I was thinking of this recently and i just thought to have a feel of what others thought.You see in our culture we have this concept of honouring meaning taking care of.
Dont get me wrong we should take care of our parents but i believe taking care of is not only in the material sense and it saddens me when i see parents make very unreasonable demands on their kids who are raising families.

Believe i have seen fathers says buy me this car or build me this house i trained you to be who you are.Fine i can buy my mum a car no big deal BUT i think the issue i have is when people measure taking care of your parents in monetary terms only.

My mum is a widow in her early sixties and i love her to bits.I know one issue she has is companionship and me and my siblings try not o make her feel lonely.

She was with me for 3 months this yr and i call like clockwork like 3 times a week.I I can tell you those calls to gist is worth more than money to her.You hear oko mi i knew it was you been expecting your call.

My life is hectic with kids under 5 to look after work business on the side hubby and some other interests but that hr or 30 mins 3 times a week is a must.I think am honouring her as the good books instruct us to but some annoying people in her family keep saying things like when r u buying ur mum her jeep.

Lagbaja daughter just sent her american spec prado jeep.I take care of her monetarily as well but just starting a family and so might not be able to afford big gifts like houses or cars yet.

So what do u all think honouring our parents in old age is?

Just thought to add my mum runs her own business.My siblings are working and the lasy child is serving i e nysc.I buy my mum ticket everytime she visits me which is like once or twice a year.This same family i have to dole out hundreds of pounds in gifts when she is going back which really riles my husband.My mum is from a everybody in your business kind of family.I do think sometimes my mum needs to be a lil more firm in laying boundaries and i have sort of started laying them down as the first child.She thinks we need to as a matter of obligation do stuff for other family members eg aunties uncles cousins etc.eg Aunty tamedu daughter is getting married., you guys must contribute money buy aso ebi buy souvrnirs etc.I started putting my foot down on all these year as i told her mum i have a family now, my kids and husband come first and my finances are suffering with all this unnecessary baggage you put on me.I am the first child and grandchild.Sorry my posts are long.just need to vent.Hubby is not a good one to vent to in this case as he does not get it.His family is very nuclear and they dont do all those extended family stuff.

Respect your parents so your children will respect you too....Karma is real

You are doing your best dear and
she knows you love and respect her..
It's not always about money you know..
You musn't buy her a jeep to show you care...

you are trying your best, my sister, but if it didnt come from ur mum herself dt she wants a car from u, then, ignore those friends or neighbors who dont and wouldnt mind their business,face ur mum and do what u can afford to her but, let your conscience justify u dt u are doing ur best.
However, it its ur mum dt demands 4 a car from u, calmly sit her down and explain ur financial position to her, i know she will understand. All d best!

@jidegirl.i respect my parents.My dad is no longer with us died in his fifties and i really miss him alot and wish he were here to tell off some people.I can boldly search assert that i would want my kids to hold me the way i hold my mum when i am older.If get that i will know have done a good job by His grace.My mum is understanding but Her family are the ones who keep making some very annoying statements both to her and some to my face.One who lives here asked me point blank when was i building my mum house in her home town.I told i cant afford that yet and the woman said to my mum that am just lying.That i work my hubby works and the govt pays us money.That even people on benefits have built houses for their parents.I was like dumbfounded.I was so furious.My mum was calming me down h was saying she understands and that she tells them am really trying.The general concensus if they cant see the new car or house is am not taking care of my mother.The purpose of this thread is to find out what honouring, respecting or takinh care of elderly ones means to diff people.Pls note am not making excuses for people who neglect their parents who are genuinely in want and then spend millions on burial.I cant stand those.Am asking cos i raised my kids in old age is the only care i should expect to be measured in material terms only?

My dear you are doing your very best. So far your conscience is free. I don't see you post as trying to make excuses rather thinking aloud.
Yes some parent become a bone in the neck of their kids after a while. That's why the bible say obey your parent IN THE LORD.

Respect!!

OP,

Citing the example you gave, honouring one's parents means that when they make such hefty demands on you, you find a way to assuage them without being rude or cocky or shouting at them. That is part of the skill.

That Lagbaja is buying his mother a jeep does not mean you should do the same if it's not in your capacity at the moment. It's not the duty of amebo people to say whether or not you're honoring your mother or not. You're trying your best as it is and your mother aint complaining. At least id didn't see you allude to such in your post.

It means "dont bleep or s3x wt ur patner in ur parents house, especially dia bed

Simply put, respect them!

how dose dis post affect d life of a normal struglin man in nigeria..or d price of d s.u.v i want to buy 4my mum dis xmas.

Frankiedu: Simply put, respect them!

Honour does not mean respect. They're two different things. Infact it's not a must to respect one's parents when you're already a man.

afam4eva:
Honour does not mean respect. They're two different things. Infact it's not a must to respect one's parents when you're already a man.

Well. . .you can piss on ur parents since it's not compulsory.
As for me, I'll always respect and honour my parents, man or no man.

jidegirl12: Respect your parents so your children will respect you too....Karma is real

which kain respect be dat.@op,Nigerians like to manipulate things a lot.How does respecting your parents mean buying Aso ebi for your extended family or necessarily buying flashy cars for your parent.I'm not saying the latter is not good but respect is mainly about love and trust rather than that.
This is common with Nigerians:they think it is one nephew or cousin's duty or routine to buy them all things whenever you come home or there is a ceremony.I'm not saying buying them things is not good but it should be something you do at will and at your own convenience.And the way this pple take things personal when you don't do this thing is annoying:they start gossiping about you and comparing you with other people.This pple don't even care whether you are managing or struggling.Let me marry up first nah and let me see any family wey go disturb me:dem go smell mueeeeh.

@OP, your efforts are commendable, but most people don't realise that you can't buy love, care, companionship, imagine a man who hasn't seen his aged mother in 6 years or called but beleives it's all good just cos he's sending upkeep money, a call to say I love you, a letter once in a while, means more than whatever cash you send. I've never been one to buy stuff for people, I beleive a call or text is much better than sending recharge card that you'll use and forget, or snacks you'll eat and sh!t out, or a smartphone that will have glitches in a year or two and pack up. You can always bring out that text or letter and read it when you're lonely, you can't get back the material things after use. Honour isn't just respecting someone, but protecting, caring for and loving them.

Anything that allows you sleep cool at night my dear.One of d greatest mistakes u'll make is trying to please people and displease urself.Dnt allow them put uneccesary burden on ur mind and shoulders,do what u know is right and within ur means.They re just being who they re are,RELATIVES.They re only relating,doesnt mean u should respond or give in to their pressure.Ur mum isnt complaining,so what is giving u sleepless night?or do u actually hv d means and feels guilty?Is she living in a rented apartment?If all u said is how it is,then u re nt guilty of d Lord's command.All ur mum needs is attension and care.Do ur best like u've bn doing and leave d rest for God.Dont be scared that u aint doing enough and maybe ur kids wont do for u,it doesnt even always work lik that.Just do what u can jare.Let them talk,and after talking they will shut up and enter their houses.If e dey worry dem too much make dem buy d car and build d house give her.You re not in any competition with anyone for d best daughter or grand daughter award,or are u?

Exodus 20:12
“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

Buying cars and having no respect for your parents is not honour.
ignoring your parents words (especially when it is for your own good) and doing things your own way is not honour.
@afam4eva, the bible says honour your parents. It did not give conditions not to honour your parents. It did not say "honour your parents until you become a man"
At the end of everything nothing really matters if you do not keep the greatest commandment which is"love God with all your heart"

Following thread........

@OP simple put, try your best to make sure your mum is HAPPY, Elders especially mothers are very good at reasoning with their children each time they bring out time to explain the situation, they have gone through that same path before so they do UNDERSTAND. Do not worry about what the jobless ones will or are already saying OYO for them.

The best way to honour our parrent was beautifully given to us by our creator in the holy Quran in chapter 31v14-15
14. And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination.

15. But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.

It is SIMPLE the book of proverbs 3.9 says “HONOUR the lord with thy substance....“ So HONOURING parents means principally GIVING TO THEM from ur substances...GIVE GIVE GIVEEEEEE

afam4eva:
Honour does not mean respect. They're two different things. Infact it's not a must to respect one's parents when you're already a man.

R u jokin? Damn! Even if u r 70yrs and ur parents r aproachin 90 and 100yrs, u must respect dem! No fall my hand o. I use to respect u dude.
@topic....... That's d only commandment wit a promise.

Gabriel_sylar: It is SIMPLE the book of proverbs 3.9 says “HONOUR the lord with thy substance....“ So HONOURING parents means principally GIVING TO THEM from ur substances...GIVE GIVE GIVEEEEEE

From this your definition, you are implying that we can't honour our parents when they are still fending for us.
Now, let's say you are 7 years old, what do you give to your parents at this stage of your life?

After buying this said jeep, who's to be maintaining it? Does she know to drive or she'd need a driver too to achieve the craved social status? All these are vanity that no one else but the elderly is best to constantly warn you of. Lo, same elderly mounts the pressure for elevated social status. If it was so easy, why could they not afford it for their own parents.

If you can afford them the basic necessities and decent life then you're good to go. Only gullible, greedy ones will ask for a prado jeep to use in a village when a decent saloon car can more than do. Where dem dey drive am go. Youths sef no get long throat reach some old people. No be only prado they fo ask for 2013 range rover sport na

People don't care how you are doing. They'll manipulate you by any means possible to get what they want. Well, some families know how their children reason sha because u won't get me to do something that I can not justify to my rational mind.

Op, sane readers will definitely commend u & ur mother for d mother-child bond dat exist. Those people making unreasonable demands of their children lack morals. Those talking shld first go & buy d jeeps for their own parents. Or go and successfully pressure their own children to buy for them. Never attempt to do beyond ur might. Same people will 'yimu' if you get cash trapped

Todaynatoday: From this your definition, you are implying that we can't honour our parents when they are still fending for us.
Now, let's say you are 7 years old, what do you give to your parents at this stage of your life?

Trust me I will teach my 7yr old kid how to “give“ even at dis tender age....giving is symbolic....

But sometimes ehnn, some parents can be really annoying. I think as an adult you come to realise that they are a priceless possession but growing up as a kid they can be ........... I can remember when my mum would tell me to put off the t.v when chelsea is playing barca and I would be like WTF this is a life match for f.uck sake. Looking back now I just call one of those things.

feminine A: My dear you are doing your very best. So far your conscience is free. I don't see you post as trying to make excuses rather thinking aloud.
Yes some parent become a bone in the neck of their kids after a while. That's why the bible say obey your parent IN THE LORD.

...IN THE LORD. u nailed it

mejai:
R u jokin? Damn! Even if u r 70yrs and ur parents r aproachin 90 and 100yrs, u must respect dem! No fall my hand o. I use to respect u dude.
@topic....... That's d only commandment wit a promise.

So, what will you do if your parents told you to divorce a wife that you love very much. That they've gotten a new wife for you. Will you respect them?