't react well when they are shouted at

Na real wa oo