I would really appreciate if matured advice could be given. God bless.

Its about my elder sister. She got married (legal court wedding) 2yrs ago at age 24 to a born again christian. They were already dating for almost a year at the time and in order for her make it easier to get a transfer to the state he lives in, HE suggested they get married legally and both families gave their blessings and an introduction was done. The church wedding was to follow the following year.She was a virgin on her wedding night and the marriage was consumated. Problem is that the husband has filed divorce papers and she does not want this divorce at all. Their problems started a month after the wedding when the couple thought she was pregnant and when she informed the husband he was very nervous and caught unawares and made certain statements such as "Are you trying to trap me with a pregnancy? I am not ready to be a father etc" He later apologised profusely for this statement saying he was just caught unawares and he wanted to get her to confirm the pregnancy. It turns out she was not pregnant at all , just a late period. The situation was not helped by the fact that the transfer fell through and in fact the physical distance between them grew as the hubby got a transfer to a farther state. The man postponed the church wedding by 5months as originally planned stating lack of funds (he is well paid in the oil and gas industry in eastern nigeria) But understandably she was really insecure in the relationship and insisted they do the white wedding. Only family members knew abt the legal marriage. He was still going to propose LOL (just to complete the lady's fantasy) he delayed the proposal and stopped referring to their marriage as one, instead started saying it is a relationship!! This according to my sister aggravated her insecurity and she started losing respect for him. And she admitted sometimes she would lash out at him in anger. Bear in mind that she does not approve of sex outside marriage, she discussed with her hubby that sex was hurting her emotionally and could they please stop and resume after the white wedding to which he replied "if you do not sleep with me this relationship will not survive". Sometimes last year, the hubby confessed after she confronted him on his seeming state of unhappinness, he said " I do not Þhink the love I have for you is enough to last a lifetime" . Needless to say, she was devastated and she apologised and said he really didn't mean it, he reassured her of his love for her and her father-in-law prayed and blessed their marriage. Again last month, they had another pregnancy scare, and turns out twas another late period, when she asked the hubby what would happen should she truly fall pregnant, he replied "well you will have the baby and the relationship will c ontinue". This really hurt her and she stopped refused him sex during their last visit to him. Pls note, she says their rxn otherwise was ok besides the few hiccups and they talked for hours on the phone. A few weeks later, he sends her an sms saying he could not continue the relationship anymore and wants a divorce stating that she was "unloving " since they had the court wedding. My sister did admit that she was hurt and fustrated at the events that happened and she felt unloved by him. But she assured him of her love for him, and involved both set os parents crying and pleading for a reconciliation. He is adamant and refuses a reconciliation. Both families have talked to him and have suggested that he didn't treat his wife right. If making their marriage public was goin to reassure the wife he should have done it, especially after the first pregnancy scare. Personally I think the man fell out of love with her and was just looking for a way to dump her ! She is DEVASTATED and loves her hubby very muchHer parents-in-law are in love with her and do not support their son at all. And keep encouraging her to pray for him. The hubby is annoyed by family intervention and says she is not the first lady to be disvirgined neither is he the first man to leave his wife. Pls bear in mind he is suppposedly bornagain and a christian leader.

Pls advise as to what to do. Beggin and pleading is not changing his mind. But she wants to stand for her marriage and pray for reconciliation. Well meaning family members and friends are advising her to grant him a divorce and move on. But as a bible-believing christiam she wants to stand for her marriage (she is only 27) pls help!!!!!! Thanks

I didn't even get to read it all cos its a twisted story. Legal marriage, white weddn 24-27(3yrs)

Need I tell you that your sister should pick her slipper, dust em well and run till she reaches her OWN safe heaven.
She's sitting in another woman's house. Can't she see that the guy is just using her. I won't be suprised if he has a wife n kids somewhere. Nuff said!

Too Long

Sorry for the length but had to give a full gist so people can give well-though-of advice. Some clarifications. Court wedding was 2years ago, she was 24 almost 25. No she is a month shy of 27 yrs. Hope that helps. Pls keep it coming! Thanks

Still d same

if he wants a divorce, give him a divorce

gree-die:
if he wants a divorce, give him a divorce

No one should be forced in a marriage.

There is nothing she can do at this point. He does not love her anymore, so she should leave

She was married 'legally' and denying the man sex, considering it pre-marital sex?

A man who has married 'legally' thinks a pregnancy is to 'trap him?

Speechless. . . .too many things are too wrong with this story.

Throw dt idiot in a waste bin and move on with your life ojare its better to cry now than cry in 5years to come.bt you sef why were you so religious abt white wedding.you deny your hubby his right all in the name of we av Not done public white wedding.bt your parent where aware ofthe wedding now you shuld av started your normal life ojare.and as for the pregnancy palaver maybe he is not freak abt kids in marriage like most people maybe you guys should face your love life and end all these them say.

If he is in PH, PH babes have snatched him. Sharp babes.

Its possible that distance contributed a lot. I won't be surprised if there is another chick somewhere. Serzly. Its her choice. Marriage is marriage whether court, trad or white even black. All na legallly recognized.

Its a 50:50 thing. IMHO, since she never get belle make she leave am find a man loving enough to take her to the altar.

Insecurities do not help relatioships at all but some men too are matured enough to handle any sort of insecurity from a woman. This man no get time at all.

Uh uh, red flags all around. You cannot beg a person to love you. That is laughable. She's going to hurt for all time, as she's going to continue begging to be loved, for all time. I'd advice she leaves...it would not make her less of a christian.

sharp guy, dis-virgin and waka!
Lady is very dull. if she is really a born again, she should have done the church ceremony even if privately in the presence of family before consumating it.

What is wrong with some Ladies? You deny your husband sex, yet when he denies your pregnancy you cry foul.

Ladies we watch this stories on tv,read about them,our mother's history is as the same as this one but still we want to try them on our own?

They were both born again christians yet he is the kind of man hu lashes out to his wife wen informed of pregnancy?Why get married wen ur not ready for kids?accomodating ur spause in ur life?

Then after 2years da same christian guy wants a divorce?

Tell ur sister to give to ceasar wat belongs to ceasar,she married da guy only to obey the law not because the guy really loved her.Its time she picks up the pieces and sign the divorce papers

Your sister needs more experience and sorry to say, her hubby is very immature. I don't know what to tell you, but if he is adamantly insistent on a divorce, let him clearly state it to all and sundry, and let your sis not fight it, but pray for Strength to move on. If she can, let her try and find out what's going on, because the dude is so clearly not ready for marriage and thought he was and leaped in before looking, and now reality has dawned on him.

Op, seriously your story is mixed up- you started with marriage then switch-code to relationship then to legal wedding and back again to the relationship is not working. Pls are they just dating as in all those lovey dovey things or they are married cos ur not being specific in your story.


If they are married, how can the man say he is not ready for kids when he signed a marriage paper and all? Is this a new form of marriage- dating-married or what?


Your sister has not defined her status with this man that's her problem- are they married or dating? Marriage is marriage whether done traditionally, religiously or legally, so long as it is formalised with the consent of the two individuals plus families, then it is marriage.


Sure the guy is seeing another woman, and most men do anyway, especially when far from their lover, only few men don't, that's the harsh truth, but that can't be enough reason for him to want to back out, tell your sister to open up more to you, something is being twisted; is she medically fit to give birth or had they (she n d presumed hubby) visited a hospital n were told so? Did she forced herself on d guy, hoping to be married out of pity?


Is she truly sure that the guy in question is a true practising born again cos most that u think are aren't; just using that status to fool themselves.


Finally, was there truly an official wedding (mustnt necessarily be church wedding though)?

Your sister is wasting her time and her life. If she believes the church wedding is the ultimate, then she should consider herself unmarried and move on with her life and out of the man's life. On the other hand, if she wants to fight for her marriage, then she should accept the fact that the court marriage makes her legally married to the man and she should move in with him and pray and fight for her marriage.

xcitedjay: What is wrong with some Ladies? You deny your husband sex, yet when he denies your pregnancy you cry foul.

I saw that too...but my confusion is the fact that she went from calling it marriage to relationship as if they were just dating and not married, honestly I am yet to understand the status of what they are doing to profer more solution.


But seriously, divorce isn't easy for those suggesting that pls...no one should ever dream or wish that pls, let's leave those western, american lifestyle cos we are Africans and we respect the marriage institution, so pls ladies dnt let ur enlightenment and education miss-empower u by making u to believe that divorce is the only way out of any marital crises cos it isn't.


I know an uncle who used to have issues upon issues with his wife back then n there was money n all, just unknown issues, but they stuck together with family members trying all they can via prayer, counselling, intervention, scolding, etc n as I speak the man n his wife are like Tom n Jerry, in fact u will envy their marriage today if u know them...

Born again christian? Yea right! Besides, it was a court wedding. If there wasn't a blessing frm a minister of d gospel on d wedding day according to christian principles, den a divorce isn't bad as she thinks from a religious point of view. When one party wants a divorce by all means, it's no use holding on. I just wonder why she rushed into it in the first place. The man obviously doesn't have a plan for himself talk more of ur sister. He just doesn't get himself. When a lady marries a confused man, den she herself is confused. My advice...let her give him d divorce he wants. Thats my view.

Hmm... Don't know why but this story scares me a little..

WAM?:
Hmm... Don't know why but this story scares me a little..

Why are you scared? Are you thinking of doing the same thing as the lady?

lolzie: I would really appreciate if matured advice could be given. God bless.

Its about my elder sister. She got married (legal court wedding) 2yrs ago at age 24 to a born again christian. They were already dating for almost a year at the time and in order for her make it easier to get a transfer to the state he lives in, HE suggested they get married legally and both families gave their blessings and an introduction was done. The church wedding was to follow the following year.She was a virgin on her wedding night and the marriage was consumated. Problem is that the husband has filed divorce papers and she does not want this divorce at all. Their problems started a month after the wedding when the couple thought she was pregnant and when she informed the husband he was very nervous and caught unawares and made certain statements such as "Are you trying to trap me with a pregnancy? I am not ready to be a father etc" He later apologised profusely for this statement saying he was just caught unawares and he wanted to get her to confirm the pregnancy. It turns out she was not pregnant at all , just a late period. The situation was not helped by the fact that the transfer fell through and in fact the physical distance between them grew as the hubby got a transfer to a farther state. The man postponed the church wedding by 5months as originally planned stating lack of funds (he is well paid in the oil and gas industry in eastern nigeria) But understandably she was really insecure in the relationship and insisted they do the white wedding. Only family members knew abt the legal marriage. He was still going to propose LOL (just to complete the lady's fantasy) he delayed the proposal and stopped referring to their marriage as one, instead started saying it is a relationship!! This according to my sister aggravated her insecurity and she started losing respect for him. And she admitted sometimes she would lash out at him in anger. Bear in mind that she does not approve of sex outside marriage, she discussed with her hubby that sex was hurting her emotionally and could they please stop and resume after the white wedding to which he replied "if you do not sleep with me this relationship will not survive". Sometimes last year, the hubby confessed after she confronted him on his seeming state of unhappinness, he said " I do not Þhink the love I have for you is enough to last a lifetime" . Needless to say, she was devastated and she apologised and said he really didn't mean it, he reassured her of his love for her and her father-in-law prayed and blessed their marriage. Again last month, they had another pregnancy scare, and turns out twas another late period, when she asked the hubby what would happen should she truly fall pregnant, he replied "well you will have the baby and the relationship will c ontinue". This really hurt her and she stopped refused him sex during their last visit to him. Pls note, she says their rxn otherwise was ok besides the few hiccups and they talked for hours on the phone. A few weeks later, he sends her an sms saying he could not continue the relationship anymore and wants a divorce stating that she was "unloving " since they had the court wedding. My sister did admit that she was hurt and fustrated at the events that happened and she felt unloved by him. But she assured him of her love for him, and involved both set os parents crying and pleading for a reconciliation. He is adamant and refuses a reconciliation. Both families have talked to him and have suggested that he didn't treat his wife right. If making their marriage public was goin to reassure the wife he should have done it, especially after the first pregnancy scare. Personally I think the man fell out of love with her and was just looking for a way to dump her ! She is DEVASTATED and loves her hubby very muchHer parents-in-law are in love with her and do not support their son at all. And keep encouraging her to pray for him. The hubby is annoyed by family intervention and says she is not the first lady to be disvirgined neither is he the first man to leave his wife. Pls bear in mind he is suppposedly bornagain and a christian leader.

Pls advise as to what to do. Beggin and pleading is not changing his mind. But she wants to stand for her marriage and pray for reconciliation. Well meaning family members and friends are advising her to grant him a divorce and move on. But as a bible-believing christiam she wants to stand for her marriage (she is only 27) pls help!!!!!! Thanks

There are some lies here, why would a man say you are trying to trap me with pregnancy if you are already married by court. Look she should move on and pray to GOD he is nt her husband. I believe she was already having sex before the marriage. He might hasbe disvirgined her, but that does not mean its a do or die affair to stay with him. If she ends up forcing the situation she will be in a miserable marriage. Tell her to pick up herself pray move on and meet new people. If he is her husband he will come crawling back.

HumbledbYGrace: Ladies we watch this stories on tv,read about them,our mother's history is as the same as this one but still we want to try them on our own?

They were both born again christians yet he is the kind of man hu lashes out to his wife wen informed of pregnancy?Why get married wen ur not ready for kids?accomodating ur spause in ur life?

Then after 2years da same christian guy wants a divorce?

Tell ur sister to give to ceasar wat belongs to ceasar,she married da guy only to obey the law not because the guy really loved her.Its time she picks up the pieces and sign the divorce papers

Am telling you, you are so right. Truth is she might have used guilt of him being her first to get him to marry her when he was not ready and then out of pity and he felt was the right thing he went ahead now it has dawned on him he is not ready for this life.maybe wen she thought she was pregnant too that added to it. All the same I don't blame her or him. They should go their seprate ways she has no child for him. You cannot force someone to be with you. If he is your he will come back GOD might be telling her there is someone out there better for her. Its not by force or fire abeg!

nice4life:
Why are you scared? Are you thinking of doing the same thing as the lady?

No- but the story sounds a little familiar...

During courting/dating once a woman shows sign of desperation d man loses interest.

To me ur family seems over bearing,and I wonder how come u know all d info or perhaps ur d person in question.

Frm d littl I read they r married,so y deny him sex,she's using it as a weapon mos def.

Don't think d guy is interested anymor berra tell ur sis to swallow it

candygosh: I didn't even get to read it all cos its a twisted story. Legal marriage, white weddn 24-27(3yrs)

Need I tell you that your sister should pick her slipper, dust em well and run till she reaches her OWN safe heaven.
She's sitting in another woman's house. Can't she see that the guy is just using her. I won't be suprised if he has a wife n kids somewhere. Nuff said!

With the groom's parents in tow and praying for the reconciliation....... don't think so.!!!

Except...... well, wonders never end in 9ja.



Can't they see a counsellor??
By all remit, she's legally married and shouldn't deny him the conjugal rights.
In the same light, he shouldn't deny his responsibility in the event of pregnancy!!!

Hmmm.
.

DailyNews: Op, seriously your story is mixed up- you started with marriage then switch-code to relationship then to legal wedding and back again to the relationship is not working. Pls are they just dating as in all those lovey dovey things or they are married cos ur not being specific in your story.


If they are married, how can the man say he is not ready for kids when he signed a marriage paper and all? Is this a new form of marriage- dating-married or what?


Your sister has not defined her status with this man that's her problem- are they married or dating? Marriage is marriage whether done traditionally, religiously or legally, so long as it is formalised with the consent of the two individuals plus families, then it is marriage.


Sure the guy is seeing another woman, and most men do anyway, especially when far from their lover, only few men don't, that's the harsh truth, but that can't be enough reason for him to want to back out, tell your sister to open up more to you, something is being twisted; is she medically fit to give birth or had they (she n d presumed hubby) visited a hospital n were told so? Did she forced herself on d guy, hoping to be married out of pity?


Is she truly sure that the guy in question is a true practising born again cos most that u think are aren't; just using that status to fool themselves.


Finally, was there truly an official wedding (mustnt necessarily be church wedding though)?

True talk, bro!!!!!

Tedpgrass:



With the groom's parents in tow and praying for the reconciliation....... don't think so.!!!

Except...... well, wonders never end in 9ja.



Can't they see a counsellor??
By all remit, she's legally married and shouldn't deny him the conjugal rights.
In the same light, he shouldn't deny his responsibility in the event of pregnancy!!!

Hmmm.
.

I have to even wonder 3years no child. Maybe GOD is trying to protect her two times pregnancy scare. If you force what is not meant to be. You are being stubborn and waiting for misery of lifetime. I doubt he is her husband that GOD chose for her.

Hmmm I see all da guys saying if he is married to her y should she deny him sex.If I was da lady in question and my husband acts so childish I would keep my thingy,until he comes to his senses,I would wait for him to reconcile or breakup with me.He would have had last sex with me after he lashed @ me bwt da pregnancy,I think he wouldv left sooner than 3yrs mentioned.No man sticks around wen he is being denied da cookie that belongs to him BUT since things turned the way they did dear m still saying ur sis should sign the divorce papers u can't chase a man nor marriage.

M joining the covenent soon o

HumbledbYGrace: Hmmm I see all da guys saying if he is married to her y should she deny him sex.If I was da lady in question and my husband acts so childish I would keep my thingy,until he comes to his senses,I would wait for him to reconcile or breakup with me.He would have had last sex with me after he lashed @ me bwt da pregnancy,I think he wouldv left sooner than 3yrs mentioned.No man sticks around wen he is being denied da cookie that belongs to him BUT since things turned the way they did dear m still saying ur sis should sign the divorce papers u can't chase a man nor marriage.

M joining the covenent soon o

Pls don't go into yours with this divorce-is-the-only-way-out mentality, pls its not the best n can never prove that u are enlightened or empowered like most divorce-oriented ladies do think. In the long run, you would realize that divorce wasn't the best for you, ask divorced women out there. Pray for harmony and happiness in your marriage, dnt go in with a negative mind-set that if the man does this n that, u will divorce him, cos it may not be as easy as divorce lawyers, presumed marriage experts n some divorced ladies maybe telling u, dnt mind them o pls!

DailyNews: Pls don't go into yours with this divorce-is-the-only-way-out mentality, pls its not the best n can never prove that u are enlightened or empowered like most divorce-oriented ladies do think. In the long run, you would realize that divorce wasn't the best for you, ask divorced women out there. Pray for harmony and happiness in your marriage, dnt go in with a negative mind-set that if the man does this n that, u will divorce him, cos it may not be as easy as divorce lawyers, presumed marriage experts n some divorced ladies maybe telling u, dnt mind them o pls!

But should one stay in a marriage like that?

Iam a child of divorce,I never knew my father's side of the story but from what mum told me,and from my own observation they just got married because their biological clocks were ticking 'specialy mumz so I would realy not stay in a marriage like that.My mum said its better people don't marry