From the son of a feminist


My name is Edgar van de Giessen. I am 45 years old and I am the son of one of the former leading feminists in Holland in the seventies of the last century. My mother was the first woman to receive the Harriet Freezer Award, given out by your organization Opzij for outstanding feminist activism.

I do not write this to seek any personal sympathy. I write this to share my heart, so that maybe one day men and women may live in love and respect, and not just in mutual legal equality.

Before I describe the personal consequences of the feminist upbringing I received as a boy between the age of 7 and 17, I want to express my respect for all women and men who rightfully protest against repression and discrimination on the basis of gender, skin color, or ethnic background.

Therefore I would like you to imagine how it is for an growing boy in the age of ten to hear every day from his mother that men are the cause of all trouble in the world, that men are guilty of all crime and war and repression in the world, that all men should be castrated after their semen has been deep-frozen to ensure the existence of the next generation, that men should live in different cities than women, so that they could all kill each other and so solve the problem of their own existence.

This is the kind of feminist teaching that I received every day, and created in me a deep mistrust in myself, in male authority, and a feeling of never being able to be good or lovable as a human being because of my maleness. This caused in me a reaction of proving my mother that at least I as her son was different than other men. This quickly turned into arrogance against other men that made me lonely and bare of friends for most of my life.

It also caused in me a hate toward women and an anger that I could only repress, because expressing it would prove my mother to be right. This repression thus turned me into a "nice" man as a compensation for the repression who then inevitably held a hidden hate and aggression against women with fantasies of rape and violence.

As a result of all of these effects of a rabid feminist's effect on her son, I needed 25 years of therapeutic and spiritual search and deep emotional healing to begin to find my own self-value and to start to experience fulfilling relationships with myself, men and women.

The war between the sexes is still unsolved. Divorce rates speak their own sad truth. Violence between men and women still fills the newspapers and feminism has not been able to solve this problem. In my personal case, feminism itself, as it is expressed in ways your organization specifically espouses, in large part created the problems and not prevented them. And if feminism causes men to hate women by cursing the darkness and not lighting an effective candle, feminism needs to ask itself if it is aware enough of the human heart and its complexity to be able to solve the problems it describes.

When my mother was giving her feministic lectures and tirades to me as a boy, she never felt once, in all those years, how her words and energies were landing in her own son. Personal love transacts through the ability to feel what the other person is feeling while (s)he is feeling it. The emotional wounding that my mother gave me did not come only from her words, but also in her not-feeling how her words impacted me as a little boy. In these ways, my mother had her own emotional wounding that turned her into a proudly man-hating, feministic unfeeling woman whose antipathy against men in ways supported by your organization turned in me as a hate against myself and against women.

What I want to say, is that however some aspects of feminism have an important role in creating equal rights for women, feminism does not have a positive contribution to how men and women can live in respect and love for each other. My intensive feminist upbringing created exactly the opposite. An emotionally healthy man will never have any wish to oppress a woman. An emotionally healthy woman will never have any wish to beat the man with his own weapons.

The feminism of the seventies and eighties whose legacy you inherit is a reactive movement that used the same oppressive energy as it was trying to fight against, instead of working with, the real issues, and therefore can never be successful in creating an atmosphere where loving and powerful femininity could blossom in a trusting and respectful atmosphere towards male strength. I do feel and understand that women can only respect male strength if that is rooted in openhearted vulnerability, but feminism and the emancipation movement failed to bring forth a generation of such men and in itself does not have the means to do so.

In that way, the feministic movement does not and cannot acknowledge the seminal repercussions of the fact that every man is raised in large part by a woman, and that his adult relationship to women consciously and unconsciously is determined in this large part by his relationship to his mother. Why hasn't feminism created a vision on how to raise boys into loving and strong men, upon whom women can trust and love? How can it happen that boys turn into men that repress, hate, despise or do not respect women? I am convinced, that if a boy receives healthy emotional love from his mother, this cannot happen!

It that sense, feminism has always lacked a vision of what emotional health is, how emotionally healthy love can be transacted from one human heart to the other, from mother to son, from father to daughter, from man to woman and from woman to man.

Without this vision, whose lack can never be addressed within the myopia feminism has about the human heart, regardless of gender, feminism remains a mere reactive movement that thus incorporates the very themes in men it teaches are wrong, and sadly will never allow it to ever achieve its own purpose.

Sincerely,
Edgar van de Giessen

So the question is: Should people like these (feminists) be allowed near children?

Actually, that was an isolated case of a mentally unstable mother.

There are lots of feminists who are wonderful mothers

Extremism is a horrible thing, anyone who believes any gender race or tribe is responsible for all the worlds evil needs help.
Its like the Nazis who believed all Jews and bad or tribes in Nigeria who believe another tribe is evil, same way there are men who believe all women are evil and must be treated as such. People should learn to deal individually with people, there are good and bad people in every tribe, gender, race and religion, Generalization and extremism should be condemned.

I'm all for gender equality, but it should be just that: Gender EQUALITY.

It is quite annoying sometimes when women take it too far and tag everything as sexist or what have you. A close friend got into trouble once for saying to his colleague "hey gorgeous". Oh and need I mention Andy grey and Richard Keys, amazing football commentators that got crucified for making one mistake. Today go and type "Andy grey" on Google and your first hit will be "sexist" (mind you, what they said was unacceptable but didn't need to ruin their lives)... come on!!!! I mean if we cannot differentiate harmless banter with sexism, we might as well treat everyone as men with balls. And for those who don't have any (balls), I suggest u grab a couple cause you're gonna need them


The problem you notice here is that a good percentage of these "feminists" have been hurt by men and are channelling that hurt or anger back towards all men in the name of feminism. Edgar's Mom was a single mother, so obviously her husband/boyfriend left her at some point. This is the same ideology that the world community suffers tremendously from, Generalisation. Some one offends you in one way or another so everyone else like him/her must be the same?? silly. Racism, Xenophobia , Sexism, Tribalism..... They all can be traced to a generalist approach in life.

While trying to solve one problem, we don't need to create another..

Lets pause and ponder

Mynd_44: Actually, that was an isolated case of a mentally unstable mother.

There are lots of feminists who are wonderful mothers

She was mentally unstable, but she won the harriet freezer award? And how did you come to the conclusion that it's an isolated case- your own research, or baseless conjectures?

401kk:

She was mentally unstable, but she won the harriet freezer award? And how did you come to the conclusion that it's an isolated case- your own research, or baseless conjectures?

Her professional life was different from her personal life, people can be so put together in their professional lives and broken and unstable in their personal lives.
People who we celebrate outside for their achievements can be monsters and terrors to their loved ones at home. Award winning celebrities have been discovered to be ra-pists, child abus3rs and spouse beaters, that someone is put together outside doesnt make them sane

debrief08:
Her professional life was different from her personal life, people can be so put together in their professional lives and broken and unstable in their personal lives.
People who we celebrate outside for their achievements can be monsters and terrors to their loved ones at home. Award winning celebrities have been discovered to be ra-pists, child abus3rs and spouse beaters, that someone is put together outside doesnt make them sane

She's very sane. She has a belief, that all men are evil - she actually got an award for that.

401kk:

She's very sane. She has a belief, that all men are evil - she actually got an award for that.

She didnt get an award for believing men are evil she got an award for promoting womens rights which are also human rights.
What you intend to do with this post is almost the same as what she was guilty of generalization because of someone who was obviously extreme did harm to her son.
She was guilty also of the same thing she intended to fight, gender discrimination, instead of promoting fairness she promoted unfairness to another s3x. You seem to want to put all women who believe in womens rights in the same catergory as her, she was extreme and had an unhealthy obsession, others have balanced their views well to accommodate others

debrief08:
She didnt get an award for believing men are evil she got an award for promoting womens rights which are also human rights.
What you intend to do with this post is almost the same as what she was guilty of generalization because of someone who was obviously extreme did harm to her son.
She was guilty also of the same thing she intended to fight, gender discrimination, instead of promoting fairness she promoted unfairness to another s3x. You seem to want to put all women who believe in womens rights in the same catergory as her, she was extreme and had an unhealthy obsession, others have balanced their views well to accommodate others

I'm sorry, do you know this woman? I bet you don't.


You also buttressed what the point the man was trying to make, that feminists are guilty of what they're fighting for and for every problem they intend to solve, they create two more instead.

401kk:

I'm sorry, do you know this woman? I bet you don't.


You also buttressed what the point the man was trying to make, that feminists are guilty of what they're fighting for and for every problem they intend to solve, they create two more instead.

Wait a minute dude. You asked if we knew this woman, do you? I mean have you met her before? In fact before you read about her "son" have you come across her name before?

Again I say you cannot use the behaviour of one person to judge of a group of people as that is not right is any way.

How come other children from feminist have not been out to say there mother truamatised them? This is one of the only cases we are hearing from and that has to mean that person has a problem with her personal life.

You claim she was sane, how are you sure? Have you met her. How many feminists do you know?
How many feminists have you heard off?
Do you even know who a feminist is
generalization is just silly

Mynd_44: Actually, that was an isolated case of a mentally unstable mother.

There are lots of feminists who are wonderful mothers

This is the best way to silence anyone in the category of Edgar van de Giessen. Label his situation as isolated and his mother as mentally unstable.

Ultimately it's a matter of opinion, one person reads the article and thinks the woman is emotionally unintelligent. Another reads it and decides she is mentally unstable. I say mentally unstable is a rather extreme conclusion based only on what we've read.

Also, how do we assert that this was an isolated case? How many people would speak PUBLICLY speak against their mothers and how would we get to hear?

Sure, lots of feminists are wonderful mothers, but how low does the percentage of terrible feminist mothers have to be for us to say "let's not worry about those ones?"

Claus:

This is the best way to silence anyone in the category of Edgar van de Giessen. Label his situation as isolated and his mother as mentally unstable.

Ultimately it's a matter of opinion, one person reads the article and thinks the woman is emotionally unintelligent. Another reads it and decides she is mentally unstable. I say mentally unstable is a rather extreme conclusion based only on what we've read.

Also, how do we assert that this was an isolated case? How many people would speak PUBLICLY speak against their mothers and how would we get to hear?

Sure, lots of feminists are wonderful mothers, but how low does the percentage of terrible feminist mothers have to be for us to say "let's not worry about those ones?"

And how high are the cases of feminists being terrible mothers to justify the question the OP asked.

From the story you have read there, do you think the woman is mentally or emotionally stable? Who in her right mind would just lump every man in the universe together and say they are the cause of the world'd problems and should be castrated?

Have we not seen mothers who are not feminists and are bad mothers?

Mynd_44:
And how high are the cases of feminists being terrible mothers to justify the question the OP asked.

From the story you have read there, do you think the woman is mentally or emotionally stable? Who in her right mind would just lump every man in the universe together and say they are the cause of the world'd problems and should be castrated?

Have we not seen mothers who are not feminists and are bad mothers?

To the first question, I agree that the OP has at best worded his question wrongly and at worst made a generalisation against feminists.

For the second question, like I said, it's a matter of opinion. From the little I read, I see an emotionally unintelligent woman who is prone to hypebole. You see a mentally unstable woman. So be it.

Finally, yes there are mothers who are not feminists and are bad mothers.

I reject the generalisation of feminists in the same way I reject the "isolated case" argument. My thoughts are that an aspect of feminism has done well in bringing about equality of legal rights and the social status of women. Unfortunately, another aspect has bred some level of misandry.

Claus:

To the first question, I agree that the OP has at best worded his question wrongly and at worst made a generalisation against feminists.

For the second question, like I said, it's a matter of opinion. From the little I read, I see an emotionally unintelligent woman who is prone to hypebole. You see a mentally unstable woman. So be it.

Finally, yes there are mothers who are not feminists and are bad mothers.

I reject the generalisation of feminists in the same way I reject the "isolated case" argument. My thoughts are that an aspect of feminism has done well in bringing about equality of legal rights and the social status of women. Unfortunately, another aspect has bred some level of misandry.

Now you are simply running round in circles

Mynd_44: Actually, that was an isolated case of a mentally unstable mother.

There are lots of feminists who are wonderful mothers

My thoughts exactly. His mother sounds like a bitter woman,, hence a bitter mother. She may have been a feminist in other ways but bitter she definitely seems to have been too. For those of you here who are slow in reasoning . . . not all feminists are bitter and not all women are bitter.

Kobojunkie:

My thoughts exactly. His mother sounds like a bitter woman,, hence a bitter mother. She may have been a feminist in other ways but bitter she definitely seems to have been too. For those of you here who are slow in reasoning . . . not all feminists are bitter and not all women are bitter.

GBAM

Mynd_44:
Now you are simply running round in circles

Really? Because I can see things in a balanced way?

One group wants to present a general negative view of feminists, one group wants to present a general positive view. A balanced view equals running around in circles?

I'M OUT!!!

Claus:

Really? Because I can see things in a balanced way?

One group wants to present a general negative view of feminists, one group wants to present a general positive view. A balanced view equals running around in circles?

I'M OUT!!!

I give up. What makes you think I said I am maintain a generally good view of anyone?

My argument is don't generalize. Just cos one person is bad with kids does not mean they all are

Mynd_44: Actually, that was an isolated case of a mentally unstable mother.

There are lots of feminists who are wonderful mothers

I agree. She crossed the line horribly. She can express her fight but her child shouldn't have to deal with that. Children do not need to hear or see everything.

There is a place and time for everything.

Mrs.Chima:


I agree. She crossed the line horribly. She can express her fight but her child shouldn't have to deal with that. Children do not need to hear or see everything.

There is a place and time for everything.

I had to go read the thread again cos it has been old.

My point still remains that she is a bad mother nothing else. No point blaming this on her stance about feminism