Tamar1: ......its frightening to think that you mark your child merely by being yourself. it seems unfair , you cant assume the responsibility for every thing you do or do not do...... simone de beauvoir...

Tamar1: With globalization, Nigeria is now abreast of the trend of events all over the world. This means the exposure of our youths to the influence of foreign culture. Today, our youths with the influence of foreign permissive culture have found themselves experiencing sex at a younger age than their parents did. Bearing in mind the different constraints faced by our society with which sexuality is treated, one finds that adolescents have fallen victims to the consequences of poor sexuality and sex education due to societal reactions to issues that bother on sexuality,

true, all hands must be on deck in educating a child but my question to you is, who has the bigger responsibility?


Definition of Terms
For clarity purpose, I shall define the key words in this discourse—
A parent simply put is a child's mother or father or a guardian.
A child has been defined differently. The Children and Young Persons Act, The Marriage Act, The African Charter on the Rights and Welfare of a Child all defines it to mean a person under the age of 14, 18 & 21 respectively. However, The Child's Right Act standardized the age of a child to be 18 yrs in all matters thus; we can rightly assert that a teenager is also a child.
Teenage period is a period when the child's sexual awareness is at its peak. This is the period of psychosexual developments between the onset of sexual maturity (puberty) and early adulthood, during which self identity, sex roles and relationship with other persons are defined by the young people. (Action Health Incorporated, 1996).
Sexual education as defined by Alli in Mba (2006:85) is a:
“Planned process of education that fosters the acquisition of factual information, the formation of positive attitudes, beliefs and values and the development of skills to cope with the biological, socio-cultural and spiritual aspects of human society”
Sexuality education simply means the presentation of every aspect of the sexuality of an individual exactly as it is, and equipping the individual with all options there are to enhance a better understanding of sexuality in its holistic manner. This ensures a proper understanding of an individual’s identity as well as his total view of sexuality as it concerns religious beliefs, ethics, rules and regulations.

Sexuality education ensures a better understanding of the influence of society on every day life. Thus, the ability to exercise self-control and determine one’s sexual behavior by conforming to certain principles as they concern sexual behaviors, are the bases of sexuality/sex education. In the opinion of Mba (2006:19) the following should constitute the content of sexuality education:

Human growth and development
Relationships
Life skills
Sexual attitude and behavior
Sexual health
Society and culture

People often believe that ‘’sex education’ ’refers only to sexual behavior i.e. sexual intercourse and not the full array of topics that comprise sexuality, but it goes far beyond that. These include information and concerns about abstinence, body image, contraception, gender, human growth and development, human reproduction, pregnancy, relationships, safer sex (prevention of sexually transmitted infections), sexual attitudes and values, sexual anatomy and behavior, sexual health and orientation, and sexual pressure. Parents are not expected to be versed in all these, which leave the larger burden on the shoulders of educators (government) to properly teach to teenagers in a safe and nonjudgmental environment so that young people can learn about sexuality in a healthy and positive context, and the media through public enlightenment
Parents as Sexual Educators
Parents, especially mothers are regarded as the primary conveyer of sexuality education to kids, as well as the first source of contact to which teens should come in contact with sexuality issues. But in a country where sexuality education has always been viewed as a prerogative of the married or soon to be married in the society, most Nigerian mothers due to cultural limitations and inhibitions prevent them from engaging in sincere discussions about sexuality and sex with their children, it becomes assiduous for parents to bear the larger percentage of this burden. This agrees with the views of Durojaiye (1972:69) that the Nigerian society believes that knowledge of sexual topics will lead to moral deterioration of young people and ignorance maintains innocence.

With a high rate of illiteracy in rural Nigeria, the task of placing sexuality education in the hands of these women is a dangerous precedence; hence, the only source of correct sexuality and sex is the school system. Appropriate information on sexuality and sex is a vital source of enhancing the quality of life of our youths, which they cannot be taught by their illiterate mothers. Also, since most parents hardly spend quality time with their children to discuss issues about life, little could be said to be achieved in that regard. This could be because our culture hardly encourages conversations between children and adults, talking down to children or ordering is a better accepted norm.

[quote author=Tamar1]Though some parents are more proactive in their approach to sex education, they however represent the minority. A recent national survey showed that eight in 10 parents want schools to teach their kids about sex education, an indication that kids aren't learning at home, only half of adolescents reported a "good talk" about sex with their mothers in the past year, and less than a third reported such a discussion with their fathers. This is where the schools (government) and the media become defined and onerous. If one goes by the multifarious social problems plaguing the Nigerian society in recent times, one will appreciate the urgent need for the government and other relevant bodies to wade in and give parents a helping hand in the appropriate education on issues concerning sex early in life[quote]

From the above research, it can be deduced that parents are neglecting their responsibility and leaving it in the hands of teachers, hence,.
"only half of adolescents reported a "good talk" about sex with their mothers in the past year, and less than a third reported such a discussion with their fathers."
Allotting the Blame

An early appreciation of the relationship between sex and health and a fulfilling life is of utmost importance since prevention is better than cure. Sexuality education reveals the intricacies of human physiology as youths gain a better understanding of the source of motivation both sexes, lust and passion of life. The dearth of information on sexuality has been the bane of our society. Without proper and factual socio-demographic characteristics of teens in the country, schools (government) lack the necessary ingredient (information) that would have served as a catalyst to curbing sexuality among teens. This would have formed a basic foundation of a lifelong educational process for the transition of teenagers to adulthood.

[quote author=Tamar1]It is in reference to the above that the greater burden falls upon the shoulders of the government (schools), the media and not the parents, through proper and adequate sexual education. Adequate information through a good sexuality education program that should have brought about responsibility in the expression of these teenagers sex life and responsibility in social relationships is therefore lacking. Who else is to blame for this if not the government, whose various agencies in health matters have been found wanting towards their duties and the media negating its duty of being the society’s watchdog.[quote]

Parents have a direct and one on one contact with these kids, not the media or government. A child firsts call of socialization is their parents

[quote author=Tamar1]Inadequate or poor knowledge of one’s sexuality can evoke a series of negative outcomes that could stifle and permanently jeopardize an individual’s wellbeing and therefore useful contributions to the development of society. This is because inadequate information about appropriate sexual behaviors can lead to at-risk sexual behaviors which have grave consequences that can impact negatively on our socio-economic life. It can ruin a whole generation and render the whole country stagnant for a long time. Where else can a child learn properly the consequences of engaging in illegal sexual activities if not in a school since teachers are usually equipped with the right tools to teach children about difficult but important matters of sexual health/sexuality.[quote]

A child can learn properly the consequences of engaging in illegal sexual activities first from the parents, the teachers only serve as their reminders.

This would have been achieved by schools providing proactive, continuing sex-education programs that start early and continue throughout high school, an education that would be age-appropriate, providing the necessary information in a gradual, natural way that corresponds to each stage of development. But the government has failed to provide schools with the necessary framework on which sex education would thrive, and well trained educators in the field of sexuality. This has created a huge void between teenagers and the type of information they receive which parents have been grappling with to fill.
With the world now becoming a global village media technology such as TV, MOBILE PHONES and the INTERNET has become a veritable tool of passing across information. These technologies without proper and strict regulations have left many parents unprepared for the challenge on how to regulate and monitor their child’s time with such technologies, exposing them to dangers of media effects with regards to viewing of explicit adult contents such as; pornography. In this wise, by directly linking the consequences of teenage sexual activities to media effects cannot be overemphasized.

Conclusion

With the sheer number of school dropouts among females due to unwanted pregnancies and ill health lends credence to the need for a sound sexuality education in our schools and increase in unnecessary loss of lives through STIs, abortion and poor care during pregnancies are also consequences of improper or poor sexuality education. Nigeria cannot continue to live in denial and isolation of other parts of the world, by solely expecting parents to bear the larger burden. Nigerian youths now experience their first sexual acts at an earlier age than their parents without adequate preparation and exposure to correct information like their counterparts in other cultures that are more sexually expressive; it therefore behooves on the government and media to properly educate these teenagers.

I say, schools (government) and the media, not the parents should be blamed for the consequences of sexuality in adolescents through lack of proper and adequate sexual education both in schools and the society in general. If this can be done, teenagers will develop the right type of attitudes about their sexuality if they are properly educated to do so. Government should as a matter of urgency make sex education a full curriculum subject in schools, while the media plays a backup role to the government by making use of its medium (TV, Magazines and Internet) to enlighten the public.

Thank You.

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Gudit:
Furthermore, most parents feel uncomfortable talking about this issues with their kids.

Mavia1: There was a young girl of 9 who confided in me on how she was abused by her uncle who was living with them. I encouraged her to tell her parents about it. After much persuasion, she agreed.

Don't you think she as afraid of that same reaction from her parents that's why she came to you? Don't you think her parents would have listened more to her teachers than her? Due to the fact that she is a small girl and may have an over imaginative mind? If she was close to her teachers won't she have confided in them? Instead the teachers of today make themselves unapproachable and distant.

The parents signed her up for deliverance in the church, thinking she was possessed.
If the church had a counsellor won't they have listened to the young girl and counselled the parents?
If the government had provided a help line for sexually abused children as seen in some countries wouldn't she have been helped?

Where are the parents? They have left their primary responsibility in search of money, pleasure, fame, etc. Who are they working for? They usually claim it is for the sake of their children.
If the parents don't go out to search for money, how do you expect them to provide the basic needs of a child such as food, education? Of what use is sexual education to a hungry, malnourished and uneducated child?
Who can control the media, the teachers? No!
The teachers are employed by the government and the government has control over the media. There is a link between these three. Teachers have meetings with the government over educational issues. Parents DON'T!
Teachers have also been caught to violate children.
We have more incidences of parents violating children than teachers.
What about that?
Teachers are NOT magicians. They are not omnipresent or omniscient. They have about 25 students they deal with. Some schools even have about 40 pupils or more in a class. Do you really expect a single teacher to monitor the sexual activities of 40 children? Common, let’s be realistic. Will the teacher be efficient? No. As a parent, you have less than 25 children to deal with and you still want to pass the bulk of the blame on the teachers? Doesn’t it sound ridiculous to you?
Why do you think that in most schools, teachers are 2 to 3 in a class? Teachers are trained to deal with this issues. What do you expect of a father in a polygamous setting? If you cannot expect a trained and paid teacher to monitor 25 kids how do you expect a single father who is untrained to monitor his kids?

Take for instance, if I had a cute little girl- my daughter, I would give anything to make her happy and live a good life. I would be passionate about her. I wouldn’t want her to be misled or molested. She would be mine. I would have great interest in her. However, if she had a teacher she loved as well- a wonderful teacher. The teacher wouldn’t be as passionate about her future and sexual activities as I would, because she is my daughter and I would know, love and understand her better.
If you would teach and understand her better, why send her to school to learn biology and anatomy when you are quite familiar with the female anatomy?

Parents (the sane ones), cannot violate their children.
Don't categorise. They are all parents I Th The major responsibility lies on the parents, while they share a minor percentage with the teacher(s). The child leaves home for school and still comes back home to watch TV and read magazines.
If the teachers had given adequate assignments or home works to the children, which time do they have to watch tv?
You only get educational materials in school from teachers, not movies, porn magazines, social forum, etc. So why blame the teachers?
I used to exchange mills and booms with my english teacher. Erotic novels are distributed more in schools during classes and the teachers see this books but do not seize them. Speaking from a personal experience
3. The child spends more leisure time at home, or away from school, especially on weekends. Free access to the internet, TV, magazines, etc. the teacher will not come from school to control the media access at home. We have Parental Controls on satellite TV networks, but have you ever heard of Teacher Controls? Even the media acknowledges the fact that the onus of the control lies with the parents.
Who uses parental controls for teenagers? They are smarter than that. Most times they are the ones who teach the parents how to operate the TV

I’ve had opportunities to work with children for years, and I’ve come to realize that at ages 1-3, they tend to dance to interesting tunes that catch their attention. You can manipulate them easily. They are very vulnerable. “This is when we need you parents, not when we’ve started growing baby beards.”
Most teenagers that have had sex one point or the other in their lives would have chosen differently if they had answers to the questions they couldn’t ask. Most girls will not even discuss their Menstrual Cycle with their mothers; neither will most of the boys discuss Wet Dreams or their crush with girls, with their fathers.
Because it is embarrassing for both sides. We are also referring to teenagers who feel their parents are the enemy which is a normal feeling at this age
Teri Hatcher, a celebrity, was raped by a family member when she was just a child. Her uncle raped her for several years starting when she was just five years old. Pray tell me, do we blame her school teacher for this or the media? Where was her mother or father?
Where was her teacher? She attends class everyday. She has spent a minimum of 2 months under her teacher. 2 months is enough to know your student's behaviour and know when he or she is not acting herself or himself
I say that parents are responsible for their children’s welfare and Sex Education, not the teachers or the media.
If we say that parents alone are solely responsible for their children and not the media or government, then government should stop scholarships given to children afterall, they are not responsible for them
Thank you.

Reference:
Allvoices

Gudit:
In conclusion, a brief look at the history of sex education shows that it was the inability of the parents to handle this role well that government introduced sex education in schools. According to the Kaiser report, 65 percent of parents believe that sex education should be taught in schools. If the parents felt they were well equipped to handle sexual issues themselves, they would not encourage sex education to be taught in schools.