debrief08:
My dear the part about not getting any younger at 25 , that one shock me.
Poster we are not making fun of you oh, just a bunch of old women lamenting. lol

Everyone is not getting any younger in Nigeria. Even the 18yr olds.

That is their favorite phrase. Even the guys sef. So next thing na to rush marry anyone, and then open thread on NL.

baby_123:



Everyone is not getting any younger in Nigeria. Even the 18yr olds.

That is their favorite phrase. Even the guys sef. So next thing na to rush marry anyone, and then open thread on NL.

My belle oh, I have laugh tire today

the sentence "i'm 25, i'm not getting younger" is true. i have always want to have my kids before 30yrs. in my family, we do get marry early. maybe b/c we do finish school at 21 at most 22. my elder sister is 28yrs with 3 kids. if not the issue i have with my ex, i for have been getting ready to download another one by now. my younger sister will be finishing sch. next year and her wedding is coming up that next year too. all my elder ones are all married with kids. i can't be an island because i made a mistake.

actually, i have really enjoyed life. from nursery sch. to primary sch. to secondary sch. to university, to marriage to child bearing to divorce to another marriage. *no be small thing ooo* but that's life for you. if actually i had two kids with my ex., i for have chill and enjoy my life but its not easy to raise kids alone.

i pray God should bless my next marriage. at least before 30yrs, i will be through with anything that has to do with child bearing. thank God my fiancee accepted 2 or 3 kids. at 40yrs by God's grace, i will enjoy my life well by God's grace. * life begins at 40* its not good when others will be enjoying life at 40, one will be carrying belle or breast feeding. haven't you guys being to school party and see some mothers dancing with their kids. it really gives me joy.

let me just chill here shaa. will give you all the latest gist on saturday.

Grow up my dear – this fantasy life you think you are living will come crashing around you if you are not careful. Not once have I had the inclining that ur main focus is ur son – what is disturbing you is that ur “too cool for school” and have suitors running after you, look unless you look like Bianca or Beyonce – beauty eventually fades and younger models are always there to take the baton from you, and to be honest my 18 year old sister sounds more mature than you.
If your ex is calling – be happy inside and move on (if that’s what you want) and concentrate on ur son, chei after 4 pages of this I’m feeling sorry for him already. Anyway I don’t blame you – if you didn’t have help around the house I wonder when you would have time for all these E channel and Africa magic stories.
Some of us are doing their chirstmas shopping at 1 am. When all the work around the house is done

Poster, You talk too much, it is good to marry early but marry for the right reasons and to the right person. So because they marry early in your home you can't calm down and act with a clear head? A woman who takes her time and waits with a clear head to marry has nothing to be ashamed anout even if she is breastfeeding at age 50.
You have a lot of learning and calming down to do my dear, I hope you do that before jumping into another adult relationship. No body wipes another adults tears away, that hero you look up too will hurt you too one day, so build up yourself and stop building a fantasy around a human being. Yes, a good man will love you and care and protecct you but he too is only human and consciously or unconsciously hurt you, what do you do then?
Calm down dear, its aa long race

** moves head left and right slowly**

gets popcorn , some la casera and sits down quietly to watch the "New Tale of the The Shrew"

jennykadry: Osisi, I disagree with you on the Igbo man and adopting issue. My own mothers brother married a woman with a child. Another igbo dr here married a Zambian woman who has a son. The second son in my family almost married an Edo woman with a daughter, the only reason why it never happened was because her parents did not approve of her marrying an Igbo man. My parents were looking forward to the marriage.

There are exceptional cases osisi not only abroad but even in Nigeria. Please our men are not as backward thinking as you portray them here.

And these men had no children of their own and also skipped traditional wedding at the request of the women?
Read that story again
It goes against a lot of things I know about Igbos
The family members you speak of,are these children with their fathers still in the picture and these Igbo men wanted to adopt them?
I am not saying Igbomen never marry women with kids but it is not common and they certainly will not be insisting to adopt another man's child unless the man himself is impotent
I have never ever heard of a single Igbo man with or without a child wanting to adopt another woman's son whose father is still living
Have you heard of such and does any of the people you mentioned fit that mold?

babyosisi:

And these men had no children of their own and also skipped traditional wedding at the request of the women?
Read that story again
It goes against a lot of things I know about Igbos
The family members you speak of,are these children with their fathers still in the picture and these Igbo men wanted to adopt them?
I am not saying Igbomen never marry women with kids but it is not common and they certainly will not be insisting to adopt another man's child unless the man himself is impotent
I have never ever heard of a single Igbo man with or without a child wanting to adopt another woman's son whose father is still living
Have you heard of such and does any of the people you mentioned fit that mold?

My uncle and the dR fit, my brother "could not be bothered". I will tell you what happened....

This Zambian girl is a nursing student here. Her sons father is in Zambia, they had issues so she left with her son. Son is under mum's student visa. The Dr has been here since forever and never bothered to apply for his citizenship. When he was applying for citizenship he wanted to include the boy on the form but they both had different last names, he spoke to the girls' mother and she had no problems, spoke to the girl she had no problem. He adopted the boy, they changed last name and automatically the boy became a citizen. Mum got a permanent resident according to rules and will be eligible for citizenship come August next year. February next year the boy and mother will be travelling down to Zambia to visit his grand parents from the father's side as well as from mother side. This girl has never said anything bad about her son's father's family, her problem was with her son's father. The husband is staying back here, he is a colleague at work and that was how we became family friends.

My uncle was open for anything when he married her, he has his German passport and wanted to include everyone. Wife automatically is included but her son wasn't. He adopted and I must have said the best decision ever.

Some People do not adopt other people's kids for nasty reasons. When you have a young son or daughter who keeps asking you why you both have different last names when you are his "dad" that he knows, maybe then you will understand. Bullying in school is rampant these days and no one needs to add to it.

Osisi, Cotton101 is getting married to an Igbo man and it will not come as a shock to me if the man decides to adopt her daughter. The only problem I have is when these men push for adoption leaving mothers with no choice. If suggested and the mother allows it- fine, if not let them be and do as much as you can for the child.

No they did not skip trad wedding though. I don't believe this OP's story.

Ofcourse you can adopt for PR & citizenship and all that ....I've helped with that before ( don't want to talk too much for security reasons ) ....

But this OP's story is different.... the man wants to own the son, that's what osisi is trying to say..... I don't see why you want to own something that doesn't belong to you.... not that there's nothing wrong with sharing?

Jennykadry - why u no believe the story, pls tell why i need nightglasses to read this post...

I have also adopted two people myself..... I think you should Read Osisi's post very well. Osisi does not think any Igbo man would want to adopt a child of another man when he is still alive and I am saying that men do this not out of hatred but to give these kids a better life and a chance to a successful future.

Maybe you should also read my posts where I said I don't support forcing a mother and giving her no choice. If the mother agrees to it why not? this man is not doing it for the right reasons because if he did there wouldn't be an ultimatum involved in the first place. You don't force a mother to change her child's name to yours. I made that clear earlier.

If my brother had married that girl he would have adopted her child, he lives here and would want his family with him here including the child.

I stand by what I said earlier, I don't believe the story

jidegirl12: Ofcourse you can adopt for PR & citizenship and all that ....I've helped with that before ( don't want to talk too much for security reasons ) ....

But this OP's story is different.... the man wants to own the son, that's what osisi is trying to say..... I don't see why you want to own something that doesn't belong to you.... not that there's nothing wrong with sharing?

But your brother would have wanted the birth Dad Involved no? OP's man is kinda a one in a thousand typical Igbo man then, that's why it's hard to believe for osisi .... Igbo men seem to have a sense of ownership of their own property rather than count somebody else's sheep with theirs without boundary or distinguish.

My good Igbo friend ran almost 4 DNA test on his son an Ethiopian gal bore him.

Maybe not the right word per say ( sense of ownership) I meant kinda proud and beat their chests kinda attitude

What I am about to "say" now might come as a shock to my fellow Igbo people but I will "say" it anyways......Maybe I see things differently from others because of the environment I grew up in or the people that surrounded me while I was growing up but,If a man does not give a sh1t about his child, does not take care of his child, or visit his child, or acknowledge that he has a child, or spend on his child, or pays his child's fees or provide him with basic necessitites then that man is not worthy to be called father but still remains a father by blood..........and if another man comes along and decides to want to be a father to that child and adopt him/her with/without consent from the useless father, I have no qualms with that as long as the child's mother is ok with it and her family members are as well. On the day of that child's church/trad wedding, the bioloigcal father can be the father of the day for all I care but when you stop wearing the shoes that makes you a father to an innocent child then you stop being the "man" you are right in my very eyes.

I must hand it to single mothers. A lot of us enjoyed our childhood, no day went by without my father buying me ice cream and spoiling me rotten .School fees were paid for in advance, accomodation well provided, pocket money i received, allowance for underwears nko? and then compare that to another child whose father never cared if his son/daughter had eaten breakfast or not, or brushed his teeth or wears pampers, or goes to school.

I still repeat though, you don't force or do it because you want to beat your chest like you said, you do it because you care.

jennykadry:
I must hand it to single mothers. A lot of us enjoyed our childhood, no day went by without my father buying me ice cream and spoiling me rotten .School fees were paid for in advance, accomodation well provided, pocket money i received, allowance for underwears nko? and then compare that to another child whose father never cared if his son/daughter had eaten breakfast or not, or brushed his teeth or wears pampers, or goes to school.

Hahahahahahahahahaha fantasies and dreams. The stuff poor children dream at night. I can see you still remember.

Johndoe100:

Hahahahahahahahahaha fantasies and dreams. The stuff poor children dream at night. I can see you still remember.

And I love you too Johndoe , Love you too darling

@swit jennykadry pls can i be ur son?? Lol...

Its a good idea for you to take the matter to Alausa. Me must start making the men in this society responsible for raising their kids. You cannot call yourself a father and not be financially responsible for your child! A real man will take care of his child even if he is no longer with the mother.

jidegirl12: Ofcourse you can adopt for PR & citizenship and all that ....I've helped with that before ( don't want to talk too much for security reasons ) ....

But this OP's story is different.... the man wants to own the son, that's what osisi is trying to say..... I don't see why you want to own something that doesn't belong to you.... not that there's nothing wrong with sharing?

You summarized my point well
I have a friend that adopted her niece and nephew and took them to Obodo oyibo no be that type
The poster sounds like she lives in Nigeria
Where is the Anambra man that will be insisting on adopting a child he did not sire?
I have never seen or heard of one.

jidegirl12: But your brother would have wanted the birth Dad Involved no? OP's man is kinda a one in a thousand typical Igbo man then, that's why it's hard to believe for osisi .... Igbo men seem to have a sense of ownership of their own property rather than count somebody else's sheep with theirs without boundary or distinguish.

My good Igbo friend ran almost 4 DNA test on his son an Ethiopian gal bore him.

You got it spot on
If there is any man in nigeria that will doubt the paternity of his child,it will be an Igbo man
They want to be 110% sure the child under their roof came from their loins.
Igbo men even have a harder time than others marrying outside Igboland for the same reason,because that sense of making sure it is their own makes them prefer their own women too
I remember what I said when I read that story about the Nigerian woman in London that gave birth to a white baby when the husband was also Nigerian and they had a family picture smiling.
I wrote that my husband will not be smiling in no pictures unless he did paternity tests from 3 labs to confirm and maybe even insist that I swear to oracles in all 6 geopolitical zones that I did not play away match

jennykadry:

My uncle and the dR fit, my brother "could not be bothered". I will tell you what happened....

This Zambian girl is a nursing student here. Her sons father is in Zambia, they had issues so she left with her son. Son is under mum's student visa. The Dr has been here since forever and never bothered to apply for his citizenship. When he was applying for citizenship he wanted to include the boy on the form but they both had different last names, he spoke to the girls' mother and she had no problems, spoke to the girl she had no problem. He adopted the boy, they changed last name and automatically the boy became a citizen. Mum got a permanent resident according to rules and will be eligible for citizenship come August next year. February next year the boy and mother will be travelling down to Zambia to visit his grand parents from the father's side as well as from mother side. This girl has never said anything bad about her son's father's family, her problem was with her son's father. The husband is staying back here, he is a colleague at work and that was how we became family friends.

My uncle was open for anything when he married her, he has his German passport and wanted to include everyone. Wife automatically is included but her son wasn't. He adopted and I must have said the best decision ever.

Some People do not adopt other people's kids for nasty reasons. When you have a young son or daughter who keeps asking you why you both have different last names when you are his "dad" that he knows, maybe then you will understand. Bullying in school is rampant these days and no one needs to add to it.

I get your point.
But you see the adoption is to help give the kid a better life it is different from the OPs type.

I would adopt my niece too to bring her to America not because I am dying to change diapers etc

@osisi if you read that story with white baby .... hehehe the man said he did paternity test on the baby o! Wetin? I just called my Ibo friend and asked him same question ..... he laughed and said wetin I wan use another man's pikin do when I fit bore my own full blood strong Ibo boy ( with swags and boldness)

He also said of-course he'll help with raising the child and he will only adopt for papers and all that if necessary and change the names later, provided he loves the mom and wants to marry her.

It's obvious this poster is naive. Probably living in delusion and deceiving herself. Which man gives adopting another man's son as a criteria to marry the mother Igbo man or not! Na the boy e wan marry abi na im mama Dreaming things!

@ jidegirl12
When the story first broke about that white baby with naija mama they had no paternity tests and the man was saying he trusted his wife
I said odiegwu
This is a rare Nigerian man and Igbo for that matter and he is snapping picture too
I see my husband looking at that baby from head toe in that delivery room even before I birthed the placenta then looking me in the eyes and asking in Igbo so the doctor and midwives wont understand "please say it now and make it quick,who is the father of this infant because it cannot be me"
And if I answer what do you mean,he will leave and pace the hallways scratching his head and biting his lip

That is very funny omg I'm laughing out loud !!!

jidegirl12: That is very funny omg I'm laughing out loud !!!

Hehehehehehe
Every woman sabi Im husband jare
I know mine like the back of my hand
Love or no love,mines will not be accepting no white baby without solid air tight proof that nature made mistake and it was not my fault
And he certainly will not be posing in a photograph with me and my Caucasian before all the facts are in

So poster what happened on Saturday na

(I need the entertainment jare! )

Seriously what happened on the much awaited "saturday" oh?