[b]@wesleyanA,

Good questions. My Dad visited us each time he had time off work. Most of us were in boarding schools and he used to come visit during visiting days if there was no clash or he would send someone. During the hols we all went to his for holidays, so i did get to see my siblings often. My parents loved each other to the best of my knowledge, there is no standard formular for love, people love differently as you must know by now. My parents were married under Native customary law before my siblings and i were born. My Mum happens to be the last wife out of the three. She had a failed marriage before my Dad. Very polygamous family you may say, but i really cannot complain over what i cannot change. I have half brothers and sisters and step brothers and sister. I absolutely enjoyed every bit of my childhood and i have no regrets whatsoever, if given the opportunity i would ask for the same family in my next life.

I would not say am an advocate for polygamy, but i must say polygamy is not the root of the problems we have today in Africa, i think its Man's wickedness to Man. We have sold our souls for material gains. Polygamy is not the root of the ills of our nation today but Corruption. I have seen monogamous union with enough problems to last a life time, issues that were never raised in my very polygamous family.

Afterall  if the white man never came to Africa, we would have continued with all our traditions perfectly well without knowing any ills. Polygamy still very much exist and will forever remain, it does not matter how educated we are or how rich or religious we think we are, men and women are polygamous by nature it takes the grace of God to curb it. I donot judge those practicing it for i do not know their situations, people go into it for different reasons, some in search of the fruit of the womb others money, power, security, love, happiness etc

Whichever situation you find yourself just be Happy and live the best of it. The same bible some of you are quoting also says: WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE????[/b]

@ Jaymobb, Solomon indeed had quite a number of wives, but in my bible study class, when we were using an example of how the blessings of God can decrease, we used David-Solomon as an example. And u should also know that the downfall of Soloman was as a result of his promiscuity.

Polygamy is a matter of choice, but I believe u will raise better, more disciplined children when u have them in a not so large number, that way u can look into the affairs of your children, set standards that they will follow and show them the respect you have for God. While monogamy is not a guarantee for happiness, neither is polygamy.

@Bebe, I am sure if your Mom was the first wife, you'd be singing a different song right now. Have u asked your older siblings how they felt? or better still your step-moms? I am not dissing you o, I am jst trying to give u food for thought.

yemivictor:

The women should be reasonable women, not vindictive witches. My step mums are educated, reasonable women, who by chance found themselves in their situation. I must say, we were lucky to have my Dad, who did provide adequately for all.Why he got into it, i do not know.WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE. MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PEACE.

@ bebe2007,

With all due respect, could you please elucidate on the bold part of your above statement?
I'm curious!

[b]I do not know what you want me to elucidate on really. Will try. These women did not set out to go into polygamy. The first wife, married my Dad as a young educated woman, had her kids and before she new it, my Dad was moving from state to state because of work, she could not cope and so she decided to get settled somewhere and allow him visit when he was off work. Fair enough! i guess the distance put a strain in their relationship and then came wife number two. She, a widow who needed to move ahead of course found this nice man to take care of her and her kid, obviously fell in love and married him too. I guess in the long run she too could not cope with the move from one place to the other, she decided to settle down somewhere and then came my Mama. Young beautiful damsel, unfortunately with a failed marriage. She met my dashing, highly intelligent Dad and the rest was history. (my dad was from a polygamous family too). My step mums are kind, loving women, who in their own ways loved my Dad. As for my Mum, she is still in love with him. Nothing compares to HIM.

I guess thats how they found themselves in the same boat. I hope this cures your curiosity. Note: its my version of the story o!!! i never interviewed my Dad to know the full gist. Now that you have asked, i believe i should have!!!! well i guess i was too happy to care.[/b]

Obviously at the begining there would have been envy, strife and all amongst the women ( human nature, you cannot sleep or take ones man without meeting some form of opposition) but i guess with time, they relented when they obviously had no where to run to. I would speak for my mum here, she had a thriving business to run, she never had the time for family squabbles with the other women, they on their part had their businesses and homes to run, they were all financially independent. My Dad is no more today and each of them have carried on, nobody is left behind struggling or dying of poverty.

@ bebe2007,

your account shows what is wrong with the arguments of so many of these self styled social crusaders. (they would have us believe that ALL polygamous marriages are unhappy, bitter situations that lead to STDs, illiteracy, poverty, pestilience, (add any others that i forgot. . .)

they always choose to fight these 'social ills' using any means necessary, and have no qualms about being dishonest about it.

off topic:

as nigerians we keep coming across foreign tv shows that say all 'nigerians are corrupt'. they discuss the accounts of a few victims , and then make their verdict.- nigeria is a counry that can only produce fraud. the first ever tv episode on nigerian fraud was by CBS' 60 minutes in 1999 (or was it '98?) . while the episode had a lot of truth in it, there was deception about the  victims presented. one was a priest, one was a widow. both were essentially blameless victims. this was what i had an issue with.90% of the victims of nigerian fraudsters  knowingly engaged in unscrupulous or shady deals. CBS did not show any of such victims, which would have left the average western viewer( already with a predjudiced mindset about nigeria) with the impression that all victims of nigerian fraud are 100% victims.

this is the same process most of those opposed to polygamy ( and the self styled social crusaders in general) are taking. it is actually a  standard game played by crusaders everywhere;  twist and manipuate the facts according to your intentions. this is best done on TV, which does not require that people think, but just observe. unfortunately a lot of people are simple minded ( like westerners who decide, on the basis of a few TV shows - that ALL nigerians are fraudsters). i read somewhere that by skillfully editing a TV interview, you can make a person look like a great guy; or a bastard.


as i said before, i do not advocate polygamy. however, i dislike the dishonest methods adopted by those who want to 'eradicate' it. this is similar to the way some parents tell their college bound kids that people who rock life, smoke , etc are failures. when the children get to school and see academically successful kids doing all of that and more, and still excelling, they start to doubt their parents' word. i experienced this . as a child my dad had a friend from secondary school days who sometimes came to beg for money. he told me the guy was 'big boy chop life guy ' back in the day, but where did it get him? but later in life, i see people who 'chop life' chase women, etc and are still successful. simply put - failure cannot be attributed to any one thing. and not everyone who engages in something you may find reprehensible will be a failure, no matter how many specious facts you decide to spout. thats life, get used to it.

it is irresponsible to claim that polygamy is responsible for lliteracy, poverty, etal.if so, ALL polygamous families would be failures. are MKO abiola's biological (heh heh)  children stark illiterates?


plus - where are the statistics to show that all the area boys alimajiris and bakassi boys are the products of polygamous homes and not premarital and post marital promiscuity?

i hope none of the women making all these comments about polygamy have ever stolen/snatched another's desirable  boyfriend. 'cause thats how it starts.

i wonder how many western men would prefer polygamy? think about it; its cheaper .( no costly alimony and compulsory monthly support payments anytime you decide you want to er. . . upgrade)

i'm sure the french and mexicans ( those veteran keepers of mistresses) would also not object.

i'm so sorry for u,dat someone frm da end of da world as far as india is telling wat is happening in ur own house.get use to it.

sha,let me help u wit 1

IT STOPS U FRM STOPPING OVER TO GET SOME OF DAT FORBIDDEN FRUIT WEN U GET TIRED OF DA ONE U HAVE BACK HOME (ask those who are married how they get along hitting one , everyday)

teena:

Some cases make most of us who are yet to marry get confused. 
There is this uncle of mine, a young and rich man that I used to live with.  He had a wife with two lovely kids; to everyone around he loves his wife and kids and can go to any lenght to make them happy.  In fact we used to envy them in those days.  The woman has a good character to make any man happy in marriage and the husband does not deny that.

To our greatest surprise, few years back, my uncle brought another girl to the house for marriage.  This led to series of crisis in the house, so many of us objected to it yet the man had his way. We tried to inquire from him what was the wife's offence, he said she did nothing but that he just felt like having a second wife. 

Just last year, he got a third wife. The first wife is still nice and submissive as she used to be and that is why we, the inlaws do not joke with her affairs.  Notably, my uncle was the first and only man in that woman's life and they married when he was still trying to find his feet financially.   

The reason why my uncle chose to indulge in this polygamy is still a mystery to all of us.  Moreso he still show love and respect to the first wife and takes good care of her and the kids.

What's marriage turning into?

i found this in another thread. the poster is ibo and so probably a christian, so i'm assuming the uncle is ibo and a christian too. . .  hmmmmm.  .  .

i guess it affirms what i said-  rich successful christians practise polygamy.

Polygamy helps all those girls who have over-posed for the boys who should have married them. When they have over-posed, they suddenly realise that they are becoming older and their friends are all married so they jump up when a rich married man tells them to become 2nd or 3rd wife.

Conclusion: Polygamy is advantageous to those girls who tend to over-pose in their youth.

NB. STATISTICALLY, there are some girls here who will be in that position in future and they will benefit from polgamist men

he he he

no matter what aspect of life u look at it polygamy has got no really good advantage that makes it worth practicing!
i come from one loving big polygamous home and i know wat i,m talking about,
all might look well and okay to an outsider but inside all is not well because no mortal
man can love two women equally no matter how much u try to cover it.

@+osisi

typical mindset of an Islamic upbringing
Did Thomas Jefferson impregnate his hired help because he could not have 3 other wives to impregnate or because he was adulterous?

STUPID

I AM FROM A POLYGAMOUS FAMILY. i am happy about it, i am prou of my father. if there is something i will request for in another world i will ask for the same family setting. for hotfunmi and the rest of them stop your blackmail and pretence, a man can not stay with only one woman for a long time ,a man is polygamous by nature, every animal is. Why break your wife's heart after your death when she discovers she's not the only mother of your children, why not bring the other woman home and marry her properly.

Let me tell you that it is not easy for a man with 4 wives to cheat continually or he must need to take performance enhancer, unlike a man with a wife who he is tired of marking her register and whose roamy instruments would still be angry.

Hotfunmi is a woman i understand they dont like other women to come into their homes, thats why she is screaming and employing all sort of blackmail mechanism. i am from a polygamous family, we all happy, very close,we are muslims, and very educated, at least if Phds and masters are considered good education, and my father is not extremely rich. I support it for those who wants to do it without apology to no bagger!

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH 9 OUT OF TEN WOMEN WHO DONT GET MARRIED FOR LACK OF MEN, WOULD YOU RATHER THEY BECOME YOUR HUSBAND'S SECRET LOVERS OR WIVES.

Why una dey fight?
Make the guys dey divorce and marry another. No problem
We should just be divorcing for immoral reasons so that we dont have to say we are polygamous. Better to have children out of wedlock. fatherless children roaming the streets and single women/mothers everywhere servicing every man's sexual desires.

Just divorce and re-marry as many times as you feel drawn to another person

it's more fun

bY hAFEES
I AM FROM A POLYGAMOUS FAMILY. i am happy about it, i am prou of my father. if there is something i will request for in another world i will ask for the same family setting. for hotfunmi and the rest of them stop your blackmail and pretence, a man can not stay with only one woman for a long time ,a man is polygamous by nature, every animal is. Why break your wife's heart after your death when she discovers she's not the only mother of your children, why not bring the other woman home and marry her properly.

Let me tell you that it is not easy for a man with 4 wives to cheat continually or he must need to take performance enhancer, unlike a man with a wife who he is tired of marking her register and whose roamy instruments would still be angry.

Hotfunmi is a woman i understand they don't like other women to come into their homes, thats why she is screaming and employing all sort of blackmail mechanism. i am from a polygamous family, we all happy, very close,we are muslims, and very educated, at least if Phds and masters are considered good education, and my father is not extremely rich. I support it for those who wants to do it without apology to no bagger!

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH 9 OUT OF TEN WOMEN WHO DONT GET MARRIED FOR LACK OF MEN, WOULD YOU RATHER THEY BECOME YOUR HUSBAND'S SECRET LOVERS OR WIVES.

i JUST DO NOT KNOW THE APPROPRIATE ANSWER FOR YOU. gONE ARE THE DAYS WHEN MEN CHEAT WITH AN EXCUSE. yOU CAN CONTROL IT AND THAT IS WHY YOU ARE NOT AN ANIMAL UNLESS YOU RATHER BE CALLED DOGS. Why should 9/10 women stay unmarried? we will have men almost going into extinction for that to happen.

hafees:

I AM FROM A POLYGAMOUS FAMILY. i am happy about it, i am prou of my father. if there is something i will request for in another world i will ask for the same family setting. for hotfunmi and the rest of them stop your blackmail and pretence, a man can not stay with only one woman for a long time ,a man is polygamous by nature, every animal is. Why break your wife's heart after your death when she discovers she's not the only mother of your children, why not bring the other woman home and marry her properly.

Let me tell you that it is not easy for a man with 4 wives to cheat continually or he must need to take performance enhancer, unlike a man with a wife who he is tired of marking her register and whose roamy instruments would still be angry.

Hotfunmi is a woman i understand they don't like other women to come into their homes, thats why she is screaming and employing all sort of blackmail mechanism. i am from a polygamous family, we all happy, very close,we are muslims, and very educated, at least if Phds and masters are considered good education, and my father is not extremely rich. I support it for those who wants to do it without apology to no bagger!

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH 9 OUT OF TEN WOMEN WHO DONT GET MARRIED FOR LACK OF MEN, WOULD YOU RATHER THEY BECOME YOUR HUSBAND'S SECRET LOVERS OR WIVES.

It's not your job to worry about the unmarried women
You were not created to rescue women with your "abunna".
get it?

Thank God for you for being proud of your polygamous upbringing.
go ye and do likewise

Naturalle:

@Bebe, I am sure if your Mom was the first wife, you'd be singing a different song right now. Have u asked your older siblings how they felt? or better still your step-moms? I am not dissing you o, I am jst trying to give u food for thought.

I had that question in my too,she told us her mom was the third wife.
Most likely the most beloved.
I wish we could hear from first wives and their kids

oyb:

i found this in another thread. the poster is ibo and so probably a christian, so i'm assuming the uncle is ibo and a christian too. . .  hmmmmm.  .  .

i guess it affirms what i said-  rich successful christians practise polygamy.

There's a mindset you must get rid of since I know you're educated.
The opposite of Islam is not Christianity.
Every Christian knows that one is not a Christian because they attend church services or because they don't attend the mosque.
Hopefully,you've learnt something here.

bebe2007:

[b]@wesleyanA,

Good questions. My Dad visited us each time he had time off work. Most of us were in boarding schools and he used to come visit during visiting days if there was no clash or he would send someone. During the hols we all went to his for holidays, so i did get to see my siblings often. My parents loved each other to the best of my knowledge, there is no standard formular for love, people love differently as you must know by now. My parents were married under Native customary law before my siblings and i were born. My Mum happens to be the last wife out of the three. She had a failed marriage before my Dad. Very polygamous family you may say, but i really cannot complain over what i cannot change. I have half brothers and sisters and step brothers and sister. I absolutely enjoyed every bit of my childhood and i have no regrets whatsoever, if given the opportunity i would ask for the same family in my next life.

I would not say am an advocate for polygamy, but i must say polygamy is not the root of the problems we have today in Africa, i think its Man's wickedness to Man. We have sold our souls for material gains. Polygamy is not the root of the ills of our nation today but Corruption. I have seen monogamous union with enough problems to last a life time, issues that were never raised in my very polygamous family.

Afterall  if the white man never came to Africa, we would have continued with all our traditions perfectly well without knowing any ills. Polygamy still very much exist and will forever remain, it does not matter how educated we are or how rich or religious we think we are, men and women are polygamous by nature it takes the grace of God to curb it. I donot judge those practicing it for i do not know their situations, people go into it for different reasons, some in search of the fruit of the womb others money, power, security, love, happiness etc

Whichever situation you find yourself just be Happy and live the best of it. The same bible some of you are quoting also says: WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE????[/b]

I know you didn't address me but I have one question.
Judging from your excellent reviews about polygamy,would you have any qualms on being the 3rd wife of a terrific man someday?

or worse still would you like to be that first wife put in a "sharing position"

The second,third,fourth and fifth adult   wives of course don't mind polygamy,they went into it with eyes wide open.
Has anyone here considered the effect of this selfish arrangement on the first wife?
Was her consent sought? or her opinions don't matter?

Which wife woman  looks at her husband and with a broad smile and blinking eyes says ,

"honey,I cannot wait for the day Ngozika, memuna and aishatu join us on this matrimonial bed."

                                            or

"honey,you are just too much,I cannot wait to share you with a bunch of other women"

I found this article from Malaysia,an interesting reading that buttresses the fact that the only person that stands to gain anything in polygamy is the randy man in the middle and no one else.

Read the statement in red,it captures it all.There are no first wives anywhere begging their husbands to get her some co-wives.

One politician — a male — is so enthusiastic about the practice that he wants women who allow their husbands to marry a second wife to receive medals of honour.

Women, however, don't seem too keen on the medals.

"We want the legal system to restrict the practice of polygamy," Ruzana Udin, the spokesperson for Sisters In Islam (SIS), told AFP.



The government of northern Perlis state has announced that it will do away with the need to obtain a first wife's written consent to a second marriage to stop men flocking across the border to marry again in less-restrictive Thailand.

The Minister of Women and Family Development, Shahrizat Abdul Jalil, called the move an insult to women.

Another northern state, Terengganu, is preparing to issue legislators with undated letters authorising them to take another wife at any time.

That idea seems to have left the women speechless with rage, while men who are not elected representatives might be wondering why they are left out of such an easing of the rules.

"We feel that in this day and age, polygamy is no longer necessary," Women's Aid Organisation (WAO) executive secretary Ivy Josiah told AFP.

"The Holy Quran allowed it in limited circumstances and contexts. But it is now time to debate its necessity."

Some men, such as Johor state legislator Ali Shikh Ahmad, who proposed the medals of honour for willing wives, say polygamy helps solve social problems, for example by giving single mothers a chance of marriage.

But this argument is dismissed by Sisters in Islam.

"It doesn't solve social ills, it doesn't help single mums at all," said spokesperson Ruzana. "Most children who live with polygamy suffer because their fathers are too preoccupied with their other wives to be properly involved in their upbringing.

"It's ridiculous when polygamy is touted as a solution to social ills when it clearly does the opposite."

Ruzana said the Prophet Muhammad did not encourage polygamy, contrary to popular belief in Muslim society.

"The Prophet did not even allow his daughter's husband to practice it

WAO's Josiah said that in the modern age, where women have access to education and employment, all polygamy was unnecessary.

The outdated practice also constituted a form of mental abuse, creating fear and insecurity in women who live with polygamy.

"I have yet to receive a call from a woman saying she is happy that her husband has married again," she said

http://iafrica.com/loveandsex/features/199013.htm

to hotfunmi
i may not give u an advantage of polygamy but polygamy itself isn.t the real cause of our woes.
education and most importantly proper implementation of the solutions to our problems is,.(examples abound in our socio-politico-economic life)
so dont hammer on polygamy as if its the culprit.
by the way which statistics agency informed you that poverty reduces by 20% witrh the eradication of polygamy,
please consider saudi arabia and other pure arab states as examples.at least they are over 90%polygamous.)
eastern europeans are monogamous yet they are not the richest countries in the world,romania is en example)

SUBMISSION:lets educate all and implement policies rightly and see our life change for the better.

by ojoabidemi

to hotfunmi
i may not give u an advantage of polygamy but polygamy itself isn.t the real cause of our woes.
education and most importantly proper implementation of the solutions to our problems is,.(examples abound in our socio-politico-economic life)
so don't hammer on polygamy as if its the culprit.
by the way which statistics agency informed you that poverty reduces by 20% witrh the eradication of polygamy,
please consider saudi arabia and other pure arab states as examples.at least they are over 90%polygamous.)
eastern europeans are monogamous yet they are not the richest countries in the world,romania is en example)

SUBMISSION:lets educate all and implement policies rightly and see our life change for the better.

My claim that poverty will be eradicated by at least 20% came from  what I see around me. Everybody keep talking about education as the only way out of abject poverty. How true is this? afterall, India has lots of educated people that still wallow in their poverty. Assuming education is the only way out, ask yourself and be honest, how many polygamous homes in Nigeria can afford training all their kids to tertiary level?  If there are not many of them, then my claim may be true afterall that polygamy and poverty are correlated and nutured  by Islam.

no matter what aspect of life u look at it polygamy has got no really good advantage that makes it worth practicing!
i come from one loving big polygamous home and i know what i,m talking about,
all might look well and okay to an outsider but inside all is not well because no mortal
man can love two women equally no matter how much u try to cover it.

God bless you samira

I had that question in my too,she told us her mom was the third wife.
Most likely the most beloved.
I wish we could hear from first wives and their kids

Doesn't that surprise you that in this age and time, some people are still clamouring for polygamy claiming that it reduces the number of single women looking for a husband.

Up till now, no on can put a finger on the advantages of polygamy but it's disadvantages abounds. Imagine what first wives go through in Nigeria after toiling so hard to help build their husbands and he comes home one weekend with a younger woman in the name of polygamy and before you know it, she and her kids will be left with nothing. If Bebe's mum went through that, she won't be clapping for polygamy by now.

sanrima:

no matter what aspect of life u look at it polygamy has got no really good advantage that makes it worth practicing!
i come from one loving big polygamous home and i know what i,m talking about,
all might look well and okay to an outsider but inside all is not well because no mortal
man can love two women equally no matter how much u try to cover it.

why do women go into this sort of relationship then? knowing full well 'no mortal man can love two women . .'?

Nothing good about polygamy.

ADVANTAGES OF POLYGAMY

1. Enough women to satisfy your sexual urge so that you don't have to commit adultery. i.e. you can now commit
adultery legally without anyone batting an eyelid, afterall ^variety they say ^{is the spice of life}.

2. Sorry, you asked for just one. Let me not give you overdose.

@+osisi, you seem well versed. Remember though that Islam permits men to marry up to four, so it is their business if they choose to do it. I said this because you came after Muslim practice. How do you explain the christians who do it assuming are following christianity as practised today. Please quote some biblical verse.

I have an aunt who was married to her husband by the first wife. My aunt is spoilt but unbelieveably beautiful, great homekeeper but akebaje, she was divorced at this time with a 6 year old daughter (she was first and only wife, ex did not remarry). This is the one I witnessed. So many other that I heard. So not every woman wants to have her man all to herself, note, NOT EVERY woman.

Bottom line, polygamy is not the root of our problems. Take a poll. The commercial sex workers in Italy (of Nigerian descent), the ojuelegba, allen etc girls, the university girls in Nigeria who prostitute themselves, see what backgrounds they are from. I can tell you that you will find a Polygamy is a meagre minority in these groups.

As for women marrying multiple husbands, it defies any moral logic more because of the woman than the man. However, women that feel the need for extra  men always find a way to get it, be they single, married monogaous, polygamous or otherwise

To the males who vehemently oppose Polygamy and give examples of thie okada driver with two wives, I sense jealousy.
For the females, hmmnnn, I wonder if they are married (first wives with 2nd wife), their husbands are planning to marry a 2nd wife, or they are actually attracted to it.

Some women will actually prefer to have their husbands cheat on them than to have a 2nd wife.
Some of the guys here are only listing sexual advantages, there is alot more to polygamy than having extra women to sleep with. This is the mindset that makes polygamy bad. SO it is the men really, not the practice

by Ayinba
To the males who vehemently oppose Polygamy and give examples of thie okada driver with two wives, I sense jealousy.
For the females, hmmnnn, I wonder if they are married (first wives with 2nd wife), their husbands are planning to marry a 2nd wife, or they are actually attracted to it. Some women will actually prefer to have their husbands cheat on them than to have a 2nd wife.
Some of the guys here are only listing sexual advantages, there is alot more to polygamy than having extra women to sleep with. This is the mindset that makes polygamy bad. SO it is the men really, not the practice

You nee serious help. In Nigeria, most 2nd and 3rd place women are not only low profile but very easy to acquire so I dont see the reason why men should jealous what they can easily get. Polygamous men prey on mostly low self esteemed women because its ludicruos that a woman that knows her salt in this time and age will subscribe to polygamy. On the isssue of women prefering a cheating husband to a polygamous man, well, its like asking for a pick between HIV and Lung Cancer. Not all men cheat on their wives.

It is quite easy to see who needs serious help between you and I. I rarely get personal on this website and I am not starting now. Again conduct a poll, confirmed or suspected cases of HIV. Tell me if the majority are polygamous. You do not get STD from marriage, it is from SEX. and there is a lot of that going around with or without marriage.

@ hot funmi,
are you sure you live in nigeria? or are you ust naive? was stella obasanjo low profile? or marwa's wife? or abiola's wives?


women with low self esteem are those who choose to become second wive? hahahahaha

lwomen who choose to become second wives have a lot in common with a lot of women on nairaland - who keep talking about how a man must b paid( actually, they call it hardworking) before they can marry him. they don't want any stress, they simply want an easy life.

osisi said that polygamy is responsible for almajiris' etal. i wonder if it is also responsible for bloods, crips etal in the us, where she resides?

look here , the norm is the other way around - the new wife , especiallly when ts a big man, is high profile 'for show' , another means of telling people that he has arrived.

there is a certain type of man who is will immediately dump his wife when he makes his dough for a girl whose attributes have not begun to obey gravity. in africa, ths sort of man will marry a second wife. in the west, he will divorce his wife( who also put up with him and toiled with him)

maybe you should marry a white guy.( since you think its only africans who are inclined towards dumping women) .make sure you nip & tuck when the time comes , cause he just might dump you if and whn you start to sag.

what nonsense. you are a prme example of a flawed social crusadr bandying around glaring inconsistencies to prove her point.


you want to eradicate polygamy-

you must PROVE that it is undesirable. it is not enough to point to your neighbour who happens to be a maiguard with four wives. after all, he can simply point to IBB, OBJ and a lot of successful big men.

in the same way, you must prove your alternative is actually more viable. would you hav us beleive that all monogamous couples produce literate children, are free from Stds, etc.


you seem to think this is about men. well, it's also about women.so many of you a re lazy, shiftless and want an easy life(where do you think the pool of second and third and trophy wives comes from?) you are just as guilty as men are.

hotfunmi:



You nee serious help. In Nigeria, most 2nd and 3rd place women are not only low profile but very easy to acquire [/b]so I don't see the reason why men should jealous what they can easily get. [b]Polygamous men prey on mostly low self esteemed women because its ludicruos that a woman that knows her salt in this time and age will subscribe to polygamy. On the isssue of women prefering a cheating husband to a polygamous man, well, its like asking for a pick between HIV and Lung Cancer. Not all men cheat on their wives.

YOU must be the one with a problem if yo choose to refer to your feloow women as 'commodities' to be acquired. is that what marraiage means to you? acquisition?

polygamy is not about hunting. thats what 'playas' do.

[b][/b]MISS HOTFUNMI,
I HAVE NOTICED THAT YOU KEPT YOUR COOL AND REMAINED CALM EVEN THOUGH SOME OF THE COMMENTS MADE ON THIS FORUM INCLUDING THE ONE I WROTE IN WAS ANN ATTEMPT TO LET YOU LOOSE YOUR COOL.YOU ARE A REALLY MATURED COMMENTATOR.KEEP IT UP,

ayinba1:

@+osisi, you seem well versed. Remember though that Islam permits men to marry up to four, so it is their business if they choose to do it. I said this because you came after Muslim practice.

I am not well versed in anything , just a keen observer of my sorroundings.

ayinba1:

Remember though that Islam permits men to marry up to four, so it is their business if they choose to do it.

It is their business,but when those wives include 9 year olds,it becomes my business.

ayinba1:

How do you explain the christians who do it assuming are following christianity as practised today. Please quote some biblical verse.

Polygamy is about man's insatiable appetite to sleep with several women,"Christians" and Muslims may practice it the difference however is that one religion allows it,the other doesn't.

ayinba1:


I have an aunt who was married to her husband by the first wife. My aunt is spoilt but unbelieveably beautiful, great homekeeper but akebaje, she was divorced at this time with a 6 year old daughter (she was first and only wife, ex did not remarry). This is the one I witnessed. So many other that I heard. So not every woman wants to have her man all to herself, note, NOT EVERY woman.

I don't get this tale however,if that's your wish,may you be the happy first wife of an alhaji with 21 more junior wives at your beck and call.

ayinba1:



Bottom line, polygamy is not the root of our problems. Take a poll. The commercial sex workers in Italy (of Nigerian descent), the ojuelegba, allen etc girls, the university girls in Nigeria who prostitute themselves, see what backgrounds they are from. I can tell you that you will find a Polygamy is a meagre minority in these groups.

Isn't it amazing that polygamy is now in the same moral ranks with prostitution and[i] Italian business[/i].
I'm yet to hear of your advantage.

ayinba1:

As for women marrying multiple husbands, it defies any moral logic more because of the woman than the man. However, women that feel the need for extra men always find a way to get it, be they single, married monogaous, polygamous or otherwise

What morality ?
It's ok for a man to "legally" cheat and not OK for a woman?

oyb:



women with low self esteem are those who choose to become second wive? hahahahaha

lwomen who choose to become second wives have a lot in common with a lot of women on nairaland - who keep talking about how a man must b paid( actually, they call it hardworking) before they can marry him. they don't want any stress, they simply want an easy life.

sadly self esteem is not seen with the naked eye.
Most people with low self esteem do everything they can to appear confident and give the illusion that they have it all together.
No confident woman would choose to be sleep with a man that sleeps with several others
Don't let the outside gra gra fool you.

oyb:

osisi said that polygamy is responsible for almajiris' etal. i wonder if it is also responsible for bloods, crips etal in the us, where she resides?

Please quote me corectly,polygamy produces beaucoup de kids and high likelihood of almajiris because the parents cannot provide for all them kids.I've spent time in northern Nigeria.
Most gang members are products on single motherhood,another ill just like polygamy.

oyb:

you seem to think this is about men. well, it's also about women.so many of you a re lazy, shiftless and want an easy life(where do you think the pool of second and third and trophy wives comes from?) you are just as guilty as men are.

YOU must be the one with a problem if yo choose to refer to your feloow women as 'commodities' to be acquired. is that what marraiage means to you? acquisition?

polygamy is not about hunting. thats what 'playas' do.

Now you're talking.
I said it earlier,men who run out and marry 2nd 3rd and 4th wives to satisfy their urges in this day and age (note the emphasis) are fools and the women who marry them are even bigger fools.