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My Mother Inlaw - Family - Nairaland

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I'm I being rude to my mother Inlaw. / My Mother Inlaw Wants To Bath With Me / My Mother Inlaw Caught Me Kissing My Wife's Friend in our washroom. (2) (3) (4)

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My Mother Inlaw by Tiana155(f): 8:22pm On Dec 10, 2012
Hello there, my mother-lnlaw came to our house three months ago, the initial plan was for her to stay some few weeks and return back, but she refused to go back saying they want to kill her in d village among other stories, my hubby said she should stay for awhile. Her son(my hubby) seems to be very important to her than our child, she always talks about how i dont feed him well, i dont cook well, how i dont manage money, etc. Just this evening i got back from work to find out that she washed his cloths, prepared his meal, my hubby sat down enjoying the meal and they were talking, i greeted my hubby and then my mil she gave me a look that made me explode, i threw the food my hubby was eating and shouted at her and told her she would leave my house, but my hubby said she would not leave. He obviously enjoyed all the care from his mama. Right now i am very angry i dont know what to do. Please advice me on what to do. I know i made a mistake throwing the food away and shouting at her. I am not a bad wife i try to take care of my family and i also have a stressful job. Thank u.

1 Like

Re: My Mother Inlaw by Nobody: 9:11pm On Dec 10, 2012
Hmmmm, reacting in the heat of anger is always a baad idea.
You also can't delcare there and then that she must leave. Just calm down for now and stop competing with your mother in law.
Find a way to get back your voice, it is your home, she is his mother you are his wife 2 different roles.
Sorry about all this

2 Likes

Re: My Mother Inlaw by coldgate(f): 9:14pm On Dec 10, 2012
It is a good thing u realize that creating a scene was wrong. That was quite confrontational. Marriage 101: never confront your mother-in-law in front of her son! Who do u expect him to take sides with? U? All male children have a certain bond with their mum. Methinks you should apologise to her in the presence of her son to win him back to u, then wait till he has gone to work to have a heart to heart talk with mil. Plead that she goes back home as u are no longer comfortable. If this fails, leave subtle hints at every oppourtunity to make her know she is no longer welcome. But always remember marriage 101. Be sweet when hubby is around.

1 Like

Re: My Mother Inlaw by baby124: 9:17pm On Dec 10, 2012
Lol, na wa o!

See how you just made yourself look bad in front of your hubby and your MIL.

You must have been reading a lot of stories here on how people fought their MIL's.

Well i wish you the very best. You will now have to crawl and beg that same MIL as she gains upper hand in your own house.

2 Likes

Re: My Mother Inlaw by Kobojunkie: 9:31pm On Dec 10, 2012
Tiana155: Hello there, my mother-lnlaw came to our house three months ago, the initial plan was for her to stay some few weeks and return back, but she refused to go back saying they want to kill her in d village among other stories, my hubby said she should stay for awhile. Her son(my hubby) seems to be very important to her than our child, she always talks about how i dont feed him well, i dont cook well, how i dont manage money, etc. Just this evening i got back from work to find out that she washed his cloths, prepared his meal, my hubby sat down enjoying the meal and they were talking, i greeted my hubby and then my mil she gave me a look that made me explode, i threw the food my hubby was eating and shouted at her and told her she would leave my house, but my hubby said she would not leave. He obviously enjoyed all the care from his mama. Right now i am very angry i dont know what to do. Please advice me on what to do. I know i made a mistake throwing the food away and shouting at her. I am not a bad wife i try to take care of my family and i also have a stressful job. Thank u.

Every now and then, we all reach our limits, and it is what it is.

It is now for you to sit your husband down and tell him straight up that you have reached your limit and demand that he do something quickly. Either that or you work harder at ENDURING like some would advice. Do a better job next time at SUPPRESSING those urges to let it all out. There are so many examples out there of marriages held together, not necessarily by the power of love but the power of one partner or the other being able to endure, and yours can be the same if you want instead.
Re: My Mother Inlaw by coogar: 9:38pm On Dec 10, 2012
Tiana155: Hello there, my mother-lnlaw came to our house three months ago, the initial plan was for her to stay some few weeks and return back, but she refused to go back saying they want to kill her in d village among other stories, my hubby said she should stay for awhile. Her son(my hubby) seems to be very important to her than our child, she always talks about how i dont feed him well, i dont cook well, how i dont manage money, etc. Just this evening i got back from work to find out that she washed his cloths, prepared his meal, my hubby sat down enjoying the meal and they were talking, i greeted my hubby and then my mil she gave me a look that made me explode, i threw the food my hubby was eating and shouted at her and told her she would leave my house, but my hubby said she would not leave. He obviously enjoyed all the care from his mama. Right now i am very angry i dont know what to do. Please advice me on what to do. I know i made a mistake throwing the food away and shouting at her. I am not a bad wife i try to take care of my family and i also have a stressful job. Thank u.

what made you angry?
the fact that your mother in-law has overstayed her welcome or because another woman cooked for your hubby? women and their wahala. would your husband lash out if your mum cooks for you? what's the big deal in your mother in law cooking for your husband - if she didn't raise him, would you have found him to marry?

you ought to be taken to the market square and flogged repeatedly.....

8 Likes

Re: My Mother Inlaw by slimyem: 11:28pm On Dec 10, 2012
Creating a scene/confronting MIL was one big mistake.
You are going to have to plead for forgiveness/grovel your way out of it while putting aside the issue of her staying/leaving for a while.
You are supposed to apply wisdom in dealing with situations like that and lots of it too but you missed it and so can't say nothing else until the storm you started calms..!

1 Like

Re: My Mother Inlaw by Nobody: 12:00am On Dec 11, 2012
coogar:

what made you angry?
the fact that your mother in-law has overstayed her welcome or because another woman cooked for your hubby? women and their wahala. would your husband lash out if your mum cooks for you? what's the big deal in your mother in law cooking for your husband - if she didn't raise him, would you have found him to marry?

you ought to be taken to the market square and flogged repeatedly.....
na wa for u o.if u are a christian please what does d bible say about leaving your father and mother and clinging to your wife.if the man wasnt ready to be a married man or he was still enjoying mamas food,he should have well been single.it beats my imagination how grown ass men who have kids still want to be behaving like 5,6 year olds and cling to their mother.anyway people react to some sh1ts in different ways.at poster,its u i will talk to o jare,please try and live in peace with your mother inlaw.confrontation and disrespect does not work at all.if i was in your shoes,u know what i will do,i will diplomatically embarass mother and son,nobody will tell mama before she packs her things and leave.if i come back from work and i meet that irritating scene,i will kneel down and thank mama for helping out while i was away and also ask whether my kids have also eaten so that ill know whether or not to cook for them or not.na she go tire to cook.i will just abandon d kitchen for her,infact i will ask if my own still remain wey i go chop. Then d day mama confronts me of leaving everything for her,i will tell her,respectfully yet wit pun intended,mummy i thought u left d village to come n help me out.you've really made domestic work easier for me,its only my children i can face now,since u are taking care of your son.na shame go catch am,nobody go tell am before she leaves.however that is if after talking to my husband and he still decides to turn himself to a mummys boy in his house by allowing mummy to stay and or,if i dont do all these,i can decide to bring my own mother to leave with us so that he too will feel what am feeling,when crowd full the house and nobody has privacy again,both mother inlaw and my mother is bursting into d bedroom anyhow,na him go drive d 2 away.if him like let him run away from d house,na him wey go na im go still come back and if e no come back,my pikin still dey,so good riddiance to bad rubbish

8 Likes

Re: My Mother Inlaw by greatgod2012(f): 1:41am On Dec 11, 2012
In my opinion, you were too confrotational, no man will ever praise his wife for confronting his mother like that in his presence. So u got to have some patience, keep your anger and apolgise to your hubby and his mother, be sincere in your apology, then after d apology, get a suitable time, when your hubby is not around and have a heart to heart discussion with your MIL.
1. Tell her that u know she love her son very well, but should allow u to perform your duty as his wife.
2. Tell her you appreciate her concern, but she should also be concerned about u and d marriage.
3. Ask her if she prays for her own daughter to experience what you are presently esperiencing now, if she ask what u are experiencing, then pour out what is in your mind you dont like about her, there is no crime in that.
4. Politely ask her if her own MIL treated her like this. Make your grieviances known to her, no crime in that, and finally let her know that u will appreciate her more if she allow you to perform your duties as a wife.
After you are done with her as regards d heart to heart discussion with your MIL, apologise again and thank her in anticipation.

Now to your hubby, you also have to apolgise to him. Let him know u didnt mean what happened, that it was d love u have for him that pushed you to react like that. Also have a heart to heart discussion with him as well, probably in your bedroom.
1. Tell him you dont like d way his mama is replacing you in the house.
2. Tell him you will appreciate it more if he can talk to his mother to stop performing your duty in d house.
3. Let him know how unhappy you are and that you have every right to be happy, so he should do something to bring back your happiness.
4. Let him know d effect your constant disaggrements will have on d kids psychology.
5. Admit that you were wrong by confronting his mother,and that he is in d best position to bring back peace and sanity into d house again.
After u done with him, apologise again and thank him in anticipation.
I know its not easy to do all these, but for d sake of peace and d kids, you got to bury your anger and pride and redeem back your home. May God help you!

However, if all these attempts fail, get your own mother to help u talk to your hubby and your MIL.

Wishing you best of luck.

3 Likes

Re: My Mother Inlaw by Nobody: 2:40am On Dec 11, 2012
Invite your own mother over cool

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Re: My Mother Inlaw by Nobody: 6:03am On Dec 11, 2012
Apologise and make use of these opportunity. Tell her to extend her maternal care to you and your children. Or invite your mother as Jenny said.
Re: My Mother Inlaw by Nobody: 6:44am On Dec 11, 2012

6 Likes

Re: My Mother Inlaw by SapeleDon: 7:00am On Dec 11, 2012
Wow.

Honestly, woke up my wife to come read this article.

Thought I had read everything that
Could be read here but this takes the prize.

@op God has given you a good husband,as a lot of women after throwing this tantrum,in total belittling and insults to not just the mother inlaw and husband would not only be husbandless in a jiffy but might not even sleep in that house that night or maybe forever.

Sad to say but there is an Urhobo proverb(Ashawo wey go husband house na holiday she dey because sooner or later she go continue)so goes this character you just displayed,as something tells me even when it is settled there is a probabibility of you not just doing it to his mother again, but other members of his family.

We are talking of his MOTHER here.

Not his step mom but his biological mother,this is indeed very sad.

Mothers especially in the African context have been known to overstay their visits,and if you as the wife becomes uncomfortable with her,then have a private discussion with your husband.

Marriage is tolerance. Marriage is patience.Marriage is endurance, Marriage is about compromises, but most importantly marriage is about sacrifices.

Let's assume you came back from work stressed up, does it justify your letting go of your pent up anger at her?telling her to LEAVE YOUR HOME in the night?YOUR HOME?thought you and a husband lived there together?

If you have worked long enough in this life then you should REALIZE you don't bring your work,or its accompanying stress with you home.

A home is a place of rest.

Whatever happens at your work place should have remained there.

Let's say if all the Policemen who engage Armed robbers in a shootout everyday,and stare death straight in the eyes decides to bring their STRESS homes,what do you think will happen to their families?but they still maintain a semblance of sanity.

Your job is not as stressful as theirs.

Bad news here is that no amount of apology can change the way things are now.

Son and mom might pay a LIP SERVICE that they have accepted your apology but trying to kick your mother inlaw out confrontational,is an insult that will run deep in any respectable family.

What would you do if you hear that your brothers wife insulted your mother this way?

Every man deserves a wife befitting him and I wish your husband luck.

One of the very rare moments I am actually upset about reading anything online,so will just go back to bed.

9 Likes

Re: My Mother Inlaw by Nobody: 7:22am On Dec 11, 2012
Kobojunkie:

Every now and then, we all reach our limits, and it is what it is.

It is now for you to sit your husband down and tell him straight up that you have reached your limit and demand that he do something quickly. Either that or you work harder at ENDURING like some would advice. Do a better job next time at SUPPRESSING those urges to let it all out. There are so many examples out there of marriages held together, not necessarily by the power of love but the power of one partner or the other being able to endure, and yours can be the same if you want instead.

Is it not last week on a thread about the MIL problem and a weak son and a mumu DIL and you're preaching personal space? And that the DIL should throw her MIL out cos she has too much power on her son?

So you now believe in endurance and suppressing anger...? Wonders shall never end grin

Ah ah ah!! Me I will Kuku talk( worst thing insult me? eesh!)..... now I know with my korororo eyes that some people are hypocrites!

I just hope that OP in the other thread ignored your advice...... you are soo Mitt Romney.

1 Like

Re: My Mother Inlaw by vanitty: 7:30am On Dec 11, 2012
Next time, think before you act.
A still tongue keeps a wise head
Rule of thumb, always always let the child deal with his/her parents. His mother will always forgive him were the outburst to come from him, whereas you, she might always have that ill feeling towards you.

The only option for you now is to apologise.

Just think your poor husband is stuck in the middle, if your husband tells her to leave now, mama will automatically think her son that she gave birth to, suffer for etc has deserted her for a woman that can not manage money, clean, cook etc.

I fear Mama has just bought herself an indefinite stay in your house all because of your silly way of dealing with the situation.

Next time think!

2 Likes

Re: My Mother Inlaw by plaetton: 8:07am On Dec 11, 2012
@Op:
I do not think you are a good woman. a good woman is guided by wisdom , humility and patience when dealing with inlaws, especially mother in laws.
Any woman that is quick to take offence and declare war on a mother inlaw is nothing but a baracuda .

You finally came out of the closet to reveal your real self to your husband. If you love and respect your husband, you must always show utmost respect to your mil.
We all know that mother-inlaws can be quite difficult, but she is a woman and a mother just like you. One day, you might play the same role , and perhaps behave worse.
No man will trade his mother, no matter how obnoxious she may be, for a wife. Any woman who believes otherwise is just deluding herself.
Knowing this, no sensible woman should ever have set her self to compete with a mother inlaw. Once a woman takes that path, she has already lost the battle even before the war begins. Never start a fight that you cannot win.

I am telling this plain truth because I have been there. Mark my words and heed my advice.
swallow your pride, Go as soon as possible to kneel before your mil, preferably with your husband around, and beg her for forgiveness, citing the stress at work and other factors.
Whether she forgives you or not is not the point, by kneeling to beg her, you are indirectly begging your husband as well and showing humility respect.

If you do not do this, I guarantee that you will never be good friends with your husband ever again.
No man, I repeat, no man will cherish, give or shower affection to a wife who openly disrespects his mother.
No man.
A stitch in time, saves nine.

1 Like

Re: My Mother Inlaw by Kobojunkie: 8:12am On Dec 11, 2012
jidegirl12:

Is it not last week on a thread about the MIL problem and a weak son and a mumu DIL and you're preaching personal space? And that the DIL should throw her MIL out cos she has too much power on her son?

So you now believe in endurance and suppressing anger...? Wonders shall never end grin

Ah ah ah!! Me I will Kuku talk( worst thing insult me? eesh!)..... now I know with my korororo eyes that some people are hypocrites!

I just hope that OP in the other thread ignored your advice...... you are soo Mitt Romney.


Learn to read. . . and when you do not understand what is going on, ASK QUESTIONS to help you better understand.

It was also last week that someone proclaimed since his mother ENDURED, and his wife is currently ENDURING, then Nigerian women should learn to ENDURE. So, what is wrong with me letting them know they can claim their personal space by standing up and demanding CHANGE, or continue the old way, which is to ENDURE and shut the f-up?

Why does it feel you are always looking for a way to second guess me?
Re: My Mother Inlaw by Kobojunkie: 8:14am On Dec 11, 2012
@Poster, like I said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are human and we all have limits. Your fuse happened to have gone off right in front of your mother-in-law that day. That does not then make you a bad woman, wife or daughter. You are completely sane . . . only now that you know that holding it all in is not going to help, it is now up to you to make changes now or let the volcano continue to build in you.
Re: My Mother Inlaw by Nobody: 9:12am On Dec 11, 2012
There is standing up for yourself and then there is outright rudeness and tantrums, An adult should be able to control their anger and not throw tantrums and throw someones food away, doing that gve the mother in law leverage, she could have stood her ground and made her clear point without the drama.
That is the only thing I am against. If she is not comfortable with the actions of her mother in law and her husbands reactions to the mother in laws action the sensible thing as an adult is to make your point clearly with drama and pretence not take someones food and throw away, that was reacting in the heat of anger.
Reacting in the heaat of anger is never good, it means when someone annoys you you can pick up something and hit them. If she had stayed calm, spoken to her husband and told her mother in law that the action was not acceptable to her it would have been different, even though I personally wouldn't make an issue about my husband being fed by his mom but I have a different kind of mother in law who loves and respects me and vice versa.
This is the problem with "enduring" even when you clearly don't like something, the dy you burst it is bad, so it is always better from day 1 to clearly state things you don't like to avoid explosive situations.
Re: My Mother Inlaw by Johndoe100(m): 10:05am On Dec 11, 2012
debrief08: There is standing up for yourself and then there is outright rudeness and tantrums, An adult should be able to control their anger and not throw tantrums and throw someones food away, doing that gve the mother in law leverage, she could have stood her ground and made her clear point without the drama.
That is the only thing I am against. If she is not comfortable with the actions of her mother in law and her husbands reactions to the mother in laws action the sensible thing as an adult is to make your point clearly with drama and pretence not take someones food and throw away, that was reacting in the heat of anger.
Reacting in the heaat of anger is never good, it means when someone annoys you you can pick up something and hit them. If she had stayed calm, spoken to her husband and told her mother in law that the action was not acceptable to her it would have been different, even though I personally wouldn't make an issue about my husband being fed by his mom but I have a different kind of mother in law who loves and respects me and vice versa.
This is the problem with "enduring" even when you clearly don't like something, the dy you burst it is bad, so it is always better from day 1 to clearly state things you don't like to avoid explosive situations.

Sorry, no vex, but which MIL is this? Number 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5?

2 Likes

Re: My Mother Inlaw by feminineA: 10:06am On Dec 11, 2012
Apologize to both hubby and mil separately. Win back your husbands love. Some men can be babies really still tied to their mums apron. It takes a lot of wisdom and tolerance to win the battle. For now forget the issue of mil leaving let dust settle over the arguement. However use the weapon of prayer to chase her out. Never be confrontational with your mil it tends to give them an uPper edge over your cause and if you are not careful your husband will choose her over you.
So you are left with the weapon on prayer
Re: My Mother Inlaw by Joebeck(f): 10:20am On Dec 11, 2012
Apologise to ur mil and ur husband and Pls love ur mil and treat her like ur own mother becos I believe if it were to be ur mother that cooked that food u would not have reacted the way u did. Mil are very simple if u learn how to treat them right, infact she will love u more than her son and u will be at peace.
Re: My Mother Inlaw by Ivynwa(f): 10:48am On Dec 11, 2012
----that sounded like an outburst made out of unhappiness. You were unhappy yet nothing made it right that you vented on her. Your husband should be sensitive to your feelings on the matter and find a solution to the problem that the overstay of his mum in your home is getting on your nerves. She can go and stay with her other children after this scene cools down.

These kind of problems are better solved early enough before they get out of hand like this one is fast doing. Poster be wise, don't let this affect the peace and joy in your mariage.
Re: My Mother Inlaw by 2sexy(m): 11:45am On Dec 11, 2012
Tiana155: Hello there, my mother-lnlaw came to our house three months ago, the initial plan was for her to stay some few weeks and return back, but she refused to go back saying they want to kill her in d village among other stories, my hubby said she should stay for awhile. Her son(my hubby) seems to be very important to her than our child, she always talks about how i dont feed him well, i dont cook well, how i dont manage money, etc. Just this evening i got back from work to find out that she washed his cloths, prepared his meal, my hubby sat down enjoying the meal and they were talking, i greeted my hubby and then my mil she gave me a look that made me explode, i threw the food my hubby was eating and shouted at her and told her she would leave my house, but my hubby said she would not leave. He obviously enjoyed all the care from his mama. Right now i am very angry i dont know what to do. Please advice me on what to do. I know i made a mistake throwing the food away and shouting at her. I am not a bad wife i try to take care of my family and i also have a stressful job. Thank u.

OP, I know I am not married yet o o o. But seriously, you were tooooo forward. Now if they were to judge, what will you hold against you MIL? Would you confidently tell the elders that it was her look that offended you?

You women are just filled jealousy for each other and I am yet to understand why, honestly. The poor woman loves her son and you do the same when it gets to your turn.

CAUTION! No woman, not even my wife dare talk to my mother any how... I cant imagine my wife telling a woman that means the world to me to leave my house...Na it aint gonna happen. She will regret ever saying such. It is best she knows how to deal with issues and the best way for me is communication.

Honestly lady, I wont take what you did here from my wife because my mama suffer for me no be small. Even though she is no more, the next person whom I would want my wife to give that same respect is my elder sister.... I cant even imagine my wife yelling at my own mother, something I have never done.

No it wont happen... Not in this world. I wont joke with such issue. If I dont yell at my mother or my own elder sister who also sacrifice a lot to see me go through school, I dont expect my wife to raise her eye brows.

This does not me I wont love her, I just cant take it.
Re: My Mother Inlaw by Metalgoong(m): 11:51am On Dec 11, 2012
I pity that future wife that will insult my mother in her dreams, talk more in my presence !

@ OP

You said you are not a bad wife, what else can we call you? Good wife !
Re: My Mother Inlaw by Geomac: 11:56am On Dec 11, 2012
Tiana155: Hello there, my mother-lnlaw came to our house three months ago, the initial plan was for her to stay some few weeks and return back, but she refused to go back saying they want to kill her in d village among other stories, my hubby said she should stay for awhile. Her son(my hubby) seems to be very important to her than our child, she always talks about how i dont feed him well, i dont cook well, how i dont manage money, etc. Just this evening i got back from work to find out that she washed his cloths, prepared his meal, my hubby sat down enjoying the meal and they were talking, i greeted my hubby and then my mil she gave me a look that made me explode, i threw the food my hubby was eating and shouted at her and told her she would leave my house, but my hubby said she would not leave. He obviously enjoyed all the care from his mama. Right now i am very angry i dont know what to do. Please advice me on what to do. I know i made a mistake throwing the food away and shouting at her. I am not a bad wife i try to take care of my family and i also have a stressful job. Thank u.

No woman on earth will try this with my mother not even my wife or my brothers' wives.
Re: My Mother Inlaw by 2sexy(m): 12:02pm On Dec 11, 2012
Sapele_Don: Wow.

Honestly, woke up my wife to come read this article.

Thought I had read everything that
Could be read here but this takes the prize.

@op God has given you a good husband,as a lot of women after throwing this tantrum,in total belittling and insults to not just the mother inlaw and husband would not only be husbandless in a jiffy but might not even sleep in that house that night or maybe forever.

Sad to say but there is an Urhobo proverb(Ashawo wey go husband house na holiday she dey because sooner or later she go continue)so goes this character you just displayed,as something tells me even when it is settled there is a probabibility of you not just doing it to his mother again, but other members of his family.

We are talking of his MOTHER here.

Not his step mom but his biological mother,this is indeed very sad.

Mothers especially in the African context have been known to overstay their visits,and if you as the wife becomes uncomfortable with her,then have a private discussion with your husband.

Marriage is tolerance. Marriage is patience.Marriage is endurance, Marriage is about compromises, but most importantly marriage is about sacrifices.

Let's assume you came back from work stressed up, does it justify your letting go of your pent up anger at her?telling her to LEAVE YOUR HOME in the night?YOUR HOME?thought you and a husband lived there together?

If you have worked long enough in this life then you should REALIZE you don't bring your work,or its accompanying stress with you home.

A home is a place of rest.

Whatever happens at your work place should have remained there.

Let's say if all the Policemen who engage Armed robbers in a shootout everyday,and stare death straight in the eyes decides to bring their STRESS homes,what do you think will happen to their families?but they still maintain a semblance of sanity.

Your job is not as stressful as theirs.

Bad news here is that no amount of apology can change the way things are now.

Son and mom might pay a LIP SERVICE that they have accepted your apology but trying to kick your mother inlaw out confrontational,is an insult that will run deep in any respectable family.

What would you do if you hear that your brothers wife insulted your mother this way?

Every man deserves a wife befitting him and I wish your husband luck.

One of the very rare moments I am actually upset about reading anything online,so will just go back to bed.


God bless you! I got angered after reading it and immediately, my own mother came into the picture.

Ah no no... I cherish my mother so much and if I had been in that state, as you have said she probably wont sleep in that house that night. But knowing the kind of mother I had while she was alive, I can see her pleading on the behalf of the same daughter In Law after a few days. Yup, my mother can do that without the daughter in laws intervention.

I repeat, I wont take such from any woman... NOT even if she had 10 children for me.

1 Like

Re: My Mother Inlaw by CNN80: 12:30pm On Dec 11, 2012
There is nothing wrong with feeling threatened in your own home especially if you have had a picture of how you expect it to be and an intruder (anybody apart from husband, wife and children is an intruder) comes in and spoils in.

HOWEVER, how you react is what determines how well and how fast you resolve the issue. Shouting and throwing tantrums will get you nowhere (unless you are 2 years old). You were rude. Accept that. Apologise to both of them. Then sit them both down and explain how you felt. Tell them that you are aware that your mother-in-law is trying to help but you feel as if she is demeaning your position in the house. Do not accuse her, don't shout. Make it sound as if you have the problem and you are asking for their help in solving it. Talk to your MIL as if you are talking to your mum when you are expecting her to have all the answers to your problems. Unless there is past history with you, she will respond to that tone of voice.

Alternatively, you can do what I did and look at the situation as to how it will profit you. I live 5 mins away from my MIL and she and her daughters like sending food over to our house. Initially, I was "Are these people saying that I can't cook?" But after speaking to my aunt, I realised, " Who cares? Enjoy the food. Assume it is out of love. And after all, it is reducing the stress of cooking". And once I took it like that, I've had no problems whatsoever on that front.

And all these guys that are shouting " My mother, my mother", respect yourself and start shouting "My wife, my wife". The reason why I feel very comfortable with my husband's family is because he has made no bones about the fact that I come first in his life always. I reciprocate that trust by treating his parents as best as I can, with all love, affection and respect. My husband brought me into his family so I believe it is his duty to make sure there is a little friction as possible. In the same way, I try as much as possible to make sure that my husband is accepted as a full member of my family too.
Re: My Mother Inlaw by Nobody: 12:36pm On Dec 11, 2012
I'm sorry for all the SAINTS on this thread oh . . . so nobody has ever done anything rash out of anger. At least she has enough sense to know what she did was wrong and I think all she needs to do is apologize.

The MIL herself is being unfair, condemning how a woman runs her own house. Not advising with soncern, but complaining and condemning. She should also apologize and behave herself if she wants to keep staying.

I don't think OP will be this upset about her MIL's presence if the woman behaved with consideration for her DIL.
Re: My Mother Inlaw by 2sexy(m): 12:47pm On Dec 11, 2012
Ujujoan: I'm sorry for all the SAINTS on this thread oh . . . so nobody has ever done anything rash out of anger. At least she has enough sense to know what she did was wrong and I think all she needs to do is apologize.

The MIL herself is being unfair, condemning how a woman runs her own house. Not advising with soncern, but complaining and condemning. She should also apologize and behave herself if she wants to keep staying.

I don't think OP will be this upset about her MIL's presence if the woman behaved with consideration for her DIL.

I agree with you... but seriously, I am speaking based on my kind of person. The two greatest women in my life are my mother and my elder sister. I love this women with every breath in me. I am sorry. I cant take such from my wife reasons being that I CANT do same to her own mother and I dont expect her to do same to mine. I CANT do such to my own mother and dont expect her to do same.

Another thing is that women are just too wickedly jealous of themselves. WHY? Yes it is her son. The fact that I am married to my wife does not stop me from eating her meals.

I have also noticed that if a lady is standing and another walked passed her, there is always this gaze they give the other person. They will look at the other lady walking by from head to toe. WHY? I still dont know.

She is a woman and will DEFINITELY do the same when it gets to her turn. That one na sure.

But for me, what I DONT do to my own mother or elder sister, I wont expect my wife to do, no matter what. That is just me.
Re: My Mother Inlaw by sheweezy(m): 12:49pm On Dec 11, 2012
I think before it got to this stage, she must have had a lot to put up with. Some mil can behave like monsters and act as if the wife is just a baby mama, loyal to their son and sometimes the grandchildren alone making the wife feel unwelcomed and all. I think its the husband who didn't do the right thing, he should have kept everybody in their place. The mil cooking for the house shouldn't be a big deal bt it should be when she cooks for only the son or when she keeps saying negative things when the wife cooks. Most men don't know how to balance mother and wife. Your mother cannot perform the role of your wife bt your wife can perform the role of your mother. Let your dad love his wife and you also love your wife and respect her. If you place your wife well before your mother, a sane woman will respect her mil and welcome her anytime as long as she's no TROUBLE
Re: My Mother Inlaw by 2sexy(m): 12:55pm On Dec 11, 2012
sheweezy: I think before it got to this stage, she must have had a lot to put up with. Some mil can behave like monsters and act as if the wife is just a baby mama, loyal to their son and sometimes the grandchildren alone making the wife feel unwelcomed and all. I think its the husband who didn't do the right thing, he should have kept everybody in their place. The mil cooking for the house shouldn't be a big deal bt it should be when she cooks for only the son or when she keeps saying negative things when the wife cooks. Most men don't know how to balance mother and wife. Your mother cannot perform the role of your wife bt your wife can perform the role of your mother. Let your dad love his wife and you also love your wife and respect her. If you place your wife well before your mother, a sane woman will respect her mil and welcome her anytime as long as she's no TROUBLE
agreed at the bolded... but I don't see where she mentioned ever discussing this with the husband. Did you see it? May be my eyes are deceiving me. so, it is her fault!


Hmmm eh ehe... I just dey laugh.

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