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Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? - Family - Nairaland

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Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by Nobody: 2:00pm On Nov 01, 2012
People lived under abusive parents I agree but some people also lived under parents that didn't see any good in them but wasn't physically abused.

Some people lived under parents who are ever loving and wouldn't want them mixing with neighbors or did not allow you to express yourself with outsiders, tell you so much about spirituality, tell you so much about your faults, your shortcomings and the likes.

Are all this things something that can cause an adult to eventually have a self-image issue or its just a problem from that individual?

2 Likes

Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by vislabraye(m): 2:14pm On Nov 01, 2012
Self esteme can never be as a result of personality. You cant say some1 is born to have inferiority complex.
To a large extent, its a result of enviroment.

13 Likes

Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by k2039: 2:33pm On Nov 01, 2012
To me it's the individual.

Frankly parents could add to it,by telling their kids you are not good enough,you are not this,you are not that(not just parent alone but every negative statement we have heard,our failures,rejection etc).
The point is jut that,once one start to beleieve this comments then one's self esteem is in trouble.

I think He was Ghandi who said this 'they cant take away our self respect except we give it to them'

The reason why I think it has a lot to do with personality is because for the fact that someone said you are stupid doesnt necessarily mean you are,it's his opinion and he is entitled to it.

So every thing then boils down to this,believing in oneself,liking oneself.

For example personaly I dont have a problem with my self esteem(some say I'm arrogant,just because I dont give a damn about what they say,some find it hard to believe in theirself,and for believing so much im myself they label me names,mtcheww),I understand I may not be able to influence what others say about me,but I have the ability to choose the way I respond to them.
I understand we all see the world the way we are and not necessarily the way it is(reality),so everyone is entitled to his/her opinion.

Whatever anyone says is just an expression of their own opinion.


So OP IT'S more of a personality thing(understanding that I have a control over my mood and how I feel),frankly parents and peer may shape it,it still boils down to taking full responsibility for ones life(even if your parents say you are good enough,if you still dont believe it your self esteem is in trouble and finaly if you base your self esteem on what people say,your esteem is still in trouble because as much as positive comments affect you so will their negative comments also affect you).

Individualy we are all unique,we are special

20 Likes

Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by baby124: 3:40pm On Nov 01, 2012
Environment. But the family unit is most important in creating a strong, unshakeable self esteem. That even when others put them down outside, they know the people that matter don't feel that way.

4 Likes

Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by MissyB3(f): 4:13pm On Nov 01, 2012
It's not much a fault of the individual as it is of his environment.
You're a product of your environment. Your environment mostly determines your view, you act accordingly, and you are, to an extent, your actions.

A person that grew up listening to his parents call him a ne'er-do-well, will never see anything good in himself, and will eventually never do anything good unless he changes his environment, ideas and action.

4 Likes

Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by Nobody: 5:14pm On Nov 01, 2012
Lovely comments. Parents beware.
Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by Nobody: 6:27pm On Nov 01, 2012
.
Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by integrityfood: 6:47pm On Nov 01, 2012
I feel we must make clear distinctions between self esteem and pride! Personally, I have experience both environment where people treated you with high sense of dignity and some section with absolute scorn & disdain. The society, the family and exposure, privileges / social status including your religious believe has a role to play. given the rate of the massive decline in self esteem among even graduates, I suggest that we need a finishing school to help with remodeling people those with defective self worth.

Just to add, i feel that a person articulation, enhance social/financial/educational status with good exposure are vital ingredients of sound self esteem. personally, I usually feel very uncomfortable if i ran into friends / colleagues not properly dressed or not able to power on my articulation at the level i feel reasonale. Interestingly, I have overcome this fear now.
Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by dayokanu(m): 6:56pm On Nov 01, 2012
I think almost everything in life is on the personality

Blaming upbringing and parent is IMO a cheap cop out

We have siblings who have exactly opposite behaviours. one responsible one a completely irresponsible individual.

Most people from the age of 10 above know whats right from whats wrong. So your decisions are left to you.

We have ppl born and raised by Priest who turned into prostittutes and drug dealers while we have ppl raised by Junkies who became excellent individuals

6 Likes

Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by Nobody: 9:00pm On Nov 01, 2012
a parent's behaviour and mental well being have a great influence on how a child will turn out once he is an adult

3 Likes

Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by SisiKill1: 9:50pm On Nov 01, 2012
Ah the old NATURE vs NURTURE argument.

If This section were to have a debate. . .this will make a good topic.

2 Likes

Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by slimyem: 5:18am On Nov 02, 2012
Sisi_Kill: Ah the old NATURE vs NURTURE argument.

If This section were to have go into debating. . .this will make a good topic.
Agree!
...but self-esteem issues tilts more towards personality than all the other influencing factors.
Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by greatgod2012(f): 6:04am On Nov 02, 2012
Personally, i think d parent have a part to play,let me share a personal experience, about 2-3 months ago, a BIL came visiting(a ustudent in one of d unis) and was asking my 4-yrs old daughter some questns, being a shy type, she didnt answer,then he(d visitor) said;why are u so dull? U are just wasting ur parents money, i immediately came in to d discussion and told him dt he should not say dt again dt what my daughter knows, he doesnt know half of it,with emphasis on "my daughter is more intelligent than u"
since then, if anybody ask her anything, she will say "im intelligent"even in school, her aunty once told me dt she told her dt she is an intelligent girl, then, aunty asked,how did she know, she said, my mom said"im intelligent"
i want to believe dt is what she will believe about herself till adulthood when she can take decision on her own.
I am not rulling out d personality factor, but i believe one builds his/her personality on d belief one has about him/herself. So as parents, lets help to build our children's self esteem by confessing positively on their lives, they build their confidence and self-esteem on them, also, we need to monitor d type of gatherings and friends they keep.
May God help us all.

20 Likes

Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by Nobody: 9:12am On Nov 02, 2012
Oh my God! This is getting interesting. I cant belive people do not agree that a parent is the most important factor in how a child see him or herself. After the parents, then the significant others. The friends, school mates, teachers etc. Why do you think great teachers never put their students down but rather they encourage them even when they are dull.

I want to believe the people who had commented so far are not social scientist but im guessing computer engineers, chemical engineers, accountants and business people.

Relate with the story of greatgod, it cannot be overemphasized really. Parents should be careful how they treat their children, what they say to them.

Encourage your child, speak positively to them, motivate them, tell them their skills. Tell them they can better and that their weaknesses can make them stronger... Thats how personality is built. Thats how we have great men and women, its simply because of great parents.

WHEN A PARENT KEEP SAYING HIS OR HER CHILD IS PROUD FROM MORNING TO NIGHT ALL DAY LONG ALL YEAR LONG, I CAN IMAGINE THAT SUCH CHILD WANTING TO ADJUST MIGHT BECOME TIMID. WELL NOT PROVEN THOUGH, AT LEAST TO MY KNOWLEDGE. Lets just be careful.

Slim, like to meet with you.

4 Likes

Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by abiL(f): 10:53am On Nov 02, 2012
Self-esteem is influenced by hereditary, but environmental factors also have an effect on it.

Self-esteem is not someone's personality. Both traits aren't related. For example, an individual with an extrovert personality can have a low self-esteem issue. However, you are more likely to find high self-esteem in people who are considered extroverts than introverts. There is a link, but both aren't associated.

Personality is quite similar to self-esteem because both are influenced by the effect of genes and our environment.

So no, self-esteem is not a result of our personality, but it can be influenced by our personality, and yes, self-esteem can be a result of parental upbringing.

Parental upbringing is an environmental factor, that coupled with other factors such as friends, relationships, weight, height, personality type, skin colour, self-worth etc. can affect an individual's self esteem.

There was a study done by (can't remember their names) who found a link between self-confidence and the nature argument. But the study didn't discard the influence of the environment.


How one feels about him/ her-self starts from home. If parents neglects complimenting their children, but only finds negative things to say to their kids, then those children are more likely to grow up thinking low of themselves.


Our childhood upbringing is highly vital, and they shape our adult lives.
If parents gets it wrong from the start, it's very difficult to change in the future.
That's why you see so many people requires therapy nowadays.


Children also models the behaviours of significant others, therefore, if a child is brought up in a household where most members doesn't think highly of themselves, and their ability to accomplish great things, the child will start to copy their thinking. Thus the child will grow up with the same mentality.


I'll stop ranting now grin

3 Likes

Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by Nobody: 11:42am On Nov 02, 2012
Like i said in this thread asking about daughters: https://www.nairaland.com/1012348/parents-how-teach-daughters-self-esteem/19#12746222

*Kails*:
First and foremost nobody can teach someone how to love themselves. That has to come at their own merit or will. Only experience will prove to be the best catalyst in putting one on that journey to find, love, and cherish themselves to the max.

However most ppl with the healthiest self esteems were raised with both parents in the home (again i said most not all!) who showered them with love and played their respective roles. The fathers being there to guide their daughters on how to recognize a mans real love and affection and being their support or backbone. The mothers there to teach the young girls how to be lady like, wife material, and how to carry themselves.

Parents can only guide them by setting the example. Do that and you have a better chance at raising a true lady.

Low self esteem is the result of lack of experience, immaturity, and a void or inner need not fulfilled. Parents nor genes determine how high or low it is. Parents may influence it but in the end its all about the individual.

2 Likes

Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by baby124: 3:14pm On Nov 02, 2012
greatgod2012: Personally, i think d parent have a part to play,let me share a personal experience, about 2-3 months ago, a BIL came visiting(a ustudent in one of d unis) and was asking my 4-yrs old daughter some questns, being a shy type, she didnt answer,then he(d visitor) said;why are u so dull? U are just wasting ur parents money, i immediately came in to d discussion and told him dt he should not say dt again dt what my daughter knows, he doesnt know half of it,with emphasis on "my daughter is more intelligent than u"
since then, if anybody ask her anything, she will say "im intelligent"even in school, her aunty once told me dt she told her dt she is an intelligent girl, then, aunty asked,how did she know, she said, my mom said"im intelligent"
i want to believe dt is what she will believe about herself till adulthood when she can take decision on her own.
I am not rulling out d personality factor, but i believe one builds his/her personality on d belief one has about him/herself. So as parents, lets help to build our children's self esteem by confessing positively on their lives, they build their confidence and self-esteem on them, also, we need to monitor d type of gatherings and friends they keep.
May God help us all.

This is a perfect example. My dear but you tried o and showed great restraint. A lot of Nigerian's have mental problem, they don't know how to talk or talk while considering the person's feelings involved. Anyone that enters my house to talk to my kid like that is really looking for trouble. And to think some teachers talk like this. God help us and keep very foolish people far away.

1 Like

Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by SisiKill1: 4:11pm On Nov 02, 2012
What kinda Eejit goes around calling a 4yrs old dull? So Mr. Sensible did not have a enough sense to know shyness has nothing to do with intelligence?

Honestly Nigerians are just bullies...plain and simple. I mean these are the same set of people who will call a very vocal child...Rude.

It's amazing children come out of that environment with a strong sense of self. undecided

8 Likes

Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by dayokanu(m): 5:30pm On Nov 02, 2012
Nigerians are just bullies imagine a boy maybe struggling with his GPA in school telling a 4yr old girl she is not smart

Greatgod aka OluwaTobi I want to say you dissapointed me small wink wink wink.

Na that kain oponu BIL me I dey like. Being the sharp mouthed Yoruba person I am I would so yab that BIL that he would almost commit suicide

You for first ask him for his WAEC result, and his GPA in school. and bring your daughters school grades. I am certain your daughter was doing better in her school than the dunderhead BIL. Ask him why upon his "sharpness he isnt the best student in MIT, Oxford or even UNILAG or Ife? despite all the money the family has invested on his education?

That everyone has been shy to tell him that he is the dullest person in the whole family and there is a theory that he might have been switched at birth cos his dullness in unmatched in the family tree. In advanced countries he would have been categorized as a reetardd or "Children with Special needs"

Its mostly ppl who cant match their peers that pick on perceived inferior people.

I wont be surprised if the BIL is on academic probation in his school. Nonsense

2 Likes

Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by coogar: 5:43pm On Nov 02, 2012
the personality has a big role to play here.....however, the environment often has a say in one's personality. having a low self esteem would only lean towards parental upbringing if the child is denied associating with his immediate environment!
Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by slimyem: 6:16pm On Nov 02, 2012
dayokanu: Nigerians are just bullies imagine a boy maybe struggling with his GPA in school telling a 4yr old girl she is not smart

Greatgod aka OluwaTobi I want to say you dissapointed me small wink wink wink.

Na that kain oponu BIL me I dey like. Being the sharp mouthed Yoruba person I am I would so yab that BIL that he would almost commit suicide

You for first ask him for his WAEC result, and his GPA in school. and bring your daughters school grades. I am certain your daughter was doing better in her school than the dunderhead BIL. Ask him why upon his "sharpness he isnt the best student in MIT, Oxford or even UNILAG or Ife? despite all the money the family has invested on his education?

That everyone has been shy to tell him that he is the dullest person in the whole family and there is a theory that he might have been switched at birth cos his dullness in unmatched in the family tree. In advanced countries he would have been categorized as a reetardd or "Children with Special needs"

Its mostly ppl who cant match their peers that pick on perceived inferior people.

I wont be surprised if the BIL is on academic probation in his school. Nonsense
Kilodeee?
So le to yen ni?
I think she did enough by politely warning and telling him off.

3 Likes

Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by greatgod2012(f): 9:04pm On Nov 02, 2012
[quote author=dayokanu]Nigerians are just bullies imagine a boy maybe struggling with his GPA in school telling a 4yr old girl she is not smart

Greatgod aka OluwaTobi I want to say you dissapointed me small wink wink wink.

Na that kain oponu BIL me I dey like. Being the sharp mouthed Yoruba person I am I would so yab that BIL that he would almost commit suicide
Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by greatgod2012(f): 9:08pm On Nov 02, 2012
dayokanu: Nigerians are just bullies imagine a boy maybe struggling with his GPA in school telling a 4yr old girl she is not smart

Greatgod aka OluwaTobi I want to say you dissapointed me small wink wink wink.

Na that kain oponu BIL me I dey like. Being the sharp mouthed Yoruba person I am I would so yab that BIL that he would almost commit suicide

You for first ask him for his WAEC result, and his GPA in school. and bring your daughters school grades. I am certain your daughter was doing better in her school than the dunderhead BIL. Ask him why upon his "sharpness he isnt the best student in MIT, Oxford or even UNILAG or Ife? despite all the money the family has invested on his education?

That everyone has been shy to tell him that he is the dullest person in the whole family and there is a theory that he might have been switched at birth cos his dullness in unmatched in the family tree. In advanced countries he would have been categorized as a reetardd or "Children with Special needs"

Its mostly ppl who cant match their peers that pick on perceived inferior people.

I wont be surprised if the BIL is on academic probation in his school. Nonsense

abeg, no vex o.
I was trying to respect my hubby, u know, hes somebody i respect so much, but sincerely, dt day was a bad day 4 d guy, u need to see how my hubby yabbed him, i think its better dt way than 4 me to be quoted, but i ve made my point already, telling a 20+ old man dt a 4yrs old kid is more intelligent than him, isnt dt enough embarassment?
Ile oko,ile eko ni.
Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by dayokanu(m): 9:18pm On Nov 02, 2012
greatgod2012:

abeg, no vex o.
I was trying to respect my hubby, u know, hes somebody i respect so much, but sincerely, dt day was a bad day 4 d guy, u need to see how my hubby yabbed him, i think its better dt way than 4 me to be quoted, but i ve made my point already, telling a 20+ old man dt a 4yrs old kid is more intelligent than him, isnt dt enough embarassment?
Ile oko,ile eko ni.

I agree with you cos its somehow delicate for you before they turn it on your head. But I am glad your husband gave him what was on my own mind. eranko lasan lasan.

Shey na where him mates dey him dey now?

1 Like

Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by Nobody: 9:31pm On Nov 02, 2012
I'd say personality...
Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by Gabrielsylar(m): 9:34pm On Nov 02, 2012
When children are raised with very low motivation it can f...ck them up forever....... Wen I was growing I use to see kids with poorer parents come to school with bugsbunny shoes,cocunt cakes,friend rice packs...and my own parents were wealthier but I use to drink pap before going to school and akara...it affected my self esteem and made me grow always on the defensive...if not for God ....so parential upbringing is paramount...make kids believe they are kings...do u know girls bearing the name “queen“ gets more attention in primary school that girls called “alice or grace or blessing“

1 Like

Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by oojjaayy(m): 9:35pm On Nov 02, 2012
Low self esteem is relativem some poor family background leading to poor exposure which brings about humility in disquise. For the reach ones its largely caused by to much petting and caring which reduces a human being in2 a common tv game.
Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by Nobody: 9:38pm On Nov 02, 2012
It's a result of the combination of many things like: personality, upbringing, social status, lack of knowledge of self, appearance, environment etc..

Both parental upbringing and personality are part of the equation - however, there are other factors involved as well...

Being introverted, or extroverted doesn't change your self-esteem in any way, shape, or form... Most extroverts have superficial high-self esteem, beneath all that noisemaking, they are just as susceptible as most introverts with low self-esteem...

That's just my two pennies.
Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by 50calibre(m): 9:38pm On Nov 02, 2012
3 major factors contributing to low-self esteem

- Parental upbringing
- Environment and peer groups
- Media.

Michael Jackson is a quintessential case of such, his dad always told him while he was young that he had a big nose and back then the media potrayed success with being white so MJ was left psychologically bruised for life and became so obsessed with his appearance that he always felt he was never good enough.

1 Like

Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by Nobody: 9:40pm On Nov 02, 2012
abiL: Self-esteem is influenced by hereditary, but environmental factors also have an effect on it.

Self-esteem is not someone's personality. Both traits aren't related. For example, an individual with an extrovert personality can have a low self-esteem issue. However, you are more likely to find high self-esteem in people who are considered extroverts than introverts. There is a link, but both aren't associated.

Personality is quite similar to self-esteem because both are influenced by the effect of genes and our environment.

So no, self-esteem is not a result of our personality, but it can be influenced by our personality, and yes, self-esteem can be a result of parental upbringing.

Parental upbringing is an environmental factor, that coupled with other factors such as friends, relationships, weight, height, personality type, skin colour, self-worth etc. can affect an individual's self esteem.

There was a study done by (can't remember their names) who found a link between self-confidence and the nature argument. But the study didn't discard the influence of the environment.


How one feels about him/ her-self starts from home. If parents neglects complimenting their children, but only finds negative things to say to their kids, then those children are more likely to grow up thinking low of themselves.

Our childhood upbringing is highly vital, and they shape our adult lives.
If parents gets it wrong from the start, it's very difficult to change in the future.
That's why you see so many people requires therapy nowadays.

Children also models the behaviours of significant others, therefore, if a child is brought up in a household where most members doesn't think highly of themselves, and their ability to accomplish great things, the child will start to copy their thinking. Thus the child will grow up with the same mentality.

I'll stop ranting now grin

Epistle of abiL - I see you have been trying to kick knowledge since Seun called you out.... grin

Do your thing, big mouth... undecided
Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by Nobody: 9:44pm On Nov 02, 2012
50calibre: 3 major factors contributing to low-self esteem

- Parental upbringing
- Environment and peer groups
- Media.

Michael Jackson is a quintessential case of such, his dad always told him while he was young that he had a big nose and back then the media potrayed success with being white so MJ was left psychologically bruised for life and became so obsessed with his appearance that he always felt he was never good enough.

MJ is one weird mofo - he had mental issues...

His problem had more to do with his lack of childhood(if that makes sense) than his upbringing...

Loads of people went through what MJ went through as a kid(if not worse), but they didn't end up like him...

MJ would always be an isolated case - and a lot of factors contributed to that, not just his upbringing, environment, and media.....
Re: Is Low Self Esteem A Result Of Parental Upbringing Or Personality? by seedord247(m): 9:44pm On Nov 02, 2012
I think its from the parents.

For i.e.. Check yoruba kids... Hardly you see a yoruba kid that doesnt know how to cursed bcus thats what their parents used in bringi g them up.

Check igbo kids... Hardly you see a igbo boy that does not know how to lie or steal from age 8. Thats why you see them turning drug pushers when they grow up.

Check benin and calabar kids..... Being a frnd of this tribe.... They hardly discipline their kids if they do something wrong.. They give thier kids freedom of speech in family matters while they are very young, their folks even do some nasty things in front of thier kids.... Thats why you see calabars and benin girls all over the street of lagos asking for pay as you f**ck.

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