I am a Nigerian living abroad with my wife,we are blessed with kids,I have a good job here, take care of my family, but my wife want us to be sending money every month to her mother,which I tell her is not possible if not we can't take care of our self anymore,she will start complaining that in Nigeria men open shop for there wife take care of there Inlaw and so on, now she is saying many men take there wife like slave here in Europe, i was forse to tell her if she feel she is been treated like a slave that i can afford her flight tickets to 9ja,have i said anything wrong,coz i do help her mother in many ways

You married a leech from a family of leeches. When they advice you men to marry hard working independent women you will say "they are hard to control", who does this in this age and time?
I do not know the advice to give you if your wife was here I would have adviced her that marriage is a partnership and not a one way street to just consume and consume and siphon money to her mother.
I do not know the impression you gave your wife before you married her, but all men looking for small girls to control, this is eventually what you get

debrief08: You married a leech from a family of leeches. When they advice you men to marry hard working independent women you will say "they are hard to control", who does this in this age and time?
I do not know the advice to give you if your wife was here I would have adviced her that marriage is a partnership and not a one way street to just consume and consume and siphon money to her mother.
I do not know the impression you gave your wife before you married her, but all men looking for small girls to control, this is eventually what you get

so what is your advice, I did not marry her with any big impression I let her understand many thngs about me,and not someone to control,but have changed there family life to good

Nothing wrong in ur wifes request. If u guys were based in naija, ur wife may probably be working and would have taken up dat responsibility.

Considering d cost of getting househelps over there, ur wife is probably a full time housewife with no income of hers.

She is very right in saying dat most responsible men in naija look for ways to set up their wives, to share family burden.

My advice would have been to your wife, not to do things she and you cannot afford.
You are married and have to plan properly for the family. Draw up a budget of income and expenditure, so you both can know what is left after expenses and plan what to do with it. When you have kids you will always need a ' piggy bank' for the rainy day.
YOu both decide how much you can send to your mother in law or setting up something she can manage. I dont like the idea of comparing ones spouse to others and these days if women want money they earn it, she should be creative, there are some businesses she can do at home, she could be a care giver to other working mothers and earn a little money so she can have some and not make demands you cant meet

tell your wife to get a job and support her mother herself. God blessed everyone with a brain her mother needs to use hers too to make a living for herself, but if prefer a stay home wife then i guess you were looking for a situation like this for yourself

Nothing wrong in helping your wife's family especially if she is not working outside and fully supports the home. Just agree on something that works for both of you, it could be something small, every 2 or 3 months or so. All the best.

Thank you all for all your advice, but my last baby is just 2years, and if she is working the children will be paying more than what we are paying now,and the children will not have anyone to look after them,when they misbehave because the two of us are working the government will tax us the more coz we have much income,and I have just started our house plan in 9ja,with the little left after our expenditures and she knows all

Will your wife point a gun at your head to send money to her mother every month? Unfortunately, you are in a country where the law is on the side of women. You better relocate back to naija!

Her request is not a bad one but since you cant do it, let her take a job and be responsible for her mum's upkeep,

hmmmm!!!

Nna mehn! Odikwa egwu!

When they say make una no dey marry from poverty stricken home, una go say na love sure pass.
Assuming she came from a comfortable and hardworking home, all this wouldn't have come up.

If you had read the thread below before marrying your wife, you wouldn't have been having this issue by now

https://www.nairaland.com/905642/marrying-extremely-poor-home-consider

Imanuelle: Nna mehn! Odikwa egwu!

nna eh! Okwu a eweghi part 2.ndi okachamara ekwu cha go,gini ozo ka m ga ekwu? Odiegwu!

Most Nigerians don't realise that places like the US and UK are much more expensive than this country on a daily basis, once they hear you don go jand, that's all the info they need, as far as they're concerned, you've hit the jackpot, and they want their share

Your wife is being inconsiderate and selfish asking for things that are well beyond your reach, I'm guessing you guys are immigrants and as such are not even entitled to some of the perks the citizens get there.

Did you marry her mother? Is she her mother's only child? Is she her mother's first child? Is she her mother's only married child? Don't you also have relatives to send money to?

It just amazes me the way some women think and act, later when your man starts cheating you'll be the one hitting gongs everywhere and telling all and sundry of the philanderer you married, forgetting that it was you who created the monster.

Is the for real,or a movie? She is definately a leech,if she were to be in Nigeria,she would've hypnotized u,I swear. Her family is the type that sees marriage as escape route to financial freedom. Don't be surprise that she's acting out a script for her family. Be careful of such woman,she can kill u,if need be.

Abuja1: Thank you all for all your advice, but my last baby is just 2years, and if she is working the children will be paying more than what we are paying now,and the children will not have anyone to look after them,when they misbehave because the two of us are working the government will tax us the more coz we have much income,and I have just started our house plan in 9ja,with the little left after our expenditures and she knows all

i knw her type. Listen man, don't do what u can't afford or regret. Your response was perfect!
Plus, tell her to head back to naija to get work. Plan some cash to open a shop for her in naija. Do your best but don't ingratiate. She'll turn up an ingrate. Whatever u do will be nothin to such type.

Advice her why you are right and the reasons this won't work, you will be fine, this bothers on trust.

lucabraski: Nothing wrong in ur wifes request. If u guys were based in naija, ur wife may probably be working and would have taken up dat responsibility.

Considering d cost of getting househelps over there, ur wife is probably a full time housewife with no income of hers.

She is very right in saying dat most responsible men in naija look for ways to set up their wives, to share family burden.

You arent serious. So Nigerian women dont get jobs in Europe?

If you must send money to your mum every month, it must not be from your husband's pocket. Doesnt the man have a mother too? The funny aspect is telling the man that he is a slave driver.

The story just described someone i used to know.

@poster, where does your wife hail from? Am asking to find out if this ur wife's mentality is peculiar to a tribe.

OP,

Ignore the people abusing your wife, all she needs is education. She may be one of those that feel the Western world is full of riches. Her family may even be the ones pressurising her and comparing her to others who also live abroad and bring back lots of things for their families in Nigeria.

Sit you wife down and explain the real situation. Let her know how much you earn and how it is being spent. If you give her a monthly personal upkeep, tell her she can send all of that to her mother if she wants but make her realise you will not sacrifice your children's comfort for her mother. She needs to know the real situation and then she can begin to see things your way.

Also nothing wrong in sending stuff to your in-laws but it must be what you can afford and will not affect your children's comfort. If your wife chooses, she can send her own personal money to her mother if she wants.

okpara ugo:

You arent serious. So Nigerian women dont get jobs in Europe?

If you must send money to your mum every month, it must not be from your husband's pocket. Doesnt the man have a mother too? The funny aspect is telling the man that he is a slave driver.

The story just described someone i used to know.

@poster, where does your wife hail from? Am asking to find out if this ur wife's mentality is peculiar to a tribe.

lol

onlymase: Her request is not a bad one but since you cant do it, let her take a job and be responsible for her mum's upkeep,

What most of you don't know is that if the wife gets a job, her salary may not be enough to pay for childcare, that is why she is at home. Her getting a job will increase the financial burden on the man so it makes more financial sense for her to sit at home.

Abuja1: I am a Nigerian living abroad with my wife,we are blessed with kids,I have a good job here, take care of my family, but my wife want us to be sending money every month to her mother,which I tell her is not possible if not we can't take care of our self anymore,she will start complaining that in Nigeria men open shop for there wife take care of there Inlaw and so on, now she is saying many men take there wife like slave here in Europe, i was forse to tell her if she feel she is been treated like a slave that i can afford her flight tickets to 9ja,have i said anything wrong,coz i do help her mother in many ways

Is iT tHiS SaMe gIrL U GoT mArRiEd To? HoPe u aRe nOt jUsT lIeInG?
https://www.nairaland.com/1065994/should-marry

my wife want us to be sending money every month to her mother

About how much every month? What is her mother using the money for?

Yomieluv: Is the for real,or a movie? She is definately a leech,if she were to be in Nigeria,she would've hypnotized u,I swear. Her family is the type that sees marriage as escape route to financial freedom. Don't be surprise that she's acting out a script for her family. Be careful of such woman,she can kill u,if need be.

Are u a security specialist Hehehe. I love the clause ''escape to financial freedom''. Nna mehn, i see dis type escape, daily material request when marriage never even start.

Neftanga:


Is iT tHiS SaMe gIrL U GoT mArRiEd To? HoPe u aRe nOt jUsT lIeInG?
https://www.nairaland.com/1065994/should-marry

I wonder o.

Abuja1:
How Do I Know If She Is A B/intimate by Abuja1(m): 5:02am On Aug 30, 2010

i come to know this beautiful girl sometime last two years she make love like her live depend on it so creazy, but all her friends are girls in her picture she is always with girls, i ask her if she have ever had a boy friend she said yes but many years ago, but i notice that her toung is black when i ask her she said is natural, how else can i know if she is a b/sexual?

https://www.nairaland.com/505400/how-know-she-b-intimate

Abuja1:
Looking For B/intimate Girls by Abuja1(m): 3:00pm On Apr 24, 2011

i am a nigerian living in europe, i want to have sex with two b/sexual girl, if you have a friend that is , contact her and for a pay *wink*

https://www.nairaland.com/653503/looking-b-intimate-girls

Abuja1:
Should I Marry Her? by Abuja1(m): 5:53am On Oct 05

I live in Europe,and when I returned home I invited this girl that I want to marry,while coming she came with her girlfriend,and this girl is beautiful,but the problem is this,the same nite after we make love in under the shower in the room,before sleep,only to wake up and she is romancing with her friend in our guest room,and she draw me to join them and we had tresome,for the first time, can she make a good house wife?

https://www.nairaland.com/1065994/should-marry

all that and then this?

Such a liar

Rubbish

okpara ugo:

You arent serious. So Nigerian women dont get jobs in Europe?

If you must send money to your mum every month, it must not be from your husband's pocket. Doesnt the man have a mother too? The funny aspect is telling the man that he is a slave driver.

The story just described someone i used to know.

@poster, where does your wife hail from? Am asking to find out if this ur wife's mentality is peculiar to a tribe.

Tribal man. Don't just go there.

Many of u here should watch ur mouths and stop running dem anyhow. Dnt forget we r talkin about someones wife who's hubby is also reading ur responses. I believe he wants constructive advices n not insults. Afterall he's nt fighting wit his wife.
Well,@ Op I understand uur situation quite well n know its nt alllll dat rosy abroad wit all d bills to be paid. Bt she should try n get a job to support u. Even if ts child care/nanny stuff,u know get her friends to drop dia kids in ur house so she can take care of dem n be paid,afterall she doesn't hv to pay taxes for dt and she also gets somtin lil to fal bk on n send to her mom instead of dependin solely on u,secondly it avails her d oportunity to stay wit her own kids at home too
She shold just think of somtin to do to fetch her some moni so she won't hv to complain.