jidegirl12: Marriage is NOT only about the man and a woman no matter how clingy they choose to hang

Marriage involves everybody, from both sides that's why it's a marriage and not meant for everybody!

If you can't deal with sh itty people and people with bipolar diseases , and unpleasant attitude think twice instead of whining me and my husband!

It's a continuous education centre where you learn about strange things as they unfolds right before your eyes with your mouth open,

BUT with Endurance and Wisdom you will deal with this like its nothing and you will enjoy your marriage and people will still respect you and your space.

You don't have to be gra gra before you get your message across!

I can deal with a crappy MIL who stays miles and miles away from me. But when she's living in my own home, without any plans of leaving, it makes it a bit tricky!

My MIL live in the same town as us, and she can be very 'trying'. But we don't live in the same house and that makes it easy for me to handle her!

The other day, she came visiting in my husband's absence and got upset when a friend of mine came to see me; saying I shouldn't let single girls come to my house, that they may 'snatch' my husband! She didn't say it in a polite way oh, she said it in a very embarassing and insulting manner . . . What did I do? "Mummy I've heard you, I'll handle it" . . . Few minutes later, she went to her house and I continued my business! Will she come to my house and monitor who visits and if they are married or not No!

Our people say you don't fight with an overnight guest!

Now do you think if she was living with me I'll let that attitude go No! Because I can't be scared of who visits and when in my own house because of my MIL! I'm an adult, not a child . . .

!

Sapele_Don: @jidegirl please ohh don't reconsider the option of not wanting a boy.

Everyday we learn and as a father of of four beautiful daughters,the oldest being Ten, this thread has just opened my eyes to what a daughter if not well guided by parents will turn out to be.

Its more bothersome since my kids were born and still live in a western world,and with the words of wisdom supposedly coming out from some Westernized Nigerian females here,will need to have a talk with my wife on how to start inculcating those core African cultures and values on my kids before they become fully Americanized.

You can tell a lot about how a person was brought up with the utterances from their mouth and from the uncouth,thuggish and unladylike ways most females here have been replying to this narrative, will tell you the kind of family they come from or how they were raised.

Took time out to look at the the profile of one of the supporters of THE POSTER DID the right thing who was claiming to be married and also a mother.

In 2009 she was single as her posts were those looking for a man to date. So she is still new in the union called marriage(if she is really married) and my advice for her is to continue having this mindset and soon she will find herself without a husband.

Some women can be a blessing not just to husbands but his family too and some can be a curse.

Praying to God to guide my daughters to have the patience,love and tolerance to deal with their future inlaws.

@jidegirl I am still continueing with my plans for the boys lol,and as soon as I come back from this job assignment in the Middle East,we getting it done.

So have you started yours?or is the THING I don't want mention still frozen?

ROTFLMFAO

Sooooo predictable. I knew you'd go snooping cos you just can't help it. It's who you are!

You need to be in charge and the more 'ammunition' you can gather, the better for you!

Okay Mr. I'll indulge you one LAST time . . . .

Your wife can be a blessing to you, but are YOU a blessing to her

The other day in church, a man was ruthlessly beating his 4(ish) yr old daughter with a broom stick, and the poor heavily pregnant wife just looked on with a sad face! Did she support that her husband was behaving like a babarian in public, I doubt it, not from the look of her face. But like a 'docile' wife, a blessing to her husband, she looked on with a sad sad face! Did he notice his wife was unhappy? No! He just kept beating the little girl with a broom stick!

Something about you made me remember that couple . . . . and it pains me that you brag about it!

Your wife may be disposable, but my husband is NOT! I don't have to be married fo 11 years to know that. Forget the signature in court or the dowry in the village, but I stood b/4 God and man and swore an oath . . . till death do us part!

I pray that God will guide your daughters, to teach them individualism. Not to stay with a man who will oppress them in the name of marriage! If poor Titilayo's (god rest her soul )parents had had that foresight, she would be alive today to watch her kids grow!

To think that you are araising daughters . . . . God save us all!

And where is the OP, has she been chased out of the house?

chaircover: To be honest, I dont even think that a DIL has any biz with a bad MIL. Its the husbands duty to curb his mums excesses and that is why I said earlier on that the wife should always aim to have her husbands listening ear. She should be able to talk to her husband about things and the husband in turn should know what to do.

Attempting to fight the MIL herself and without the husbands support will only end up with a loose loose situation for her and she will gradually find that she has no one on her side, no matter how bad the mama is. . . . and the day the wife slips up!!!!! the wife will find out how much she is disliked in the whole family. Even by people who know that mama is a handful!

That's for people who give a damn about if or not they are 'liked' . . . I can take being disliked, if I will have peace in my own home!

My home is a place I look forward to being, after a tough and stressful day . . . I will NOT have anybody making it uncomfortable for me!

If the poster never complained to hubby, that's a different thing. But if she married a man who would not take a stand but instead prefers to play docile son to please mama, while his wife is unhappy in her own home, then it's left to her to make things right. Not by shouting, No, that was a mistake which she already acknowledged!

Or do you prefer she dreads coming back home just for peace to reign

Ujujoan:

Na wa oh . . . Are you so scared of the man you claim to love so much that you can't even air your greiviances to him

Thank God I married a man who I can still complain to about things that are not right to me, without standing the risk of being kicked out.

How you colcluded that this post is about gra gra is beyond me!

The woman has been tolerating crap from the MIL for soo long. When a bull is pushed to the wall, you know what happenes!

All I'm saying if if MIL has behaved herself, or her hubby had intervened when he should have, things would not have gotten to this stage!

I hope to br married forever, and forevere is a looooong time to spend kissing up to someone who is making me unhappy in my own home. DILs who take crap from their MILs are mostly on their knees every night praying for the poor woman to die so they can have peace of mind.

I prefer we all live in peace than one party making the other uncomfortable, don't you think

While I agree with the notion of airing your views about things that you are uncomfortable with to your husband, IT STILL does not give any woman, any woman at all the right to tell my own mother to leave my house. That where I have a problem with the OP.

I dont know about anyone's mother here, but in this world and time, my mother, without my father's help raised me up. My mother is worth more that a gold or what riches can buy. There somethings I cant say here but each time I come on here it's her I see in the OP's description as being the recipient of that unmerited abuse. Therefore, I cant take such.

2sexy:

While I agree with the notion of airing your views about things that you are uncomfortable with to your husband, IT STILL does not give any woman, any woman at all the right to tell my own mother to leave my house. That where I have a problem with the OP.

I dont know about anyone's mother here, but in this world and time, my mother, without my father's help raised me up. My mother is worth more that a gold or what riches can buy. There somethings I cant say here but each time I come on here it's her I see in the OP's description as being the recipient of that unmerited abuse. Therefore, I cant take such.

I've told you before to go back and read the post again. She NEVER asked her MIL to leave.

Her major complain is that the MIL keeps judging her for not treating her son right and for the way she spends money! I dont think she would have behaved the way she did over the food if the MIL didn't 'give her a look' (I can just imagine)!

Which begs the question . . . if the man is not being treated right by wifey, is his mother the right person to complain to

If indeed he's upset about the way the wife runs the home, shouldn't he make things right instead of whinning to mama and having her fight his fights for him

Infact the husband sef is an otondo!

Tiana155: Hello there, my mother-lnlaw came to our house three months ago, the initial plan was for her to stay some few weeks and return back, but she refused to go back saying they want to kill her in d village among other stories, my hubby said she should stay for awhile. Her son(my hubby) seems to be very important to her than our child, she always talks about how i dont feed him well, i dont cook well, how i dont manage money, etc. Just this evening i got back from work to find out that she washed his cloths, prepared his meal, my hubby sat down enjoying the meal and they were talking, i greeted my hubby and then my mil she gave me a look that made me explode, i threw the food my hubby was eating and shouted at her and told her she would leave my house, but my hubby said she would not leave. He obviously enjoyed all the care from his mama. Right now i am very angry i dont know what to do. Please advice me on what to do. I know i made a mistake throwing the food away and shouting at her. I am not a bad wife i try to take care of my family and i also have a stressful job. Thank u.

@Uju, do you see the bold text? Even a 10 year old kid know the underlying meaning of that.

She did/said a lot of things at that point out of anger, which she regrets already! But before then, she never said the MIL should leave. She only complined about her attitude towards her . .

So tell me, have you NEVER lost your cool before in your entire life

I remember when I was younger and my parents tried to discipline my sister, she wanted to leave the house but they locked her up in their room! She went temporarily mad and broke every breakable she could find. From mirrors to louvers to bottles of wine. She lost her cool and they understood it as just that . .

If they were her in-laws, I wonder what they would have said! Probably that she wanted to kill them. SMH!

Ujujoan: She did/said a lot of things at that point out of anger, which she regrets already! But before then, she never said the MIL should leave. She only complined about her attitude towards her . .

So tell me, have you NEVER lost your cool before in your entire life

I remember when I was younger and my parents tried to discipline my sister, she wanted to leave the house but they locked her up in their room! She went temporarily mad and broke every breakable she could find. From mirrors to louvers to bottles of wine. She lost her cool and they understood it as just that . .

If they were her in-laws, I wonder what they would have said! Probably that she wanted to kill them. SMH!

Yes I have but not until I know that when I do, I am on my right. I dont really care about the OP throwing the food away. Where I have a problem is the guts she said those words by saying her MIL will leave her son's house.

@ the bold text, That's because your parents gave her that hand! The way I grew up is VERY different... and one thing about me, I cant stand people with hurt temper and I dont intend to marry a woman with such traits because even though I am really gentle, or even gentle to a fault sometimes, there are 100% chances that she would not be able to stand my rage when I start mine. That is one bad thing with people like me.

That is why I believe so much in COMMUNICATION. I am no animal that wouldnt listen if my wife speak to me and I will surely weigh the odds. That is just me.

I believe that a child's behaviour is a product of what the parents tolerate. It is as simple as ABC.

My mother is no more and if she were, the best way a woman can respect me is how she would have treated my own mother. I repeat, I dont know about anyone's mother here, but no woman or wife knows what my mother has been through for my sake. That's why what the OP did so much touched me. I cant imagine what my mother went through when at over 9months( I dont want state the exact time frame cos people wouldnt believe), I was not out.

I am sorry if I come across as being too clinging to my mum, it is just because of the roles she played in my life. That is it and therefore, I wouldnt want anyone abusing her just because she is a wife.

@Ujujoan, your immaturity is screaming out loud on this thread.

Hierarchy of Women in the Life of an African Man With His Head Properly Screwed-On

1. Mother

2. Wife

3. Daughter

4. Sister

Women always bear this in mind and don't ever forget it.

OP, Chaircover and the other lady that called people fools at the end of her post have given you the best advice. Go and beg your MIL and mean it. Apologise to both of them individually and jointly. What will you do if your MIL has no where else to go than stay with you- walk out of your marriage? I wish you the best.

Ms.JuanMata:


it really amuses me when i see womanwrappers men going back and forth on an online forum , like seriously are you that jobless or dnt u have a family to cater for? Oh! i get it You want me to notice you Done! Ure noticed So shu shu away now little birdie goin back and forth with you is bringing me down to your level!
Have a blessed day womanwrapperwannabe!

hahahahaha . . Old biatch wanna chicken out .
Calling Metal a woman wrapper wont stop him from piston whipping bottom biatches like ya, I go hard ! . .
I don't have mercy on little demons ! . .
Do I resemble your hubby who you can manipulate or blackmail with your craziness? No!
If you had a job, you wouldn't be here complaining that your hubby is giving money to his mum!

maclatunji: @Ujujoan, your immaturity is screaming out loud on this thread.

Hierarchy of Women in the Life of an African Man With His Head Properly Screwed-On

1. Mother

2. Wife

3. Daughter

4. Sister

Women always bear this in mind and don't ever forget it.

OP, Chaircover and the other lady that called people fools at the end of her post have given you the best advice. Go and beg your MIL and mean it. Apologise to both of them individually and jointly. What will you do if your MIL has no where else to go than stay with you- walk out of your marriage? I wish you the best.

Could not have said it better.

Ujujoan:

That's for people who give a damn about if or not they are 'liked' . . . I can take being disliked, if I will have peace in my own home!

My home is a place I look forward to being, after a tough and stressful day . . . I will NOT have anybody making it uncomfortable for me!

If the poster never complained to hubby, that's a different thing. But if she married a man who would not take a stand but instead prefers to play docile son to please mama, while his wife is unhappy in her own home, then it's left to her to make things right. Not by shouting, No, that was a mistake which she already acknowledged!

Or do you prefer she dreads coming back home just for peace to reign

Nigerians? Including myself are all guilty. We go out of our way to please people just for them to have something good to say about us. If this "good" nature of ours came from the heart, Nigeria will not be the crappy country it is right now.

Nonsense, we are all pretenders. Look at people telling her to apologize not because it is from the heart but to have her MIL on her side and we think God himself will record that kind of apology in his books.What a load of crap.

Ujujoan:

ROTFLMFAO

Sooooo predictable. I knew you'd go snooping cos you just can't help it. It's who you are!

You need to be in charge and the more 'ammunition' you can gather, the better for you!

Okay Mr. I'll indulge you one LAST time . . . .

Your wife can be a blessing to you, but are YOU a blessing to her

The other day in church, a man was ruthlessly beating his 4(ish) yr old daughter with a broom stick, and the poor heavily pregnant wife just looked on with a sad face! Did she support that her husband was behaving like a babarian in public, I doubt it, not from the look of her face. But like a 'docile' wife, a blessing to her husband, she looked on with a sad sad face! Did he notice his wife was unhappy? No! He just kept beating the little girl with a broom stick!

Something about you made me remember that couple . . . . and it pains me that you brag about it!

Your wife may be disposable, but my husband is NOT! I don't have to be married fo 11 years to know that. Forget the signature in court or the dowry in the village, but I stood b/4 God and man and swore an oath . . . till death do us part!

I pray that God will guide your daughters, to teach them individualism. Not to stay with a man who will oppress them in the name of marriage! If poor Titilayo's (god rest her soul )parents had had that foresight, she would be alive today to watch her kids grow!

To think that you are araising daughters . . . . God save us all!

The same person that asked you to back off her case is the same one snooping. So tey she snoop enter 2009, na so people jobless reach?

Metalgoong:

hahahahaha . . Old biatch wanna chicken out .
Calling Metal a woman wrapper wont stop him from piston whipping bottom biatches like ya, I go hard ! . .
I don't have mercy on little demons ! . .
Do I resemble your hubby who you can manipulate or blackmail with your craziness? No!
If you had a job, you wouldn't be here complaining that your hubby is giving money to his mum!

Hahahaha! Oh ma lawd! So u had to go snooping on me. See 'painment' kpele o , doh ! Didn't know it would pain u like that o.

You know sometimes when adults decide to indulge a child in child's play, it dsnt take long before the adult gets tired .....so honey you shld get where im coming from dnt worry dnt wanna kill your fun go ahead with your rantplay! Mama needs to rest

please dnt stop

maclatunji: @Ujujoan, your immaturity is screaming out loud on this thread.

Hierarchy of Women in the Life of an African Man With His Head Properly Screwed-On

1. Mother

2. Wife

3. Daughter

4. Sister

Women always bear this in mind and don't ever forget it.

OP, Chaircover and the other lady that called people fools at the end of her post have given you the best advice. Go and beg your MIL and mean it. Apologise to both of them individually and jointly. What will you do if your MIL has no where else to go than stay with you- walk out of your marriage? I wish you the best.

Get a grip of yourself mac, if you don't know what to say just shut it!

Is it not also on this same forum that I have said that I will take my mother's advice over my husband's I've not gotten to that stage in my marriage where I neglect my mother to please my husband. But does that mean I will let my mother insult my husband in his own house

As a mother, I know the value of mothers. My husband knows how much I value my mother and he respects that . . . he's not jealous/insecure and doesn't get into some sort of competion to gain an upper hand!

Get into context or take a hike!

Ms.JuanMata:


You know sometimes when[b] adults decide to indulge a child in child's play[/b], it dsnt take long before the adult gets tired.....so honey you shld get where im coming from dnt worry dnt wanna kill your fun go ahead with your rantplay! Mama needs to rest

please dnt stop

What you mama rickety hag needs to do now is to get your lazy azs off the couch, find a real job, and stop coming to Nairaland to indulge children or cry over how your hubby is giving some change to his mum.


hahahaha . . btw, I though you said you wont reply me again? You really do enjoy having fun with children

Metalgoong:

What you mama rickety hag needs to do now is to get your lazy azs off the couch, find a real job, and stop coming to Nairaland to indulge children or cry over how your hubby is giving some change to his mum.


hahahaha . . btw, I though you said you wont reply me again? You really do enjoy having fun with children

rantplay on!

Ujujoan:

Get a grip of yourself mac, if you don't know what to say just shut it!

Is it not also on this same forum that I have said that I will take my mother's advice over my husband's I've not gotten to that stage in my marriage where I neglect my mother to please my husband. But does that mean I will let my mother insult my husband in his own house

As a mother, I know the value of mothers. My husband knows how much I value my mother and he respects that . . . he's not jealous/insecure and doesn't get into some sort of competion to gain an upper hand!

Get into context or take a hike!

huh! Pls, how old are you? Your rantings here shows the kind of background and upbringing you had. So sorry for the man you called a husband. Smh

Ms.JuanMata:


rantplay on!

Work! Work! Work! . . . Thats what you have to do and you will never cry over the change your hubby gives his mum!
But for the meantime you are jobless, Metal gonna keep ya busy! dumb pun'k!

Thank you all for your response, both the good, the bad and the ugly comments. The problem has been resolved thanks to my wonderful hubby, there is a sayin 'we disagree to agree' we are all at peace in my home now, my mil she is still with us and will leave anytime she wants. For those judging me you are all no better than i am. To madam Cc, jd, coogar, mac those who gave constructive advice thank you I'm sorry. i'm not crazy or a bad woman as some people said here, my mil said you are good when you make mistake and correct it yourself 'cos that what life is about. Cheers.

Am praying seriously for UJU's husband. Hmmmm we will all be here on nairaland in a couple of years. Hopefully your point of view will change with years. And one day you will be called a mother-in-law. Your hubby does not complain does not mean he is happy with the situation. And from all ur talk here, when the matter set, you won't say anything to your MIL. We are all faceless here. I pity the type of daugther you plan to raise. @ uju am sorry but your comments make me sick. @kobojunkie I do what I always do read ur first post and skip the rest its always nonesense talk. Ta

Metalgoong:

Work! Work! Work! . . . Thats what you have to do and you will never cry over the change your hubby gives his mum!
But for the meantime you are jobless, Metal gonna keep ya busy! dumb pun'k!

Hahahaha! Keep it going baby! Please dnt stop

Tiana155: Thank you all for your response, both the good, the bad and the ugly comments. The problem has been resolved thanks to my wonderful hubby, there is a sayin 'we disagree to agree' we are all at peace in my home now, my mil she is still with us and will leave anytime she wants. For those judging me you are all no better than i am. To madam Cc, jd, coogar, mac those who gave constructive advice thank you I'm sorry. i'm not crazy or a bad woman as some people said here, my mil said you are good when you make mistake and correct it yourself 'cos that what life is about. Cheers.

Sweet!

@ Ms.Juanmata
you should emulate Tianna . .
Go and make peace with your MIL . . Dumb thing!

Metalgoong:

Sweet!

@ Ms.Juanmata
you should emulate Tianna . .
Go and make peace with your MIL . .

Dts a good boy! Keep it going luv!

Afamdman: Am praying seriously for UJU's husband. Hmmmm we will all be here on nairaland in a couple of years. Hopefully your point of view will change with years. And one day you will be called a mother-in-law. Your hubby does not complain does not mean he is happy with the situation. And from all ur talk here, when the matter set, you won't say anything to your MIL. We are all faceless here. I pity the type of daugther you plan to raise. @ uju am sorry but your comments make me sick. @kobojunkie I do what I always do read ur first post and skip the rest its always nonesense talk. Ta

You are not the first (nor will you be the last) NLder to pray for my marrige to crash, save your prayers for your own life, it will NOT work!
A NLder also 'prophesied' I would never get married . . . Hahaha I laugh in Japanese!
So it's ok for a man to put his mother first before his wife, but NOT okay for a woman to put her mother first before her husband NLders and hypocrisy . . . you guys will never cease to amaze me!
how I was raised or live my life is none of your business . . . but don't expect me to conform to your chuavinistic views, it will not work, I know better!

warrior01:
huh! Pls, how old are you? Your rantings here shows the kind of background and upbringing you had. So sorry for the man you called a husband. Smh

Attack when you have nothing of value to add eh? Typical!

jennykadry:

The same person that asked you to back off her case is the same one snooping. So tey she snoop enter 2009, na so people jobless reach?

I think it's a he . . . .
I'm sure he's still snooping even as we speak . . .
I expected old men to act their age, but NO. Tufiakwa!
We are all raised to be pretenders here in Nigeria, no wonder peple visit babalawo for each other. suffering and smiling will not kill us all IJN!

Ujujoan:

I think it's a he . . . .
I'm sure he's still snooping even as we speak . . .
I expected old men to act their age, but NO. Tufiakwa!
We are all raised to be pretenders here in Nigeria, no wonder peple visit babalawo for each other. suffering and smiling will not kill us all IJN!

Nope it's a she. The "He(s)" I know do not have time for "market women" pettiness. It's our fellow women that would indulge us.

Concentrate on this thread

Nooo Jenny, it’s a he oh. Or is it one of those ‘shes’ claiming to be a ‘he’

I think it's a she-male . . . Just to be on the safe side, I'll address it as 'it'. I think it's more befittng