Aunty no vex please, I don't really know the whole story hence the questions but thanks for replying.

That reminds me too. Story quite long.

I have a close friend who did her introduction like 3 months ago. Although she got pregnant and both decided it was time to settle down. Just recently about 4months into the pregnancy, she lost her baby.

It wasn't even up to a week after her DNC(losing the baby) the guy started saying stuffs that she killed the baby cox she was careless. He said she refused to use pin on her cloth(pin), she sleeps on her back and bla bla. Reporting her to her sister and all that.

She took offence and left the house immediately as the drama happened in his home. For good one week, he didn't bother calling or to go see her to apologise. And so my friend went to his house with her spare key to pack her little stuff. This happened like a month ago. Till today, the guy hasn't called.

The funny part of the story is that, her dad is in the United state and should be back November. Wedding plans was to be arrange when he comes. My friend placed a call to her dad informing him of the break up. The old man said 'Wetin you see for that man sef'.

And really, I don't see what she saw in him

The guy is about 7ft tall, if not more and my friend is about 5'6.

She was emotionally, verbally traumatised by him and she made references to other things he had said during the course of the relationship and losing the baby was like an eye opener. She believed marrying him would have been traumatic.

In summary, hurtful words spoken during the course of a relationship shouldn't be ignored!

The first time I read debrief's story, I was filled with nothing but respect for her. I still duff my cap for you debrief. You are one of a kind. Thank God for making you the way you are.

Ishilove: Strange thing is though she is tired of the marriage, she tells me she is only hanging on because of her kids. The man refused allowing her get a job and right now she is a full time house wife, solely dependant on her hubby for EVERYTHING, so if she were to throw in the towel, what would happen to her babies?

First rule on how to control/abuse a person: Deprive them of any means of livelihood so they depend on you for food.

Thanks to JK for starting this thread and more thanks to Debrief and cotton for sharing their experiences. I trully hope the yet to be married ladies are learning something here.
1. Get busy(get a means of livelihood) before getting hitched.
2. The leopard doesn't change its spots. What you see is what you get,even after 10yrs.
3. Once he starts hitting,he won't stop.
A word ie enuf for the wise.

dayokanu:

First rule on how to control/abuse a person: Deprive them of any means of livelihood so they depend on you for food.

very true

debrief I really do admire you cos I don't think if i saw my ex lying on the street in need i would stop and help him - I may sound wicked but i say this not based on what he did to me but what he is doing to his child. there is a level of evil and irresponsibility that is just on another level.

ladies, you have all my respect.
I feel so touched by your stories and I hope so much that other women will learn from you.

Abuse, either physical or psychological, should not be tolerated, not even a little bit.
I keep wondering, over and over again, why the older generation of women encourages their daughters to endure any form of abuse.

He beats their daughter, they tell her to take it.
He cheats and puts her in danger of STDs, they say, accept it, men are like that.
He calls her the worst names, they say accept it.
The list goes on.

I am so angry, so so angry when I read / hear such stories.

Thank you for sharing your stories with us. May women learn from you and be encouraged to protect themselves.

*coughs* please don't pull the trigger. Hold on a little, special shout out to a fellow comrade @johndoe. You are a true soldier.
Ok, what exactly am I supposed to say ? First, @jenny please don't hide my post or call the mods.
Kkk now, I find it quite melodramatic that we have a thread celebrating the 'ones that got away'. Is this a newly devised means of soothing bruised egos ?
I don't really get it. I think these people who have made a mess of the most sacred institution known to man should be in the religious section. They should be proteges for spiritual folks like omo alata, frosbel and the likes who would find it such an honour to reorientate them.
I don't suppose it's right to begin to praise and celebrate them for making a terrible mess of the marriage institution.
I'd rather we stopped making them feel like heros lest we encourage more women on the path of infamy.
Picture the putrid sense of self aggradizement with which these pathetic heathens hurriedly type in a bid to display their newly acquired 'emancipated ' status.
It is a total shame that people who should remember these unfortunate events which has become a permanent scar on their lives albeit and shed a few tears wether crocodile or not , are seen parading the streets and gleefully displaying banner's emphasizing the 'dignity' of such events too.
It really is a forked world anyway. When a woman can with a sense of gratification chronicle the stories of her failed marriage.
I am not as appalled reading from these divorcees as I am reading from people on the sidelines. It's quite disturbing to read how people have been hailing them.
I thought we understood the age long proverb that said nobody will give an account of a event in a bid to indict themselves. We should all realise that no party is impeccable in a failed marriage.
Both partners are EQUALLy responsible for the fate of a union. Why then are we bent on making these misguided women feel like they are worth having their names in the guiness book of world records ?
These are marital failures , I mean now that they have quit a marriage , whenever they start having such challenges like they had in previous marriages they could as well quit too ?
Whatever has made a woman walk out on her marriage is not to the seen as a feat deserving a tropghy.
It is a disturbing event that should evoke a deep sense of soberness and reflection.
We don't know who the villian was, we don't know who the cheat was, hell, we don't even know who the real assailant was.
We don't have the facts who was to blame. All we have is the misleading and grossly opinionated accounts of these divorcess(I apologise if that sounds vindictive but that is what they are DIVORCEES).
The only fact we have is that they made an attempt at marriage and they FAILED.
Please people stop allowing unnecessary sensationalism deny you of the ability to reason well.
Some of these women commanding applauds might actually be recommended for the gallows if the truth came out.
I think we'd rather read from people who have managed to make their marriages a success than for some people to keep reminding us of an inglorious side of marriage.
They could start by telling us how they made the mistake of walking into the wrong marriage, how they allowed the Blackberry and peruvian hair to blind them to the reality .
How they jilted a hardworking hones young man for a philandering , generous millionanire Then may be we'd take it form there.
Hi jenny*waves*

Not to hold brief for the mommas oh but they are not saying "remain in the marriage, endure, be patient etc" to be mean. It was what they did, so they don't know any other way to advise their daughters. It is now up to US to educate them, help them understand that it doesn't have to be this way. . .keeping a man should not be the greatest achievement for a woman.

Would it be nice to marry and stay married forever? Hell Yeah! I doubt anyone goes into a marriage thinking of bailing out of it at a later date but shite happens and when it gets to the point where shite becomes a shitstorm and the marriage becomes an impossible task to carry on, especially if it is starting to look like one might have to give up their life to carry it. . .then it is better to step out. (I'd rather be mocked alive than praised in death)

For the sake of posterity and for those who like to claim ladies on this section are always advocating divorce. . .no one is saying pack up and leave your marital home after an argument, what most women (if I may speak for them) are saying is when it seems like the situation is getting dangerous, then it is time to step out of it, even if it is just for a little while so the marriage can be reevaluated. Seriously, how can you watch your children cowering in the corner, watching their daddy beat the crap outta you and claim you are staying because of them? So they can learn what exactly. . .how to perfect their jiu jitsu?

Like debrief said, no one gets a prize for eating the most poo. . .heck, I'll even take it further and say, no one gets a prize by being the best maimed and/or dead Mrs.

Guitarlife: *coughs* please don't pull the trigger. Hold on a little, special shout out to a fellow comrade @johndoe. You are a true soldier.
Ok, what exactly am I supposed to say ? First, @jenny please don't hide my post or call the mods.
Kkk now, I find it quite melodramatic that we have a thread celebrating the 'ones that got away'. Is this a newly devised means of soothing bruised egos ?
I don't really get it. I think these people who have made a mess of the most scared institution known to man should be in the religious section. They should be proteges for spiritual folks like omo alata, frosbel and the likes who would find it such an honour to reorientate them.
I don't suppose it's right to begin to praise and celebrate them for making a terrible mess of the marriage institution.
I'd rather we stopped making them feel like heros lest we encourage more women on the path of infamy.
Picture the putrid sense of self aggradizement with which these pathetic heathens hurriedly type in a bid to display their newly acquired 'emancipated ' status.
It is a total shame that people who should remember these unfortunate events which has become a permanent scar on their lives albeit, are seen parading the streets and gleefully displaying banner's emphasizing of such events too.
It really is a forked world anyway. When a woman can with a sense of gratification chronicle the stories of her failed marriage.
I am not as appalled reading from these divorcees as I am reading from people on the sidelines. It's quite disturbing to read how people have been hailing them.
I thought we understood the age long proverb that said nobody will give an account of a event in a bid to indict themselves.
We don't know who the villian was, we don't know who the cheat was, hell, we don't know who the real assailant was.
The only fact we have is that they made an attempt at marriage and they FAILED.
Please people stop allowing unnecessary sensationalism deny you of the ability to reason well.
Some of these women commanding applauds might actually be recommended for the gallows if the truth came out.
I think we'd rather read from people who have managed to make their marriages a success than for some people to keep reminding us of the past.
Hi jenny*waves*

Mods, pls delete this piece of s*h*i*t.

Guitarlife: *coughs* please don't pull the trigger. Hold on a little, special shout out to a fellow comrade @johndoe. You are a true soldier.
Ok, what exactly am I supposed to say ? First, @jenny please don't hide my post or call the mods.
Kkk now, I find it quite melodramatic that we have a thread celebrating the 'ones that got away'. Is this a newly devised means of soothing bruised egos ?
I don't really get it. I think these people who have made a mess of the most scared institution known to man should be in the religious section. They should be proteges for spiritual folks like omo alata, frosbel and the likes who would find it such an honour to reorientate them.
I don't suppose it's right to begin to praise and celebrate them for making a terrible mess of the marriage institution.
I'd rather we stopped making them feel like heros lest we encourage more women on the path of infamy.
Picture the putrid sense of self aggradizement with which these pathetic heathens hurriedly type in a bid to display their newly acquired 'emancipated ' status.
It is a total shame that people who should remember these unfortunate events which has become a permanent scar on their lives albeit, are seen parading the streets and gleefully displaying banner's emphasizing of such events too.
It really is a forked world anyway. When a woman can with a sense of gratification chronicle the stories of her failed marriage.
I am not as appalled reading from these divorcees as I am reading from people on the sidelines. It's quite disturbing to read how people have been hailing them.
I thought we understood the age long proverb that said nobody will give an account of a event in a bid to indict themselves.
We don't know who the villian was, we don't know who the cheat was, hell, we don't know who the real assailant was.
The only fact we have is that they made an attempt at marriage and they FAILED.
Please people stop allowing unnecessary sensationalism deny you of the ability to reason well.
Some of these women commanding applauds might actually be recommended for the gallows if the truth came out.
I think we'd rather read from people who have managed to make their marriages a success than for some people to keep reminding us of the past.
Hi jenny*waves*

What. . . the. . .hell??!!

I swear sometimes you read some posts and you just can't help but thank God there are men like Dayokanu, Debosky and Siena in this world. Can you imagine what the world would be like if only men like the one above walked the earth. . .my God, I shudder!

Yes I have a failed marraige but boy am I the happy i left - you see if i had remained in the "marraige" my daughter would not be here today - for that I am happy for all the judgemental people to say what they want.

My child has a much better life with me alone and with my fiance than with a man that tried to beat her out of my womb.

I thank God everyday its only a pregnancy I left with and not HIV

Modified

Guitarlife: *coughs* please don't pull the trigger. Hold on a little, special shout out to a fellow comrade @johndoe. You are a true soldier.
Ok, what exactly am I supposed to say ? First, @jenny please don't hide my post or call the mods.
Kkk now, I find it quite melodramatic that we have a thread celebrating the 'ones that got away'. Is this a newly devised means of soothing bruised egos ?
I don't really get it. I think these people who have made a mess of the most sacred institution known to man should be in the religious section. They should be proteges for spiritual folks like omo alata, frosbel and the likes who would find it such an honour to reorientate them.
I don't suppose it's right to begin to praise and celebrate them for making a terrible mess of the marriage institution.
I'd rather we stopped making them feel like heros lest we encourage more women on the path of infamy.
Picture the putrid sense of self aggradizement with which these pathetic heathens hurriedly type in a bid to display their newly acquired 'emancipated ' status.
It is a total shame that people who should remember these unfortunate events which has become a permanent scar on their lives albeit and shed a few tears wether crocodile or not , are seen parading the streets and gleefully displaying banner's emphasizing the 'dignity' of such events too.
It really is a forked world anyway. When a woman can with a sense of gratification chronicle the stories of her failed marriage.
I am not as appalled reading from these divorcees as I am reading from people on the sidelines. It's quite disturbing to read how people have been hailing them.
I thought we understood the age long proverb that said nobody will give an account of a event in a bid to indict themselves. We should all realise that no party is impeccable in a failed marriage.
Both partners are EQUALLy responsible for the fate of a union. Why then are we bent on making these misguided women feel like they are worth having their names in the guiness book of world records ?
These are marital failures , I mean now that they have quit a marriage , whenever they start having such challenges like they had in previous marriages they could as well quit too ?
Whatever has made a woman walk out on her marriage is not to the seen as a feat deserving a tropghy.
It is a disturbing event that should evoke a deep sense of soberness and reflection.
We don't know who the villian was, we don't know who the cheat was, hell, we don't even know who the real assailant was.
We don't have the facts who was to blame. All we have is the misleading and grossly opinionated accounts of these divorcess(I apologise if that sounds vindictive but that is what they are DIVORCEES).
The only fact we have is that they made an attempt at marriage and they FAILED.
Please people stop allowing unnecessary sensationalism deny you of the ability to reason well.
Some of these women commanding applauds might actually be recommended for the gallows if the truth came out.
I think we'd rather read from people who have managed to make their marriages a success than for some people to keep reminding us of an inglorious side of marriage.
They could start by telling us how they made the mistake of walking into the wrong marriage, how they allowed the Blackberry and peruvian hair to blind them to the reality .
How they jilted a hardworking hones young man for a philandering , generous millionanire Then may be we'd take it form there.
Hi jenny*waves*

cotton101: Yes I have a failed marraige but boy am I the happy i left - you see if i had remained in the "marraige" my daughter would not be here today - for that I am happy for all the judgemental people to say what they want.

My child has a much better life with me alone and with my fiance than with a man that tried to beat her out of my womb.

I thank God everyday its only a pregnancy I left with and not HIV

Babes, you owe no one an explanation - least of all "Cretins" like him.

Efemena_xy:

Mods, pls delete this piece of s*h*i*t.

Mods please , but then it's the cabal. I wager they will anybody wanna take me on ?

Efemena_xy:

Mods, pls delete this piece of s*h*i*t.

Mods please don't delete it, but then it's the cabal. I wager they will anybody wanna take me on ?

Efemena_xy:

Babes, you owe no one an explanation - least of all "Cretins" like him.

Hi efemena, I like your name.

cotton101: Yes I have a failed marraige but boy am I the happy i left - you see if i had remained in the "marraige" my daughter would not be here today - for that I am happy for all the judgemental people to say what they want.

My child has a much better life with me alone and with my fiance than with a man that tried to beat her out of my womb.

I thank God everyday its only a pregnancy I left with and not HIV

I'm happy for you and your baby but please stop making it seem like those that have never experienced divorce are cursed. You make it sound like divorce is a major seasoning required to spice up a womans life.
Let women realise your decision to divorce was the best of two evils. They need to understand that divorce is evil but it is a much better choice than choosing to be murderred.
And you failed to mention anything positive thing about your marriage or your man.
You related with a man up till the point of walking down the aisle and you can not even remember one good thing about him.
You realise just how opinionated you are now, do you ?

I want to second the motion NOT TO DELETE that post.

It lends MORE credence to Debrief and Cotton's stories about abusive men.

Is it possible for a mind that warped not to be abusive in real life? In my opinion. . .HELL NO!!

So yeah, mods please let the post stay. . .if there is even a way to enlarge it, color code it, put stars with flashing neon lights around it so it can be more noticeable, abeg do it.

Thanks honey, I knew I could always count on you.

Sisi_Kill: I want to second the motion NOT TO DELETE that post.

It lends MORE credence to Debrief and Cotton's stories about abusive men.

Is it possible for a mind that warped not to be abusive in real life? In my opinion. . .HELL NO!!

So yeah, mods please let the post stay. . .if there is even a way to enlarge it, color code it the font so it would be more noticeable, abeg do it.

Dude, please modify your post. . .so you can quote me correctly (You are missing the part about the flashing neon lights)


Someone hears stories about people beaten to a pulp by their husbands and he is taking them to task for choosing life instead of protecting "the sacredness of marriage". Wonder where in his warped mind "beating your wife half dead" fits into the whole sacredness schtick.

God help us.

Guitarlife: I'm happy for you and your baby but please stop making it seem like those that have never experienced divorce are cursed. You make it sound like divorce is a major seasoning required to spice up a womans life.
Let women realise your decision to divorce was the best of two evils. They need to understand that divorce is evil but it is a much better choice than choosing to be murderred.
And you failed to mention anything positive thing about your marriage or your man.
You related with a man up till the point of walking down the aisle and you can not even remember one good thing about him.
You realise just how opinionated you are now, do you ?

I can't stop laughing ....

Guitarlife: I'm happy for you and your baby but please stop making it seem like those that have never experienced divorce are cursed. You make it sound like divorce is a major seasoning required to spice up a womans life.
Let women realise your decision to divorce was the best of two evils. They need to understand that divorce is evil but it is a much better choice than choosing to be murderred.
And you failed to mention anything positive thing about your marriage or your man.
You related with a man up till the point of walking down the aisle and you can not even remember one good thing about him.
You realise just how opinionated you are now, do you ?

Isn't the bolded what the women telling their stories on this thread doing??....apart from the "divorce is evil part"...
Where are you missing the point?

Sisi_Kill: Dude, please modify your post. . .so you can quote me correctly (You are missing the part about the flashing neon lights)


Someone hears stories about people beaten to a pulp by their husband and he is taking them to task for choosing life instead of protecting "the sacredness of marriage". Wonder where in his warped mind "beating your wife half dead" comes into the sacredness schtick.

God help us.

Honey you seem to not get my drift. If I was opportuned to talk to their husbands I'd have told them worse. Call it whatever you like but then, They have both FAILED and that is a fact. These kind of women and men marry each other 'cos they never knew they were commiting to being responsible. The truth must ne told and please lets stop praising them cos the joke is on them already. I as a man knowing the responsibility that comes with marriage will never marry some kind of women.
A woman too for example decudes to marry a drunk then she starts whinning about how he spends his weekends at bars.
You understand ? How can you feel slighted that a dog is barking is that not what its meant to do ?
Tell it as it is so that more people will not make the mistake they made.

carefreewannabe:


I can't stop laughing ....

seriously, are you for me or against me ?

EXACTLY, They are unnecessarily keeping quiet about the 'DIVORCE IS EVIL PART' they need to add 'LOOk WELL BEFORE LEAPING' too.

slimyem: Isn't the bolded what the women telling their stories on this thread doing??....apart from the "divorce is evil part"...
Where are you missing the point?

mr life - SMH.


of course divorce is evil - thats why most women put up with the cheating and beating for too long - i wouldn't wish divorce on anyone but the sooner people realise that for a marriage to work BOTH PARTIES have to put in the work. anyway me i want to sleep.

cotton101: mr life - SMH.


of course divorce is evil - thats why most women put up with the cheating and beating for too long - i wouldn't wish divorce on anyone but the sooner people realise that for a marriage to work BOTH PARTIES have to put in the work. anyway me i want to sleep.

Nice meeting you ma'am. Please buy a stick of suya for your baby on my behalf and remember to mail me the surcharge. Good nyt.

Guitarlife: I'm happy for you and your baby but please stop making it seem like those that have never experienced divorce are cursed. You make it sound like divorce is a major seasoning required to spice up a womans life.
Let women realise your decision to divorce was the best of two evils. They need to understand that divorce is evil but it is a much better choice than choosing to be murderred.
And you failed to mention anything positive thing about your marriage or your man.
You related with a man up till the point of walking down the aisle and you can not even remember one good thing about him.
You realise just how opinionated you are now, do you ?

Are you. . .are you ok? I'm not asking to be snide oh, I am genuinely worried about you because it is either you have a very short attention span or it takes you awhile to process stuff or you just like to "hear" yourself "talk" or you realize how incredible demented your first post came off and now you are trying to save face by back tracking. !

What in the world have they been reiterating all day if it is not "it is a much better choice than choosing to be murderred"

People who are divorced are cursed? And the ones who take lives, who make others cry hot tears, who make life miserable . . .what are they? Blessed?

debrief08: I don't know how many times I will answer this question but Freecocoa, no he wasn't, no signs, I have said it a thousand times that he got influenced by instant sucess and riches which attracted his dad back to his life, he got a big job, a huge contract on the side which allowed him to own some oil blocs, that was it. No signs, it just happened

The bolded reminds me of a thread i started some time ago about how you almost do not know a man's true behaviour until he's financially comfortable from personal experiences....https://www.nairaland.com/1026638/cannot-truly-ascertain-mans-behaviour
This futher strengthens my belief around that..

Sisi_Kill:

Are you. . .are you ok? I'm not asking to be snide oh, I am genuinely worried about you because it is either you have a very short attention span or it takes you awhile to process stuff or you just like to "hear" yourself "talk" or you realize how incredible demented your first post came off and now you are trying to save face by back tracking. !

What in the world have they been reiterating all day if it is not "it is a much better choice than choosing to be murderred"

People who are divorced are cursed? And the ones who take lives, who make others cry hot tears, who make life miserable . . .what are they? Blessed?

To answer your questions, they are both cursed. Honestly, you need to learn to put your sentiments away when discussing such pertinent issue. I understand you are quite emotional but then, Truth has got to be told.
I take it you have not read the marriage vows. Please google it and come back to post.
The marriage vow is BONDAGE. Therefore think twice before you bond yourself to that drunk, or that clubber, or that nympho.
Two people make a mess of marriage and you expect me to pat one on the back ? Cos she's female ? Grow up dude, they are both culpable.
I know this last statement is your headache but then, they are both at fault. I have never heard a woman come out to say She thought the reason her husband started having concubines was cos he has a string of sexual partners herself.
You get my drift now ?