debrief08: Efe, Daring enough to flaunt it and bring them home and demand for breakfast for him and the ladies.

cotton101: trust me being dragged along the floor by your indian weave is not beans.

Hahahahahahahhahaahahahaha...................... I have been laughing for a while now at your posts. Really, did what I said on the other thread hurt you so much? You seem really really upset. You have followed me on every thread insulting me. No wa o!!, where is the Christian in you? What I told you was in good faith.

greatgod2012: @ jenny,, i hope so too

@cotton, im happy 4 u, at least u are strong enough to come out alive, some arekilled in it,at least Titi,was an example,had it been she was daring enough to come out of dt battlefield on time, she wouldnt be late by now.so i love u my sister.
@tasandra, dont mind johndoe, hes a disgrace to humanity, i wonder d jungle he came from or probably, hes an excaped lunatic from yabaleft,it will do him good to go back there and complete his therapy and drugs.

Well Jenny, I was already broken, just like a zombie going through the motions.
I was sensible enough not to blame the other women, I always knew with the little sense I had left that it was between me and my husband.
Because of the way I was with them most of the ladies hardly came back home with him, some even asked me what was wrong with my husband what he was looking for.
Woman of the manor ke? Househelp ni. When you are serving meals and being screamed at madam issue no arise.
My advice will be love your self first before loving anyone else.
Dress sexy, cook, be nice clean and polite, been there did that had the t shirt didn't work, only made him hate me more and step on me more, one day he beat me and spit on me, said I was the most irritating ever seen.
When you get to the point of being spit on, hmmmm.
I have never been big, he will buy me clothes ask me to wear them then tell me I look like a LovePeddler, ugly, bla bla.
Some days he was extra nice, and I was in heaven doing thanksgiving, going round celebrating saying my story
It will last a few weeks, we would even hold hands and go to church together, be like lovebirds, then just as it started it will disappear and I will be back to the timid on egg shells wife.

Lol @ use protection, I laugh at women who advice married women to do that, the day I suggested that I was slapped so hard and he refused to sleep with me for a month, reported me to the pastor, my mum (same one who brought the idea of protection) see how they denied me, made me go and beg the man again, lol so if he was going to infect me, I would have been begging on my knees for infection.

If any one of you's want to argue with a spambot please take it elsewhere. I TOLD YOU'S THAT IF YOU IGNORE HIM HE WILL GO, you reply him and he keeps coming back.

Please If you want to keep on arguing with him take it elsewhere. I will be calling on the mods to delete some comments here.

jennykadry: If any one of you's want to argue with a spambot please take it elsewhere. I TOLD YOU'S THAT IF YOU IGNORE HIM HE WILL GO, you reply him and he keeps coming back.

Please If you want to keep on arguing with him take it elsewhere. I will be calling on the mods to delete some comments here.

My sister, abeg nor vex.

Na the devil incarnate cause am.

Please call the mods.

jennykadry: If any one of you's want to argue with a spambot please take it elsewhere. I TOLD YOU'S THAT IF YOU IGNORE HIM HE WILL GO, you reply him and he keeps coming back.

Please If you want to keep on arguing with him take it elsewhere. I will be calling on the mods to delete some comments here.

debrief08: Efe, Daring enough to flaunt it and bring them home and demand for breakfast for him and the ladies.
Jenny, he did and I was told the same by my mum, that he is my crown and if I am stripped of my crown I will be bare and empty.
Did I believe? I was in my mid twenties, the people I trusted told me differntly than what I thought, I assumed them wiser and more experienced.
Funny enough when I refused to come home from the hospital he said they should leave me I will use my legs to come and beg.
After sometime, he sent texts threatening me that I will be replaced if I didn't return in a week.
The day I agreed to meet and talk, he told me to be greteful he still wanted me, after all I was second hand no man will want me and I was barren too, and that he hadn't even done half of what his dad did to his mom, and that I should be thankful for the houses, vacations, constant funding of my account and that I had the latest cars.
That he didn't fail in providing for me so I should be happy and content.
I write all this with permission from my ex, he wants men doing this to realise from his own mistakes that it is not worth the cheap thrill

*shudder*

I guess its the kind of society we find ourselves in that allow women to be so physically and emotionally abused. Personally, my mum is a tiger and anyone who abuses her girls abuses her. She will personally come and clear your things from that man's house because she didn't give you out to be killed. You were sorrounded by people who believed that marriage is the beginning and of life, the purpose for a woman's existence and the gateway to social relevance.

We all know the apologists of domestic violence tell you to stay in the marriage on the basis that the man would change someday, I would like to hear from women who were being abused and days, months, years after, their men changed for the better. Or is that a myth from the apologists?

So many sob stories, pity we will never know if they are true.

Johndoe100: Please call the mods.

Seems she did. All your posts are gone, just the ones insulting you left.

This is blood chilling!
I dont know the one that hurts most. Is it the beatings and slappings or the spitting or the pulling by the hair thru the house or the flaunting of other chics in my matrimonial home.
Some men are devils themselves!

@debrief and cotton! Hmmm.... I don't know why I bumped on this thread.you guys just made me shed tears.was thinking,was I actually reading a nollywood story or its actually real? My own story is something else.very horrible experience in my marriage but am not the type that really talk about my experience especially online.

Do you both have kids and what efforts did your parents make to avoid the divorce before you finally took your decision to end the marriage?

jennykadry: I always ask them one question......" what if you hadn't met him, wouldn't you have still paid your bills, accommodation, fed yourself? Weren't you doing all these things before you got married? What makes you think you cannot do it again, ever?"

I am still reading but I have to commend this point. which I think is a good one. The first thing every woman should strive for is Financial Independence.

Assuming Debrief was a full time house wife what Yorubas call ALABODO- Feed and Fucck, Do you think she would leave even if she is about to be killed? One of the weapon used by such men is financial control. You challenge me on any issue even if its korokoro cheating in your own bedroom while you watch and he would withhold money from you or lock the store where the food is kept.

I know its different for different couples, But fight every suggestion to be a Full time, Fully dependent , No income generating housewife

dayokanu:

I am still reading but I have to commend this point. which I think is a good one. The first thing every woman should strive for is Financial Independence.

Assuming Debrief was a full time house wife what Yorubas call ALABODO- Feed and Fucck, Do you think she would leave even if she is about to be killed? One of the weapon used by such men is financial control. You challenge me on any issue even if its korokoro cheating in your own bedroom while you watch and he would withhold money from you or lock the store where the food is kept.

I know its different for different couples, But fight every suggestion to be a Full time, Fully dependent , No income generating housewife

I always knew you were humane.

debrief08:
My advice will be love your self first before loving anyone else.
Dress sexy, cook, be nice clean and polite, been there did that had the t shirt didn't work, only made him hate me more and step on me more, one day he beat me and spit on me, said I was the most irritating ever seen.
When you get to the point of being spit on, hmmmm.
I have never been big, he will buy me clothes ask me to wear them then tell me I look like a LovePeddler, ugly, bla bla.

Shivers running down my spine. Am so sorry.

So, how is your love life now? Are you single or married? If not married, do you intend to give marriage another chance?

Same question goes to cotton101

Happily enjoying married life.
To God be the glory

Remarried to the greatest man ever. We have 2 boys.
@ Berem, I didn't have kids with my ex, that was part of our issues.
Read through I have stated the reaction of both my parents, at the end of the day its what is good for me.
My dad is my rock, my mum still holds a grudge, at the end of the day, am happy, healthy and sane, and alive that's what counts.
Right now, I have a healthy attitude and a very healthy grooming relationship. We help each other grow not tear each other down with words and actions.
No one should have the power to bring and keep anyone in misery. It is your choice to be happy or sad. There is no award for who eats the most poo

@Debrief,i am happy 4 u darlin pls enjoy ur relationship wit ur honey boi..
as 4 mama,no worry abt her,she go come arround leta

Omg, debrief you need to write a book, your story sounds like it could help a lot of other people in such abusive marriage(s). My heart goes out to you and cotton. But like dayo said, a woman needs financial independence. I always tell my husband that I am very sure that if i dont have financial independence that he would have suffer me no be small , because my father in law used to abuse the wife physically (don't know if its still going on), denies the woman money if they argue, threatens not to pay the children's school fees, sleeps around like no ones business and calls her thief, liar etc when there is an argument and I swear if I had known this before marrying my husband, I might not have married him, because like they say some sons are exacly like their father, but I thank God for my husband, although there was a day he said I will slap you when we were having an argument and i told him try it and you will see that before the end of today if i do not go to prison because i have murdered you and i meant it! And since that day there have being no such issue of I will slap you! I think after that day, we actually started understanding each other more.

@ debrief please lemme ask, did you know that you ex mother in law was bein abused by the father before you married him, and if you did, did knowing gave you doubts about marrying your ex?

@ debrief and cotton, i am very sorry ooooo, but can i ask, did the tought of injuring your exes aver came to your mind, because me as i dey, mo ya wayray gan oo, eventhough I am quiet, if a man that is not my father lifts up his hand to beat me, I know I will draw out the bread knife and do some serious damage that might lead to death to such man.


But please people lemme ask ooo, why are most naija parents especially the mothers in desperation for their kids to stick at marriage, even if they are being abused or unhappy? because I say openely to my mum that the day my husband puts his hand up to beat me, that day I will pack my bags and that will be it, that i am not scared of divorce, although i do not pray for it but eventhough I know truly that my father has never laid his hands on my mother, my mother still shouted on me to shut up, that what do i mean divorce, that i havent gotten married to divorce.

wow . I always say, a lot of Nigerian's have mental problems except this story is not true, and their families do an exceptional job at hiding it. Or how do we rationalize this? . No one treats their dog like this not to talk of the mother of their kids. Unbelievable.

2mch: wow . I always say, a lot of Nigerian's have mental problems except this story is not true, and their families do an exceptional job at hiding it. Or how do we rationalize this? . No one treats their dog like this not to talk of the mother of their kids. Unbelievable.

Yeah it might sound unbelievable, but look at Nigeria as a whole and what is happening in our nation, the atrocities, horrors that come out of that place. Something definitely is NOT right with the family system because everyone comes from a family first.

2mch: wow . I always say, a lot of Nigerian's have mental problems except this story is not true, and their families do an exceptional job at hiding it. Or how do we rationalize this? . No one treats their dog like this not to talk of the mother of their kids. Unbelievable.

You've no freaking idea what goes on behind closed doors of those happy faces outside ! If not because Debrief is financially independent , I don't think she'd get to this stage of typing a story on NL.

Debrief I know I kinda like you too much but that's cos you are a very good example of a happy ending story and not everybody have that happy ending

God forbid my babè tries that ( raise his hands) then it's done and thank God I've had all my kids, and financially secured for the rest of my life!

besides he's raised in a very loving and God fearing home and that counts a lot

and that's why some parents are overprotective when it comes to bringing a guy home.

I will shine my eyes well well

Enjoy your holiday jare sis

2much, believe me you will be shocked. When you see people cutting off the ears of their spouses, chopping them to pieces and locking them in a room and burning them, you think it starts in one day?
Its starts small, we encourage rewarding of bad behavior with patience, silence and tolerance, blame the abused and it gets to the point of a national story when there is a dead victim, otherwise we tell the abused spouse to shut up and bare it.I wish you can see the nonesense so many spouses are encouraged by older trusted society women who are meant to be mentors to put up with
Ife, my Dad practically raised him, he saw the full impact of his dads ways and practically cared for his mom and raised his sibblings, so no one even my ex could have predicted that this was what will happen.
About hurting back, I do not have it in me, it is not who I am, even here I talk when am attacked but I don't fight back with insults, it is not just me

I'm still willing to hear testimonies from women who remained in kung fu marriages, how their husbands changed along the line.

2mch: wow . I always say, a lot of Nigerian's have mental problems except this story is not true, and their families do an exceptional job at hiding it. Or how do we rationalize this? . No one treats their dog like this not to talk of the mother of their kids. Unbelievable.

I am amazed as well but when you hear peoples stories you would shake your head.

Wow. Reading through debrief's posts has given me goosebumps. Knowing the kind of person I am, the very thought of staying in abusive marriage is inconceivable. One of the reasons why I broke up with my ex was abuse. Verbal abuse. I can't and will never tolerate verbal abuse of any form, not to talk of physical abuse. Marriage has its ups and owns, it is meant to be enjoyed, not endured. How any woman can stay in an abusive relationship is beyond me, but I guess the kind of society we live in and certain circumstances we find ourselves keep women trapped in this horrid vicious cycle.

I have a very close friend whose husband was abusive towards her. One minute he was sweet, loveable guy, the next minute he was a mean sonuvabitch. Her mum counselled her to "be patient and enduring", to keep silent in the face of his rubbish, that he was a man and men had egos that should be massged so when he started his rubbish, she was to keep silent and endure. When her husband abused her and beat her, he would use all manner of dirty words on her.

Well, endure she did for two years before she became fed up. Now three kids and five years on, she has turned into a lioness. Disregarding her mom's advice, she has refused to be turned into a punching bag.The man now dares not raise his hands on her because she promised to get thugs to deal with him if he ever raises hands on her again. Strange thing is though she is tired of the marriage, she tells me she is only hanging on because of her kids. The man refused allowing her get a job and right now she is a full time house wife, solely dependant on her hubby for EVERYTHING, so if she were to throw in the towel, what would happen to her babies?

Circumstances and society. Us women need to change our orientation.

@debrief
It always breaks my heart when I read your experiences with your ex. I am one tough lady but I am at the point of tears. I cannot even begin to imagine.
But thanks be to God that you are alive and well enough to share this story. You tried more than you needed to, to make it work.
Anyone that says otherwise must have info that we don't. I have advised families and friends to ditch their abusive hubbies who have not done a tenth of what yours did. I have zero tolerance for a man who hits a woman.
God be with you.

FYI: I have read bits and pieces of,your story from time to time but sometimes it gets really painful to read it again. Just wanted to encourage and commend you here.

I don't know if I'm to cry or something but I really feel like slapping someone, like how can someone be that mean?I'm sorry you went through all that Debrief and Cotton but I'm happy you pulled through it.
Please I have some questions for you, Did you date your exs before marrying them?if yes, looking back now do you think you saw some signs of abuse in him but ignored it?if yes, what are some of the signs?
Do you think he actually ever truly loved you after all what happened?
I'm thinking of getting married soon so...

Ishilove, Funny enough I know someone who was having problems with her husband, she called her mum for advice, you won't believe the woman told her daughter the opposite of what you wrote somewhere in your post "marriage is to be endured" .
She went further to give an adage that says "Di bu ngwugwu, nke onye totara oweru" meaning " A husband is like a parcel, whatever you find after unwrapping it, you take"
Its really sad that many women have this belief.

I don't know how many times I will answer this question but Freecocoa, no he wasn't, no signs, I have said it a thousand times that he got influenced by instant sucess and riches which attracted his dad back to his life, he got a big job, a huge contract on the side which allowed him to own some oil blocs, that was it. No signs, it just happened