With the ever growing divorce rate I've come to notice that most relationships(dating) last longer than the marital ones.

Do you think getting married puts a strain on couples because they suddenly realise that they're obligated to stay together?

They begin to find fault in each other, and things which could have been overlooked prior to marriage suddenly becomes unbearable.
T
hen we talk about infidelity; it seems to be rampant with married couples than unmarried ones.

My question is, does taking the vow do something to some couples psych?

uj_sizzle: With the ever growing divorce rate I've come to notice that most relationships(dating) last longer than the marital ones.
Do you think getting married puts a strain on couples because they suddenly realise that they're obligated to stay together?
They begin to find fault in eachother, and things which could have been overlooked prior to marriage suddenly becomes unbearable.
Then we talk about infidelity; it seems to be rampant with married couples than unmarried ones.

My question is, does taking the vow do somethin to some couples psych?

taking the vow does nothing - human beings are just more immoral these days which is aided by civilisation and human rights!

coogar:

taking the vow does nothing - human beings are just more immoral these days which is aided by civilisation and human rights!

Agreed. D vow shd do the opposite.

Pls where do I come in? I never marry o

IMO.. Taking the vow for some ladies and a few men is like a job marriage security assurance.
Most ladies tend to become their real selves after these vows..bliving that....'Them dun marry be say dem dun marry'!
In other words.... Dats when some ladies get to find out that d jeep wey dem 'bobo' been dey ride.. Na mechanic dey borrow am.
Or when they bliv the man is suppozed to be financially responsible for the education of his wife's younger ones!
Dats when sum ladies start to tie wrapper because they think his wedding ring is enough protection.
In most cases..... This system only affects those that ddnt know their partners inside-out!


'The vow' can put a strain on relationships.... But only unsolidified relationships!

Divorce is growing becos most go into relationship to satisfy their urge, after getting tired, they get out.

...put no strain on relationship. Rather, vows strengthen relationship. Apparently, sensual and material greed of couples injure relationships.

Lately, so much pretenses in the name of love in desperation to take advantage of what the other person can offer.

slimming: Divorce is growing becos most go into relationship to satisfy their urge, after getting tired, they get out.

AM SECONDED TO THIS

THE ERA OF LOVE HAS FAR DRIFTED AWAY ALL YOU SEE AROUND NOW ARE SINCERE SELFISH DESIRE

nass07: Pls where do I come in? I never marry o

Lol neither have I. Just give your input from observation .

Imanuelle: IMO.. Taking the vow for some ladies and a few men is like a job marriage security assurance.
Most ladies tend to become their real selves after these vows..bliving that....'Them dun marry be say dem dun marry'!
In other words.... Dats when some ladies get to find out that d jeep wey dem 'bobo' been dey ride.. Na mechanic dey borrow am.
Or when they bliv the man is suppozed to be financially responsible for the education of his wife's younger ones!
Dats when sum ladies start to tie wrapper because they think his wedding ring is enough protection.
In most cases..... This system only affects those that ddnt know their partners inside-out!


'The vow' can put a strain on relationships.... But only unsolidified relationships!

Exactly what I'd wanted to say when I first saw the thread.
True love can only be achieved these days when they is some sacrifice from both parties during courtship and when married.
We have allowed a lot of things to blind us to the essence of true love including immediate material gains and not potential, more of appearance instead of character.
Without sacrifice and tolerance, no union will last especially when the foundation is shaky.

One need to be married to really know the truth of this post. As soon as positions begins to shift in the home front,believe me the marriage is heading south.in those days when daddies do all the provision and mummies do all the caring without one acting the other's role it was OK.But now when daddies don't bother providing for mummies in as much as mommies work and still expectin those-days submision .There will be fire on the mountain.

no it makes no difference at all

dilbert100: no it makes no difference at all

. Its not d vow but the selfish intentions of our youths.. Women want to attach 'Mrs' and men want someone to share in d bills. Most marriages are just unwritten contacts. But if u see marriage dat is rooted in love and Gods standard, u see the essence of d VOW.

dilbert100: no it makes no difference at all

. Its not d vow but the selfish intentions of our youths.. Women want to attach 'Mrs' and men want someone to share in d bills. Most marriages are just unwritten contracts. But if u see marriage dat is rooted in love and Gods standard, u see the essence of d VOW.

Eish

The problem with most of our marriages and relationship these days is that people go into them for what they stand to gain and not what they are willing to sacrifice. there's no love anylonger. men go for s e x, women go for money. when those things are not there, marriage ends. marriage is more about commitment than love tho, because love leaves at some point. so vows are ment to strenghten it not the other way round. another problem is civil rights and gender equality...that has affected our these days marriage. women neglect submission which is the basic thing in marriage because of her quest for gender equality.

caukerzee is right

Taking the vow is meant to enhance the relationship and take it to the next level. In reality, most couples forget how they got to the 'vow' level once the vow is taken.

Dominance replaces sharing
Anger replaces love
Culture replaces Godliness
Fear of family and friend replaces fear of God
Complacency replaces attention and care
Selfishness replaces selflessness
Lack of patience replaces understanding
Family wishes replaces couple wishes and so on and so forth.

Each change at each stage brings it own pressure until the marriage crumbles and you cannot both pinpoint one single factor . Once it crumbles , everyone including family return to their shell and leave you to pick up the pieces.

Nigeria family play a big part in helping couples not live up to their vows . It's takes a strong man to stand up and resist family intervention of any kind for most marriages to stand. They did not choose for you but want to help you live with each other by living their own unattained dreams through your marriage .

I expect a lot of abuse becos I know the truth is always bitter!

caukerzee: The problem with most of our marriages and relationship these days is that people go into them for what they stand to gain and not what they are willing to sacrifice. there's no love anylonger. men go for s e x, women go for money. when those things are not there, marriage ends. marriage is more about commitment than love tho, because love leaves at some point. so vows are ment to strenghten it not the other way round. another problem is civil rights and gender equality...that has affected our these days marriage. women neglect submission which is the basic thing in marriage because of her quest for gender equality.

There are always two sides to a coin. Both sides must fight to make it work. When a woman submits, a man must show respect . Without support from both sides, no amount of submission would make a marriage stand.

Secondly, 2 people meet and fall in love . After the vow, they are joined by multiples from both sides of the family who also want a part of the marriage. These add pressure and without wisdom in no time the marriage will crumble from the desperate need to please all except the two who originally fell in love.

I have in the past been to five marriages in a year and within a year all those marriages crumbled for one reason or the other.

Can There Be Anything Worse In A Marriage Than A Married Couple Cheating

https://www.nairaland.com/1100022/there-anything-worse-marriage-than

slimming: Divorce is growing becos most go into relationship to satisfy their urge, after getting tired, they get out.

Agreed especially in the western world. People take the vow so they can gain citizenship in that country. As soon as they get it, they abscond and leave behind a trail of broken dreams especially for the innocent children. Unfortunately , the vow was made before a 3rd party , God and He will judge accordingly in His own time.

When the courtship is built on lies, as a guy, u flex and show off, from one club to another, buying expensive things to impress, she then has that picture in her head, even if she is a horrible person, at that point she won't show it because u are a human ATM, but when u are married, u can't pretend forever and neither can she. Then all hell breaks loose

I think it does put some certain strain on a previously bad relationship.

Ninapha: . Its not d vow but the selfish intentions of our youths.. Women want to attach 'Mrs' and men want someone to share in d bills. Most marriages are just unwritten contracts. But if u see marriage dat is rooted in love and Gods standard, u see the essence of d VOW.

Absolutely ! No further expansion needed.

moreeni: One need to be married to really know the truth of this post. As soon as positions begins to shift in the home front,believe me the marriage is heading south.in those days when daddies do all the provision and mummies do all the caring without one acting the other's role it was OK.But now when daddies don't bother providing for mummies in as much as mommies work and still expectin those-days submision .There will be fire on the mountain.

Its true. its never just about the man or woman. Being the first for one another not for every tom and jerry. Everyone has a part to play but they need to play it well and sincerely.

It's like a jigsaw puzzle , it will never be complete without the tiniest part .

Ninapha: . Its not d vow but the selfish intentions of our youths.. Women want to attach 'Mrs' and men want someone to share in d bills. Most marriages are just unwritten contacts. But if u see marriage dat is rooted in love and Gods standard, u see the essence of d VOW.

people dont seem to understand what marriage is? some think i s all abt economic snd sex compatibility. the vow in marriage should strength the marriage. the vows made should listened to again and again so that u remember why u are in marriage.there is a law that states that repettition is the law of deep and lasting impression.

You've all made good points, but lets go a bit global where the westerners n Europeans haven't got the African we-must-get-married mentality.

Ok in Africa it's quite uncommon to see couples have kids out of wedlock, so most ladies get desperate to get that ring on their fingers and the men are constantly pushed by family members to get married.
But in the western world we observe a lot of people live this way, and when asked why they aren't making their union official, you hear reasons like 'we don't want the problems involved in marriage' even though they practically live as husband and wife! Many of them are blissfully happy being together and raising children. Then we take a look at the divorced couples; i mean nobody really forced them to get married, some of them dated as long as 8 o 10yrs before they finally decided to get hitched n afterward divorce in less than 2 to 3yrs with stupid reasons like 'we weren't right for eachother'.

Some people say marriage is like goin into prison, or an eternal bondage; the more you're in, the more you wanna get out.
There's a law binding you together; the more you think of it, the more you're tempted to break it (the law begotten sin).
More like a case of wanting the forbidden fruit . Isn't that psychological??

moreeni: One need to be married to really know the truth of this post. As soon as positions begins to shift in the home front,believe me the marriage is heading south.in those days when daddies do all the provision and mummies do all the caring without one acting the other's role it was OK.But now when daddies don't bother providing for mummies in as much as mommies work and still expectin those-days submision .There will be fire on the mountain.

GBAM you have said it all... When the roles intersect at any point there"s bound to be problems.

No, it doesnt, it is suppose to strenghten d marriage, but where d problem lies is d foundation. There is much more pretence than reality during courtship, because of d fear of being dumped. The men using materials like money, cars, gifts, etc to buy women's conscience, pretending to be comfortable with everything dt has to do with d women, when, in actual fact, hes not, all because he doesnt want to be dumped. The woman on d other hand, because of d gifts shes enjoying from d man pretends as if all is well with anything dt has to do with d man, when in reality, she should have objected some of d ill-manners of d man,but because of fear of not being dumped.
When i was courting my hubby, i told him specifically dt i dont want him to bribe me or buy my conscience with gift, dt i was comfortable with my salary(already working), i told him, dt if he really want to know my "real me" no gift from his side and no sex from my side, dt is how i think we will avoid pretence. There will not be something like, "if i leave him now, he will see me as an ingrate" from my side, and from his side, there will not be something like "if i leave her now, she wil think i intentionally used and dumped her".

These days, our youth really need to get educated on this issue of marriage, sooner than later. The foundation of every marital relationship depends on how real they both are when they were still in courtship, so, depending on d foundation now, d vow can either strenghten or strain d marriage.
May God help us all.

I think this kind of question does not apply to Nigerians but an oyibi can relate to this.

When you eat the meat before the meal, or before finishing the main course, you lose appetite for whats filling.

Even whites have appetizers and stuff before the main dish.

People worry about the nonsensical. @Poster,it is not true that people date longer and it is not true that tying the knot puts a strain on relationships. If you are yourself in a relationship, work on yours and stop looking at others. Looking at those around you instead is a sure way of putting a strain on any relationship.